Mixing with deprived children?

[Thisneedsachange]

I’ve changed my name for this but long term mumsnetter. I had a very sheltered but working class background, but mum was a social worker so I was sent to holiday clubs where she was working - with children from very deprived backgrounds and on child protection plans. My life experiences changed when I got a scholarship to private school and it’s been a middle class bubble since then - but I think those early exposures to how tough life can be for some gas the making of me. It’s made me more compassionate, more politically aware and I’ve volunteered since a teen working with deprived children.
My own 5 year old daughter has a very sheltered existence and so I’m thinking of sending her to a free church holiday club at the church I grew up with for a week this summer. It’s free because it’s a very deprived ward. We do have one friend who will go so she will be fine. As a child some things I was exposed to in these schemes aimed at deprived children really shocked me - bad language, bad behaviour, unhappy families..but by my teens I understood what was going on.
Am I unwise to consider this?
I contribute to the funds (although we don’t worship there as not Christian) so not concerned about taking financial advantage, just wondering if I should wait until my daughter is older to have these experiences?

What a fun post ...surely OP Tarquin and Tabetha cannot be away all summer so will be back to entertain your child at some point between lacross and pianoforte recitals? Whilst I agree it would be lovely for you to wait around and have some free entertainment with the have nots,I mean Marcus Rashford could turn up with the packed lunches,just imagine that hey no you couldnt possibly miss out on the education value in that of course you should go,You could teach the kids all about Boden and Joules and the cost of advocardos in waitrose,,,,,there is something so deeply disturbing about your post and choice of language I cannot bear it, Or is it more that you think if it is a free club your taxes will have paid for it and why should you pay 20.00 for your dd to engage with an activity when its been provided free to the others possibly less deserving maybe?? You should be ashamed, Thoroughly ashamed,

I’ll definitely not be taking a space from a child who needs it. I’ve been promoting the HAF scheme as part of my volunteer work so in our area (not London but affluent) children who receive pupil premium will be on completely different schemes (quality £50 a day provision, drama, sports, arts) for 4 of the 6 weeks) which is one reason why this free church scheme won’t be full.
My daughter is aware of poverty - we donate her toys, clothes, books , donate to food banks and donate to Christmas toy drives etc. At 5 she isn’t allowed to volunteer at a food bank but she does come with me when we transport furniture for families who are newly housed. She’s kind and generous but she has no idea of the real world. Her school life is a very privileged bubble and whilst we have family friends from my working class background her experiences are so far removed from their children - I want her to see how privileged she is.

children from all backgrounds should absolutely absolutely be mixing, but not for a week as a normal thing. And I dont think 5 is too young to mix with anyone I dont see why age is a concern, it should just be proper friendships not visiting.

Five is to young to be randomly placed in a new environment.

@FourTeaFallOut

Look, I think Jarvis Cocker had this nailed, it's best to start in a supermarket.

😂

@FourTeaFallOut

Look, I think Jarvis Cocker had this nailed, it's best to start in a supermarket.

Haha thought exactly the same. Had the song in my head whilst reading OP.

@FourTeaFallOut

Look, I think Jarvis Cocker had this nailed, it's best to start in a supermarket.

Not sure that the OP is from Greece though...

Perhaps you could also take her on a homeless persons sightseeing tour

She has no idea of the real world because she’s 5,
She thinks Santa is real.

Also want to step in and stand up for the OP here, its getting unnecessarily harsh. You sound like you do some fantastic work OP and are really doing your best to make sure your dd has a good world view which is really important. Your original post sounds bad but what you do sounds good.

I think your heart sounds like it's in the right place but your approach is all wrong. Deprived kids are not zoo animals to be stared at and researched as a 'what not to do in life' experiment. Carry on with what you're doing with the food banks, etc, and your daughter will get the message. Or, if you're really serious about checking her privilege, send her to a primary in a very deprived area where the majority of the kids are on FSM. Don't imagine you will though...

@Threebillygoatsgruff

Perhaps you could also take her on a homeless persons sightseeing tour

How is kids from different backgrounds mixing in any way comparable to staring at homeless people?

How nice that you want your child to mix with the poor people . Children with less are not tools to teach your child empathy.

It's not a zoo where your daughter can go and see the poor children you know.

I want her to see how privileged she is.

And do think that the other children there and the families who send them there want your privileged child to achieve a perspective of her good fortune by oggling their deprivation?

She’s kind and generous but she has no idea of the real world. Her school life is a very privileged bubble and whilst we have family friends from my working class background her experiences are so far removed from their children - I want her to see how privileged she is.

She's five. Five year olds playing with other five year olds won't come away wondering what kind of house they go home to / what jobs their parents do / what it means in real terms to be rich or poor. They'll just play with each other. Then go home. Can you not see that?

I think this is fulfilling some sort of angst you have about having had a relatively sheltered background and / or your daughter having a very comfortable childhood. Some sort of misplaced guilt you are projecting onto her and in the process using less well off families to force a comparison beyond her years so she knows how lucky she is.

It's a you problem. She's five.

not London but affluent

Well if you want her to mix with deprived children (in terms of poverty), just take her on a trip to London. A tour of deprivation. The estates struggling with gang crime, the 165,000 homeless people - many of them children (2/3 of England's homeless families in temporary accommodation are in London).

@FourTeaFallOut

I want her to see how privileged she is.

And do think that the other children there and the families who send them there want your privileged child to achieve a perspective of her good fortune by oggling their deprivation?

And OP in addition to this, it's a pretty staggering privilege you're displaying by debating whether or not to let your child mix with those from other backgrounds. You're sort of using your own privilege to make her see hers. But you're an adult. And she's five. It's a very self indulgent type of parenting you seem to be doing here.

Ok, OP, a couple of people have asked now so I'll echo: will you be sending your child to a state secondary?

Not a trail blazing Indy, not Catholic with a wait list, not grammar, state.

Yeah i think you would be wrong to consider it. Not least because your daughter might pick up on your reasons for doing it and that would possibly defeat the object by solidifying for her that these children are ‘other’ than her and are somehow deserving of her pity. The way you’ve written has made it sound an almost Victorian idea to be frank.

It sounds like you went when you were younger because your mother didn’t have a lot of money and needed childcare for you whilst she worked. This is not the case for your daughter and therefore wouldn’t be appropriate.

Also if your daughter inadvertently shared some of your views about this experience with the other children it could be really uncomfortable for them.

The very fact that you see this as a strategic project is odd, and perhaps suggests you're bit as open minded and aware as you think you are.

Believing that your very young child needs occasional exposure to people who have less than them financially is quite an odd take. Knowing that they absolutely never have this contact normally is also odd. My DC have always gone to our local playgroups, schemes, childcare, schools, libraries etc and so I imagine have mixed with children from the full spectrum of financial backgrounds. If you are so academically aware of your child's rarefied or siloed experiences then maybe chnage some of your day to day to be more part of your community in general?

Your belief that the only way you knew about people being less fortunate than you was through social work and volunteering and is also strange. Lots of children at your private school would have been disadvantaged too - lack of parental time/engagement, exposed to marital or relationship breakdowns, bereavements, parental ill health, their own mental health issues etc. We're these not also valuable experiences that engendered empathy?

All. Very. Odd.

She’s kind and generous but she has no idea of the real world.

She’s 5, the real world will find her soon enough.

You mean like Diana taking the boys to see poor people?

Ooh, yes - great idea! In fact your DD could come here and mix with my 'deprived' DD (FSM and CIN plan) but then again she might not be deprived enough as she doesn't use bad language, is well behaved and happy! Imagine that! Best get back to your MC bubble

Her school life is a very privileged bubble

Im what way? Has there been some sort of magic test invented (very recently) that can tell whether a child is suffering from abuse or neglect at home? With a social worker mother, you can't possibly be so ignorant as to think it doesn't happen in middle class homes. Deprivation isn't always about money.