3 year old at restaurant

[Theeamonandruthshow]

We’ve always taken our toddler Ds out with us to eat since being a baby. We live abroad, so generally eat outdoors, by the beach, lots of kids around. He was in his buggy, then a high chair at restaurants when a little older, now he sits in a chair. Only thing is, he obviously doesn’t sit for long without getting bored and starting to want to get up and walk around etc 😬fine if we’re by the beach or park as he can play in front of us. A couple of places we’d like to go to again don’t offer this option. How do you get your child to sit for a slightly longer time at the table? Do you take books, let them play on the tablet/phone, I know this would work but feel bit crappy having to resort to it, but would like to sit and have a conversation as opposed to gulping down my food and trying to persuade Ds to sit a teeny bit longer. Or can we just not do it?

I'm not bothered by other diners hating to see my child with a tablet in front of him. So long as he's quiet, not running about and not bothering them, it's none of their business whether we interact with him. We're not putting on some kind of 'happy family' show for other diners, we're just trying to eat with the minimal fuss and disturbance. As a parent, it's nice to actually get to eat your meal while it's hot occasionally as well. We don't feel guilty since usually we've been interacting with him all day long and we're a bit "interacted out" by dinner time.

And often when we're on holiday without cooking facilities, my child isn't there to be "included" as such but is there because he too needs to eat.

This one almost had me until but would like to sit and have a conversation

iPad, colouring or puzzles!

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Ps I should add that although tablets work and I and many other diners hate seeing a child sat glued to one in a restaurant while parents to talk to each other and don't interact with the child. If they aren't there to be included leave them home with a sitter.

No one cares what you hate seeing. Don't look.

Yes, I’m afraid I still don’t understand why the ipads and books are different. If you’re engrossed in a book, you won’t be communicating properly, same with an iPad. I had colouring books and reading books as a child when I was young and ate in restaurants, I don’t do that now. I don’t see the logic of people saying no phones/tablets at the table but books and playdoh are fine. There’s a point where a child stops playing with toys at a table, or we would all still be doing it! My children haven’t got to that stage yet, so I can’t really comment, maybe I’ll feel differently later on. I think it’s rude for an adult to have a phone or tablet at the table, but I would feel it would also be rude for an adult to read a book or play with a toy!

I think the solution is to take them regularly; they soon learn how meals out work. Little cars/figures to play with and a walk round the garden after ordering were things we did.

We have an educational app. Our 4 year old draws, traces letters and the stories are read to her on the iPad. There is a library of activities to do if no internet

Do you remember this toy? You can still get this toy! Mine were/are obsessed with it and it is a real boon when eating out.

[quote peasoup8]@Scarby9 that’s lovely! No one has ever gone so far as to congratulate my DCs behaviour in a restaurant but generally they’re pretty good.[/quote]
I did it to a family once. It was a posh restaurant and the kids (3) were probably between 5-10ish. They were just really well behaved and respectful.

I noticed they were close to ordering dessert so I asked the waiter to include 3 hot chocolates (with parent’s permission) on our bill anonymously. The server agreed they were a great table to have. I think I asked him to say they were a lovely family and seemed to be enjoying their evening (or something not intended to be condescending.)

We watched on the sly the exchange with mom and the reactions of the kids when the server brought them and explained. Both parents remarked that someone must have noticed their manners. The smallest girl was super cute ‘it’s just like your coffee mom!” I think mom figured out it was us, she nodded and I raised my wine glass to her.

So yeah we haven’t done often, but we try do things like this when little ones are practicing manners.

I'm really sorry but given covid and so the extra stress I'd be more leaning towards don't go (but I understand totally if you really really want to!)

@Scarby9

And to back up *@moynomore*, my cousins kids had a strict no devices at the table rule at home or visiting family or friends BUT an ipads all the way rule if attention wandered at a meal out in public. This lasted from about 3 -12ish. The family still have no devices at table and the girls are now 21 and 22 and very chatty, as they have been throughout.

If the girls are now 21 and 22 surely ipads didn't exist when they were 3-12?

I used to take colouring/activity books and we'd always include them in conversations. I remember going for a meal with about 20 members of the extended family and the handful of small children we had spent sometime doing activity books with each other, or with various family members that they didn't see often. Everyone had a chance to have grown up conversations, and time to chat/colour with various dc if they wanted.

@CiaoForNiao
I was simplifying. They were given whatever portable electrinic thing was available at that time, so possibly started with gameboys or something, parents' phones, then definitely latterly tablets. I have never had an ipad pr any kinfmd of tablet myself - not sure if that's the make they had.

@Scarby9 Can I ask what you mean when you say “very chatty.” Is the implication they wouldn’t be had they had devices?

Not my implication, @Fangsalot89
I was refuting the suggestion that kids given devices at meals out might grow up without the art of civilised conversation and social interaction.

@Scarby9 Oh good, I must have read that wrong because I was going to say the idea is nonsense.
☺️

Mine liked crunching the ice from the water jug - kept her entertained for a bit without filling her up. We ordered her food to come with our starters. We'd go for a walk to the toilets and back between courses (hooray for those places where that involved a flight of stairs) - no other walking around. Colouring and small puzzle-type toys. Tablet only as last resort.

Make sure you've let them run off plenty of steam before the meal. With a lot of the children I've seen behaving badly in restaurants, I suspect they've come straight from a longish car-journey to meet family - arriving early enough to go to the playground first would make a big difference.

Mine used to eat starters for their meal ;) I don't usually like the kids menu......