Mixing with deprived children?

[Thisneedsachange]

I’ve changed my name for this but long term mumsnetter. I had a very sheltered but working class background, but mum was a social worker so I was sent to holiday clubs where she was working - with children from very deprived backgrounds and on child protection plans. My life experiences changed when I got a scholarship to private school and it’s been a middle class bubble since then - but I think those early exposures to how tough life can be for some gas the making of me. It’s made me more compassionate, more politically aware and I’ve volunteered since a teen working with deprived children.
My own 5 year old daughter has a very sheltered existence and so I’m thinking of sending her to a free church holiday club at the church I grew up with for a week this summer. It’s free because it’s a very deprived ward. We do have one friend who will go so she will be fine. As a child some things I was exposed to in these schemes aimed at deprived children really shocked me - bad language, bad behaviour, unhappy families..but by my teens I understood what was going on.
Am I unwise to consider this?
I contribute to the funds (although we don’t worship there as not Christian) so not concerned about taking financial advantage, just wondering if I should wait until my daughter is older to have these experiences?

Re being set to a church thing.. One of the most uncomfortable times of my life I was sent for some bizarre reason to stay a night or two with my sisters husbands sister and her dh and two dc to some hideous sea side town, u remember sitting in a chalet and the mum severely reprimanded the child for farting but the worst part was having to go on a god march through the town with the people I'm with holding huge placards and banners.
I felt so out of place it was excruciating.

@Lemonmelonsun

Re being set to a church thing.. One of the most uncomfortable times of my life I was sent for some bizarre reason to stay a night or two with my sisters husbands sister and her dh and two dc to some hideous sea side town, u remember sitting in a chalet and the mum severely reprimanded the child for farting but the worst part was having to go on a god march through the town with the people I'm with holding huge placards and banners. I felt so out of place it was excruciating.

I grew up, went to schools and was taught by Godfearing Catholics who never let a day go by without telling me how I was destined to hell and damnation on account of everything and anything.

Like to think the particularly vile religious folk like that are few and far between nowadays but there are and will always be vile humans I guess.

That must have been savage for you to have to do as a kid. Holy shit :(

Pinni, it was nt savage at all, it was just a march and deeply strange overly religious atmosphere, even then I could feel it wasn't right!

I was raised catholic and sometimes taken to church however but this was on a creepy different level.

If your mum was a social worker did you really grow up in a working class background OP?

Very interesting responses.
Unanimous that I come across as condescending, patronising..ouch ..
Unanimous that 5 is too young to be in an unfamiliar environment.

I wouldn’t be taking a place away from a child who needs it - most of the target group will (rightly) be attending private summer schemes using the
HAF funding and we have encouraged this as a great opportunity for the children to have new and different (and expensive) experiences.

I’m keen for my daughter to learn about Christianity- we are of another faith ( ethnic minority) so don’t take communion but we recognise and respect Christian teachings, and we have attended church for years on the invitation of the church groups I volunteer with. We respect Jesus as a prophet and try to live by his teachings so we are more than happy to engage in Christian prayer and pray regularly with our Christian friends

@Lemonmelonsun

Pinni, it was nt savage at all, it was just a march and deeply strange overly religious atmosphere, even then I could feel it wasn't right!

I was raised catholic and sometimes taken to church however but this was on a creepy different level.

Yeah it sounds it. From how you describe it I get Westboro Baptist Church vibes. I was given back and told to rewrite the essay I did for RE at school because it asked for a written argument on pro-life issues and that's what I did.

The general concensus was that we were supposed to be anti-abortion and outline all the different and wonderful ways women will be damned to a fiery hell etc only I didn't get on board with that - not to be deliberately contrary or anything I just didn't agree with the idea or understand any of it. Didn't get why God would be such a twat to people and send babies to purgatory if they were unfortunate to die before their parents could get them christened and the more questions like that I had the worst and longer detentions I got.

My daughter did RE GCSE and had a coursework assignment to give a modern day version of Jesus or how he might be portrayed now but based on what he was then. She created the most epic CV and driving license for "Mr Jesus Christ" and was given A* for it.

There's a lot you can take from nearly every different religious or spiritual belief that's good and an excellent tool for just being a good human being. You don't have to follow any one of them either you can still dip in and out and savour the good stuff

@Rosehip10 Im a social worker and consider myself working class (not that I'm a massive fan of the class system) I live on a council estate, DD attends an academy and DS goes to a Surestart Nursery. I couldn't afford to buy a house even if I wanted to, I have a mix of friends. I suppose some would say I'm middle class but I don't feel that I am, DF was a taxi driver and DM was a cook, cleaner and then a homeless support worker.

In regards to holiday clubs, they should be for those needing childcare regardless of their home circumstances and I would pick based on how they are going to care for my child rather than the financial situation of the other children's parents!

@FourTeaFallOut

Look, I think Jarvis Cocker had this nailed, it's best to start in a supermarket.

🤣🤣brill

Yes probably not as extreme as West Brough Church, but a heavy strangeness, like they had nothing else.

A small immersion I suppose into the heavier religious environments and just feeling dreadfully out of place. Totally agree that most religion texts will have some philosophy we can all benefit from but dipping in and out and taking from ehrywhre I reckon is more healthy.

Op please go easy on your dd, it all sounds very heavy, life is heavy enough without drowning the poor child in depression.

Small dc have wondeful gift to see and enjoy magic in life first.... They will soon learn about the world in all its brutal glory

Why don't you actually go out and make friends with these "deprived" people, invite them round to your house for playdates and truly cultivate a lasting friendship between your child and these children. Move your daughter to the nearest school in a poor catchment area. But I'm guessing you don't really want your daughter to see these people as contemporarys.

Put your money where your mouth is, OP, and send your daughter to a state school with a lot of disadvantaged children. No? Because it would disadvantage her?

Put your money where your mouth is, OP, and send your daughter to a state school with a lot of disadvantaged children. No?
Oh stop, OP started from a place of misplaced kindness.
For reassurance OP disadvantaged DC are overall happy, as long as they're not neglected there is a lot to learn and enjoy from a wc childhood.
You can borrow a cup of sugar from a neighbour, chat about how shit life is no pretences, help each other out, no shame in needing help.
School does a lot to embrace these DC.
The biggest issue they have as when they grow up and realise they're life will be judged, the status is there they're wc.
That comes from higher up people.
If you want to change things call out snobbery.

@EmeraldShamrock

Put your money where your mouth is, OP, and send your daughter to a state school with a lot of disadvantaged children. No? Oh stop, OP started from a place of misplaced kindness. For reassurance OP disadvantaged DC are overall happy, as long as they're not neglected there is a lot to learn and enjoy from a wc childhood. You can borrow a cup of sugar from a neighbour, chat about how shit life is no pretences, help each other out, no shame in needing help. School does a lot to embrace these DC. The biggest issue they have as when they grow up and realise they're life will be judged, the status is there they're wc. That comes from higher up people. If you want to change things call out snobbery.

I’m certain the OP started with the best of misguided intentions. I’m simply pointing out that her well-intentioned poverty safari is carefully chosen to leave the status quo exactly as it is. It’s pretty much ‘Eat your greens because there are children starving in the world.’

@Thisneedsachange For you.
There are plenty of people who could offer these DC work experience instead of them sweeping the floor at the local hairdressers and other opportunities.
At least you're considering them.
Food bank drop off is a good deed without guilt for DD.

Absolute div 🙄.
Ffs.

Well yes the visit would be pointless for anyone but herself.

Potentially accidentally your post sounds condescending. Sending your child you 'experience' the poor shouty feral kids at a free church club doesn't come across well. Taking a spot that another child needs so that your child gets (limited) one time exposure to 'poor children' so she appreciates her comfortable lifestyle also doesn't come across well. Taking away a spot from a kid that may actually need this, so your kid has a better sense of great fullness for her lifestyle, I personally wouldn't.

OP don't send your child to the holiday club. She could be taking up a place for a child who desperately needs it. You can obviously afford to send your child to a paid holiday club.
You sound so "virtuous" allowing your little darling to be surrounded by poverty and deprivation please don't subject the church holiday club children to tour attitude problems. Its not there for a learning opportunity for your child. Just don't it sounds awful.

It sounds like you still have absolutely no idea why this is an awful idea.

God I can’t imagine the humiliation of finding out the holiday camp you’re (or your child is) at because you are considered deprived is being frequented by a girl whose mother thinks she should mix with the deprived to teach her how privileged she is. So many people who have never experienced it have no clue what it is to be deprived, the utter degradation that comes with being othered by those more fortunate.

OP, I get what you are trying to achieve and find others here have been quite harsh.

To me, it seems clear your heart is in the right place.

Without sending your very young daughter to that camp, there are other things you can do to foster her sense of compassion and altruism.

Some of my friends have taken their kids to volunteer at soup kitchens or foodbanks. Sometimes serving a holiday meal, or more regularly.

When I was a child my Mother delivered meals on wheels to our community's needy elderly. She brought me along many times and I saw first hand what poverty and disability can do. It really opened my eyes and I remember it still.

There are so many needs and opportunities,

A lot of unkind trolling going on in this thread over OPs basically kind (but somewhat misplaced) intentions.

A 4/5 year old is too young to learn from such experiences. Other children, whatever their background, will simply be companions to play with.

Far better to teach your child when she becomes older by encouraging her to volunteer at a food-bank or local charity for the homeless. She will then learn directly from her own experinces rather than vicariously.

Her intentions are you make actual real live people a learning experience for her child. So she can show off how bountiful she is.

It’s literally slum tourism.

I absolutely cannot stand people who come to “do good for the poor” with the condescending attitude the op does. It’s demeaning and belittling of those they profess to help. It’s not treating the “poor” as equals.

It’s the equivalent of the gap year build a school for the African children.

@shouldistop

Deprived children aren't there to educate your child. Your post has made me feel quite uncomfortable actually.

I thought that too.

It was different for you, op. You went along with your mum and it was no doubt good for you to have experience of being with kids from different backgrounds; were it not for your mother's job you wouldn't have gone.

Your daughter is only five. She might not want to be away from home for a week anyway but to thrust her into an alien environment would be quite frightening.

There are ways of gently making children aware that not everyone has such a good life but they are still people worthy of respect; without being patronising.

Your girl is too young to be thrust in at the deep end, without you being there.

For me I dont get everyone saying shes too young, why is that? Too young to go to a holiday club? Are none of your 5 year olds going to a holiday club this summer? My 5 year old would love to do this. And she has a friend going too.

If its the angle that she wont gain anything in relation to the world view thing then I totally dont agree, surely the whole point is that she has lasting friends from all backgrounds and normalising/establishing it when they are young is better than suddenly realising your kid is a privaliged dick and sending them on a more 'gap year' style awakening when they are older.
I think the OP is coming from a good place but needs to start off with the holiday club and make actual friends there, if dd makes friends there enable a proper lasting friendship group and do playdates etc. A week is a poverty safari but wanting to ensure your kids dont grow up privileged dicks is a good thing.