Partner tells everyone I was out of it when I had our daughter but I wasnt

[Cherryrainbow]

This may be a stupid thing but my partner keeps laughing and telling everyone that when I have my birth to our daughter last September I was really out of it, off my mind because of the gas n air and epidural, him and the nurses were joking about me babbling nonsense etc and this just isn't true!

It keeps bugging me because compared to my first Labour with my son, my daughters birth was easier and I thought it was lovely in comparison. Had contractions from 7am. Waters burst at 3pm. Got to hospital by 4, was barely on gas and air long until I had my epidural and from 10pm I was pushing, I had my daughter after 11 by forceps. I remember the conversations we had with the nurse, talking about the 80s music on the radio and what songs played, I remember being tired and crying when it was clear that pushing wasn't going to work and being scared (I think awkward angle down there I just couldn't get her past, same as with my first son) so I had to have forceps again and i was a bit worried. I remember the nurses and doctor being concerned about the amount of blood loss I had despite the injections they kept giving me, luckily it stopped before transfusions or other things were needed. The medication did make me throw up quite a bit so I asked my partner to have her until the anti sickness medication kicked in and it stopped but apart from being sick I was normal.

It also bugs me because after I had my eldest child I was in hospital for many days as I had an infection where I did have a fever and some hallucinations, weird dreams etc so I know what it's like to be out of it!

Anyway today he was joking about it again and I said I wasn't out of it but he kept insisting and said I wouldn't know because I was on gas and Air and epidural. I told him he was stupid because gas and air makes you lightheaded if anything and an epidural just numbs your back, and I know I wasn't out of it. So he then kept snapping at me that I was so defensive and practically barking at me asking why was I being defensive? and kept insisting his side of things so I just said yeah whatever and left the room.

Sorry its turned into quite the rant it just really bugs me.

Tell him you don't find it funny stop saying it dumb wit. He is taking the piss from a place where you're vunerable and going through a life changing experience, some times delirious with pain.
I wouldn't be impressed by him.

Was this whilst he was talking to other people?

I would speak to him alone and ask with a confused face “why do you lie to people about how I was in labour? What are you getting out of that? Is it to embarrass me or do you just like being the storyteller? I just don’t get it. What else do you lie to people about?”

He's being disrespectful, laughing and joking about a time in your life when you were at your most vulnerable. Tell him you feel disrespected. Why does he keep telling this story? Surely it's a private and profound moment, not a joke?

Is he generally disrespectful and immature?
I started to lose respect for my ex when he would behave like this.

What has having an epidural got to do with being out of it.
He needs to read about what it does.
I had gas an air and it didn’t do a thing

I wonder is he trying to process something that was quite traumatic for him too, worrying about you and baby with forceps/bleeding etc and he is using misplaced humour in that. Try and have a sensible conversation with him.
When you say nurse you mean midwife right?

This is not on you were having pain relief, he is making a joke of it, no just no.

That would really bug me too.

He's told it to his friends, he's said it to my mum (who knows it is bs, I mean I was texting her on the day to let her know how things were going) he even brings it up in conversations when we are at home just us and the kids.

Tbh I do find there are times he is disrespectful and selfish.

I can't talk about an epidural as never had one, but I had gas and air for my second and third labours and definitely wasn't out of it and can remember everything.

My first Labour I had pethidine and was totally out of it, DH wouldn't even hand me the baby straight away as I really wasn't with it and they were worried I would drop him.

Totally different feeling.

Also sorry yes I meant midwives, consultants etc. By the time it came to the forceps and bleeding there was quite a few staff around and I never know quite which terms to use lol.

Gas and air definitely made me feel out of it! I felt like I was pissed in a night club! Obviously it effects everyone differently so not saying it made you like that.

I think everyone’s perceptions of an event are often different. Both you and your DP can both be right but it’s not ok to tell the story if it makes you upset. I’d speak to him on his own and tell him how it makes you feel.

When he starts telling people this nonsense I would tell them “awww, DH was really freaked out when I was in labour, hyperventilating- the lot! I think this is his way of pretending it didn’t happen” respond to all his protestations by exaggerating it even more. “Come on love, you know you were shitting yourself. The midwife had to sit you on a chair by the window because you said you were going to faint! Hahah”

I wonder is he trying to process something that was quite traumatic for him too, worrying about you and baby with forceps/bleeding etc and he is using misplaced humour in that. Try and have a sensible conversation with him.

Nonsense. People will really go to some lengths to excuse the behaviour of arseholes.

As a previous poster said, I wonder if he found the experience much more difficult than he wants to admit to. By pretending to himself and everyone else that you were 'out of it' he is convincing himself that it is wasn't as difficult for you as perhaps it was for him.

Other less charitable interpretations are that by saying you were 'out of it' he absolves himself from responsibility of having done more to support you. Or perhaps he just likes to portray you as someone who is weak and susceptible to drugs.

Nonsense. People will really go to some lengths to excuse the behaviour of arseholes.

Yep.

Ok,so when he raises it again you firmly tell him that is not factual, stop saying it. It’s not a funny story to embellish it’s your experience of childbirth not a funny anecdote

He sounds like a bully and is using a situation in which you were vulnerable to try to belittle you and make you doubt yourself. Not a very good sign.

It's like he's trying to whitewash your birth experience and that's quite strange. I simply wouldn't allow him to do this and you need to challenge him in the strongest terms.

@Mostlylurkingiam

I wonder is he trying to process something that was quite traumatic for him too, worrying about you and baby with forceps/bleeding etc and he is using misplaced humour in that. Try and have a sensible conversation with him. When you say nurse you mean midwife right?

I personally think this post is a crock.

If looks like an arsehole, and sounds like an arsehole, it’s an arsehole. Or he’s an arsehole, in this case.

I was totally out of it on gas and air, can’t remember half of my first labour. So it can happen!

Doesn’t mean it happened to OP though.

Just tell him to not bring it up again, you have a different memory of it and he is just upsetting you.

Birth is an intensely personal experience, and your memories of it are precious and important. I know each of my births are that way for me. Both the bad and the good.

If someone insisted I was wrong about what I know I experienced and made a joke of how I was (aside from things that were actually funny, and I have some of those from a couple of births, and I'm the first to laugh about them), I'd be upset and very annoyed. Even more so if it was my DH saying it.

Based on what your DH has said though, I'm not sure he 'gets' it. But he shouldn't be insisting and ridiculing when he was an onlooker, and you were the one who actually lived the experience.

He's a dick.
YANBU.

Why is he even discussing your labours with anyone? Does he think it’s acceptable funny story fodder? My ex was an absolute prick and loved to make me look stupid infront of others but even he didn’t talk about my labours to anyone, at least not in front of me or that I know of!

If looks like an arsehole, and sounds like an arsehole, it’s an arsehole.

Amen.

It's like he's gaslighting you or trying to diminish your experience. Very unsettling.