Is this Whatsapp mum being unreasonable?

[KindergartenKop]

I'm on a class WhatsApp group for my DDs Y3 class. Mum is added new to the group today and then asks if the parents of Bob, Annie, Lisa and Alan are on there and whether they can come to her child's party on Saturday because they haven't RSVPd.

Is she unreasonable to post about a party that most of the kids aren't invited to? Is she unreasonable to show up the parents for not RSVPing?

I think it's a faux pas but I'm just wondering what the general view is

It's so not a big deal.

A bit irrelevant and sending MORE whatsapp messages to the entire group is marginally annoying, I hate whatsapp for school groups,.

I am sure parents of the kids who were not invited will get over it, and didn't invite 2 classes worth of children to every single one of their parties either.

@Gregwiggle

Social faux pas, definitely. By private whatsapp, completely fine. Interesting that so many think it's fine to be rude because they are 'busy'.

But why is it rude?

It's a group to contact other parents, as and when necessary?

Literally the whole point of the group.

She should have asked for their contact details without saying what it was for, then contacted them directly

Because they mentioned a social occasion everyone's child wasn't invited to. This may actually have been a big deal for some parents, whatever other people's opinion. Asking for the numbers of the relevant mums then private messaging them is not hard and more polite. I can see I am in a minority as so many think it's not a big deal. My personal opinion is it's bad manners.

@Gregwiggle

Because they mentioned a social occasion everyone's child wasn't invited to. This may actually have been a big deal for some parents, whatever other people's opinion. Asking for the numbers of the relevant mums then private messaging them is not hard and more polite. I can see I am in a minority as so many think it's not a big deal. My personal opinion is it's bad manners.

It is bad manners.

@Gregwiggle

Because they mentioned a social occasion everyone's child wasn't invited to. This may actually have been a big deal for some parents, whatever other people's opinion. Asking for the numbers of the relevant mums then private messaging them is not hard and more polite. I can see I am in a minority as so many think it's not a big deal. My personal opinion is it's bad manners.

Because they mentioned a social occasion everyone's child wasn't invited to. This may actually have been a big deal for some parents, whatever other people's opinion.

That doesn't make it bad manners.

You simply cannot live life trying to consider every eventuality when it comes to other people's issues.

I imagine for example there'll be parents asking how much a school trip is (again, kind of the point of the group) and other parents won't be able to afford the trip.

There's a certain amount of self responsibility when it comes to hurt feelings, and it's not always on other people to deal with them.

Ok, well, that's your opinion. Mine is it doesn't take much to even fleetingly think about others.

It may not have hurt anyones feelings, but it's still bad manners. Maybe noone cared. I would have asked if they could. Contact me and not said why. Wouldn't have occurred to me to mention a party.

@BackforGood

Don't see the issue myself.

a) I wouldn't expect all dc to be invited to all parties.
b) the dc don't read the group
c) it is incredibly rude of the parents if they actually rcvd the invitations not to reply and seems a sensible last ditch attempy to find out if they are coming

All of this. Seems fine to me.

I’m not seeing the problem with it.

Not every child can be invited to everything. The children aren’t in the WA group so no hurt feelings to actively manage, and if the parents can’t get their heads around the simple fact that not everyone can go to everything then they’re in for a bloody bumpy ride, quite frankly.

It isn’t something that would bother me at all.

if it was in front of the children then i could agree as wrong to talk about a party someone isnt invited to but no adults were invited. it is a childrens party so no i dont think its wierd

It would take a very entitled adult to believe their kids should be invited to everything.

That is rude imo.

Surely it would have been equal effort to message "Hey, are A, B, C and D's mums/dads on here? If so, could you drop me a PM when you see this please?"... without shaming them or making it clear that other kids weren't invited? I have the hide of a rhino but even I'd have managed this!

I don't think that's what anyone is saying though!

@EssentialHummus

Surely it would have been equal effort to message "Hey, are A, B, C and D's mums/dads on here? If so, could you drop me a PM when you see this please?"... without shaming them or making it clear that other kids weren't invited? I have the hide of a rhino but even I'd have managed this!

Exactly. You have no idea if someone is going to be offended (rightly or wrongly)

I agree Essential. Not shaming and not bad manners. Simple

Absolutely fine to do, don't be jealous OP.

I agree it's quick and practical and exactly what these groups are for surely.

Of course it's rude. Not remotely surprised that so many have told you it's fine, though 😂

@GreyhoundG1rl

Of course it's rude. Not remotely surprised that so many have told you it's fine, though 😂

I think its totally weird that so many people are insisting its fine.

it clearly isnt!

This happened on our class WhatsApp recently and I thought it was a bit of a faux pas. Not jealous, my child was invited, but I thought it might be painful for anyone whose kid doesn't get invited to many things.

@Booboosweet

What's wrong with the name Brian? That's my husband's name.

No, I'M BRIAN and so is my wife!

Generally not cool to talk about events infront of those not invited

Fine to chase up rude people who don’t rsvp

Manners really seem to be going out of fashion. The amount of people insisting there is nothing in with this is 🙄