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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this Whatsapp mum being unreasonable?

124 replies

KindergartenKop · 22/07/2021 19:56

I'm on a class WhatsApp group for my DDs Y3 class. Mum is added new to the group today and then asks if the parents of Bob, Annie, Lisa and Alan are on there and whether they can come to her child's party on Saturday because they haven't RSVPd.

Is she unreasonable to post about a party that most of the kids aren't invited to? Is she unreasonable to show up the parents for not RSVPing?

I think it's a faux pas but I'm just wondering what the general view is Grin

OP posts:
Nayday · 26/07/2021 17:54

Depends.

If majority of class invited and small number of children not - rude. Further discussion of party - rude.

If small party of those children named - ok/neutral/ needs must basis. This is a matter of practically, not 'hey OP - Alan's going to my amazing party and your Cherub isn't, ner ner ner ner ner'.Grin

Also curious how a parent was 'called out' on a WhatsApp group (gets popcorn for that tale)

Nayday · 26/07/2021 17:55

*practicality

CherieBabySpliffUp · 26/07/2021 18:00

For those saying it's rude to talk about a party in front of people not invited, it wasn't. The party was for the children and the children weren't in the group! It wouldn't bother me in the slightest if I had been in the group and my child wasn't invited. Some people's egos are so fragile! Hmm

EssentialHummus · 26/07/2021 18:03

cherie with young kids it’s rarely about which children are friends ime; invites are often about which parents are friendly.

NeedNewKnees · 26/07/2021 18:12

Of course it’s not rude!

She needs to contact 4 parents she lacks numbers for.

4 out of presumably 30-32, totally different to “all but those two over there” scenario.

The parents aren’t the ones invited, so she’s not mentioning it in front of “people left out”.

It’s a practical solution to an annoying problem regarding a child’s party, not a garden party at the palace.

NeedNewKnees · 26/07/2021 18:13

@EssentialHummus

cherie with young kids it’s rarely about which children are friends ime; invites are often about which parents are friendly.
This is Y3, so presumably age 8. Kids have their own friends by age 8.
Lndnmummy · 26/07/2021 18:14

I wouldn’t do it personally, I think it’s rude.

pleasedonttextmyman · 26/07/2021 18:24

If someone is offended because a parent is chasing RSVP in front of them on whatsapp, because their own kids are not invited, they honestly need to grow up.

It's becoming ridiculous.

You have to be a certain level of entitled to throw a tantrum because your own child wasn't invited and even worst to "call out someone". How embarrassing for your own kids.

I bet the posters in a huff haven't organised whole class party every year since reception either. Hmm

StepladderToHeaven · 26/07/2021 18:26

I definitely wouldn't do this. Why on earth wouldn't you contact the parents directly?

pleasedonttextmyman · 26/07/2021 18:32

@StepladderToHeaven

I definitely wouldn't do this. Why on earth wouldn't you contact the parents directly?
apart from anything else, because they don't have their contact details?

That's the problem with whatsapp instead of facebook, you can go through the list of members from your group, it's not clear who is who when they are not in your contacts!

Skysblue · 26/07/2021 18:32

On our whatsapp group you do NOT talk about parties in front of those who aren’t invited. Just basic good manners. The party host always creates their own wattsapp group just for the party.

She sounds weird and rude.

pleasedonttextmyman · 26/07/2021 18:35

@Skysblue

On our whatsapp group you do NOT talk about parties in front of those who aren’t invited. Just basic good manners. The party host always creates their own wattsapp group just for the party.

She sounds weird and rude.

with WHAT contact details?

Schools don't share parents contact details... So your group only invite children of people you are friends with?

It's so hypocritical otherwise, you can demand that parents only ask "are the parents of Bob, Annie, Lisa and Alan on here, please contact me" and not mention the word party, even if everybody understand what it's for 😂

StepladderToHeaven · 26/07/2021 18:36

So just ask on the group? Then you'll have them for the future.

pleasedonttextmyman · 26/07/2021 18:48

@StepladderToHeaven

So just ask on the group? Then you'll have them for the future.
see my post above.

It's a bit ridiculous to have an issue because the word "party" was mentioned when everyone understands perfectly well what the post is about, when someone ask for parents of x,y and z to contact them.

GreyhoundG1rl · 26/07/2021 18:57

You simply cannot live life trying to consider every eventuality when it comes to other people's issues.
What hype 😂. Nobody suggested "every eventuality" should be considered at all times, not one single poster.

omgthepain · 26/07/2021 20:34

I've come off my daughters class wattsapp
some of the bored mothers with nothing better to do moaning and groaning I got fed up listening to their twaddle to be honest

But yes the constant is x, y and a on here
You knew why
One mum actually put

Please can people stop posting about parties in a public forum - private message people
It's upsetting to think out of all the parties my child has been to 2 and I hosted whole class

She did it to try to help her little boy make friends as he has mild cerebral palsy and some children have taken a dislike but he's a lovely little boy

She came off, so did a couple more then I did too

Alwayswonderedwhy · 26/07/2021 20:37

Non issue. The kids won't see the messages anyway?

WorraLiberty · 26/07/2021 20:50

@Skysblue

On our whatsapp group you do NOT talk about parties in front of those who aren’t invited. Just basic good manners. The party host always creates their own wattsapp group just for the party.

She sounds weird and rude.

But none of the kids are in the WA group so no-one could possibly talk about it in front of them Confused

And the parents of the uninvited children should be grown ups by now, who understand no kid can be invited to absolutely everything.

Bryonyshcmyony · 26/07/2021 21:07

@Alwayswonderedwhy

Non issue. The kids won't see the messages anyway?
Of course. But you don't know if one parent will be offended. Even if you think that's pathetic of them, why would you do something that might upset someone when it is so easy not to?
Nayday · 27/07/2021 08:50

It's the kids that are being invited/not invited not parents remember?

The kids won't give a stuff in most cases, this over sensitivity smacks of parental over-investment. You cared at that age if a good friend didn't invite you to their birthday.

My kids have been happily unconcerned by classmate parties taking place without them in when they're not friends. Find this all a bit strange - there isn't a manners issue on a practical matter!

The only way this is rude is if only a small number of children haven't been invited, or if there are further party discussions - it's going to be amazing/bring swim stuff/are you here yet etc - and that's as much for spam reasons.

pleasedonttextmyman · 27/07/2021 08:52

Because it's going too far.

If a grown-up is offended because their little darling is not invited to a party, and is so entitled to think their child should be on the guest list of every single party,

there's no hope in hell they won't be offended by something else anyway. They might as well go.

And HOW, apart from asking for the parents of x,y,z would the birthday parent get the contact details anyway? They will have to ask the group at some point.
Unless they stick with inviting people they actually know, works well, but then others get offended and talk about "clique', you can't win 😂

Nayday · 27/07/2021 08:55

The OP isn't offended by her kid not being invited - or if she is, this is ommited from the post.
And if as a parent, you are offended by a party even being mentioned that your kid is not aware of/not close to the party child/not remotely upset by - then perhaps some light self-examination is required Grin

PamTheSpam · 27/07/2021 08:57

WhatsApp group chat is for well, group chats 🙄 Manners would dictate that she contacted them privately in my opinion.

Jackgrealishscurtains · 27/07/2021 08:57

Yes, it's definitely a faux pa's, but I wouldn't really care if it was just a few kids.

MumofSpud · 27/07/2021 09:01

I have no concrete advice but this reminded me when my DS was 6 - he invited half the class to his party (it was a class of 30 - all boys).
He took the invites in to school to give out.
His teacher said it wasn't fair that he had invited only half - so SHE INVITED THE OTHER HALF Shock
This was nearly 20 years ago and being young / naive (stupid?!) I didn't say anything! Now I would march into school with the bill !!