Mixing with deprived children?

[Thisneedsachange]

I’ve changed my name for this but long term mumsnetter. I had a very sheltered but working class background, but mum was a social worker so I was sent to holiday clubs where she was working - with children from very deprived backgrounds and on child protection plans. My life experiences changed when I got a scholarship to private school and it’s been a middle class bubble since then - but I think those early exposures to how tough life can be for some gas the making of me. It’s made me more compassionate, more politically aware and I’ve volunteered since a teen working with deprived children.
My own 5 year old daughter has a very sheltered existence and so I’m thinking of sending her to a free church holiday club at the church I grew up with for a week this summer. It’s free because it’s a very deprived ward. We do have one friend who will go so she will be fine. As a child some things I was exposed to in these schemes aimed at deprived children really shocked me - bad language, bad behaviour, unhappy families..but by my teens I understood what was going on.
Am I unwise to consider this?
I contribute to the funds (although we don’t worship there as not Christian) so not concerned about taking financial advantage, just wondering if I should wait until my daughter is older to have these experiences?

[NiceGerbil]

At 5 she is learning about different lives and that sometimes people need help by going volunteering with you.

Don't try to shoehorn your own values etc too much she may end up resenting it. Eg you made me go with you to X all the time and it was boring and I would rather have been playing with a friend.

She's only 5.

[NiceGerbil]

Just reread.

Well if it's not taking a place and your friend is going and it's a few afternoons my comment doesn't apply.

I think it's good to mix with all sorts of people but bit weird to target s group like this.

You meet all sorts of people all over the place. If you are friendly in general etc. No need to hunt people down, and with assumptions as well...

Children of all backgrounds can be sweary, badly behaved and have unhappy families.

[NiceGerbil]

Not RTFT

OP your thought process is very strange.

That aside. Neither of you attend this church? She won't know anyone the kids or the adults. She's 5. So no. For that reason.

[ELOU1111]

Lollllll....make sure you change her name to something 'common' so she will fit in! And drop her off in your pajamas or you might give the game away!

[ScrollingLeaves]

“OhGiveUp

You know, back in Victorian times, it was quite the thing to pay a penny to view the patients in the asylums.
Don't forget your purse of pennies to distribute amongst the deprived kids op!“

Wasn’t it also the Victorians who started institutions and movements that lead to the beginnings of what were eventually to develop into the ideas underpinning the start of the welfare state?

[Tealightsandd]

ShitPoetryClub
Yeah that was unfair of me. The Johnson family isn't representative of every family with children who are or went to Eton.

[ohthatbloodycat]

I don't have an issue with what you have written, but do agree that you shouldn't take up a place.

[ShitPoetryClub]

Tealightsandd
I would love to agree with you there (I'm the dgtr of a miner from up North) but my DS has rowed a few times at Dorney, owned by Eton, and I have to say their lads are the most humble, well behaved kids I've ever met. Genuinely.
I've watched them in the cafes, just standing back amd letting everyone else go ahead of them, instantly giving up seats to older people, helping to carry boats and bags. I'd love to hate them but respect where its due, I've always seen them as very polite, gracious, smiley and kind.

[ShitPoetryClub]

Oh Bless you OP. She's middle class not Royal.
Unless of course you are actually the Duchess of Cambridge.
There are many thousands of middle class kids around, she's hardly that exclusive. You do know that the properly posh are probably saying exactly the same about you and your DC don't you? Hence Prince Andrew's rude quote about Woking.

[wizzywig]

Hope daily mail do pick this up. Its mind-blowing

[longdistanceclaraaa]

Pulp's common people? Poverty safari?

[Tealightsandd]

bad language, bad behaviour, unhappy families

Eton?

[Tealightsandd]

As other people said, there is actually poverty and deprivation in many places even hidden within the middle class, and being poor, having little money is a disaster but there are other forms of deprived children and damaged dc, dc who suffer, why stop the learning at only monetary pooor, why not get them into holiday clubs for bereaved kids too, those with drug addict parents..

This. She'll be amongst deprived and abused children in her private school. More hidden (and therefore less help) sometimes yes. But it's there.

OP would do better to teach her daughter to look beyond common misperceptions and lazy stereotypes, rather than sending her to a particular church summer group.

[Meatshake]

They're deprived human children, not zoo animals or an enrichment experience for your own kid. Madness.

[Rainbowsew]

Don't take a place from someone else!

Also I'm not sure a 5 year old would get anything from it anyway. They aren't old enough to understand differences in clothing/food/toys is due to poverty of parents. They aren't going to realise this in the space of a week or too anyway.

As pp say there are plenty of other ways to teach your child that they are more privileged than others without using actual children as an experiment.

You are looking back on your experiences with hindsight as an adult, I doubt you would have realised the differences in the situations you saw in that first week or two of attending a group with your mum

[DeflatedGinDrinker]

Ffs is this a joke?

[TerraNovaTwo]

Using deprived children as guinea pigs. Charming

[thornyhousewife]

I understand where you’re coming from.

I grew up poor, and my kids have never known what it’s like. My personal choice has been to keep them insulated away from poverty. In my experience it’s been an upsetting and violent environment. I think you can find other ways to give back to your community and teach your child about social issues.

[ChocolateCakeYum]

Big no from me. You should be the one teaching your child the differences between rich and poor, the value of being privileged and not looking down on people and helping those less fortunate.

You shouldn’t be taking your kid on some kind of poor person rodeo. ‘Oh look Henoria, there’s a poor person’, ‘over there is the Brontes housing estate, isn’t it quaint! Stay away from the Larkmead though, there’s illegals there!’.

Gross op.

[zingally]

I don't see the problem personally, but is she, by attending, taking a space from a child who might benefit more?

If you can afford to, and you want her to have the "summer camp" experience, SuperCamps or Kings Camps might be a better option.

[Sn0tnose]

As a child some things I was exposed to in these schemes aimed at deprived children really shocked me - bad language, bad behaviour, unhappy families

Definitely don’t send her. Those dreadful little urchins will teach her how to lift blocks of cheese from Tesco on the Monday, she’ll be smoking 20 B&H a day, swearing like a sailor, drinking WKD in the park and spending her pocket money on fruit machines by Wednesday and running county lines by Friday. It’s a downwards spiral. You were lucky to escape without a criminal record.

What’s the matter with her being friends with the kids of your working class friends? Are they not disadvantaged enough?

[BiBabbles]

She’s kind and generous but she has no idea of the real world.

Cause she's 5. Any 5-year-old's "real world" is the normal they've been raised with.

I was raised with the "normal" of addict parents, but I wasn't aware of it at 5. I would not have been able to teach another 5 year old squat about 'the real world' & certainly didn't want that 'real world' for my kids at 5.

I want her to see how privileged she is.

Multiple studies on teaching about privilege haven't shown much if any benefit. If anything, it tends to make people more judgemental of those who are viewed as 'privileged' regardless of any other circumstances and no real improvement of treatment or consideration towards those 'less privileged'.

My usual recommendation on this topic - to read broadly from many perspectives of group you want to learn about (not just those who agree with what we already think) to get the wide range of words and views rather than making one's own judgements based on what will always be limited observations - isn't really suitable for a 5-year-old, but something possible for later. There are many working class anthologies and other works out there, and then they get paid for their work too.

[Hoppinggreen]

I grew up mostly mc (mums side Mc, Dads side very wc) but we didn’t have a lot of money. I did go to Private school but on a full scholarship, friends were wealthy bit not lads of ponies, swimming pools and ski chalet wealthy in the main.
My DC are pretty privileged in that they go to Private Secondary but did got to a pretty mixed State Secondary and we live in quite a nice house, have decent cars, holiday home etc BUT they also know how lucky they are, they know that people have more than them but a lot more have less. They know that people can’t afford to eat, have cars, pay bills, etc etc etc but they know that because of how we live, who we mix with, things we do and because we talk to them and discuss what’s going on in the world NOT because we sent them to a summer camp to mix with poor kids
It’s about living your life with gratitude and social responsibility rather than sending your 5 year old to a Church camp for a week when your conscience bothers you and you are hoping for some congratulatory pats on the back

[Lemonmelonsun]

Perci

At one point whilst we owned out own home and next doors rented, I was scrabbling about surfing the reduction times in various shops every day to buy reduced food, not money for the a new boiler, terrified some thing would break and DIY useless dh and I couidnt fix it, dc in lovely but second hand clothes, Xmas sourced through freecyle, no extras.. No hair, nails nice clothes.. Dh very low post cc wage.
Next door rented but massive shopping trips to toys r us! Huge at Xmas especially, new bikes and tons of toys all brand new, huge dolls houses, play houses outside...flash car, hols to Greece.. She always looked fashionable... Seemed to have loads of ££.

We owned our house /mort which is a massive difference, but we did not have that disposable cash or savings at all.

[spongebath]

Her school life is a very privileged bubble and whilst we have family friends from my working class background her experiences are so far removed from their children - I want her to see how privileged she is.

Why? She is who she is. It's ok that she's not poor. Don't make her feel guilty for that.