Mixing with deprived children?

[Thisneedsachange]

I’ve changed my name for this but long term mumsnetter. I had a very sheltered but working class background, but mum was a social worker so I was sent to holiday clubs where she was working - with children from very deprived backgrounds and on child protection plans. My life experiences changed when I got a scholarship to private school and it’s been a middle class bubble since then - but I think those early exposures to how tough life can be for some gas the making of me. It’s made me more compassionate, more politically aware and I’ve volunteered since a teen working with deprived children.
My own 5 year old daughter has a very sheltered existence and so I’m thinking of sending her to a free church holiday club at the church I grew up with for a week this summer. It’s free because it’s a very deprived ward. We do have one friend who will go so she will be fine. As a child some things I was exposed to in these schemes aimed at deprived children really shocked me - bad language, bad behaviour, unhappy families..but by my teens I understood what was going on.
Am I unwise to consider this?
I contribute to the funds (although we don’t worship there as not Christian) so not concerned about taking financial advantage, just wondering if I should wait until my daughter is older to have these experiences?

Totally gross!!! So you’d take a space from a deprived child who actually needs it, to educate you kid by showing them poverty? They don’t exist for you. Can’t believe anyone would consider doing this.

OP you’re not being patronising, you’re being considerate. Ignore the righteous indignation on this thread.

Honestly, I've worked with children across the economic spectrum and have found some "rich" kids to have some quite eye-popping (even for us adults) conversation topics and that mostly my "council funded" kids be very normal and cooperative, in fact kids in difficulties often hide crazy stuff and act extra nice to protect their families. I think it gets more polarised post 12 yrs but little kids are pretty nice generally.

I feel quite bad for you that you think this is an issue, actually.

I'd love to take my spoilt son on the council summer projects I used to run in Central London. I think he'd meet some true friends and get his eyes opened that life isn't all easy street. I still think about how clever, creative, nice and resourceful some of my clients were. There was loads of them I'd be proud to be a mum or aunt to.

I think that five is definitely too young.

In fact I wouldn’t send a five year old into sny strange environment. School will be enough to deal with as it is.

@Hellocatshome

For those who are ranting - there’s nothing “experimental” about learning about how other people live. It’s important for all of us to have some knowledge of the challenges faced by our fellow human beings. It helps develop empathy, and makes us a more civilised society.

Yes but a 5 year old going to a holiday club with other 5 year olds is not teaching anyone anything. She will probably just have a lovely time and learn nothing abiut the hardships those 5 year olds are facing.

Yes if you read my other post you’d see I said I wouldn’t send her.

@Bagamoyo1

OP you’re not being patronising, you’re being considerate. Ignore the righteous indignation on this thread.

Who exactly is she being considerate of?

OK op if you are genuine, and want her to experience how 'deprived children live' go to lidl or somewhere with £25, live on what you can buy with that for a week, no treats, no days out for the hols, am sure other people on the thread can give other examples and ideas.

Surely sending your daughter to state school will be enough to give her an insight into a diverse mix?

I also hope you know how thin the line is between rich and poor. And that money doesn’t make you better than other people.

I voted YANBU, but...you are, in the sense that you will be taking a spot from a child who desperately needs it. You are not in that you want to teach your child that others do not have the comfortable life she enjoys. Perhaps there is a soup kitchen where she can volunteer (WITH YOU) one day a month, or some other such endeavor? She'll learn the same lessons, but without making a deprived child even MORE deprived.

@Bagamoyo1

OP you’re not being patronising, you’re being considerate. Ignore the righteous indignation on this thread.

Considerate of who?

If you put your child in, you then wouldn't volunteer, so then they'll suddenly be down a volunteer, which surely means less spaces due to ratios.

Poor people's lives aren't your gratitude journal.

Oh dear .. virtue signaling post gone bad

@Hoppinggreen

“deprived” children are not a learning experience for your child.

This.

It's not a spectator sport

Couldn't you take her to a " deprived children" petting zoo?

I sort of / kind of understand what you're trying to do (think anyway) but agree with everyone else it's a bit taking the actual piss to take up another kid's place for the sake of teaching your child about how the poorer people live and it doesn't reflect well on you at all sadly.

Makes me imagine Catherine Tate's Aga Saga Woman having an absolute meltdown over things like the lack of good Brie, frozen food and agency nannies from the North.

My kids grew up like country bumpkins and were horrified to visit my old haunts cos I grew up in a rough ass council estate with no money and I mean – NO MONEY and we lived like scoundrels and little shits basically.

They were lucky to grow up and live in a more affluent area and they understood from a very young age that others aren't so lucky. I wouldn't dream of sending them anywhere to experience what is reserved for disadvantaged or underprivileged kids as a means of giving them a first hand real life horrors of eating smiley faces and spaghetti hoops

I think I get what you mean or where you're going with it.

I don't think it's at all wise to go any further with it though.

@Thisneedsachange

Obviously a big no then. I won’t be taking a space from a child who needs it - whilst I don’t worship at this church I volunteer with their children’s outreach and so I know the take up is quite low. I do take my daughter to volunteer with me on other projects but wasn’t planning to volunteer on this one because its discouraged to volunteer on projects your children are attending as it’s unfair on the other children. I spend a lot of time volunteering for children’s social justice projects - didn’t realise I come across as so cringingly patronising so at least this thread has made me aware of that, thanks all

You volunteer a lot, presumably because you want to help children. I wonder if you feel guilty about your privileged upbringing.

If you're serious about both bringing your child up without a sense of entitlement and making society a more equitable place then I assume you're sending your kid to state school?

Because if you're not, you're just perpetuating the injustices you rail against and no one should take any of your hand-wringing seriously.

Deprived children are not a spectator sport learning opportunity . I’m honestly disgusted.

@youshallnotpass9

You just had another thread deleted by any chance?

I wondered that, there is something very similar about the style.

Young children value completely different things from adults anyway - who has a cool bag, who is good at football, who gets crisps in their lunch, who gets to play with their friends after school everyday. So your daughter isn't necessarily going to come back with an understanding of how fortunate she is.

Fuck me how patronising.
Yes, send your daughter to view the poor kids, like a free day out at a zoo.

Don't take a space from a child who actually needs it, and take a look at what you've written. Those children aren't there to show your child how privileged she is.

Wow. Just wow. To all of it.

It’s laughable really - we all want a society in which the challenges faced by some are appreciated and acknowledged by others. We don’t want segregation. We want communities working together, understanding and caring for each other, helping each other out at times of need.
But woe betide you if you try and mix the communities. Oh no - OP must keep her middle class child away from the deprived kids, because it’s patronising to mix with them.

Honestly, I’ve never seen such a load of righteous pompous ranting. Yes 5 is too young, but the principle is good. Children from different backgrounds should have the opportunity to mix. That way they learn how life is for others.

I was a poor kid with a free place at a posh school. Many of my friends had vast sums of money and all sorts of luxuries. But they didn’t see much of their parents, and were palmed off on nannies and guardians. A lot of them were very unhappy about this. I definitely learned a lot from being at that school. And I imagine they learned a few things from me.
That’s what makes us a civilised society, and that is why segregation is wrong.

This is so othering

Expose your dd? Oh my days...