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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Exam Results Day - being there for DD or car repairs?!!

108 replies

Verymuddymummy · 22/07/2021 21:49

Doing the usual silent treatment with each other as DH wants to drive about an hour away for car repairs on exam results day. Both of us have taken the day off to be there for DD but now he wants to use the afternoon to have non-essential car repairs done. I think DD will be hurt when she finds out. She’s already well aware she’s not DH’s favourite child. All very jokey but actually uncomfortably close to the truth. Could make more of a fuss but there’s a slim possibility that DD will end up wanting to spend the afternoon with her friends - I’d understand and wouldn’t have an issue but fallout from DH will be bad if that happens - ugh!! Advice please - is DH being a bit rubbish or AIBU?

OP posts:
CreamPantsuit · 22/07/2021 21:59

I'm aware I'm missing the point here but you've taken the day off for your daughter's exam results day? Do parents do that?

But to answer your question I think YANBU and your husband is a knob for letting her know she's not his favourite.

GalacticDragonfly · 22/07/2021 22:01

Did she ask you both to book the time off? My parents were no where near my results day for either GCSEs or A-Levels. It wasn’t about them.
She may prefer to do it alone and tell you after.

HasaDigaEebowai · 22/07/2021 22:03

Now I’m feeling bad because my new kitchen units are being delivered on exam results day and do I have to be there. I hadn’t even thought about being with ds1. I’m not even sure the school will allow parents to be there Confused

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 22/07/2021 22:04

Are we supposed to take a day off on exam results day? Are you expecting her to need comforting? Does your DD even want you there?

KatherineOfGaunt · 22/07/2021 22:05

I remember ringing my mum on results day because she was at work. So was my dad. I wasn't hurt they weren't actually there and I'm sure your DD won't be either. Celebrate with her in the evening :)

GalacticDragonfly · 22/07/2021 22:06

The favourites thing is an issue. Just don’t do what my mum did - she waited a few years for my younger sibling to get their results and the. called me to say ‘I couldn’t remember what you got but I knew it wasn’t as good as that’.
It was, she’d just never asked me.

Bancha · 22/07/2021 22:08

I would definitely take the day off on results day, I don’t think that’s weird.

Anyway, yes he is being unreasonable as he promised his DD he would spend the day with her and has made other plans.

Your post paints a really sad picture of your home life - your DH making your DD aware she’s not his favourite, giving you the silent treatment, his mood dominating the home. Is there anything good about having him around?

Buppers · 22/07/2021 22:09

Oh blimey. My DC's exam results days came and went, and I can't remember anything about who was doing what. I'd have thought it was very unusual to make a day of it.

If your child has done stupendously well, all you need to say is "well done". If they're disappointed, you'd say "never mind - these things happen", or some such. There's not much else to say, either way.

ForensicFlossy · 22/07/2021 22:10

My parents were definitely at work when I got my results, I called them with my results and then spent the day with my friends.

GoWalkabout · 22/07/2021 22:11

I took the day off and was only needed for a lift and ten minutes 😁. As long as he schedules it after she has had his congratulations, and fits in a celebration meal with her that evening I think he's in the clear.

MackieMayor · 22/07/2021 22:11

I took the day off.

Was very much needed to help with clearing, it was a difficult day.

IsItShining · 22/07/2021 22:12

A-level results, with a university place hanging on them? Might she need to plan for Clearing and consult you about offers and accommodation?

Or GCSE, in which case, one of you there might be nice but both feels like overkill?

MissisBoote · 22/07/2021 22:12

How about spending the morning with her. Results will probably come over email rather than having to physically go into school and get them. Then she can spend the rest of the day with her friends and your dh can do his car business then.
Your dh does sound a bit rubbish though. How sad that he plays favourites.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 22/07/2021 22:12

She won't need you around for the whole day and I'd think it was weird if she didn't go off out with friends in the afternoon anyway. YABU.

Laquila · 22/07/2021 22:12

@Buppers

Oh blimey. My DC's exam results days came and went, and I can't remember anything about who was doing what. I'd have thought it was very unusual to make a day of it.

If your child has done stupendously well, all you need to say is "well done". If they're disappointed, you'd say "never mind - these things happen", or some such. There's not much else to say, either way.

With all due respect, might this not sound a bit flippant to some kids on results day?!

There are lots of variables here and if you want to take the day of your for your daughter's exam results then why the heck shouldn't you 😳 it doesn't mean everyone has to!

As for your husband doing the same, I think it sort of depends on whether he's already told her he's doing so, as if so, getting car repairs done might now seem like he just can't be arsed.

Sssloou · 22/07/2021 22:14

We planned to be with our DS for GCSE results - but he got an early bird ticket to Reading Festival and got his results online - but he didn’t log on until late afternoon......

Took the day off for same DS’s A-level results ..... which was needed to help him through the shenanigans of clearing which was a bun fight.

Is it GCSE or A level? Are there uni or 6th form decisions to be supported?

LemonRoses · 22/07/2021 22:16

Daughters exam results every time.

LEMtheoriginal · 22/07/2021 22:17

My DD has to go into school to collect her results, her place in sixth form is dependent on them and they could go either way. Serendipitously i have the time off booked 😱

LagunaBubbles · 22/07/2021 22:18

your child has done stupendously well, all you need to say is "well done". If they're disappointed, you'd say "never mind - these things happen", or some such. There's not much else to say, either way

I'm guessing you've never had to support a child who has been devastated by their results then?

scrappydappydoo · 22/07/2021 22:19

Well there are 2 issues- firstly your dhs relationship with your dd and secondly the exam results. What exams are they?
a-levels being crucial for a space at uni? Therefore if things went wrong you’d want to be there to support? YANBU
Whether you need both of you there is up to your dd - if her relationship with her dad is that bad then she may not be bothered.

Hyacinth88 · 22/07/2021 22:20

Here they have been given their results before school ended in June. The only way they will be changed if there's an admin error.
The teachers individually spoke to each student going through the grades
I thought this was what was happening this year. Means they know where they are going for uni... Apprentices etc

pastafeend · 22/07/2021 22:20

Doing the usual silent treatment with each other

Toxic behaviour and definitely your biggest issue here.

As for the results, how does she get them? I'm in Scotland and mine have always had a text/email at 8am.

Babynames2 · 22/07/2021 22:21

I could see myself taking the day off for DCs exam results in the future, just to be there if it potentially goes badly and to support them (if wanted) but also fully expecting to get the standard 2 minute phone call and then to not see them again as they go off to celebrate with friends. But I think I’d want to be a available if they needed me. Although I work in education so I wouldn’t be working on results day anyway.

But I think you only need one parent available for that, not both. But the obvious favouritism here is the issue, did he/would he ensure he was off and available with your other child?

Buppers · 22/07/2021 22:21

@Laquila Yes, you're right that it might sound a bit flippant. I am coming at the whole results thing from a slightly different angle, namely having a DC1 who is off the scale results-wise - so I have always been very careful not to give the DC collectively the idea that getting fantastic results is the only thing that matters. It's otherwise hard on the ones who "only" do very well, as they'd always feel they hadn't done as well as DC1, had I made a big fuss about DC1's stellar results (which have been always been a foregone conclusion). Does that make any sense?

HasaDigaEebowai · 22/07/2021 22:21

I think that’s only in Wales hyacinth. In England schools were not allowed to release results

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