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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this Whatsapp mum being unreasonable?

124 replies

KindergartenKop · 22/07/2021 19:56

I'm on a class WhatsApp group for my DDs Y3 class. Mum is added new to the group today and then asks if the parents of Bob, Annie, Lisa and Alan are on there and whether they can come to her child's party on Saturday because they haven't RSVPd.

Is she unreasonable to post about a party that most of the kids aren't invited to? Is she unreasonable to show up the parents for not RSVPing?

I think it's a faux pas but I'm just wondering what the general view is Grin

OP posts:
cadburyegg · 22/07/2021 19:57

I don’t see the issue tbh. I’m not personally offended when my children aren’t invited to parties.

LagneyandCasey · 22/07/2021 20:00

They can't all be invited so I don't see the issue.

As an aside it's infuriating when parents don't rsvp. She's probably frustrated and can't think of a better way to contact the parents. She might not do school drop off/pick up to manually grab hold of them!

ShadowInVain · 22/07/2021 20:00

It is a social faux pas to talk about invitation-only events in front of those not invited.

Ginger1982 · 22/07/2021 20:01

Perhaps she's just frustrated by the selfish parents who can't be bothered to RSVP and couldn't think of any other way to confirm her numbers.

Original poster
KindergartenKop · 22/07/2021 20:02

Oh it is so annoying when people don't RSVP, I agree with her on that!

I'm not actually offended, my child isn't particularly friendly with this one.

OP posts:
LublinToDublin · 22/07/2021 20:03

I think group chats should essentially be about subjects relevant to all members of the group.
It would have been easy enough for her to setup party group.

fourminutestosavetheworld · 22/07/2021 20:04

If she addressed four or five parents out of 30 then I don't think it's much of an issue really - quick way for a new parent at school to reach other parents when she might not know them or have their numbers.

If it was 28 parents out of 30 would definitely be a faux pas.

ChunkySloth · 22/07/2021 20:04

Isn't this what these whatsapp groups are for?

Stroller15 · 22/07/2021 20:05

I think it's a faux pas to talk about an event in front of people not invited, I wouldn't do it. But it also won't really bother me if someone do decide to bring it up on a group chat.

Findahouse21 · 22/07/2021 20:05

Usually on ours people just ask 'is jane' s mum on here ', jane' s mum will reply 'hi, yes, that's me' and then I assume a private message gets sent after that which is obviously kinder as the others don't then get told about a party that everyone's not invited to, however maybe more time consuming especially if the party is soon and she needs numbers urgently

fourminutestosavetheworld · 22/07/2021 20:05

@LublinToDublin

I think group chats should essentially be about subjects relevant to all members of the group. It would have been easy enough for her to setup party group.
Not if she doesn't know their names or numbers, just 'Sam's mum.'
melj1213 · 22/07/2021 20:15

It seems like she hasn't previously been in the chat so possibly her child's party is this weekend and RSVPs are still outstanding; she was hoping to see the parents personally at the school gates before the end of term but she hasn't seen them, has no contact numbers and needs to get hold of them ASAP.

In this scenario I think its fine to "call out" a small group of parents in a class group chat, whereas if it was a single parent being called out or they had been in the group for a while (so more likely to know Anne is Bob's mum and Sophie is Lisa's) then I would expect them to at most get the parents attention before taking it to a 121/small group chat to discuss specifics.

NotanothernamechangeforMN · 22/07/2021 20:25

A school Mum did this in the class whatsapp group recently and I called her out on it. 🤣

bettercalljimmy · 22/07/2021 21:17

It’s not like the uninvited kids are reading the WhatsApp so who cares?

BackforGood · 22/07/2021 22:14

Don't see the issue myself.

a) I wouldn't expect all dc to be invited to all parties.
b) the dc don't read the group
c) it is incredibly rude of the parents if they actually rcvd the invitations not to reply and seems a sensible last ditch attempy to find out if they are coming

KatherineOfGaunt · 22/07/2021 22:18

She could have just asked if the parents were in the group and then waited for a response. But yes, rude off people not to RSVP. DS is turning 3 soon and he'll have a party and I'm already dreading not having people confirm!

Macncheeseballs · 22/07/2021 22:18

Yeah I think it's not the right place

TopBlogger · 22/07/2021 22:19

@NotanothernamechangeforMN

A school Mum did this in the class whatsapp group recently and I called her out on it. 🤣
Well that's worth a thread on its own Grin!!

How did she respond?

@KindergartenKop I would be a bit peeved that mine weren't invited Grin, but also slightly impressed that she has the guts to highlight their non response in public!

PrettyBlunt · 22/07/2021 22:45

Surely she could look herself if they're on there unless she didn't know them by name of course.

It wouldn't bother me but I think it's so rude not to RSVP especially when people need to count per head.

RavingAnnie · 22/07/2021 22:50

It's a quick and practical way of confirming - no one's showing anyone up, often children just haven't passed on the invite. Practicalities trump minor social niceties imho.

sunflowerdaisies · 22/07/2021 23:48

Someone did this multiple times in ours recently (reception) and then mentioned another child's party the following day (that parent had dealt with it normally, not in whole class whatsapp). I thought it was really inappropriate! No one replied to her on that group so you'd think she'd have got the message it wasn't the right place.

The children might not know but I think I'd have been a bit disappointed for my child if I knew there were two parties and mine hadn't been invited to either.

ZenNudist · 22/07/2021 23:54

We had 2 reception classes so got put on one group. It was the normal to invite from one class on ly and some people would post invites or send party pics around. We are now a year 2 group and people haven't had any big parties since covid.

I couldn't get worked up about this. How else can she chase up non RSVP?

minipie · 22/07/2021 23:56

Is she unreasonable to post about a party that most of the kids aren't invited to?

I think this is really off. Why couldn’t she message those parents individually? She’d have all their numbers via the whatsapp group surely.

Awrite · 23/07/2021 00:00

It wouldn't bother me.

I reckon she'll be able to brazen out your judgement.

Cattitudes · 23/07/2021 00:04

She probably doesn't know who the individual parents are and needs to know numbers. I wouldn't do it myself but it is annoying when people don't rsvp. Also you are all adults and hopefully can manage the disappointment. If your dc isn't friends with hers and she hasn't invited everyone except your dc I wouldn't ruminate over it.