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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this Whatsapp mum being unreasonable?

124 replies

KindergartenKop · 22/07/2021 19:56

I'm on a class WhatsApp group for my DDs Y3 class. Mum is added new to the group today and then asks if the parents of Bob, Annie, Lisa and Alan are on there and whether they can come to her child's party on Saturday because they haven't RSVPd.

Is she unreasonable to post about a party that most of the kids aren't invited to? Is she unreasonable to show up the parents for not RSVPing?

I think it's a faux pas but I'm just wondering what the general view is Grin

OP posts:
notanothertakeaway · 27/07/2021 09:02

@WorraLiberty

It would take a very entitled adult to believe their kids should be invited to everything.

That is rude imo.

I wouldn't expect my DC to be invited to EVERY party

But I've seen parents on here upset because their child is never invited to ANY of the class parties, (often due to ASN) and I can see it would be upsetting if you kept seeing messages about parties

pleasedonttextmyman · 27/07/2021 09:03

His teacher said it wasn't fair that he had invited only half - so SHE INVITED THE OTHER HALF

oh my word, that deserves a thread of it's own!

pleasedonttextmyman · 27/07/2021 09:05

Parents miffed or over-invested are likely the main reason why they kids didn't get invited in the first place let's be honest.

TeaandHobnobs · 27/07/2021 09:05

I think not a problem to ask for the contact details on the group chat, but SWBU to give the reason for wanting them!

A mum did similar recently on one of my groups - but she @-d the mums in the chat and demanded their RSVP. I thought that was very unfair, because she could have just private messaged them instead (especially as one of the mums was quite new to the school). But this woman has “front”, shall we say…

Bluntness100 · 27/07/2021 09:14

Honestly people get hung up on the pettiest shit. A faux pas, seriously? Not everyone can have whole class parties and she’s fine to ask for rsvps.

Bryonyshcmyony · 27/07/2021 09:23

@Bluntness100

Honestly people get hung up on the pettiest shit. A faux pas, seriously? Not everyone can have whole class parties and she’s fine to ask for rsvps.
How do you know that someone won't be upset by it even if you aren't? Or is it just because you aren't bothered you don't think anyone else should be? What if someone is having a shit day and it upsets them? Do you think that's so pathetic it's not worth bothering about?

It's so clearly rude and insensitive and it is so easy to not be!

pleasedonttextmyman · 27/07/2021 09:25

How do you know that someone won't be upset by it even if you aren't?

again...
being upset because your little darling is not invited to every birthday party? Really?

Bryonyshcmyony · 27/07/2021 09:27

@pleasedonttextmyman

How do you know that someone won't be upset by it even if you aren't?

again...
being upset because your little darling is not invited to every birthday party? Really?

I wouldn't care, but someone might. Obviously they might. Again, why on earth would you think you speak for everyone?
PamTheSpam · 27/07/2021 09:28

Precisely @Bryonyshcmyony and it's so easily avoided

Bluntness100 · 27/07/2021 09:29

How do you know that someone won't be upset by it even if you aren't? Or is it just because you aren't bothered you don't think anyone else should be? What if someone is having a shit day and it upsets them? Do you think that's so pathetic it's not worth bothering about?It's so clearly rude and insensitive and it is so easy to not be!

It’s really not rude and insensitive and if someone is so upset by it then that’s about their own mental health.

pleasedonttextmyman · 27/07/2021 09:30

I wouldn't care, but someone might. Obviously they might. Again, why on earth would you think you speak for everyone?

you are missing the point. If you are that unreasonable to be upset by something as silly as that, there's no hope. So yes, I'd ignore.

Being upset about mother's day when a child just lose their mum, the class will be 100% behind you.

Having to watch every little thing because of unreasonable involvement and nonsense from a dramatic parent? Nope, don't have time for that. No one cares.

Bryonyshcmyony · 27/07/2021 09:33

you are missing the point. If you are that unreasonable to be upset by something as silly as that, there's no hope. So yes, I'd ignore

No, I am not missing the point

Who are you to decide what's acceptable or not? That's literally why we have manners, to avoid conflict and upsetting people

It's a bit sad how selfish people can be

Bryonyshcmyony · 27/07/2021 09:35

@Bluntness100

How do you know that someone won't be upset by it even if you aren't? Or is it just because you aren't bothered you don't think anyone else should be? What if someone is having a shit day and it upsets them? Do you think that's so pathetic it's not worth bothering about?It's so clearly rude and insensitive and it is so easy to not be!

It’s really not rude and insensitive and if someone is so upset by it then that’s about their own mental health.

How ridiculous.

I doubt anyone will be "so" upset by it

But they might be. And to suggest that they have mental health problems becuase they are a bit hurt by it is really below the belt.

And its so easy to be polite and pleasant.

LindaEllen · 27/07/2021 09:41

@KindergartenKop

Oh it is so annoying when people don't RSVP, I agree with her on that!

I'm not actually offended, my child isn't particularly friendly with this one.

Why even bother making a thread, then, if it doesn't impact you in the slightest? Don't you have anything better to do?
pleasedonttextmyman · 27/07/2021 09:46

There's (usually) 30 kids per class. Do you really expect 29 party invitations a year? Hmm

It IS ridiculous.

We are not talking about parents inviting a group on 10 on whatsapp. It's parents who don't know each other, and use the only mode of communication they have to chase someone. It's not rude or unacceptable Confused

How else do you want them to find the parents for a start?

Trying to pretend that using a whatsapp group for the reason it was created is just bizarre.

Bryonyshcmyony · 27/07/2021 09:51

It's perfectly possible to ask them to contact her on the group chat
It's just crap to go onto a group and shame them for not rsvpong plus annoying those who didn't get invited

I guess all the other mums might enjoy the drama? Sad really

pleasedonttextmyman · 27/07/2021 09:55

I guess all the other mums might enjoy the drama? Sad really
the only ones enjoying the drama are the ones making it one.

Most parents will barely notice and give a second thoughts if Lisa has been invited to Bob's party and their own child hasn't...

And shaming a primary school parent because something has been lost in the twilight zone of the school bags? 😂

Some parents needs a job or a hobby to distract them from their kids school, honestly.

Bryonyshcmyony · 27/07/2021 10:22

I'm lucky enough to have swerved any school what's app groups. They sound deathly.

pleasedonttextmyman · 27/07/2021 10:39

They're quite useful. It's usually only one or 2 parents who are drama queen and try to bring all the attention to them, most groups I am on have parents with a life of their own and no time or interest for the drama and pettiness.

TalesOfDrunkennessAndCruelty · 27/07/2021 10:52

No, this ought not to be an issue - most parents do accept that their child won’t be invited to every party - but some do take it very much to heart when their child isn’t invited. (I’ve seen so many threads about real or threatened bust-ups in the playground or “calling the mother out” about it). Other than parents of children who are never invited to anything, anyone upset by a WhatsApp message needs to get the proverbial MN grip.

Nayday · 27/07/2021 18:12

Finding this thread bizarre because there was a recent post where the OP had been left out of an invite for something by 2 other friends, she got her arse handed to her for being a bit hurt, grown adult etc, get a grip.

On this thread however it seems it's mortally offensive and wounding for a party to be even hinted at in case your (blissfully unaware) precious child hasn't been invited! The horror!!

Blueskytoday06 · 27/07/2021 19:01

I wouldn't have done it on the whatsapp group.

lap90 · 27/07/2021 19:21

She would have just asked whether so and so's Mothers were in the group and left it at that.

Could have elaborated later in a private message.

Blueskytoday06 · 27/07/2021 20:36

@Nayday

Finding this thread bizarre because there was a recent post where the OP had been left out of an invite for something by 2 other friends, she got her arse handed to her for being a bit hurt, grown adult etc, get a grip.

On this thread however it seems it's mortally offensive and wounding for a party to be even hinted at in case your (blissfully unaware) precious child hasn't been invited! The horror!!

It's not about not being invited. Mums know that their little darling(s) aren't going to be invited to everything. However sending it via the whole class whatsapp group is flaunting it and could be done more tactfully.
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