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Original poster

3 year old at restaurant

143 replies

Theeamonandruthshow · 21/07/2021 15:38

We’ve always taken our toddler Ds out with us to eat since being a baby. We live abroad, so generally eat outdoors, by the beach, lots of kids around. He was in his buggy, then a high chair at restaurants when a little older, now he sits in a chair. Only thing is, he obviously doesn’t sit for long without getting bored and starting to want to get up and walk around etc 😬fine if we’re by the beach or park as he can play in front of us. A couple of places we’d like to go to again don’t offer this option. How do you get your child to sit for a slightly longer time at the table? Do you take books, let them play on the tablet/phone, I know this would work but feel bit crappy having to resort to it, but would like to sit and have a conversation as opposed to gulping down my food and trying to persuade Ds to sit a teeny bit longer. Or can we just not do it?

OP posts:
Buckleyourseatbelt · 21/07/2021 17:44

Order quickly, get them a treat drink like a juice they don’t get at home, their main to come with your starters then they get a desert (also a useful bargaining chip for good behaviour) whilst you have your mains. That ensures there’s always something good in front of them! Whilst waiting for the food we do a mix of coloring, sticker book or play eye spy.

This basically. And mostly eating out at pizza express.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 21/07/2021 17:44

@Cam77 iPad on lowish volume- why?! No volume or headphones. It’s so annoying for other people.

birdglasspen · 21/07/2021 17:45

We take little toys, what are they into? Things which are new or only taken out occasionally work best for novelty factor. At 3 I think we had some mini bob the builder toys, some little toy diggers, a dr set printed off computer and laminated, with little felt sleeping bags to put the patients in and real plasters! One of the best things was a glasses repair kit, look for one it has miniature screwdrivers which both our boys loved! Water colouring books, the non messy kind! Small jigsaws, basically any small quiet toy kept ours occupied and happy to sit for longer. It would be a shame to resort to iPads I think.....

PatchworkElmer · 21/07/2021 17:52

@Miliao for me it’s exactly what you said really, it stops them being part of the conversation. If DS is colouring we still chat. If I were to put an iPad in front of him he’d be hypnotised. Which is fine if that’s what you’re after, but it’s not what I want from a family meal. That and I guess not knowing where the line is- at some age it’d be rude for them to be on a phone at dinner, so why introduce it as an acceptable concept at all 🤷🏻‍♀️

Maray1967 · 21/07/2021 17:54

Sticker or colouring books for little ones, top trumps when a bit older. One of you take them for a little walk or play outside after they’ve eaten if you’re with a bigger group. If on your own, don’t drag it out - order, eat and leave. Be firm with grandparents if they expect them to sit at a table with a conversation going on that they can’t share - it’s not happening.
Ours could sit nicely but I always had something for them to do. And put a quick stop to any comments by grandparents about what they will or won’t eat. Yes, FIL, looking at you here. Rather ironic when the next day he said there was nothing on an extensive menu that he liked when he complained about our DS the day before …

Sirzy · 21/07/2021 17:54

Well Ds will also chat when he is on the iPad

There seems to be a strange snobbery around using technology (silent) as a distraction compared to book/colouring book/toys etc.

daisyjgrey · 21/07/2021 18:03

I wouldn't let them get up from the table until you're all finished regardless of the setting. They're not old enough to be able to figure out the different scenarios.

Take things for them to do, little puzzles or a mini tub of play doh, book, even an iPad and head phones for after they've finished if you're still eating.

Ikeeponkeepingon · 21/07/2021 18:03

I use phone/ipad. DS is severely autistic and not interested in colouring, books etc. Get looks from a lot of people but past caring. Do what ever suits you best.

Honeybeebloom · 21/07/2021 18:04

I was out eating recently with some friends and their two children- 3 and 5. They were so well behaved, each had a small activity /colouring pad and I asked my friends how they managed to do it with them so I'd know for the future. They said it wasn't like that to start and they really had to train them to learn what was appropriate behaviour in cafes and restaurants. They would start in less formal places for shorter periods, but still set the same expectations in terms of behaviour, gradually building on the time they spent at these places. They would give them something to do and keep them engaged in conversation to keep them occupied. They said they were still building up with the 3 year old and they could tell when it was starting to get too much and that was their cue to leave.
At no point did they let their kids watch I Pads or run around, but at the same time they were very aware of when it was becoming too much for the wee ones and it was time to go before they tipped over the edge into inappropriate behaviour for the setting.

They seemed to have it down!

Dixiechickonhols · 21/07/2021 18:06

I think a lot is down to personality my DD was a sitter. She did like wiki stix - they are sticks they can bend and model but don’t make a mess. Think we got some free in an American restaurant and then bought some.

marmaladehound · 21/07/2021 18:15

When my daughter was 3 we took books and pencils and she was generally happy doing that albeit with us. Despite been very active and non stop this worked well for us.

My 3 yr old son! Forget it there is nothing that would make him sit still so we generally don't go to restaurants right now!! It's possible that the iPad would but not keen on using this too much especially when out as I don't want him getting use to having it while out and about.

mistywillow17 · 21/07/2021 18:16

Our son is five now, and we've had quite a few successful meals out since he was three. (Some, of course, were toe-curlingly disastrous despite all our preparations).
As a rule we try to just chat before the food arrives, but have crayons and paper for when his attention inevitably wanes. Then we ask for his meal to come as soon as possible, and get a precautionary toilet visit in before it arrives. After the meal, he has a tablet with headphones. I used to hate seeing this, but it really takes the pressure off us all, and it means we aren't hurrying to finish the meal, and also can have a proper chat ourselves. It's a compromise, but it's worked well so far.

He also gets ice cream for pudding, which he has been led to believe is linked to how well the restaurant staff think he has behaved...

Kokosrieksts · 21/07/2021 18:18

May I ask why phones are seen to be such a bad thing but having books, coloring sheets, cards and 70 little toys covering the table are fine?

MrsFin · 21/07/2021 18:21

We also used to pay table games, Tippit being a particular favourite.

marmaladehound · 21/07/2021 18:22

I don't see phone/ tablets as a bad thing, but I do not like using them with my kids when out, only at him tbh. I have no problem with other using them when out, but I like to set a boundary around using them abs home is a pretty concrete boundary. Also at meal times I like to talk and I feel that tech stops that. So I prefer other things. But now we don't bother with restaurants sadly, as far too much hard work with my 3 yr old DS. So not worth the bother until he's a bit older!

zoeydollie · 21/07/2021 18:25

When they're little then the choices are:
Casual places, eat quickly, put lots of effort in to entertaining and engaging them
OR
Bring an ipad and headphones and leisurely enjoy your meal.

Sometimes we would bring sticker books and crayons and not order starters.
Sometimes we would put Peppa Pig on and enjoy a couple of glasses of wine!

Neither option is better or worse parenting.

EvilPea · 21/07/2021 18:28

I’d always pick up little colouring books or pads in places like the works or tiger.
Tiger do some great game ones we would inevitably all end up doing like spot the difference.

AnnaSW1 · 21/07/2021 18:29

Colouring, sticker book etc. Promise ice cream at the end

gingganggooleywotsit · 21/07/2021 18:30

It’s normal and they do grow out of it. I never used an iPad as didn’t want him to get in the habit, but just bought loads of toys that we could play with/talk about together. Usually there were loads of Thomas trains at the table! It wasn’t easy but he’s 5 now and it’s so much better he will colour now or draw pictures.

hedgehogger1 · 21/07/2021 18:31

I used to have some little games. Orchard toys ones.

peasoup8 · 21/07/2021 18:33

We have a rule of no iPads or phones at the table in our house.

moynomore · 21/07/2021 18:37

iPad and phone. I freely admit it. Won't kill them once in a while when I want to chat and eat.

2bazookas · 21/07/2021 18:42

Practice at home.

"We all sit at the table to eat together, and talk together. It's a family conversation , every one included. Adults do not conduct a conversation that excludes children. We all stay at the table chatting until everyone has finished eating. "

      It just  means that adults don't linger at the table for another bottle of wine or two while dishing the dirt of Boris and Dominic.
daisyjgrey · 21/07/2021 18:43

@peasoup8

We have a rule of no iPads or phones at the table in our house.

Yes I imagine most people do. Eating at home and in a restaurant is quite different though, and although I wouldn't expect a 3 year old to be able to differentiate between restaurants, I'd expect them to know if we were at home or not...

gingganggooleywotsit · 21/07/2021 18:44

Some kids might be able to interact still while they are on screens but my kids never could. They would become utterly hypnotised and flatly ignore everything around them including their family/friends whatever. So in that case I didn’t think there was any point in them coming for a meal if they were just sitting on their ipads. Might as well be at home. That’s why I never used them. Other people’s kids might be different it’s a personal choice.