AIBU to ask what stopped you breastfeeding (if you wanted to)

[IonaLeg]

Hi all. I have been asked to help set up a breastfeeding peer support group in my area. I’m thinking about the kinds of advice and support it would be useful to offer. I was wondering if I could garner some opinions.

This isn’t for people who chose not to breastfeed and were happy with that choice - I think that’s a completely valid decision, and every woman’s right to decide what’s best for her and her baby. I have absolutely nothing against formula, which is a great alternative to breastfeeding which gives babies all the nutrition they need. I don’t think women who are happy with the choice to formula feed need advice or support - happy mums and babies don’t need anyone else getting involved.

The question is more for women who wanted to breastfeed, but it didn’t work out. Statistics suggest there is a large gulf between the percentage of women who want to try breastfeeding before their babies are born, and those who actually breastfeed for any length of time. This suggests there are lots of women who want to breastfeed, but it doesn’t work out for them.

If this was your experience, would you mind sharing what the challenges you faced were? For example, was it pain, undiagnosed tongue tie, lack of support at home, poor advice or instruction, inadequate supply, public shaming (or fear of this) etc. And, is there anything you can think of which would have helped you with these challenges?

I’ll share my story too, in the interests of fairness - I was able to breastfeed, but only because I have a midwife in my family and she gave me daily advice and support on getting a good latch (and millions of other questions). I’ve since been able to offer help to other members of my family who had their babies after me.

That’s why I’m really keen on this support group - to see if we can help other women benefit from peer support and advice. We have a midwife involved, but she thinks peer support is really crucial.

Thanks so much in advance if you’re able to respond.

My first I breastfed for maybe 5 days (I can't remember for sure) the reasons I stopped:

• traumatic birth (I had a EMCS under a GA and my DS was resuscitated and needed assistance breathing after birth. He was fine in the end and back with me by the end of the day but the whole thing had a massive impact on my mental health.)
• lack of support from HCP once I was discharged from hospital. I was told 'it's ok to give a bottle' on the phone rather than being given any option of having someone come out to give in person support. This was 5 years ago so no covid restrictions.
• pain. I cried in pain every time he latched on, at the time I had no idea what the issue was and I just couldn't seem to get him to latch correctly.

My second DS is 9 months old and is still EBF (alongside solids now of course). From the word go he was a dream to feed. We had some pain (I developed a blister on one nipple in hospital) but I was given a lot of support in hospital & I was told where to access support when we got home. I had also done my own research into support for breastfeeding in my area and had read A LOT about technique, latch, position etc so felt much more well equipped. I have needed to access support, I was unsure if he had a tongue tie or not (slight posterior, not causing an issue) and a couple of other things, this support was provided as I needed it by peer supporters & HCP if required.

I'm not sure if it's just that in my area services have improved significantly in the last 5 years or if I was more prepared, more determined, in a much better place mentally, had a much more positive birth second time etc. I had an elective section but baby was to me right away & as soon as he'd had an NG tube in & out (excess waters) he latched on for almost 40 minutes.

I'm currently ebf DS3 (and ebf ds1&2 as well).

I got pregnant with Ds2 when ds1 was only 8m. Omg my breasts were soooo sore at points during the pregnancy, I got Raynaud's in my nipples (had an allotment and livestock so not going out in Jan/Feb wasn't an option) - those hand warmer pads helped.

After Ds2 was born I got nursing aversion towards ds1; psychologically it was awful and made me feel so ashamed. I really wanted to keep feeding him but as soon as he would latch on I would experience total fury/revulsion - like I could have thrown him across the room. I had to wean him for both of us. Apparently it's quite normal BUT no one told me. I weaned Ds2 while pregnant with DS3 to avoid the risk of it happening again.

Probably not what you're asking, but I BFed until about 17 months.

I was then SO READY to give up, but DD loved it and had other ideas.

I spoke to a HV and the NCT breastfeeding line, both of whom went on about how good BFing was.

Yes, it is, it's amazing. I'm so so glad I did it. But at 17 months I should have been helped with info about how to stop, not just heard bleating about antibodies that is far more relevant to a newborn than a toddler.

I then spoke to a brilliant no fuss GP, who told me to just stop, and get DH to take over when I was physically having to fight her off to prevent her feeding.

So obvious, but so lost in the 'BFing is wonderful till they're in reception' rhetoric from some.

In the early days I went to a BFing group once, and was so put off by there being a mansplaining dad there that I never went again. I really think these things should be women only.

Baby wouldn't latch, was re admitted to hospital after 1 day for jaundice and tried tirelessly to access support. When I finally did was told baby was asleep so wait for next feed, he was quite badly jaundice at this point so needed to be woken to feed!

I exclusively breastfed for 12 months despite dealing with having a tongue tie twice, silent reflux and cmpa which meant I had to cut all dairy from my diet.

It was such an incredibly tough year but my lo's refusal to take a bottle at all meant I didn't really have much choice but to continue.

I was told not to express any milk until at least 8 weeks or I'd mess up my supply and I think that was a massive factor in why I my lo didn't take to a bottle and in hindsight I would have done it a lot sooner.
So support on combi feeding options would have been so helpful ☺️

Stopped with DS1 when he was 8 months old as I was 5 months pregnant with DS2 and had had enough

I’ve read at least one other poster with the same, but my DS was born weighing 10lbs. As soon as he was placed on my chest he was rooting around and pretty much starting cluster feeding immediately. A breastfeeding consultant checked the latch and my colostrum supply and said it all looked good but baby was wanting to feed for 45 minutes every hour. When it came to leaving the hospital I was discharged at 2pm but it took us until 6pm for him to stop feeding long enough to actually get him in the car seat to go and as soon as we got home he was back on the boob.

The breastfeeding consultant in hospital admitted that although he’d taken to it really well he would be a really difficult baby to BF and arranged specialist support for me once I was home, but they never came. The midwives just shrugged and suggested combi feeding but couldn’t advise on what to do and complained he was losing too much weight.

After a difficult labour I just couldn’t feed him and nobody could advise on combi feeding and so I switched to FF and he absolutely thrived on it. At his peak he was on 1.5L of formula a day and I’m not sure it’s realistic that I would have been able to produce that much.

I think for any support, what’s important is that if you say there will be help then actually provide it. Perhaps there should be more advice on breastfeeding babies that are big (and probably same for small and premature ones) and more info on how to combi feed.

@Standrewsschool

The best solution for me was a mixture of both - breast and bottled fed. I found it difficult to exclusively breast feed, but didn’t want to stop doing it, so mixed it up. Mums are told breast OR bottle, and not often told they can do both.

This! I'm an out and proud combi feeder! Made all the more easier by having friends and an amazing midwife supporting me in my decision and advising how to do this effectively. It took me longer to accept combi feeding the first time... the mum guilt over breastfeeding is real but this time around I started combi feeding from 2 weeks when my milk was established and it's made breastfeeding so much easier and a nicer experience. A lot of mums I know quit breastfeeding due to pain and the constant feeding thinking it's all or nothing and it doesn't need to be. My baby has 2 bottles a day and it just gives me that respite to spend time with my other daughter. This is just what works for me but I genuinely feel there needs to be more education for mums on combi feeding and not just exclusive breastfeeding.

I would also add that after a difficult and traumatising labour and adjusting to actually having a small person to look after, I just didn’t have the mental capacity to seek help on breastfeeding. To be successful I probably would have needed someone to advocate for me and get that support to me on my behalf. DH was also quite traumatised from the labour so he didn’t have the headspace either. We just weren’t in a position to seek it out for ourselves and the midwives weren’t helpful.

@IonaLeg

Mixed feeding is such a good point. I never did it because I was scared of what I had read about dwindling supply etc - as well as a weird Puritan sense that I would have ‘failed’ if I did it. Some useful, honest, accurate information about it would have helped me enormously. That’s a great suggestion already, thank you.

Yep I definitely felt the guilt with mixed feeding with my first and worries about supply. I wish I had been told your boobs quickly adjust and not scaremongering about how my baby will get nipple confusion/my milk supply will go. It might happen with some mums but none of the mums I know who combi feed have had this problem.

Yy to the pp saying postnatal ward not by neonatal.

At hospital to get from my postnatal ward to neonatal involved a few corridors and a big flight of stairs. It was brutal after a c section. Not to mention the part where they won't let you sleep there overnight once you've been discharged - makes it really difficult to get bf going.

DD seemed to latch OK and fed for 10/15 minutes at a time right from the off.

Then one night, at about 2/3 days old, she didn't wake during the night. Early morning 2/3am I tried to wake her for a feed as she would normally have woken several times by then. She wouldn't wake, and when we did get her to rouse a little she wouldn't even try to latch.

I had a pack of those instant formula bottles with the teats, and we managed to get about 5ml into her. We saw the midwife first thing, and were sent into hospital where DD went back to latching and feeding for 10/15 mins at a time so we were sent home after one night. Having been observed and told everything was fine.

At 5 days old DD was back in hospital with a mystery rash. By this time I was getting worried that her nappies were never wet. I told every nurse and midwife i saw but they all said modern nappies are very good, they won't feel wet, it's all fine. I'm not stupid, I cna tell the difference between a completely dry nappy and a used one. They even had indicator strips on, but no. I was clearly an over anxious ftm.

3 days into our stay, in total desperation, I tore open a used nappy in front of a midwife and said 'see, there's nothing in there, she's been wearing this for hours!'

All hell broke loose - 'are you telling me we have a newborn that's not had a wet nappy in 3 days and no one's done anything?!' she shouted at me. 'Yes!! That's what I've been saying! No one would listen!'

So I started expressing and bottle feeding. And she put on 100g in 24 hrs.

I've never felt so guilty. My brand new tiny baby was literally starving.

I really wanted to bf. After a couple of days a midwife gently told me she thought the problem was I have large nipples (having never paid any attention to other women's nipples I had no frame of reference.) DD just couldn't get enough breast in her mouth to feed. We just didn't fit together.

I said I really wanted to bf. Could someone help? Different holds maybe?

A lactation consultant came after a day and a half. She told me DD had a small tongue tie. (I had asked multiple people if she might have a tie. They all said no, without looking in her mouth. The most common response was 'if she has a tongue tie someone would have told you by now') she said that it was a 'feedable tie'. That if I wanted to BF I had to stop expressing right now, and not use another bottle. She was going to put it on my notes that I wasn't to be given my breast milk from the fridge, even if I asked for it. And she left, without seeing me even try to feed DD.

I went to the nurse and cried. That I couldn't do it, that she didn't help me, and that I was terrified of starving my baby again.

She gave me a hug, and told me not to worry, that they would let me keep expressing and bottle feeding. And maybe when DD had grown a bit she would be able to latch. But it's OK, and I could use formula too, if I wanted. Fed was best.

We went home a couple of days later, and I lasted 3 weeks of pumping. The home pumps aren't as good as the hospital ones, it took a long time. And the trying to pump in the middle of the night, which was inevitably the only stretch DD slept, was torture. If I wasn't pumping, I was reheating and feeding a bottle.

I felt awful giving it up, because it felt like I was choosing what was easy for me over what was best for DD. But DP was back at work, I was alone, and I just couldn't do it anymore. Looking back, it was the right thing to do. DD needed a mum that was awake and aware, not a zombie. But I still feel guilty that if I'd just hung in there for a few months, would she have been able to bf then? She's nearly 5yo now, and I still cried writing this.

I didn't even feel able to approach the BF woman that came to the ante natal classes, as she was all about how much easier it was than bottle feeding, and how it's instinct, and you just have to listen to your body and baby. I couldn't imagine her actually listening to me when I physically couldn't fit enough breast in DDs mouth. Even googling it just brought up 'it rarely happens, so we won't discuss that'

BF failed for me at 9 weeks when DS went on nursing strike. We were misdiagnosed with thrush so I didn’t try to relatch him while that was treated; it turned out to be a wrongful diagnosis, but it was too late- my supply had plummeted and my mental health had divebombed as the hormones crashed far too suddenly.

I kept hand expressing and pumping for the most miserable six weeks of my life, trying to rebuild supply, to no avail. It just made me so mentally ill. We were using nipple shields too as DS had got used to them before his TT was cut, and that added to making it too difficult for him to relatch and rebuild the supply.

Without a shadow of a doubt one of the hardest things I’ve ever endured. I would still try to breastfeed in future, but women absolutely need to made aware - in advance - that things like this can happen. I was not, although (ironically) I had read a lot about how hard it can be, but it’s not so easy to just “stop” when you have a supply and you’re emotionally attached to continuing. It broke me.

I’m still BF but my little one struggled in the early days and we had to stay in hospital longer because we couldn’t leave until he was feeding properly (he refused to latch) I think if my midwives hadn’t been so good and supportive I probably would have given up on it and given a bottle just to get home! The midwives in the hospital were brilliant though, really good at offering suggestions on different positions, helping with expressing etc. The big thing for me was just them helping to build up my confidence. I was expecting to do two weeks and we are now 6 months in.

I have IGT - insufficient glandular tissue. You sound lovely OP so please make sure your members have access to information on this if they have severe low supply. All the experts say ‘most’ women can BF, well, I’m the percentage who just does not make milk. I went through hell with my first baby trying everything but there was no milk. On the second I had access to a fantastic BCLC who correctly diagnosed me and I did as much as I could including expressing collustrum and taking so many supplements that I rattled. My max production was 1/4 of my new borns needs so I kept that to with round the clock pumping then bowed out at 11 weeks. If someone comes to you saying their boobs never changed, or there was no feeling of milk ‘coming in’ or if they have distinct physical characteristics like a flat gap between the breasts please get them to speak to an expert. Sadly lots of nurses etc don’t have a clue and there was no point telling me to eat porridge or do skin to skin

The 'paying women to breastfeed' studies, at least those that I'm aware of, also all had ongoing medical support, professionals they could turn to to discuss issues alongside community discussion and financial incentives. It's likely all three components played a part - getting supplies to make breastfeeding more comfortable can be expensive too.

I stopped earlier than I would have liked with my younger 2 because of pain in my breasts. They were over a year at that point, so not really comparable to many of the other stories, but having last found out the pain and some of the other symptoms I had were linked to nutritional deficiencies (shocker - being pregnant and/or breastfeed for a decade is depleting), I wish there had been support back then about making sure to meet one's own physical needs beyond the many comments I heard then that to fulfill the extra calories, we just need a couple slices of toast. While it may help some, I think a more open talk as many said about the pains and needs when breastfeeding to care for ourselves is important to helping more who want to breastfeeding, alongside the many types of support others discussed.

I did EBF until 6 months and carried on feeding until well after my DS's first birthday, but it was a bit hair-raising at times.

Firstly DS was on the tiny side at 6lb 4oz. He was born 4 days before his due date so not prem but just was (and is) a small child. He was a sleepy newborn and I had lots of colostrum but he didn't latch. I was in hospital for 2 nights after he was born trying to get him to latch with midwives on hand and was giving him expressed colostrum from a syringe every few hours too. Eventually one of the midwives sized up my boobs and my baby, and suggested I try rugby ball position and that cracked it.

However by then I'd been in hospital more than 2 nights. I had a side room to myself with DS, which I think was just sheer luck in terms of what was available after I gave birth. I didn't ask why I wasn't on the ward because I was scared they'd say there'd been a mistake! They wouldn't discharge me until either DS had fed for 10 minutes and I'd latched him on myself, or I'd agreed to give him formula. I did want to BF but I reckon if I'd been on the noisy ward and sleep deprived etc I would probably have just decide to give formula after the first night and that might have been the end of it.

So 1. A private hospital room and supportive midwives immediately after birth made me carry on.

Then at his 6 week check he had dropped down a centile, which given he was small to start off with was worrying. At that point his GP didn't suggest formula, just getting him weighed 2-weekly and monitoring. So 2. A GP who was either quite pro-breastfeeding or prepared to admit she wasn't a specialist.

I then booked an appointment with a lactation consultant who diagnosed a tongue tie but also taught me about switch feeding and breast compressions to maximise my supply. This all made a huge difference and DS's weight went back up over the centile line he'd dropped. My supply went up noticeably and DS started sleeping for longer stretches. This was when he was 7 weeks. So 3. Specialist support. (And it wasn't cheap).

I think undiagnosed tongue tie is obviously an issue for some babies, but I don't think it's the be all and end all either and tongue tie isn't all or nothing.

And then the fourth thing that made me carry on with EBF was actually lockdown. The first lockdown started when DS was 3 months old and honestly there was nothing much else to do apart from sit on the sofa feeding and lie in bed feeding and sometimes for a break, feed in the garden. I hated lockdown but it was great for breastfeeding. So I think an uninterrupted place and time where you aren't worried about going places, feeding in public, whether baby is feeding too much or too little compared with other babies you know, etc, can be really helpful. Hopefully some of that can be replicated without a deadly pandemic/shutting down the entire economy

C section baby, breastfeeding wouldn't satisfy him so nurses in the hospital recommended the bottle. He was baby number 2. Baby 1 and 3 exclusively bottle fed. No regrets, and all babies grown up now and perfectly fine. This was 27 years ago.

I am currently breastfeeding for the second time, but only because I am incredibly, stupidly stubborn. Things that would have made things easier:

• proper birth checks for tongue tie
• knowing that if your baby has a lip tie they will have a tongue tie too, even if no one has actually looked for it
• knowing that tongue tie cutting is fine and helpful, not a terrible thing to agonise over as a new parent
• whatever helps is fine. I've used nipple shields, a bit of formula and gel patches in my bra. All helpful, none a sign of failure
• if you can persevere through the first few weeks it does get much much better. Tiny babies have tiny mouths and don't know what they are doing. This is why a cash incentive is well documented to help. It gives people a smallish length of time to aim for at which point it often has become easier and more comfortable.

With my first no support given at hospital after the birth and none once released. Baby wouldn’t latch at all, found out later severe tongue tie. Pumped for 6 months.
With my second, fought more for support (gave birth in a midwife led centre, accessed local breastfeeding charity, got referred for tongue tie) and got her tongues tie sorted. We are 4 months in and breastfeeding is going really well.

With my DS it was a combination of things. Emergency section and I'd lost a lot of blood so was a bit of a mess, low birth weight and ultimately undiagnosed tongue tie. Struggled from day 1 with a poor latch and him falling asleep really quickly when feeding so midwives advised to top him up. The BF support in my hospital was brilliant, but getting home it just didn't work so well. Kept persisting but eventually by about 4 months I'd given up as he preferred the bottle and it wasn't a struggle. Didn't get the TT referral I had to push for until 5 months when he wasn't BF any more. I really wanted to BF and felt that I'd really let him down, even though I know that fed is best!

With my DD I convinced (and prepared) myself I wouldn't be able to BF, that I'd have the same issues but fortunately it's gone really well. I did notice though the BF support in the same hospital was non-existent this time, whether this was covid related or second time mum i'm not sure.

My second baby, who'd spent her first month in SCBU, never showed much interest in latching on. I got on brilliantly with a hospital-grade breastpump, which bought me plenty of time to work on the problem. i had frequent help from an eminent BF specialist, so I was sure we could figure it out. But she couldn't really crack it either. (She did get the baby latched on once! And I got her on maybe three times, but not for long. In five months of trying.)

Years later, I read that seizure-prone babies like mine often exhibit very irritable behaviour at the breast and this problem is not very rare for them.

I did carry on expressing for a very long time indeed, which was hard work but a comfort to me. It was a relief when I decided to stop trying to BF - which felt like a constant string of failures - and focus instead on doing what was working well.

My first baby was very easy to breastfeed and I never had any problems at all really apart from needing a bit of initial support to start out which was easily given by the midwives that I saw.

My second baby I think I never would have had a chance if I hadn't had a load of previous knowledge and info.

He was born at a hospital that didn't have a nicu. I was under the impression that if he needed special care, he'd be transferred urgently and I'd be transferred when there was a spare ambulance. This never happened. So he was taken away 90 minutes after he was born. I asked to feed him before he went, thinking that would hold him over for a couple of hours until I got there, but because this didn't happen and I wasn't available, they gave him formula. I don't object because what else was he supposed to have in those 30 hours or so before I was able to be with him? But I do feel like I didn't have any say or input.

I was given a breast pump but no instructions. I had to Google how to use it effectively. Because it was colostrum I was trying to collect it just kept getting stuck in the pump mechanism. The support was being given the pump. Nobody told me I should have been pumping within the first 6 hours and I was only given a couple of syringes to collect milk with. Nobody showed me the hand expression technique which I now know is much more effective.

After badgering the staff all day eventually it was agreed that I could be discharged as long as I could walk to the toilet and back. So I forced myself to do this even though really I should have been resting. I got discharged at 6pm. There were no visiting hours for SCBU but I wasn't allowed to sleep there, eat there, shower and so on so I had to go home to do these things anyway. When I got there I asked to breastfeed again, but the overalls we had to wear didn't have any opening for it and also it wasn't a designated feed time, so nobody would support me to do this. It didn't really occur to me to just do it anyway. I had one hour to hold my baby (he was sleeping) and that felt like it passed in about five minutes. Then DH (who I was reliant on to drive me) insisted that we go as he was anxious about disturbing his routine.

I had an electric pump on prescription but again nobody to show me how to use it and it was totally useless. No more syringes so I was trying to collect the milk in a little bottle. I still had no idea how often I was supposed to be pumping and had to Google it. Luckily, I knew how to identify a good source.

They told me if I came back between 9-10am, I could breastfeed him, so I did this and when we got there, they were just getting him ready to move to a normal ward so I wasn't able to breastfeed after all. I went off into a side room to pump instead.

So we were moved into the children's ward and I was admitted as a rooming in parent. Because I wasn't a patient, I didn't have access to the breastfeeding support that patients did, although I did at least get fed. In UK hospitals I wouldn't have as I wasn't classed as breastfeeding at this point (!)

They kept telling me excitedly that he'd taken 50ml or 70ml of formula. There had been absolutely no effort made to protect breastfeeding. I was dismayed but if I hadn't known, I might not even have known this was a bad thing.

Luckily he latched on easily, but I was supposed to fill in a record of what he'd had to drink and his nappy changes, so I did this. I had no idea what to put for volume so I just put breastfeed for 1 hour. They were horrified by this and said it was far too long and I must only feed him for ten minutes each side or he would get exhausted. I didn't understand the reasoning for this, as normal newborn feeds are long. Nobody was there to explain that it was because he was sleepy/weak and needed the easy calories from formula. They brought formula after every feed and wanted me to top him up. There was no plan put in place for how I would get back to full breastfeeding, so I just waited for my milk to come in (which didn't happen until day 6). I ended up asking for the plan and was told to do weighted feeds and if he was getting less than 30-50g breastmilk, then I must top him up. That was it - I wasn't even shown how to do a weighted feed. So I googled it again as I was sure I'd read it was unhelpful. It ended up being helpful, but only in the sense that I could show them I was giving him something.

I ignored the ten minutes per side advice - I would do the ten minutes, then top up, then let him continue on the boob as long as he wanted. I let him have long feeds in between the allotted feed times. I did an hour of skin to skin every single morning. I made sure every bottle I gave him was given in the "paced feeding" method, and my aim was for him to take as much as he needed /wanted but as little as necessary. Everything worked out. We continued to combo feed until he was about 4 months old but I probably could have dropped the formula from about 8/10 weeks.

There were just so many points that if I hadn't known in advance what to do or where to look for help we probably would have fallen down there.

If I hadn't known how colostrum worked I might have given up at that first pumping experience, when barely anything came out.

If I hadn't known that I needed to pump regularly when absent from my baby, my milk might have taken even longer to come in or not at all.

If I hadn't known that him taking loads of formula was not a positive thing, and had continued this aim myself then this probably would have made him seek less milk from me, having a knock on effect on my supply.

If I didn't know about paced bottle feeding, and bottle fed in a normal way it's more likely he'd have taken more formula and/or developed a preference.

If I didn't know about the benefits of skin to skin, I wouldn't have thought to do it.

If I had taken the ten mins every 4 hours as gospel and not been confident enough to override this (alongside the formula).

If I didn't know it can be normal/ok for milk to take longer to come in. I might have assumed it wasn't coming. There were certainly no signs like leaking. I never leaked or felt engorged at all. Just noticed a change in the pumping output.

If I hadn't asked about reducing the top ups, I wouldn't have been given any option to do this and would have had to make it up, guess or just continue indefinitely.

If I wasn't confident in breastfeeding then the ease at which he settled with formula would have made me feel anxious about my supply.

So so so many things. I know you asked for people who stopped before they were ready but I really think that could have been me, I was just lucky that I had so much info going in and already knew what to ask and what to google and roughly what my plan should be.

My DS had a tongue tie so he could get the let down but not really suck efficiently after that. We got through the first 6 weeks feeding 18 hours a day but after that his demand increased and I couldn't match it. Also because he was only taking the let down I got recurrent mastitis. I was told by the lactation consultant it would be another 6 weeks to even get the tongue tie assessed as it was posterior and so not a simple snip. In the end I couldn't take another 6 weeks of mastitis and 18 hours of feeding and pumping. I was told if I was stopping I should cut out 1 feed at a time but DS fed so much I had no idea where 1 feed ended and the next started.

The never ending excruciating pain. Being told "she is latched correctly, that doesn't hurt" by a lactation consultant in response to my cry that I was in excruciating pain. Bleeding every feed. Dreading my baby would wake up because then she might need another feed. I have extremely sensitive skin and major reactions to any slight bump or abrasion. I am convinced this had an impact. No tongue tie. Baby gained weight fine. Just relentless agony that still now makes me feel almost angry. And I was the most pro breastfeeding mum ever throughout pregnancy. I was determined to continue to the detriment of my mental health and when I eventually gave up I felt huge guilt and sense of failure that I still feel at times 13 years and 3 kids later. The current teaching of let them feed endlessly to get hindmilk simply doesn't work for many many women, and there is more recent evidence this is not as essential for babies as it was once thought. I think it is misinformation and for people like me I would only ever have been successful if I had limited feed time in those early weeks so I was not a human dummy.