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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this Whatsapp mum being unreasonable?

124 replies

KindergartenKop · 22/07/2021 19:56

I'm on a class WhatsApp group for my DDs Y3 class. Mum is added new to the group today and then asks if the parents of Bob, Annie, Lisa and Alan are on there and whether they can come to her child's party on Saturday because they haven't RSVPd.

Is she unreasonable to post about a party that most of the kids aren't invited to? Is she unreasonable to show up the parents for not RSVPing?

I think it's a faux pas but I'm just wondering what the general view is

OP posts:

Dutchesss · 23/07/2021 00:06

I agree, she could have just asked if the mums are on there. No need to write why. I would only message about a party in a group chat if everyone was invited.

OutOntheTilez · 23/07/2021 00:23

When I was growing up, my mom told me it was rude to talk about a party or an event in front of people if not everyone in the group had been invited. And as a kid I had people brazenly make party plans in front of me without including me and that hurt, so I think that part is a bit off here (although less painful over WhatsApp as opposed to in person). Likewise, not getting responses to your party invites is annoying, and rude of the other people, so I get where this mom was coming from, especially if it was coming down to the wire.

Lalliella · 23/07/2021 00:36

She should’ve set up a separate WhatsApp group for the parents of the party invitees. You don’t want your group chat clogged up by stuff that’s irrelevant to most of you.

Also the person who named their DC Alan was very unreasonable!

zoeydollie · 23/07/2021 00:43

I think it's fine and can't believe anyone would really have a huff that their kid wasn't invited.

melj1213 · 23/07/2021 03:03

She should’ve set up a separate WhatsApp group for the parents of the party invitees. You don’t want your group chat clogged up by stuff that’s irrelevant to most of you.

But it seems like she didn't know the parents (or at least wasn't sure of their numbers) so how could she add them to a separate group?

As I said in my first post it sounds to me like the mother sent out invites and hoped to catch the parents at the school gates to chase up RSVPs. The end of term has been and gone without that happening and she had given them a few days grace to get in touch but if the party is coming up this weekend then she would need to make contact ASAP (especially if it is a venue with limited capacity or an activity that needs a certain number).

If she wasn't previously in the group then she probably didn't want to start adding random people to a group just in case the person with their WhatsApp name set as "Susan" in the group is not "Susan, Lisa's mum" but is actually "Susan, Amelia's mum".

She could have "put a call out" for X Y and Z parents and then waited for them to get in contact but why add an extra step (especially when the issue has already been about their lack of response) when you can just put the info out there?

It's not like the kids are in the group to see they haven't been invited and most parents are mature enough to know that their child will not be invited to every party so what is the issue?

Bridezillamaybe · 23/07/2021 08:13

She sounds busy to me and trying to get something done as quickly as possible without faffing around with extra groups.

DysmalRadius · 23/07/2021 08:18

@NotanothernamechangeforMN

A school Mum did this in the class whatsapp group recently and I called her out on it. 🤣

What did you say?

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 23/07/2021 08:23

I think she should've just asked those peeps to show themselves or contact her, then discuss the rest privately.
That's how I handle it.

I think it's on the nose to "name & shame" those parents and also to rub it in for others that their kids weren't invited.

Blinkingheckythump · 23/07/2021 08:25

@Lalliella

She should’ve set up a separate WhatsApp group for the parents of the party invitees. You don’t want your group chat clogged up by stuff that’s irrelevant to most of you.

Also the person who named their DC Alan was very unreasonable!

I'm pretty sure the op made up the names

ohthatbloodycat · 23/07/2021 08:37

This wouldn't bother me at all, UNLESS my child was the only one who hadn't been invited.

CaptSkippy · 23/07/2021 09:44

Her asking for the parents seems fine to me, but the talk about the party should have been conducted in private after she found them. Whether you consider it rude or not, such discussions do not concern the rest of you and just clutter up the chat. I find that at least a little insensitive.

Immunetypegoblin · 23/07/2021 09:49

I agree that open discussion of an event which not everyone is invited to is very much a social faux pas. I certainly would avoid doing so and would follow up with the offending parents 1:1 ("Let's discuss offline")

Original poster

KindergartenKop · 23/07/2021 19:26

@Blinkingheckythump there was no Alan actually involved in these shenanigans but I do know an Alan in primary school!

OP posts:

Lalliella · 25/07/2021 23:17

I'm pretty sure the op made up the names @Blinkingheckythump Really? You don’t say!

There was no Alan actually involved in these shenanigans but I do know an Alan in primary school! Oh no poor kid! DS played football against a kid called Brian - eek!

Booboosweet · 26/07/2021 00:37

What's wrong with the name Brian? That's my husband's name.

MolyHolyGuacamole · 26/07/2021 12:22

She should have just made a separate group for all invited to the party, but NBU to have asked. But again should have taken place in a separate group

TabithaTiger · 26/07/2021 12:25

She would have been unreasonable to mention it if the children that weren't invited were in the group! I don't think parents should really be getting offended on behalf of their offspring though! I mean, as adults I'm sure we all realise that in life not everyone is invited to everything!

I hate this 'calling people out', she was just asking them to rsvp. Nothing wrong with that IMO!

I'm so glad class WhatsApp's weren't a think when my DC were young. There seems to be so many unwritten rules around them!!

BlueSurfer · 26/07/2021 12:28

It wouldn’t bother me but equally I wouldn’t do it.

StevenYerTeasReady · 26/07/2021 12:35

@Booboosweet And its a perfectly good name for a grown man. It's a ridiculous name for a little boy.

See Gary, Alan and Clive for other examples

WorraLiberty · 26/07/2021 12:44

Hand on heart, I do not get the issue here.

The WA group is for contact with other parents. They used it for exactly that. Now if the kids were all in the group it might be a different matter.

But grown adults possibly getting butt hurt because their kids weren't invited?

Absolute madness.

earthyfire · 26/07/2021 13:10

It's bloody annoying when people don't RSVP but I wouldn't message on a group WhatsApp about it. If I felt the need to I'd message privately.

MolyHolyGuacamole · 26/07/2021 16:27

[quote StevenYerTeasReady]@Booboosweet And its a perfectly good name for a grown man. It's a ridiculous name for a little boy.

See Gary, Alan and Clive for other examples[/quote]
Every time someone says this, I burst out laughing at the thought of a baby named CLIVE 😂

Gregwiggle · 26/07/2021 16:34

Social faux pas, definitely. By private whatsapp, completely fine. Interesting that so many think it's fine to be rude because they are 'busy'.

FawnFrenchieMum · 26/07/2021 16:36

@fourminutestosavetheworld

If she addressed four or five parents out of 30 then I don't think it's much of an issue really - quick way for a new parent at school to reach other parents when she might not know them or have their numbers.

If it was 28 parents out of 30 would definitely be a faux pas.

Yeah this is my thoughts!

pleasedonttextmyman · 26/07/2021 16:45

@NotanothernamechangeforMN

A school Mum did this in the class whatsapp group recently and I called her out on it. 🤣

seriously? How cringey.

Why on earth would you do that? I am guessing your own child wasn't invited?

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