“Friend” behaviour

[Tblock]

I just want to express something that has been going on for years with me and my partners friend. She’s a female by the way. She literally copies everything in our life and it honestly pisses me off. I just want to see if I’m being unreasonable or petty? And seeing if this were to happen to you, would you feel the same? She’s been copying my wife’s clothes for years. So, for instance 1 particular time, my wife bought a dress and this friend was with her. A week later the friend is seen wearing that same dress out somewhere, basically meaning my wife can’t really wear that dress anymore in fear of having the same outfit on a night out. It doesn’t end there though. Ear rings, jewellery, watch etc etc, she will always ask, where do you get that from? Then inevitably will go out and purchase it behind your back. Even really petty things like me for instance, I’m a huge movie buff and have a really extensive movie collection. This friend sees this one day and suddenly months later, her cupboard is stacked with unopened movies she’s just bought. My wife and I have just decorated our 3 month baby boys spare room into a big jungle nursery a few months back. This friend has recently bought a house with her partner and her spare room is … you guessed it, jungle themed!!! I could go on and on. Sofa in our front room? She bought exactly the same one. My wife a few years back said something to her about it, so it’s been mentioned to her, yet she still behaves this way. It’s not just us though as she does this to a lot of people, but we in particular she seems to want to emulate our life and everything in it. It’s got to the point where I just want to cut her off, but she’s knows my wife for a long time. We announced our pregnancy at our wedding last year and you could see she was a bit funny all night. Almost to the point of being jealous. She’s been constantly asking my wife prior to that about when we want kids and my wife just swerved it by saying “in a few years” and she would be like “ yeh me too “. Moment we announce our pregnancy, she’s txing other friends with kids asking baby questions 😂😂😂 honestly, she’s for real and she displays lots of narcissistic personality traits which leads me to believe there’s something seriously wrong with her and maybe I’m being harsh ? You tell me

@Youdiditanyway

Crikey, I had a friend like this in secondary school. She used to copy my clothes, make up, hair, taste in music, started getting piercings when I did etc. I found it really irritating so the friendship didn’t last very long. Looking back think she just admired me for whatever reason and perhaps I should have been flattered? I didn’t like it though.

DH’s best friend has had two children 10 months after our children were born now which just seems a little too coincidental. His GF literally gets pregnant a month after we have a baby, happened twice now. DH keeps joking we should have another soon to keep them on their toes.

It’s weird, not sure why people do this. I’m guessing they’re very insecure and struggle to carve a life/style out for themselves so feel the need to emulate someone else. I’d probably ditch this particular friend.

Erm - if they were copying you with having children, surely they didn’t need to wait until your baby was BORN before getting pregnant? Did they not realise you were pregnant until it actually popped out? I think you are over thinking that one!

I don't think its harmless and I'm also a bit with people who are ok with friends doing it. Is your wife flattered by the attention?

As another decoy, though a bit of a faff, your wife could occasionally borrow an item of clothing/piece of jewellery/shoes from a sympathetic sister/your sister/friend outside the group and wear that, draw attention to the piece in front of her by twiddling with the jewellery or swishing the dress or whatever, let her know what shop it's from when she asks, then that might use up some of her "copying" time and money at no cost and just a little effort for you.

Woman, OP. Not females. Not girls. Women.

@the80sweregreat

Why would she do up a room in a ' jungle theme' if she hasn't got children herself yet ? She sounds a bit unhinged to be honest. I would quietly drop her and not engage with her ( if you can) she sounds a bit unstable and could cause you other problems down the line.

Just throwing my 2p in but my spare bedroom/wfh office could be described as “jungle themed” & we don’t have kids yet. I just quite like big, bold & green so am really pleased with it. Although, it did cross my mind that we wouldn’t have to redecorate when it comes to making it into a nursery.

@Thelnebriati

I don't think its harmless and I'm also a bit with people who are ok with friends doing it. Is your wife flattered by the attention?

Maybe because my wife is a nice person and doesn’t want to cause confrontation? Have you not thought of that ? And to answer your question, no it’s not flattering. She’s not flattered by it, but she’s learnt to just brush it aside despite it annoying her. Not sure how anyone can be flattered when a friend is literally trying to emulate you and your partners life. It’s bloody irritating.

Like I said above and I will repeat just in case some one missed it, another scenario is Costa Rica being one of our favourite places to travel and we got engaged there, so it holds a special
Place in our heart and is personal to us. She’s now looking at that place as her honeymoon destination. Please can anyone tell me if this is normal behaviour?

@Tblock

Like I said above and I will repeat just in case some one missed it, another scenario is Costa Rica being one of our favourite places to travel and we got engaged there, so it holds a special Place in our heart and is personal to us. She’s now looking at that place as her honeymoon destination. Please can anyone tell me if this is normal behaviour?

Does she actually have a fiancé?! Sounds a bit bonkers to me, I'd have to say something about it to her.

Yes she does. Although this is her 2nd fiancée in 2 years. She split with her last fiancée about a year ago and got engaged to this new guy after 2 months. We are all pretty certain she cheated on the last fiancée, who by the way is still a friend of mine as we got to know him well down the years she was with him. She literally can’t bare the thought of being alone, so Is extremely insecure as a person. It just winds both me and my wife up that literally everything we do, she feels the need to copy and emulate it. I was just wondering and interested to see if people would be just as annoyed if we’re happening to them.

@Youdiditanyway

Crikey, I had a friend like this in secondary school. She used to copy my clothes, make up, hair, taste in music, started getting piercings when I did etc. I found it really irritating so the friendship didn’t last very long. Looking back think she just admired me for whatever reason and perhaps I should have been flattered? I didn’t like it though.

DH’s best friend has had two children 10 months after our children were born now which just seems a little too coincidental. His GF literally gets pregnant a month after we have a baby, happened twice now. DH keeps joking we should have another soon to keep them on their toes.

It’s weird, not sure why people do this. I’m guessing they’re very insecure and struggle to carve a life/style out for themselves so feel the need to emulate someone else. I’d probably ditch this particular friend.

What a silly suggestion ! That your husband's friend is having a baby to 'copy' you .

I think you're being mean tbh.

I'm not saying her behaviour is not creepy and offputting. But a friend is not somebody who you should be cringing over or laughing behind their back. Everyone has issues with their friends and it's your right to discuss it, but there is a spectrum and you are on the wrong end of it if you're posting online bitching and laughing about her, calling her unhinged etc.

And yes similar has happened to me, but it was worse IMO as it wasn't just aesthetics it was personality traits and quirks and I left the friendship realising I had no idea who this person really was. I ditched the friend and I don't think about her anymore. I didn't keep her in my life and continue to bitch about her.

And also to the poster who thought their friend's GF was getting pregnant because of their babies, broodiness is a really intense feeling for a lot of women and while seeing your beautiful newborns may have triggered it, I can pretty much guarantee that it's the broodiness and not a sense of wanting to "copy" you that caused a pregnancy.

Some of y'all really need to evaluate how you view people in your life.

My friend got pregnant a few short months after I got pregnant with my second, despite saying she didn't want to start a family for a couple of years. It literally never crossed my mind to think "omg she's copying me"

@LoverOfLight

I think you're being mean tbh.

I'm not saying her behaviour is not creepy and offputting. But a friend is not somebody who you should be cringing over or laughing behind their back. Everyone has issues with their friends and it's your right to discuss it, but there is a spectrum and you are on the wrong end of it if you're posting online bitching and laughing about her, calling her unhinged etc.

And yes similar has happened to me, but it was worse IMO as it wasn't just aesthetics it was personality traits and quirks and I left the friendship realising I had no idea who this person really was. I ditched the friend and I don't think about her anymore. I didn't keep her in my life and continue to bitch about her.

Ok, so there is issues with friends like a normal person and there is this, completely different. My wife tried telling her once years ago she wasn’t happy with her constantly copying her and trying to emulate everything we do. She ended up turning it against her and crying to her then fiancée saying how life’s not worth living as her friends don’t like her. My wife felt awful, so hasn’t gone down that route again. So before you start judging like you are on some pedestal, think of the situation first. Not everyone can just drop friends or people you have known for years like you.

@LoverOfLight, by the way, I haven’t even given you half of the stuff she does. Probably far worse than your friend. But, we can’t just drop her like that, especially when she displays that level of unhinge nature when you confront her. She’s in our circle of friends and we have known her for years. So, the only way to express the frustration is talking about. It’s not laughing behind someone’s back.

I can see why it would be a bit irritating - but it’s also pretty harmless.

it's NOT harmless... it's stalking/obsessing behaviour .. and it's not right..

Stop sharing any information you can with her, obviously you can't hide everything..

She sounds very Single White Female..

I'd start distancing myself from her

YANBU 🌸

They say imitation is a sincere form of flattery op, but I agree it’s bloody annoying.

Agree with others, start forgetting where you got things from, or downright lie. New boots from River Island, they came from a charity shop or eBay…new wallpaper from B&Q it came from World of Wallpaper…

Send her on a wild goose chase for things that don’t exist and say things like “I’m booked in for my hair to be done on Friday….I’m going bleach blonde pixie cut” then keep your waist length red hair.

Anything she admires you inherited or it was a gift or you’ve had it forever.

My DSIL had an acquaintance like this years ago. At lunch, they would all be chatting and sometimes saying things they wanted or were getting or had just bought or been gifted and she would turn up in a few days with the exact same thing or announce she had just decorated a room the exact way someone else was discussing. In the end, people were getting really pissed off. When that glitter wallpaper was all the rage and quite pricey, one of the girls claimed she was doing her whole living room in it, getting a sparkly throw and cushions, glitter painting the ceiling and getting a chandelier, saying she'd seen it all over Instagram. The woman actually papered her entire living room in silver glitter paper and got a chandelier light fitting and one of those shaggy rugs with metallic threads. I don't know if she glitter painted the ceiling, but I was shown the photo of the room she sent on their WhatsApp chat and it was something!

@QueenBee52

I can see why it would be a bit irritating - but it’s also pretty harmless.

it's NOT harmless... it's stalking/obsessing behaviour .. and it's not right..

Stop sharing any information you can with her, obviously you can't hide everything..

She sounds very Single White Female..

I'd start distancing myself from her

YANBU 🌸

I have to admit, I did say Single white female 😂😂 great film by the way. On a serious note and I’m no doctor, but everything she displays in her character and obviously I won’t go into detail here, is a display of narcissistic traits and I literally mean she ticks almost every box. You buy something, she will try getting something just that bit bigger or more expensive. You get a work promotion, she will bare face lie in 2 weeks and say her work has given her a pay upgrade. It’s the constant lies too. I know people will say why are you still friends? It’s easy for people to say that but we have known her for years and like I have stated above, it’s almost like you can’t break away from it because she’s very unhinged and you feel almost guilty for it. She has good qualities of course, hence why she’s in our circle of friends but she also very manipulative and nasty qualities too.

Have you ever been on AIBU before @Tblock? It isn't called 'I am not being unreasonable and don't you dare disagree with me' you know?

People usually post on here to check if the way they are thinking/feeling/acting is reasonable/unreasonable to the majority. Not to attack, belittle or be passive aggressive towards anyone who disagrees with them. Some people are suggesting alternatives to your 'She is unhinged' narrative because, as you state, they don't have the full picture and how could they?

@Tblock

"Qwerty789
Woman, OP. Not females. Not girls. Women."
"Oh please don’t come at me with that over sensitive feminine Bolloks. She’s a female isn’t she?"

She's a female human/person, not a female. She's a woman.
It's an annoying situation but it's up to your wife who she is friends with.

@SafeMove

Have you ever been on AIBU before *@Tblock*? It isn't called 'I am not being unreasonable and don't you dare disagree with me' you know?

People usually post on here to check if the way they are thinking/feeling/acting is reasonable/unreasonable to the majority. Not to attack, belittle or be passive aggressive towards anyone who disagrees with them. Some people are suggesting alternatives to your 'She is unhinged' narrative because, as you state, they don't have the full picture and how could they?

Well if you read the comment after, I am trying yo explain the full picture. It’s the judging I will call people up on. Nobody has the right to say “you are so mean” when you know sweet FA about the situation and then pretend that they are on this pedestal by dumping their friends and expressing that you should do that too. Some situations are different.

This kind of prolonged behaviour would make me anxious as well.

If you don’t want to / can’t distance yourself from her, then each time she asks your wife “where did you get that?” She either needs to reply “I can’t remember” or be honest and tell her that all the copying makes her feel uncomfortable and she doesn’t want to say.

Stop sharing info full stop.

If the friend has a problem with this, TS really!

[quote Ponoka7]@Tblock

"Qwerty789
Woman, OP. Not females. Not girls. Women."
"Oh please don’t come at me with that over sensitive feminine Bolloks. She’s a female isn’t she?"

She's a female human/person, not a female. She's a woman.
It's an annoying situation but it's up to your wife who she is friends with.[/quote]
My wife gets really annoyed by it. She has just learnt to ignore it, despite it pissing her off 80% of the time. This is not me trying to control her friends, so please don’t even bother going down that route because you are on the complete wrong path there.