New man sees spirits and it freaks me out. AIBU?

[iseedeadpeoplehelp]

New guy, very sweet and kind, good job, interesting and sincere.
But he tells me he sees spirits and if he stays in an old house/building they can keep him awake. I don't like anything woo and it's making me uncomfortable. Thoughts?

I am surprised by some of the reactions on here. While I don’t see/hear spirits myself and am not into all that myself, a high proportion of people believe they do and judging from the small amount of research I’ve read on these things, it’s likely that many are not hallucinating and there is no reason to believe they are lying. In many other cultures your man would be seen as quite normal. But having said that, if it’s a deal breaker for you, it’s best that you split now and let him find someone who can respect or doesn’t object to this aspect of him.

I was friends for a long time with a woman who saw spirits and angels and whatnot. She was really fun, interesting and somebody whose company I enjoyed.
At the time though, I was open to spirity stuff in a way that I no longer am (got old and cynical).
And looking back, I feel my friend, who had a difficult background, gained comfort from the things she saw and communicated with.
I suppose my point is, it depends on how much of this you are able to tolerate. It is harmless I think, once he is not pushing you to accept something you don't want to. It might be worth sticking with him to see how things develop. But if it is a total turnoff for you, that's the end of that.

Lol this would be off putting to me for the opposite reason to everyone else- I believe it a little bit and it would freak me out wondering if there were spirits around!

No thanks. If you’re a firm non believer, run.

My MIL likes to tell us all about the ghosts and spirits and ‘angels’ she sees. It’s a way for her to feel superior over ‘non see’ers’ and I absolutely guarantee you, you will never have a moment again he doesn’t try to take credit for.

‘I knew you’d do really well because I asked the spirits to guide you’

‘I sent the angels to look after you in Labour so I knew you’d be fine’

‘I knew you were having a boy because your great great great grandma told me’

It will never be ‘I want to go home from the museum because I’m bored’ it will be ‘I’m overwhelmed by all the spirits so I NEED to go home’

Just run for the hills.

I’m with the “he’s talking nonsense” brigade I’m afraid I wouldn’t want to be with someone so actively believed/perpetuated that stuff

For me, that would indicate fairly incompatible approaches to the world. It would probably be fine if we were both just in it for sex, but I doubt I'd be able to sustain more than a superficial or limited relationship with him so anything more comprehensive would be unlikely.

I would do quite a lot of laughing and either continue to find it hilarious because it is clearly utter nonsense, or call it quits, depending on how much I liked him and how much energy this fictitious 'skill' took up.

Does he believe in any other odd things? He doesn't do exorcisms as well does he?!

@JimHairy

No thanks. If you’re a firm non believer, run.

My MIL likes to tell us all about the ghosts and spirits and ‘angels’ she sees. It’s a way for her to feel superior over ‘non see’ers’ and I absolutely guarantee you, you will never have a moment again he doesn’t try to take credit for.

‘I knew you’d do really well because I asked the spirits to guide you’

‘I sent the angels to look after you in Labour so I knew you’d be fine’

‘I knew you were having a boy because your great great great grandma told me’

It will never be ‘I want to go home from the museum because I’m bored’ it will be ‘I’m overwhelmed by all the spirits so I NEED to go home’

Just run for the hills.

This sounds a marvellous way to spend old age

Dd “sees” people who aren’t there in our house. She also has bad anxiety. She doesn’t believe in ghosts/spirits so she knows it’s not real. It’s so bad we went to the gp and I was worried she was going to be diagnosed as schizophrenic. Gp said it’s caused by anxiety.

So he’s not necessarily a liar or “bonkers”. But he does have an issue.

It would freak me out if a guy I barely knew said this. I’m not even 100% anti this kind of thing, but it would scare me a bit and I wouldn’t like it.

You see I was thinking it was his anxiety too, he is a high achiever, very responsible role with a lot of staff but has to check everything twice such as locks etc

I would hang around just long enough to discredit his claims (if I thought it was about attention seeking rather than a mental health issue)

@iseedeadpeoplehelp

Not only in old buildings but says that it's more likely to happen in a very old building. TBH no nights away, I have a healthy regard for things I don't understand and if he 'saw' something I would shit my pants!!

It sounds like you don’t actually disbelieve him.

I think the majority of us posting think it’s all bollocks and indicative of something awry in a person’s mental health. So for us it’s non-starter, but because we think he’s full of shit. It sounds like it frightens you for different reasons…

I have family and friends who are pretty woo and it doesn't bother me.

Deal-breaker and red flag for me.

Most of all I don't know how I could respect him if he believed that. I can respect people who believe but only friends. Not my partner.

Yes it does frighten me, because I have an open mind about these things. Just because there isn't an explanation doesn't make it untrue as such. For me he may be telling his truth but I tend to think a bit rationally but without dismissing it completely.

He's not on any medication for his anxiety, is he? Just that I saw loads of shite when I was taking prescribed drugs (not for anxiety, but it was a medication that's sometimes used for anxiety, I believe).

Good point about medication 💊 I will ask!

Thing is that people do see things they can’t explain but it’s usually a one off.
It’s Not like the little boy in the sixth sense!

I’d be thinking he’s got a mental illness of some sort tbh.

But only you know if you can put up with this

It's a crutch, a way of diverting from anxiety. I've been there myself, at one point I believed I could "read" photos and was seeing spirits in my dreams.

But it took me away from my anxiety whenever it got bad. It's better managed now and I no longer make a tit of myself.

I don't think you should write him off entirely at this stage, it might just be a mild coping strategy that he trusted you enough to share. Can't you wait to see how it manifests, if you pardon the pun?

If he starts talking to dark corners I'd give him a swerve, but you could always just ask him not to tell you about any of that stuff.

@Ifailed

According to the NHS:

Hallucinations are where someone sees, hears, smells, tastes or feels things that don't exist outside their mind.

They're common in people with schizophrenia, and are usually experienced as hearing voices.

Hallucinations can be frightening, but there's usually an identifiable cause. For example, they can occur as a result of:

<strong>taking illegal drugs or alcohol</strong>
<strong>a mental illness, such as schizophrenia</strong>
<strong>a progressive neurological condition, such as Alzheimer's disease or Parkinson's disease</strong>
<strong>loss of vision caused by a condition such as macular degeneration – this is known as Charles Bonnet syndrome</strong>

So the question you need to answer is whether you are prepared to put up with/support someone who may have one of these conditions?

Hallucinations are actually not that uncommon in people who don't have anything on that list.

I have waking dreams occasionally where I wake up but part of my sleeping brain is still active and that gives me hallucinations.

@Starjammer

Frankly I'd think he was just off his head and attention-seeking.

I'm sorry but that would be my view too. I couldn't keep a straight face if someone told me that and it would be a swift exit too.

What a load of bollocks. It's really immature and smacks of 'look at me, I am so special that I can feel things that others can't'. People can't feel anything because it doesn't exist. But, of course, you can't prove this because he's the only one with those special powers.

@StepladderToHeaven

Quite surprised that the comments are so negative. I'm not at all woo myself, but it wouldn't bother me too much in a partner. As long as you both respect each other's views and have other things in common, this wouldn't be a deal breaker for me.

This isn't just a belief though. He actively sees things that aren't there or claims to. Since I vehemently don't believe that spirits exist, that must mean he is delusional or lying. There's no compromise possible.

It would be difficult to put up with someone if I thought they were bullshitting about something important. Many people have seen or thought they’ve seen something unexplained once or twice (eg a ghost, a ufo etc). But that’s quite different from seeing a UFO every Saturday night or a ghost every time they visit a house that’s been around for more than 50 years.

Presuming he isn’t straight up lying, it’s far more likely he’s suffering from hallucinations (or similar) than he has discovered the door to the underworld, and should probably be seeking professional advice.