“Friend” behaviour

[Tblock]

I just want to express something that has been going on for years with me and my partners friend. She’s a female by the way. She literally copies everything in our life and it honestly pisses me off. I just want to see if I’m being unreasonable or petty? And seeing if this were to happen to you, would you feel the same? She’s been copying my wife’s clothes for years. So, for instance 1 particular time, my wife bought a dress and this friend was with her. A week later the friend is seen wearing that same dress out somewhere, basically meaning my wife can’t really wear that dress anymore in fear of having the same outfit on a night out. It doesn’t end there though. Ear rings, jewellery, watch etc etc, she will always ask, where do you get that from? Then inevitably will go out and purchase it behind your back. Even really petty things like me for instance, I’m a huge movie buff and have a really extensive movie collection. This friend sees this one day and suddenly months later, her cupboard is stacked with unopened movies she’s just bought. My wife and I have just decorated our 3 month baby boys spare room into a big jungle nursery a few months back. This friend has recently bought a house with her partner and her spare room is … you guessed it, jungle themed!!! I could go on and on. Sofa in our front room? She bought exactly the same one. My wife a few years back said something to her about it, so it’s been mentioned to her, yet she still behaves this way. It’s not just us though as she does this to a lot of people, but we in particular she seems to want to emulate our life and everything in it. It’s got to the point where I just want to cut her off, but she’s knows my wife for a long time. We announced our pregnancy at our wedding last year and you could see she was a bit funny all night. Almost to the point of being jealous. She’s been constantly asking my wife prior to that about when we want kids and my wife just swerved it by saying “in a few years” and she would be like “ yeh me too “. Moment we announce our pregnancy, she’s txing other friends with kids asking baby questions 😂😂😂 honestly, she’s for real and she displays lots of narcissistic personality traits which leads me to believe there’s something seriously wrong with her and maybe I’m being harsh ? You tell me

Oh please don’t come at me with that over sensitive feminine Bolloks. She’s a female isn’t she?

Well aren't you a peach?

No, she is not " a female". Female is an adjective, not a noun. She's a female what? Kangaroo? No, she is a female human...and the word for that is what now? WOMAN. There you go.

@Wineat5isfine

This kind of prolonged behaviour would make me anxious as well.

If you don’t want to / can’t distance yourself from her, then each time she asks your wife “where did you get that?” She either needs to reply “I can’t remember” or be honest and tell her that all the copying makes her feel uncomfortable and she doesn’t want to say.

Stop sharing info full stop.

If the friend has a problem with this, TS really!

I know but like the jungle themed baby nursery thing. We never said where we got it from but we had a party round ours and obviously she was invited, so inevitably she saw it and was intrigued by it. 4 months later, she now has a jungle themed spare bedroom in her room. Nothing you can do can stop that if she’s in your friends circle. We can’t physically stop her buying stuff or tell her “don’t you buy that “

My friend has a SIL like this - she's copied her hairstyle, clothes, furniture, car - everything! She's quite sneaky how she does it though, for instance, when my friend redecorated her living room (completely restyled it) her SIL didn't even mention the changes, her front room looks completely different, you couldn't not notice it, yet not a word was said. Literally weeks later the SIL redecorates in exactly the same style, with the same furniture 😳

I find it bizarre but really funny too (my friend doesn't! ) - humans are weird!

@lemmein

My friend has a SIL like this - she's copied her hairstyle, clothes, furniture, car - everything! She's quite sneaky how she does it though, for instance, when my friend redecorated her living room (completely restyled it) her SIL didn't even mention the changes, her front room looks completely different, you couldn't not notice it, yet not a word was said. Literally weeks later the SIL redecorates in exactly the same style, with the same furniture 😳

I find it bizarre but really funny too (my friend doesn't! ) - humans are weird!

Yes very similar to our situation. Honestly the weirdest one for me was we bought our sofa from sofaology and you get that Sloth teddy don’t you when you buy it ? We have this sloth teddy on the end of our corner sofa. We visited her and her ex Fiancée home about 2 months after and there on the corner of her sofa is a sloth teddy positioned pretty much in exact same position, no joke 😂😂😂 I mean, you got to laugh sometimes haven’t you ? Me and my wife just look at each other in astonishment.

How annoying. There's a big leap between "imitation is flattery" and bordering on Single White Female (or should that be Single White Female Human?)

Poor woman seems to have something missing in her life/psyche. That doesn't make it any less annoying. Has she always been like that? Or did it start happening suddenly? One of my dear friends became a right copycat a few years ago. It seemed to be everything: clothes, what i cooked for dinner, my Christmas decorations, holidays ... but looking back she was having a really unhappy time in her life trying to come to terms with finding out she would not be able to have more children and emulating my life (I had a baby around this time) gave her some sort of focus.

She's now much much happier and we are still great friends but less copycatting! I never said anything and I'm glad. I did start not mentioning things and saying I couldn't remember where I'd bought stuff. She has just had her sitting room decorated the exact same colour as mine (mine was only done in May). But then maybe I've just got great taste!

@honeylulu

How annoying. There's a big leap between "imitation is flattery" and bordering on Single White Female (or should that be Single White Female Human?)

Poor woman seems to have something missing in her life/psyche. That doesn't make it any less annoying. Has she always been like that? Or did it start happening suddenly? One of my dear friends became a right copycat a few years ago. It seemed to be everything: clothes, what i cooked for dinner, my Christmas decorations, holidays ... but looking back she was having a really unhappy time in her life trying to come to terms with finding out she would not be able to have more children and emulating my life (I had a baby around this time) gave her some sort of focus.

She's now much much happier and we are still great friends but less copycatting! I never said anything and I'm glad. I did start not mentioning things and saying I couldn't remember where I'd bought stuff. She has just had her sitting room decorated the exact same colour as mine (mine was only done in May). But then maybe I've just got great taste!

If I’m going to be honest, she’s always been a Strange character and displayed a lot of narcissistic traits, but I would say she got worse when she lost weight. The moment she lost weight a few years back and become really thin, she started to think every guy liked her etc. But this is obviously her insecurities rather than her actually believing it. I’ll give another scenario and this is not to do with us by the way, but one of her other friends cut communications with her, as she was lying too much about stuff and this friend got fed up. She then told everyone that this friends husband had been chasing her and asking for her number etc.Real nasty behaviour.

Stop telling her where you get stuff from. Also don't say "female" when you mean woman

@Brefugee

Stop telling her where you get stuff from. Also don't say "female" when you mean woman

perhaps trying to avoid offence 🤔

I literally could’ve written this myself! I have a friend who does exactly the same thing - even as far as dog collars and water bottles everything. Holiday destinations, days out. And I do find it really annoying, and I don’t think it’s petty to be annoyed about it

Another scenario was one of our friends had split up with her boyfriend years ago. All connected and all the same group as the lady friend I am mentioning on here. The lady we are discussing starts telling her a year later that she saw her ex on the street and he was asking her for a date and trying to pursue her. We found out this was a complete lie. This surely isn’t normal ?

@Randomgal28

I literally could’ve written this myself! I have a friend who does exactly the same thing - even as far as dog collars and water bottles everything. Holiday destinations, days out. And I do find it really annoying, and I don’t think it’s petty to be annoyed about it

So irritating isn’t it ? But it’s not easy to just dump them out of your life like some people are suggesting, especially when you have known them years and they are in your crowd of friends

Definitely! Like I suppose it is ‘harmless’ but it’s really strange behaviour

@SafeMove

Have you ever been on AIBU before *@Tblock*? It isn't called 'I am not being unreasonable and don't you dare disagree with me' you know?

People usually post on here to check if the way they are thinking/feeling/acting is reasonable/unreasonable to the majority. Not to attack, belittle or be passive aggressive towards anyone who disagrees with them. Some people are suggesting alternatives to your 'She is unhinged' narrative because, as you state, they don't have the full picture and how could they?

Well said

You say “You buy something, she will try getting something just that bit bigger or more expensive” but also are complaining that she copies you identically?!

@MattHancocksSexTape

You say “You buy something, she will try getting something just that bit bigger or more expensive” but also are complaining that she copies you identically?!

Trust me she does both. So, she will say copy what you will buy, but say buy a more expensive version. So, for arguments sake. If you bought a watch. She will buy pretty much exactly the same watch in terms of style, but the one she buys will more expensive. It’s just odd behaviour she expresses very regularly and it’s draining when you have a friend who is constantly trying to emulate you as a couple and compete with you. At the same time, you have known this person a long time and can’t just dump them. But, when you do express your annoyance towards it, like my wife did a few years back, she makes you feel guilty. It’s the lies though that are a massive problem.

OP, you’re an argumentative so and so. Maybe take some of your attitude into real life and tell her how you feel. Pretend you’re hiding behind a screen/keyboard so you can be as blunt and dismissive as you’re being here? HTH

I think until you have experienced someone like this, you can’t really understand. It’s easy for people to say “well it’s harmless and flattering “ , but I’m telling you, if this was happening to you on a regular basis, you too would be bloody annoyed and irritated by it.

“Female” is an adjective. You were using it as a noun. Sorry if my feminine bollocks preference for accuracy offends you. Perhaps if you paid attention to how women think and behave you would be better equipped to cope with your issues relating to your wife’s friend.

I say your issues because you clearly have strong feelings about this woman yourself. In any case I’m not comfortable discussing your wife’s concerns through you. She’s a grown woman, I assume? If she wants MN opinions she should post herself. Human relations are complex and personal. Extra layers of interpretation especially from someone who reacts in a childish and sexist way when told how to correctly and respectfully refer to female human beings at best muddy the waters and at worst reflects an attempt to control your wife’s actions.

@ValerieMalone

“Female” is an adjective. You were using it as a noun. Sorry if my feminine bollocks preference for accuracy offends you. Perhaps if you paid attention to how women think and behave you would be better equipped to cope with your issues relating to your wife’s friend.

I say your issues because you clearly have strong feelings about this woman yourself. In any case I’m not comfortable discussing your wife’s concerns through you. She’s a grown woman, I assume? If she wants MN opinions she should post herself. Human relations are complex and personal. Extra layers of interpretation especially from someone who reacts in a childish and sexist way when told how to correctly and respectfully refer to female human beings at best muddy the waters and at worst reflects an attempt to control your wife’s actions.

So, guys are not allowed to post on here then? Or are you saying this is strictly for females only as it’s mums net? Who’s the sexist one now ? I am not controlling my wife’s actions whatsoever, so please refrain from your opinion of this because you barking up the wrong tree. It’s a message board to discuss stuff happening in every day life, so I have the right to post this wether I’m a male and not. Seems like you have an issue because I’m a male

OP, you're an argumentative so and so
The OP is responding to antagonsim.

@blacksax

OP, you're an argumentative so and so The OP is responding to antagonsim.

Precisely, thank you. Just seems I am getting attacked by some ( not all ) for expressing my frustrations about a “woman” who’s also been a pain to my wife too so not just me, then getting told I’m controlling my wife’s actions 😂😂😂 I’m sorry, but absolutely pathetic. I am allowed a bloody option on here as a male you know.

I don't think its normal to keep "friends" around that you find annoying/creepy/unhinged etc and not to feel that you can even talk to them about your concerns or back off from a situation that is causing you so much upset? What kind of friendship is that? False, 2-faced and pointless is what that sounds like to me, the only reason I can think of for not saying something or backing away from the friendship is that you/your wife must be enjoying the drama and having something to whine about.

Some real fantastic people on here by the way so thank you for your responses. But, also some real male hating and antagonist people too. We are allowed an opinion on here ladies and I’m not attacking the female species by expressing my frustrations at this particular friend and neither am I controlling my lovely wife’s feelings or thoughts either.