Mixing with deprived children?

[Thisneedsachange]

I’ve changed my name for this but long term mumsnetter. I had a very sheltered but working class background, but mum was a social worker so I was sent to holiday clubs where she was working - with children from very deprived backgrounds and on child protection plans. My life experiences changed when I got a scholarship to private school and it’s been a middle class bubble since then - but I think those early exposures to how tough life can be for some gas the making of me. It’s made me more compassionate, more politically aware and I’ve volunteered since a teen working with deprived children.
My own 5 year old daughter has a very sheltered existence and so I’m thinking of sending her to a free church holiday club at the church I grew up with for a week this summer. It’s free because it’s a very deprived ward. We do have one friend who will go so she will be fine. As a child some things I was exposed to in these schemes aimed at deprived children really shocked me - bad language, bad behaviour, unhappy families..but by my teens I understood what was going on.
Am I unwise to consider this?
I contribute to the funds (although we don’t worship there as not Christian) so not concerned about taking financial advantage, just wondering if I should wait until my daughter is older to have these experiences?

I think five is too young to go away to a holiday club. I didn't even know they took them that young. I'd have thought seven or eight years old minimum and then going with other children that they know. Most five year olds want to sleep at home with mum and dad.

If you'd just said, is it ok for me to send my child here even though it's meant for low income families I would have said yes if you'd asked the organisers and explained you didn't need the space but if there was one you'd like it to keep her busy for a week. You said you donate and volunteer already I think. Presumably the other kids that are going there are the same age.

It is your motive behind it that had got people upset and needs a rethink.

“I wanna live like common people” 🎶 🎵

Op already sounds very entrenched in this and religion and praying with other faiths and being aware and conscious of poor people.

As other people said, there is actually poverty and deprivation in many places even hidden within the middle class, and being poor, having little money is a disaster but there are other forms of deprived children and damaged dc, dc who suffer, why stop the learning at only monetary pooor, why not get them into holiday clubs for bereaved kids too, those with drug addict parents..

I'd say op needs to lighten up and look at fun things for her dd to do.

You know, back in Victorian times, it was quite the thing to pay a penny to view the patients in the asylums.
Don't forget your purse of pennies to distribute amongst the deprived kids op!

A week is a poverty safari but wanting to ensure your kids dont grow up privileged dicks is a good thing.

but you do that by the way you raise them, not by where you send them.

You can have the most privileged upbringing and be made aware and learn to help.

You can go to an underprivileged environment and be a dick by showing off because you have more or feel you are better than anyone there.

This reads like you consider poor people to be like zoo animals. It's very odd.

Are you seriously thinking of taking a place from another child who actually needs it so your kid can have the full 'immersive poverty experience'?

Just when you think you've read it all, this pops up 🙄

Mmm your 5 year old will learn so much from comparing her humus dip with a cheese dunker!!!

It’s not a sleep away camp it’s 4 hours a day at the church for activities and lunch, Monday to Friday. It’s not full so wouldn’t be taking a place away from anyone but based on the comments I don’t think I’ll send her.

My own 5 year old daughter has a very sheltered existence

Then do something about that ^^

Taking up a place that is not meant for her (and no matter how many times you pretend you aren't, you definitely are) is not the answer.

It smacks of you wanting to show her how lucky she is, at the expense of the other kids.

I understand what you mean OP and your follow up posts re not taking a space from a deprived child make me think that it would be ok for your DD to attend.
I went to a deprived school up until I was 16 and I think it did make me more compassionate and understanding towards people from different backgrounds. I work in PR now and it is an industry that seems to be filled with well-intentioned middle class people that have no actual understanding of the challenges socially deprived people face.
I do think that your DD is unlikely to take much away from the experience at her age. However, it sounds like this is only part of your plans for keeping your DD grounded.

It’s not a sleep away camp it’s 4 hours a day at the church for activities and lunch, Monday to Friday. It’s not full so wouldn’t be taking a place away from anyone but based on the comments I don’t think I’ll send her.

Actually DO send her. Nevermind MN.

If you're worried about her living in a bubble of privilege, are you going to send her to a state school?

That's a healthier way to give her the opportunity to grow up mixing with kids from a variety of backgrounds, organically and without being some sort of outside spectator.

Op, do you honestly not understand that people ĺike you are the reason that there will be a lesser take up in areas that you claim to want to help ?
Parents with very little except their dignity want tò keep it. They do nòt want their çhilďren exposed to people who consider themselves to be Mc ànd will treat them as though they are pàrt of an onģoing exhibition.

You think you're compassionate because of your ùpbringing maybe you should take a look.
Sorry for aĺl the typos battling illness and lackof sleep.

Disadvantaged children being used as a social experiment FFS 😡😡😡😡😡😡

@CatsArePeople

It’s not a sleep away camp it’s 4 hours a day at the church for activities and lunch, Monday to Friday. It’s not full so wouldn’t be taking a place away from anyone but based on the comments I don’t think I’ll send her.

Actually DO send her. Nevermind MN.

Oh that's different. I thought it was a residential thing.

Let her go and see how she likes it. If she doesn't, she can stop going. Just don't think of it as her mixing with deprived children. She will just play with the other children.

@boireannach

Disadvantaged children being used as a social experiment FFS 😡😡😡😡😡😡

This exactly!

OP is condescending and rude.

I think your post comes over as somewhat patronising ,(possibly unintentionally) However it does somehow smack of a Mrs Bountiful situation .You would send your DD to mix with children who are poor? She is 5 ,she wont know if she is different to them will she? I would personally not send her, and leave places open for children in need .If she attends a state school then she will have a broad mix there . There is no need to force the issue at the expense of a youngster and their family ,who may be glad of a place .Dont forget that although not full now ,there may be some leeway for poor DC who need a place last minute!

Op send her to a normal sport or drama club.

Let her be young and carefree and happy she's five!!
Teaching compassion is a life long thing!

It is good for kids to mix and make friends with less privileged peers, to understand that not every kid has an xbox or even an own room.
At 5 maybe she won't understand much about wealth, but a church club seems like a nice thing. Hope she enjoys.
OP is getting an unnecessery hard time on here.

Wow.

P don't understand now joining a specific church club helps that cat, the children don't sit around sharing x box or material stuff on a questionnaire

I'm confused, you say she's sheltered on one hand,but in the other day she comes with you when you move furniture, donates to food banks, gives away her toys etc...

How much more exposure and awareness does 5yo need??

She's either very aware she has more than others and is aware she needs to help others.

Or you've absolutely not made an impression on her about the fact others may not be as lucky.

Which is it??

@Thisneedsachange As a parent to a 6yo DD I have to tell you this - she is far too young!!!!!!!

My DD is on FSM (though we're very far away from 'deprived' and live in a new social housing home. Right next door, we have a lovely 5 bed detached house owned by the archetypal middle class family (she's a very high powered well renowned Lawyer, he's a Doctor).
They have 2 kids a similar age to mine (they're 8 & 9) and they play together! They have arguments then play together again - just like all kids do. They never EVER discuss or even mention anything related to privilege or anything like that! They're just kids playing together.......

As I said, the eldest is 9 and even he doesn't acknowledge any difference in backgrounds! I once mentioned to a neighbour in front of the kids, that our home is rented from a housing association and the 9yr old asked us what it meant and upon it being explained to him, he just "Oh..." and went off to play with my DD again!

5 is wayyyyyy too young. They simply do not see nor understand these kinds of differences at this age