In hospital

[2under2howscary]

Okay. So I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable or not.

I woke up this morning with sudden onset blurry vision, and severe headache.

Went to eye a&e were I was found to have pressure in the back of my eyes, so they decided to send me straight to a&e

I went sent straight to a&e as told. I've had a CT can (awaiting results) where they're querying a blood clot or intercranial hypertension.

My partner works away. Tonight he is 2 hours away in Preston. He's gone out for dinner with his work friends which is fine. Here is where I may be unreasonable.
I asked him not to get drunk in case I needed him tonight, or for whatever reason he had to drive back. He agreed three times.

I've just been texting him and he's drunk as anything. He says I'm having a pop for no reason, and just being argumentative and stopping him having drinks for no reason. He'll no doubt stop talking to me now.

So AIBU for asking him not to drink? Even though he's 2.5 hours away?

This behaviour of your husband is outrageous, disrespectful, and downright nasty. It needs to be addressed one way or another. Personally I would have a very hard time staying with him.

You deserve much more.

And yes, he is gaslighting you, and on a topic with serious health implications.

I expect it will just get worse.

My sympathy OP. 💐💐💐

@2under2howscary

Yes he has prior for being a selfish twat if I'm honest.

On Mother's Day, I asked for a lie in. He woke me up at 4am instead to go sort our LB.

Because I was knackered I didn't speak to him to say good morning. So at 8am on Mother's Day he stormed off, leaving for work for 3 weeks without saying bye to me or my LB who adores his daddy.

I cried all day.

And he says you are being dramatic? He is the chair of the drama department.

My husband wouldn't even need to be asked to come home, he just would, never mind not drinking.

Your husband is a selfish twat.

I hope you're okay.

Glad the news is somewhat good but please tell me this has been a wake up call for you? He doesn’t care and has no respect for you at all. Why are you bothering? If it was me I’d kick him out and have a termination but obviously it’s very easy for me to say that. Don’t waste anymore time with him. Let this incident prove to you that life is short and you shouldn’t be putting up with this crap. I appreciate that the prospect of being a single parent and having to struggle financially is terrifying but surely living a miserable life with someone who makes you feel so unhappy is worse? You deserve better and so does your son. Try to be brave,see your situation as it really is and make positive changes for yourself. I hope you soon feel better

Jesus this is horrendous! You’re so lucky to have nana on hand, DS will be fine bless his heart but your DH should have driven STRAIGHT home to be with DS & to come to hospital if need be. My Dh works away too so I understand the dynamic first hand

Also I hope you’re okay (haven’t read the whole thread for an update yet) x

Glad your health issues are being taken seriously by doctors if not your lump of a husband. They may get worse as the pregnancy continues. I think he needs to go.

Oh! You are dating my ex. He was exactly like this. Throw this one back in. It's tough I know. I have two children too. I didn't get child support for the same reasons (he couldn't bear the thought of me having any). Life was still better without him. Even with the struggles of being a lone parent and tight finances.

He shouldn't even be in Preston. What an arse. Hope you feel better

What a nasty man, honestly I get more love and care from cat

In sickness and in health.

He doesn’t care. Leave him. You CAN do this on your own. What a twat, I’m angry on your behalf.

I would be terminating the pregnancy and ending the relationship.
Seriously.

Other than an income, what does he bring to the table?

You are worth so much more.

Very glad it's nothing immediately life threatening, and hopefully your condition will be managed well in the future.
In your position I would not want another child with this waste of oxygen.

Firstly, it must have been a terrifying night for you, especially doing it alone and pregnant too.

You need to find out what financial support would be available when you split from this person. He is not a good dad, a good dad would ensure that the mother of his child was okay. He would have put you first, got in the car and driven home rather than going out with his mates. You were in A&E for goodness sake. It doesn't matter that some tests came back okay. You went through this alone. You had to rely on others rather than him.

Abusive relationships are not 100% abusive, they are charming, loving and then at times horrific. As the age old saying goes if I made you a lovely cup of tea and then put a tiny bit of poo in it would you still drink it? Because your relationship might also be good for some or even a lot of the time doesn't mean that it negates the shit.

I am going to link this MN thread that was written in 2009 and still stands today at the top of the relationships board as MN put it there. It should be read by everyone. Even if you only read the OP's initial post, it is completely worth it

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/698029-Right-listen-up-everybody

Firstly I'm glad your Ok.

But you've got some massive issues to sort out, difficult when you're pregnant but it still needs to be done.

I would not make any communication with him at all, about your DS, your recent health issues or anything.

Start withdrawing from him emotionally, he's not interested and can't offer assistance.

OP Please read my post. I don't say this lightly and I am aware of the fact that you are a real person facing this issue

Your partner is a fucking shit. You don't deserve to be treated like this. If he is ever nice to you it's probably just to keep you sweet so the status quo of his cushy life doesn't get disrupted. He throws you a bone every now and again.

Get him out of your house. Do it today. Please, please look after yourself. You are worth it.

Please find a way to leave him OP. You deserve so much more! My husband was absolutely beside himself when I was in hospital, and there’s no way he wouldn’t drop work to be there for me and DS. Your partner’s behaviour isn’t normal, it’s abusive.

I would think very hard about what it means to have another child with a person who has no regard for you whatsoever. He is awful. Leave the absolute twat.

You are not married, so you don't have to go through a divorce.
What is the situation regarding your home? Do you own or rent?
Whose name is the property in?
You need to sort out the best way to separate based on the above.

OP, first of all, I’m glad that you have had good news on the CT scan, hopefully your eyes settle down, and I hope the pain in your head has subsided.
Please leave this pathetic excuse for a man. You have one life, do you really want to live like this for the rest of it? Why should this absolute shit get to do this to you. You say he’s nice sometimes, if you have a bowl full of 50% ice-cream and 50% shit, are you going to eat that in the hope of getting the ice-cream? You deserve better, go and get it.

I’m just adding to those who have said that you deserve so much better OP. I really hope you find the strength to either leave or get him out.

It will never get any better. Cut your losses, OP, this is a cunt not worth keeping.

@endofthelinefinally it's just rented. I never put his name on the tenancy so me and my son had some security

Bloody hell, ditch this twat! Honestly, pack his stuff and leave it outside. He'll never get better and you know that. The prick.