3 year old at restaurant

[Theeamonandruthshow]

We’ve always taken our toddler Ds out with us to eat since being a baby. We live abroad, so generally eat outdoors, by the beach, lots of kids around. He was in his buggy, then a high chair at restaurants when a little older, now he sits in a chair. Only thing is, he obviously doesn’t sit for long without getting bored and starting to want to get up and walk around etc 😬fine if we’re by the beach or park as he can play in front of us. A couple of places we’d like to go to again don’t offer this option. How do you get your child to sit for a slightly longer time at the table? Do you take books, let them play on the tablet/phone, I know this would work but feel bit crappy having to resort to it, but would like to sit and have a conversation as opposed to gulping down my food and trying to persuade Ds to sit a teeny bit longer. Or can we just not do it?

I think sometimes you have to accept that for a short while at this age certain restaurants are best left alone for a while.

The same as if your child is going through a biting stage, you wouldn't take them to a play park full of other children it can bite and upset for a short while.

At three years old, taking a coloring book and crayons isn't "resorting" to anything, it is admitting to your child's emotional development (which seems normal for his age), and doing what is necessary for him to have a good experience, commiserate with his age. Not one single thing wrong with this, and the other diners will thank you. Here in the USA, many family-friendly restaurants have paper place mats with coloring projects printed on, and color crayons available. And thank goodness for them!

Dd was one kept occupied cutting up the rind of a lemon from her drink.

@daisyjgrey oh, I wouldn’t let the DC look at an iPad or phone in a restaurant either. Each to their own though!

@peasoup8

We have a rule of no iPads or phones at the table in our house.

I have the same rule at home of course. But make no apologies for allowing it out an about when my two were little. The are 10 and 12 now and sit politely through am meal ins a restaurant making conversation with the table. No long term harm done by saving my sanity when they were toddlers.

Ugh, typos!

The are 10 and 12 now and sit politely through am meal ins a restaurant making conversation with the table. No long term harm done by saving my sanity when they were toddlers.

@moynomore that’s interesting. I always felt it was necessary to teach them no screens at the table from the outset, but maybe (judging by your experience) it’s not!

We were worried when a huge long table was set up next to us in a pub at lunchtime and four families with young (baby to about 6 year olds) trooped in. There were 8 adults and 9 children.
They were fabulous! As they arrived, each got out a sketch pad and had to draw 1. Where they had just been (Roman Wall) and 2. Something or someone in the pub.

Then they got drinks and made toilet trips two at a time with an adult.

Between courses, comics appeared.

Loads of people went over to congratulate the parents and ask the children about their day - so lovely to see!

Incidentally, one of the parents said it was all down to the eldest child in the group who was naturally a sitter at the table, and they reckoned the rest had a good role model in her, then in each other as they grew up.

@Scarby9 that’s lovely! No one has ever gone so far as to congratulate my DCs behaviour in a restaurant but generally they’re pretty good.

And to back up @moynomore, my cousins kids had a strict no devices at the table rule at home or visiting family or friends BUT an ipads all the way rule if attention wandered at a meal out in public. This lasted from about 3 -12ish.
The family still have no devices at table and the girls are now 21 and 22 and very chatty, as they have been throughout.

Cousin's

@peasoup8
I would congratulate you on your kids! I think parents need a boost now and again.

Thanks @Scarby9! We don’t allow any screens at home or in restaurants, but I think I am quite strict (and probably making life more difficult than it has to be for myself TBH).

Re. the iPad controvesy - I think it depends on context.

Short-ish informal family meal, where the whole point is to be together as a family - absolutely not. Would take colouring books, books, little card games etc and accept that interacting with my children and keeping them happy while waiting for food etc is part and parcel of eating out with small children, and that it is good for children to learn to be patient.

Occasional adult-oriented events, where you can't be focused on your children (wedding receptions, long boring meals with extended family etc) then some judicious use of screens can definitely be helpful.

I’ve started taking a small pot of play doh or slime, both children will sit playing with that, it’s not that messy and better than an iPad my two won’t colour the eldest might draw at a push.

If I took a book for a meal when I was a child (or even now!) there wouldn’t be much communicating with me. So how is that any better than an iPad?

@peasoup8

The are 10 and 12 now and sit politely through am meal ins a restaurant making conversation with the table. No long term harm done by saving my sanity when they were toddlers.

@moynomore that’s interesting. I always felt it was necessary to teach them no screens at the table from the outset, but maybe (judging by your experience) it’s not!

Children mature and develop as they get older - a 3 year old can’t sit through a long meal and isn’t interested in adult chat. My 10 year old has opinions about the world and enjoys a lively conversation and trying new foods. Of course it is totally different taking a toddler out than a preteen/teen.

@SummerHouse

I get the iPad thing but that's a line I just wouldn't cross. Each to their own and plenty of lines I trample all over but phones at a table is a never for me.

😇

@cheeseismydownfall

Re. the iPad controvesy - I think it depends on context.

Short-ish informal family meal, where the whole point is to be together as a family - absolutely not. Would take colouring books, books, little card games etc and accept that interacting with my children and keeping them happy while waiting for food etc is part and parcel of eating out with small children, and that it is good for children to learn to be patient.

Occasional adult-oriented events, where you can't be focused on your children (wedding receptions, long boring meals with extended family etc) then some judicious use of screens can definitely be helpful.

Yeah I agree with this

I’ve never understood iPads when out to dinner

I remember once seeing a family. Mum dad and 3 kids were all looking at their phones. They didn’t converse once.

I just thought it was so sad.

My children have always been able to sit still at the dinner table. But they’re a bit older now and I can’t think how I did it. Which is very unhelpful I know. We just made sure they were always included. Always spoken too sort of thing.

I took lots of colouring and paper, puzzles, felt pictures. Any of their stuff they can do sat down.

But that “sad” experience was one snapshot so why judge?

I’m away with ds for a few days. This evening we went for a meal at the end of a long day - he happily played on his iPad while waiting and I may have occasionally looked at my phone.

Judge all you like but you didn’t see yesterday when we went out for a meal and spent the whole time discussing and debating a wide range of topics. Nor did you see the rest of the day. Nor do you know what’s going on in life in general.

Do we really need to judge other parents on one small snapshot of life when everyone is happy and not causing any issues for anyone else?

Yeah agree with @Sirzy on that- I’ve just taken my charges away sole charges on a seaside holiday for a week- we’ve eaten out most days- last day today and they had their books to look at over lunch because I asked them to let me have a meal in peace 😂 you bet I was looking at my phone way more than I talked to them. I’d be annoyed if I brought someone was judging me for that.

We take toys and colouring books but don’t use iPads or a phone. Most of the time we manage to get through a meal without difficulty but the reality is we wouldn’t go anywhere formal, have multiple courses or linger beyond the meal. If DD was really bad, then one of us might take her for a walk around to look at stuff. We’d have emergency snacks for if the food takes ages and would allow extra treats like a nice drink or a pudding that wouldn’t normally be allowed at home. At 3 she’s pretty good. Between 2-3 would have been nightmarish but Covid stopped us from having too many meals out at that age.

The real key is fully engaging her in all conversations, choices and just generally centering choices around her.

My children’s favourites at that age were water colouring books. Crayons always snapped and dropped everywhere! A special bag of little toys, farm animals, dinosaurs, whatever characters they are into. Simple origami, magnetic dressing up toys, maze puzzles and spot the difference. I did have a couple games on my phone as a back up like jigsaw game, dot to dot games which I also used in places without a table whilst waiting at doctors etc