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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

New man sees spirits and it freaks me out. AIBU?

184 replies

iseedeadpeoplehelp · 25/07/2021 06:00

New guy, very sweet and kind, good job, interesting and sincere.
But he tells me he sees spirits and if he stays in an old house/building they can keep him awake. I don't like anything woo and it's making me uncomfortable. Thoughts?

OP posts:
CrunchyCarrot · 25/07/2021 08:32

I would find it fascinating and would want to know more. But if it's a turnoff for you OP, or makes you feel uncomfortable, then it's a deal breaker.

Macncheeseballs · 25/07/2021 08:37

God I'd rather have that than someone who is abusive or angry, or indeed obsessed with something like sport or football that takes over family life, in the scheme of things it is going to have little impact on your day to day life

SmileyClare · 25/07/2021 08:37

I don't like anything woo, it freaks me out

If you're terrified of "ghosts and spirits" then this won't work. You'll whip each other up into a nervous frenzy every night, him sensing something in the room, you trembling under the duvet.

He probably needs a partner who'll say Sshh go back to sleep, there's nothing there.

Gillgardens · 25/07/2021 08:40

Hallucinations are where someone sees, hears, smells, tastes or feels things that don't exist outside their mind

They're common in people with schizophrenia, and are usually experienced as hearing voices

Hallucinations can be frightening, but there's usually an identifiable cause. For example, they can occur as a result of taking illegal drugs or alcohol, a mental illness, such as schizophrenia a progressive neurological condition, such as Alzheimer's disease or Parkinson's disease, loss of vision caused by a condition such as macular degeneration – this is known as Charles Bonnet syndrome

I can't help feel a little sad that anyone having, or believing, anything outside the norm is said to have a physical or mental illness.

I do not particularly believe in the supernatural and certainly have never had any experience personally. However I live in an old house built on an ancient graveyard. Over the years we must have had a dozen or more people say they have felt or seen the presence of an elderly man and young child when in our garden but only in the rain(???). This is people of all ages that do not know each other, or people such as tradesman that we do not know at all, describing a similar vision. As I said I have never seen or felt anything myself. However, reading this thread it seems just as unlikely that ALL of these people suffer from a condition or mental illness or take drugs, than it is that there might be something in it.

hellcatspangle · 25/07/2021 08:41

Well he doesn't. He's just got a vivid imagination or he's bonkers.

IdblowJonSnow · 25/07/2021 08:46

I think some of these experiences are harsh. I've never been out with anyone who has claimed this but I have a friend who sees and hears stuff. She's mentioned it once or twice, is fun, interesting and clever. Has a professional job etc. She isn't attention seeking and it's not something she is proud of - sometimes it can frighten her.

Also had a client who only ever mentioned it once, very matter of fact, wasn't trying to scare or impress.

Some people are bullshitters, many aren't.

Probably wouldn't be a deal breaker for me at this stage if everything else is good and he doesn't go on about it.

PluggingAway · 25/07/2021 08:47

My brother used to say this. He was afraid of the spirits he saw and it was very upsetting to watch. Turned out he was suffering from drug induced psychosis. He had to go to hospital for a long time and it was all very sad.

I think you'd have noticed if he was a long term drug addict like my brother. It's more likely that he's just attention seeking. That would really annoy me.

Treacletoots · 25/07/2021 08:47

I used to have a housemate with similar instincts. I can say he most definitely wasn't mentally ill, attention seeking or making it up. We experienced some very strange, sometimes amusing incidents that have affirmed my belief that there's plenty of things in life we can't explain.

If it's an issue for you OP then it's an issue. Throw him back in and let him date someone a bit more open minded.

IdblowJonSnow · 25/07/2021 08:47

#sorry, posts, not experiences.

JustATypo · 25/07/2021 08:48

If he’s telling you this type of stuff early in dating, I wonder what he’ll come out with later?

dementedma · 25/07/2021 08:49

The seeing spirits wouldnt bother me in the slightest.

High functioning anxiety would.

herecomesthsun · 25/07/2021 08:49

I haven't RTFT sorry, but what is his history re drugs and alcohol and in particular did he ever take anything really mind bending in the past like LSD?

Also, seeing spirits can be more common in some cultures.

Noshowwithoutpunch · 25/07/2021 08:49

I'm fascinated by all things woo so I'd not have a problemGrin
If, however his experiences started creeping into everyday life and he mentioned 'things' often then I'd get a bit sick of it all and probably wonder if he's telling me lies to make himself sound interesting.

Roselilly36 · 25/07/2021 08:50

It wouldn’t worry me at all. But if it does you, the relationship won’t work.

Maggiesfarm · 25/07/2021 08:50

Get rid quick! You can do without that. If he is seeing or hearing anything that isn't there, he needs medical help. He could however just be fanciful. There are people who are impressed by that sort of thing but not you (or me). Run for the hills and don't look back.

UseOfWeapons · 25/07/2021 08:51

It would depend on how much he talks about it. If it’s something he occasionally speaks about, I don’t see that as worrying or attention seeking. If he’s talking about it all the time then I’d be inclined to believe he was putting himself on a pedestal, and trying to create a sensation.
IME, there are people who believe they can feel things like this, and the ones who feel it deeply and honestly don’t talk about it all the time. It wouldn’t concern me unless it was an regular topic, or used to show how special he was. Just because someone believes something that I don’t, doesn’t necessarily make them deluded or wrong.
If it’s not for you, say thank you and goodbye.

Ducksarenotmyfriends · 25/07/2021 08:55

I'd think he was mentally unwell, but it's up to you if that's a deal breaker or not. Or perhaps he had sleep issues - I had hallucinations at night when I had sleep issues that were causing sleep paralysis and lucid dreaming.

iseedeadpeoplehelp · 25/07/2021 08:56

He doesn't mention it often and it took him a while to mention it at all. He is not an attention seeker, I would spot that a mile away but I'm not sure about his history re drug use.
He is lovely in every other way, it's just this that concerns me.

OP posts:
Tanfastic · 25/07/2021 08:59

@Starjammer

Also I'd be worried that any time we went anywhere he would turn into Derek Acorah.

Agreed 🥴. He'd annoy the fuck out of me.

comebacksunshines · 25/07/2021 09:04

I think for some people it just brings them comfort that there’s life after death. Would you feel the same way about someone that attended church and believed in god.
If he’s a decent person in others ways and this isn’t a dominant feature in his personality, then I would just let him be. I don’t think it’s necessarily indicative of mental illness.

ittakes2 · 25/07/2021 09:16

I know perfectly sane people who see spirits or might have seen a spirit and they are not into woo. They are professionals have families etc. I am not one of them I guess I must add! You have a choice, ask him more about it and see how you feel, or move on as in the long run you might not be compatible.

SmileyClare · 25/07/2021 09:18

The problem is that it terrifies you. So instead of laughing if he said he sensed a ghost or being vaguely interested and open minded, you're going to be (in your words) shitting your pants. You'll feed his anxiety I think.

I do find it funny that these "seers" always notice spirits in old historical buildings. Why wouldn't they see grumpy Bob in Asda who lived down the road and died in 2002 of a heart attack? No it's always some romantic mother and child in Victorian clothing carrying an oil lamp or a beheaded knight or something. Hmm

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 25/07/2021 09:19

Oh I'd love it. I'm obsessed with anything woo.

I don't understand though. How can you be freaked out by something you don't believe in.

PleasurePrinciple · 25/07/2021 09:21

@Starjammer

My issue is that I do not believe those things exist or that someone could see them, so he would just be telling lies as far as I'm concerned. And lying is not an attractive trait in a potential partner. It's one thing believing in stuff, but another claiming you see things that do not exist (in my belief).
Exactly this.
TalkingOutYerArse · 25/07/2021 09:23

@AppleKatie

Dealbreaker for me too I’m afraid. He’s telling you now he’s going to ruin every holiday/national trust day out from now to the end of time. No thanks.
Hilarious