“Friend” behaviour

[Tblock]

I just want to express something that has been going on for years with me and my partners friend. She’s a female by the way. She literally copies everything in our life and it honestly pisses me off. I just want to see if I’m being unreasonable or petty? And seeing if this were to happen to you, would you feel the same? She’s been copying my wife’s clothes for years. So, for instance 1 particular time, my wife bought a dress and this friend was with her. A week later the friend is seen wearing that same dress out somewhere, basically meaning my wife can’t really wear that dress anymore in fear of having the same outfit on a night out. It doesn’t end there though. Ear rings, jewellery, watch etc etc, she will always ask, where do you get that from? Then inevitably will go out and purchase it behind your back. Even really petty things like me for instance, I’m a huge movie buff and have a really extensive movie collection. This friend sees this one day and suddenly months later, her cupboard is stacked with unopened movies she’s just bought. My wife and I have just decorated our 3 month baby boys spare room into a big jungle nursery a few months back. This friend has recently bought a house with her partner and her spare room is … you guessed it, jungle themed!!! I could go on and on. Sofa in our front room? She bought exactly the same one. My wife a few years back said something to her about it, so it’s been mentioned to her, yet she still behaves this way. It’s not just us though as she does this to a lot of people, but we in particular she seems to want to emulate our life and everything in it. It’s got to the point where I just want to cut her off, but she’s knows my wife for a long time. We announced our pregnancy at our wedding last year and you could see she was a bit funny all night. Almost to the point of being jealous. She’s been constantly asking my wife prior to that about when we want kids and my wife just swerved it by saying “in a few years” and she would be like “ yeh me too “. Moment we announce our pregnancy, she’s txing other friends with kids asking baby questions 😂😂😂 honestly, she’s for real and she displays lots of narcissistic personality traits which leads me to believe there’s something seriously wrong with her and maybe I’m being harsh ? You tell me

@MattHancocksSexTape

What attracted you to mumsnet to post?

what attracted you to this user name ?

Ok just a thought...

Could it be less to do with your dw and more to do with you?

You go back a long way, was there a time when she might have found you attractive? And she is trying to create an alternative option for you?

Perhaps if you show your clear dislike/disdain for this poor woman she can move on with her current boyfriend and avoid you and your wife.

Or maybe if you find it hard to be so blunt (which I find hard to believe) or you don’t think that idea has legs, discuss with her the joys of Instagram and Pinterest, you and your dw could start following and then withdraw, a sort of weaning method?

*following different content creators

@Myrrfect

Ok just a thought...

Could it be less to do with your dw and more to do with you?

You go back a long way, was there a time when she might have found you attractive? And she is trying to create an alternative option for you?

Perhaps if you show your clear dislike/disdain for this poor woman she can move on with her current boyfriend and avoid you and your wife.

Or maybe if you find it hard to be so blunt (which I find hard to believe) or you don’t think that idea has legs, discuss with her the joys of Instagram and Pinterest, you and your dw could start following and then withdraw, a sort of weaning method?

Strong possibility I don’t know. I mean her former fiancee she started buying similar clothes to me etc, like shirts, suits etc even though he was the polar opposite dress wise, as he was more casual But, I just thought that was more to do with how she copies virtually everything, rather than her liking me in that way. I really don’t know. Didn’t think of that to be honest.

Tell her your moving, you’ve been offered a job in Australia and will be moving in 2 months, you’ve already arranged tenants for the house and everything is sorted. Hopefully she sells up and moves there to find your still at home.

You lost me when you were rude to @Qwerty789

And also at your dismissal of every single suggestion made.

You absolutely could dial the friendship down, as much as you keep saying you can’t.

And you don’t own Costa Rica

@AliceMcK

Tell her your moving, you’ve been offered a job in Australia and will be moving in 2 months, you’ve already arranged tenants for the house and everything is sorted. Hopefully she sells up and moves there to find your still at home.

Even I don’t think she would go that far 😂😂😂😂

@Tblock

Some real fantastic people on here by the way so thank you for your responses. But, also some real male hating and antagonist people too. We are allowed an opinion on here ladies and I’m not attacking the female species by expressing my frustrations at this particular friend and neither am I controlling my lovely wife’s feelings or thoughts either.

As far as I know, there are quite a few men who post regularly on this site and are part of the community.

I don't think the comments challenging you are because you're a bloke. I think it's because you come across as very brash and aggressive.

(And also know far, far too much and have too much interest about a "now-thin" friend of your wife's, to be honest!)

I had a friend at school who used to copy my clothes however I never felt I couldn't wear the stuff as most would know I had it first.
People do get influenced by others so some copying or similarity is expected hence why so many have grey houses with velvet sofas. A jungle nursery is also very popular & there really aren't many other options however it's crazy that she has a nursery when not even pregnant.
I would say stuff when asked or lie about its origins.

@DontDrinkDontSmokeWhatDoIDo, I am simply responding to some of the ridiculous accusations on here like “controlling” and “policing” my wife’s friends. Just a bunch of vultures not happy that a man is expressing an opinion on a predominantly female forum. That’s all it is and I think you know it too.

@ARabbitisaBunny

I second FrankGrillosFloof. I had a 'friend' like this - couldn't buy anything without her demanding to know where I'd bought it or how much it had cost etc. I started to say things were presents, that I had found an item of clothing in a charity shop or simply couldn't remember. She also had an annoying habit of believing that anything I owned was available to her to borrow.

She DEMANDED you tell her where you bought things? Actually demanded, or just ask - and you chose to use the term 'demanded' for added dramatics?!

[quote Tblock]@DontDrinkDontSmokeWhatDoIDo, I am simply responding to some of the ridiculous accusations on here like “controlling” and “policing” my wife’s friends. Just a bunch of vultures not happy that a man is expressing an opinion on a predominantly female forum. That’s all it is and I think you know it too.[/quote]

I'm not sure you're qualified to know what I think, OP.

Although you do seem to know what everyone thinks, so maybe you are🧐🧐🧐🧐

Anyway cheers ladies. Was cool venting on here :)

@Youdiditanyway Just because you've had a baby, that doesn't mean that you have the Monopoly on baby-having and therefore anyone else who has a baby within a certain time frame after you have yours, is automatically 'copying!'
Nobody can fully control when they conceive!!

It is called a coincidence.

@AliceMcK

Tell her your moving, you’ve been offered a job in Australia and will be moving in 2 months, you’ve already arranged tenants for the house and everything is sorted. Hopefully she sells up and moves there to find your still at home.

I second this 🎉

[quote Tblock]@LoverOfLight, by the way, I haven’t even given you half of the stuff she does. Probably far worse than your friend. But, we can’t just drop her like that, especially when she displays that level of unhinge nature when you confront her. She’s in our circle of friends and we have known her for years. So, the only way to express the frustration is talking about. It’s not laughing behind someone’s back.[/quote]
I'm sorry but you're being unreasonable and people are allowed to disagree with you thinking otherwise.

Either she's your friend, the stuff she does is "annoying" (not dangerous/unhinged as you are now alluding to) or she's genuinely mentally unwell and you need to distance for self preservation. You don't get to have it both ways and take the piss out of her over petty things but then assert that her behaviour is so bad that you can't deal with her.

Also, why are you equating distancing yourself with confronting her? You honestly think you cannot distance yourself without making a big drama? You have a baby, or a baby on the way, I can't remember, it's the perfect excuse to disengage.

Your mental health is not her responsibility, but your behaviour towards her very much is.

Her mental health is not your responsibility, that should say.

I had a situation like this once too, it was a girl I went to school with. We weren’t friends but we had mutuals so we’re in the same friendship group.

This girl was terrifying, she didn’t just copy my clothes, hair, make up etc. But she took in my entire personality, my mannerisms, my hobbies literally everything. She morphed herself into a literal clone of me, so much so everyone noticed faculty and students and it became a running joke for them.

The kicker is (and what had me so scared) is this girl hated me, like she never came out and said so but she did a piss poor job on concealing her fury and dislike every time she spoke to me or was around me. I’ve no idea why either? She just irrationally hated my very existence yet seemed to want to be me.

She also had a nasty lying ha it and a huge victim complex, she was an exhausting human being and I went through primary and secondary with her! I was so relieved when she went to a different college to me, she did the same course as me but in our home town college whilst I went to the neighbouring towns one. To this day I think she would’ve followed me if I’d have not lied and told her I was going to the home college.

Absolutely bizarre.

Wasnt* sigh mumsnet please give us an edit button!

@Tblock No, it's not normal behaviour and it sounds very unpleasant BUT you are not going to do anything about it as you keep telling us, so put up, shut up and get on with it.

You also contradict yourself as to why you can't do anything, first she is part of the circle of friends, then several members of that circle have stopped speaking to her/interacting with her and yet you can't do the same because part of the circle of friends.

I do wonder if you are secretly enjoying it as you are so determined not to do anything at all to address it.

@Lachimolala so similar to what happened to me but she became my best friend. She acted soo nice and sweet and happy but it was all an imitation and as soon as I dropped her because of a fucked up incident on a night out, loads of other friends came out with stories about her that I genuinely had no idea about and couldn't believe it.

She was a completely different person underneath it all. What makes people act like this?

So, guys are not allowed to post on here then? Or are you saying this is strictly for females only as it’s mums net? Who’s the sexist one now

Guys are fine...except guys who insist on calling women "females".
It's incredibly twattish.

@LookItsMeAgain

I'd send her on a wild goose chase for something that you have 'on order' (make it wildly expensive or something that you in all honesty wouldn't have in your house) and gush over how excited you are to get one as they are really rare and it's going to go on your mantlepiece when it arrives. Now you and I know that you actually won't have bought this and you can fob her off with stories about delays in delivery and customs charges etc. See if she bites. See if she gets one the same as the one that you 'ordered'. Or perhaps you're changing your car or something quite expensive. Do it a few times, with some space in between and see if she keeps doing it. It's not usual to create a nursery if there are no children. Surely they can see that??? Then you have concrete evidence of her 'copying' and you could approach her and/or her other half and say that it has to stop as it's bordering on stalker behaviour

Surely copying the clothes, furniture, films and nursery is concrete proof

[quote LoverOfLight]@Lachimolala so similar to what happened to me but she became my best friend. She acted soo nice and sweet and happy but it was all an imitation and as soon as I dropped her because of a fucked up incident on a night out, loads of other friends came out with stories about her that I genuinely had no idea about and couldn't believe it.

She was a completely different person underneath it all. What makes people act like this?[/quote]
So weird right! I don’t know why people do this but I’m convinced in some people it’s a mix of self esteem issues and/or a personality disorder!

She was genuinely so scary, I can’t explain it but she just made all my instincts start screaming at me. She actually lives near me now and I see her with her child often, she’s followed me a few times into shops whilst whispering furiously to herself.

Just a very unnerving situation!

If this friend is on Mumsnet (and she probably is) I'm pretty sure she will recognise herself and be mortified at having a thread dedicated to her copycat lifestyle.