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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Exam Results Day - being there for DD or car repairs?!!

108 replies

Verymuddymummy · 22/07/2021 21:49

Doing the usual silent treatment with each other as DH wants to drive about an hour away for car repairs on exam results day. Both of us have taken the day off to be there for DD but now he wants to use the afternoon to have non-essential car repairs done. I think DD will be hurt when she finds out. She’s already well aware she’s not DH’s favourite child. All very jokey but actually uncomfortably close to the truth. Could make more of a fuss but there’s a slim possibility that DD will end up wanting to spend the afternoon with her friends - I’d understand and wouldn’t have an issue but fallout from DH will be bad if that happens - ugh!! Advice please - is DH being a bit rubbish or AIBU?

OP posts:
Haskell · 23/07/2021 07:40

It really depends on what she is doing on September. If she was expecting to go to university but hasn't quite met the requirements, then there will be a fraught day of ringing admissions departments to work out where she can get in. These days schools do a lot of that support though... not sure if hers does?

Whattodoaboutnothing · 23/07/2021 07:51

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

HasaDigaEebowai · 23/07/2021 07:52

We’ve literally just had an email through with timings for results collection, advice and support clinic and celebratory refreshments for students and families (gcse).

MackieMayor · 23/07/2021 07:52

@Overthebow

Aren’t results given in the morning? And then surely DC will be out with their friends? No one in my school had parents come in with them, we would have been so embarrassed. And then everyone was out with friends after, i didn’t see my parents until the next day.

@Overthebow I took the day off each time, I never went into school with either of my children, wasn't near the place. I was still needed for practical help, support and advice.

billy1966 · 23/07/2021 07:57

OP,

You have a shit nasty husband who is clearly a shit father and your daughter is well aware of it.

Let him get the car fixed and focus on being there for your daughter.

Doesn't sound like he will be any loss on the day.

It also sounds like a toxic home life for her and you.

I hope she is is pleased with her results.

Topseyt · 23/07/2021 07:57

We did take time off work to be with our DDs in results day. To drive them to school because the school bus wouldn't be running and to provide support.

Of course support is needed. Take your cues from your DD. If she does need to go through clearing to get her uni place sorted then that is where support will be needed. You may well know this before you set out for the school because I seem to remember places for those who had made the grade for their first choice of university were firmed up on Track at around 8am.

If DH promised DD he would be around all day then he should be. The jokes around not being favourite child are awful and he should now be taking the opportunity to prove to her that they are untrue.

How much use would he be if it comes to using clearing? That might be better and calmer with just you and DD perhaps? So yes, maybe he does go to get the car fixed, and on the way back he stops to get a nice bottle of bubbly and books the restaurant table, whatever way the results went.

Neondisco · 23/07/2021 08:04

@CreamPantsuit

I'm aware I'm missing the point here but you've taken the day off for your daughter's exam results day? Do parents do that?

But to answer your question I think YANBU and your husband is a knob for letting her know she's not his favourite.

My mum did that for mine and my sisters results (my dad was a teacher so off anyway)

Don't think it's that uncommon.

BuffyFanForever · 23/07/2021 08:20

He is being completely unreasonable!

CosmicComfort · 23/07/2021 08:24

I’ve taken the day off, DS is getting his A level results and it we will know whether he has the grades for Oxford University.

I was at work when he got offered the place at Oxford and basically feel I haven’t been around much as a I should this year thanks to COVID (NHS nurse). I think I need to be here for this day and whatever it may bring. It feels really momentous to me but DS will shrug it off and be back 8n his room within 10 mins if he’s got the grades🤷‍♀️

Oxonianna · 23/07/2021 20:35

I didn't take the day off when my DC got their A level grades. They were Oxford-bound, but that is not the be all and end all, and the world will continue to turn whatever happens on results day. I have one remaining DC, who is not applying to Oxbridge, and I will do the same in this case.

Butchyrestingface · 23/07/2021 20:41

Both of us have taken the day off to be there for DD

Is this a thing now? (I left school in the 90s).

Minnie56 · 31/07/2021 09:49

Yes I’ve taken the day off. DD wants me to drive her to school and be there, and also help her if she needs to navigate clearing or to take her for celebration lunch ( hopefully the latter). I’m quite happy to oblige either way. It’s been a long journey!!

MintyCedric · 31/07/2021 09:56

...basically feel I haven’t been around much as a I should this year thanks to COVID

Bless you...my dad was diagnosed 'end of life' with frailty 10 days into the first lockdown and passed away in May halfway through DDs final exams.

I was caring for him and supporting mum for most of that 18 months so feel much the Sam way about not being there for DD as much as I'd have liked, and XH is as much use as a chocolate teapot...

Scrumbleton · 31/07/2021 09:59

I took the day off for DD’s GCSE results and went with her to school to collect them. For A levels she told me not to take the day off and leave her to it. I arranged instead to to WFH in case she needed some support. Good job I did, she didn’t get the results she needed for uni and didn’t then want to accept her second choice. We had floods of tears. I converted my WFH day to leave at the last minute ( had pre warned my boss I might need to) and by lunchtime had helped her secure a place on a great course at an alternative uni. She’s currently finishing her Masters

vivainsomnia · 31/07/2021 10:01

It wouldn't have cross my mind to take the day off for my kids. They called me and that was that. We celebrated when I got home. If they'd had bad news, the last thing they would have wanted is me trying to appease them. They would have wanted to be alone and text their closest friends.

One sure thing though, if I did take a day off, I certainly wouldn't put my life on hold the whole day and indeed, make the best of having that day off. I can't believe you are annoyed with your husband for this. Do you really think she needs both of you to celebrate for hours on end if she gets good results, and both of you to hug her and comfort her if she doesn't?

DinosaurDiana · 31/07/2021 10:03

I’m working on my DS results day. He’s going into school with his mates, doesn’t need me.

LindaEllen · 31/07/2021 10:08

I'm pretty sure parents don't take the day off for results day .. I wanted to be with my friends on that day, and we walked up together to get our results. I then phoned my parents and went straight out with my friends to celebrate. Ask your DD what she actually wants to do!

Freshapples · 31/07/2021 10:11

I'm aware I'm missing the point here but you've taken the day off for your daughter's exam results day? Do parents do that?

Yes they do. Celebratory lunch if circumstances permit, or picking the pieces up / securing a Plan B if they don't.

I8toys · 31/07/2021 10:15

Morning is fine. Does it need both of you? Can you stay with her and husband do the car. It's my son's 18th as well that day so slightly apprehensive and a party to plan for.

TeenMinusTests · 31/07/2021 10:16

it's not the picking up results that parents are needed for. It's for picking up the pieces if the results are a disappointment, and for sharing the celebrations otherwise.

I think it doesn't need both parents at home unless the DC has specifically requested it, but one being accessible to console / celebrate / keep a clear head over next decisions is potentially very valuable.

vivainsomnia · 31/07/2021 10:20

Celebratory lunch if circumstances permit
And that's fine if happy with the results, but even if not, I can't see why both parents would need to be there at home of with them for the entire day. Seems quite extreme, especially when you have a car that needs to be taken to the garage and it makes sense to do that on a day you are off.

HunkyPunk · 31/07/2021 10:23

With the best will in the world, good or bad, I don't think it needs both of you to celebrate/commiserate over your dd's results all day!

I do think it's probably important that your dh is there in the morning to give support, especially given the 'favourite child' issue (which needs to be addressed). The fact that he's taken time off to be with his dd when she gets her results will be a plus point, as will him booking a meal in the evening (to celebrate or console). I really don't think a garage trip in the afternoon will make your dd feel neglected by him, and it might be that she is off out with her friends by then, anyway.

Bryonyshcmyony · 31/07/2021 10:26

@billy1966

OP,

You have a shit nasty husband who is clearly a shit father and your daughter is well aware of it.

Let him get the car fixed and focus on being there for your daughter.

Doesn't sound like he will be any loss on the day.

It also sounds like a toxic home life for her and you.

I hope she is is pleased with her results.

Wow!! You got all that from two posts by the OP?!

OP I am taking the morning off

Clearing was done and dusted by 11am when dd needed it three years ago.

Chasingsquirrels · 31/07/2021 10:30

Interesting that so many are having to go in to collect.

We went in to collect ds1s GCSE results (pre covid) but his Alevel results this year will be emailed - as below (we are in England).

A Level Results:
As I’m sure you are aware, you will receive your A level results on Tuesday 10th August. Your results will be emailed to your College email address from 8.30 am that morning. You should not come into College to collect them.

notapizzaeater · 31/07/2021 10:30

Surely you can do both, results in the morning, drive car to wherever and grab a celebration lunch there, collect car later !