Time for 14 year old to be leaving town?

[DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou]

I didn't know how to word the title.
And I'm usually a bit PFB over my eldest so occasionally really on MN for perspective.

14 yo (just finished year 9) has gone to the next major town, it's busy it's beachy it's rough, it's not the ideal place, but ok during the day.

What time would you expect them to leave to come home?

DS and I aren't in agreements, apparently his friends are still there.

It's about 30-40 minutes away by train.

My ds never is never late. He's really responsible and mature. If your ds has lied, that's an issue that needs resolving before his next trip.

The time of the curfew is not really the issue here. It's the not sticking to the agreement, lying and being rude that is not on.

My 14yo is a total homebody but if he did want to stay out later than agreed I would expect a polite call or text along the lines of 'my friends are staying for a while, is it OK if I stay a bit longer and get the next train home?' And as he has a sensible head (and sensible friends) I would probably say yes, that's fine but make sure you don't miss that one and stay in touch.

Rudeness and attitude don't get you very far in my house. Politeness and reasonable requests are likely to be approved.

@DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou

It's nothing to do with time management.

He told me outright that he didn't want to leave so he didn't.

I think that's what bothered me the most.
The "fuck you, I don't care" way he's approached it.

That's the issue. He agreed 8:30 and came home at 9:40.

I would be furious. He ignored your rules.

What are you going to do?

Well fuck me I dont want to pay for his gym membership!!

Breaking agreements has consequences!!

Learning that lesson the first time round is a good idea!!

Phone is next on the list!!

And stick to that with or without his agreement...

At that age mine was always told to be heading home by 8.30/9 & we live by a beach, in a busy, so sometimes rougher town.

They always tell you their mates parents are not as strict as you are though.

Well, Im tied into the gym membership for another 8 months and I can't pause or stop it.

So tomorrow I'm withdrawing my parental consent.
Therefore he will have to ask me permission to go.
And it will be a fat no if this continues.
Im not doing 6 weeks of this.

And also no to train fair or money for food (there's food here). And no to lifts.

I have a few things I can take away.

He won't do this again, he's a good boy but always pushes the boundaries at the start of holidays.

Whatever happens im withdrawing my consent though.

*fare

They always tell you their mates parents are not as strict as you are though.

Apparently his two friends were still at the beach, and my DS went home on his own.

I find it difficult to believe both their mums were ok with that.

Glad he's home safe

9.30 is reasonable if with responsible friends. Pick your battles

I think the others on here are winding you up to take a really hard line. Let him enjoy his summer, you sound really strict.

With reasonable friends but not in a reasonable place.

At all.

@HandScreen

I think the others on here are winding you up to take a really hard line. Let him enjoy his summer, you sound really strict.

Who's winding me up?

OP, I mean fanning the flames. You're over-reacting and they're egging you on.

Let him have his summer, I don't know why you feel that you have to "punish" him. Just let him have a nice time!

I had a strict mother snd I hated it. It felt so controlling living with her, and it really damaged our relationship. He is not your property.

You need to know what time his friends are leaving. Is he safer coming home on his own earlier than them, or staying until they have to leave?

You pissed HandScreen?

@DontBiteTheBoobThatFeedsYou

You pissed HandScreen?

No! Why on earth would you say that? That was genuinely rude.

No he's not her property (such a childish comment) but he is her responsibility.

@CanofCant

No he's not her property (such a childish comment) but he is her responsibility.

Why childish? Jeez, weird amount of lashing out here when someone disagrees with a punitive and controlling parent.

If this is his first strike I think the consequences you’re suggesting sound a bit harsh. Have you talked to him about why you set that time. Does he know your concerns about said town and the time it takes to get home?

I’m not saying he should get off scott free but The gym thing, no money for food and train and no lifts sounds a bit much. But that’s just my opinion. He’s your DS and you know what will get through to him. Just don’t make him miserable and stuck at home for the next 6 weeks otherwise them you’ll really be sick of him.

Do you really think it’s controlling for a 14 year old to have a curfew and to be expected to stick to an agreed arrangement?

I'm not doing all of the above @PhoboPhobia.
I said that's what I have to take if he carries on with 6 weeks of this.

He has done this before. At the beginning of lockdown we had a call from the police at 4am to go and get him.

It always seems to be the beginning of freedom, it takes it way too far.

@PhoboPhobia

Do you really think it’s controlling for a 14 year old to have a curfew and to be expected to stick to an agreed arrangement?

I think the punishments the OP is suggesting are controlling.