AIBU to ask what stopped you breastfeeding (if you wanted to)

[IonaLeg]

Hi all. I have been asked to help set up a breastfeeding peer support group in my area. I’m thinking about the kinds of advice and support it would be useful to offer. I was wondering if I could garner some opinions.

This isn’t for people who chose not to breastfeed and were happy with that choice - I think that’s a completely valid decision, and every woman’s right to decide what’s best for her and her baby. I have absolutely nothing against formula, which is a great alternative to breastfeeding which gives babies all the nutrition they need. I don’t think women who are happy with the choice to formula feed need advice or support - happy mums and babies don’t need anyone else getting involved.

The question is more for women who wanted to breastfeed, but it didn’t work out. Statistics suggest there is a large gulf between the percentage of women who want to try breastfeeding before their babies are born, and those who actually breastfeed for any length of time. This suggests there are lots of women who want to breastfeed, but it doesn’t work out for them.

If this was your experience, would you mind sharing what the challenges you faced were? For example, was it pain, undiagnosed tongue tie, lack of support at home, poor advice or instruction, inadequate supply, public shaming (or fear of this) etc. And, is there anything you can think of which would have helped you with these challenges?

I’ll share my story too, in the interests of fairness - I was able to breastfeed, but only because I have a midwife in my family and she gave me daily advice and support on getting a good latch (and millions of other questions). I’ve since been able to offer help to other members of my family who had their babies after me.

That’s why I’m really keen on this support group - to see if we can help other women benefit from peer support and advice. We have a midwife involved, but she thinks peer support is really crucial.

Thanks so much in advance if you’re able to respond.

DD was born at 33 weeks and wasn't strong enough to suckle, so had to be tube fed. I pumped for her so she still got colostrum and then breastmilk.

As she got stronger we started trying to get her to feed. I tried breastfeeding but it just didn't work. She tried but she just wasn't strong enough to get any milk out and she tired quickly. On the other hand, when the nurses gave her a bottle she did much better. Eventually she was otherwise healthy and just needed to go 48 hours without a tube feed to be allowed home.

I really, really wanted to take her home. This was in November and covid restrictions meant no one, not even my husband, could come on with me. I was lonely, exhausted from twice-daily drives back and forth and sick of leaving my baby behind in hospital. I probably could have persevered with direct breastfeeding, but I think we'd have been in hospital for another two weeks, so I just gave her expressed milk in a bottle.

Once we were home I did try breastfeeding a couple more times but it just wasn't clicking, and meanwhile she was devouring her bottles. I ditched breastfeeding and focused on exclusive pumping. For four months she got nothing but expressed milk in a bottle. By four months, though, she was getting aware enough that she hated being ignored for what added up to two hours a day while I pumped, and I was ragged with exhaustion, so we gradually switched to formula and I was finally freed from the awfulness that is lactation.

I gave up at about 3 months with dd despite really wanting to continue due to pnd. The pnd led to me feeling really claustrophobic and “touched out” by the act of feeding. I desperately needed to have my DH do some of the feeds for me.

I didn’t have any pnd with ds and am still feeding him now at 2 years.

I wish I’d found a way to manage with Dd but it felt unbearable. 😔

Managed to breastfeed my first but only out of pure bloody mindedness and because I advise my patients to, I thought I should.

Hurt like he'll for first month. Latch was fine, no tongue tie, had multiple midwives and breastfeeding consultants check the latch.

Basically I had fed almost constantly second 12 hours baby was alive and my nipples were then raw and took weeks and weeks to heal.

I asked a midwife for help on the post partum ward and they asked me which formula I wanted

Post party ward breastfeeding support was crap tbf. Completely understaffed and caring for C section mums who needed more help reaching baby etc

Had to stop to conceive a second. The second was still B feeding 2-3hly overnight at 1.5-2y so I think have to be realistic witg working mums that bedsharing may be the only wat

Way

My milk dried up. I was having issues and spent hours talking to midwives, breast feeding consultants, BF support network…

It was actually a medical reason. I hadn’t slept in weeks as feeding was going so badly and even though a few people said ‘no idea why it’s not working, just keep trying’. Not one suggested I see a doctor and in my muddled state it didn’t occur to me either.
I actually think I could have still fed a bit with mixed feeding. But you are always told it will ruin your supply. I actually think it would have helped mine.

I pumped, bottle & breastfed ( only an evening feed which was lovely & the odd top up of formula)

His latch was not good, I had to use a nipple shied & pumping seemed 'easier'.

My health visitor looked at me like I had two heads when I said I was pumping telling me it wasn't a realistic option - well 7 months in she's been proved wrong!

I do wish HV & Midwifes were more open to & educated about pumping, I had to get support from a Facebook group as they were useless and quite hostile to pumping as an option.

My milk just never came in. I have a thyroid issue and lost a lot of blood after his birth which I think didn't help. I tried for 2 days and by that point he was starving so I was advised to give a bottle, which I did.

With my first I was so anxious. I had an older relative who had exclusively formla fed telling me to give him the bottle as you can see what he's getting..everytime he cried she would say he is hungry and needs a bottle. He obviously isn't get enough. I listened instead of letting my instinct tell me better. Plus my husband was saying that he needed a schedule 3-4 hourly feeding and I listened in that first week. God I was naive and a bit stupid.

My DD was born with a serious physical disability that had been undetected on scans. I’d been in labour for days, had a horrific forceps delivery, biggest shock of my life re her undetected disability (ptsd flash backs for years) and then no food or drink for many hours as I was overlooked. I tried and tried to feed but no milk every properly came in. I had a hospital grade pump, midwives trying, lactation person at hospital. I actually wonder if it was natures way - in past no milk would have meant baby much more likely to die and so my body was trying to do kindest thing. Not something that’s spoken about. DD ended up tube fed and after a week there postnatally midwife said just bottle feed so you can go home so I did. I tried breastfeeding at home but no luck.