3 year old at restaurant

[Theeamonandruthshow]

We’ve always taken our toddler Ds out with us to eat since being a baby. We live abroad, so generally eat outdoors, by the beach, lots of kids around. He was in his buggy, then a high chair at restaurants when a little older, now he sits in a chair. Only thing is, he obviously doesn’t sit for long without getting bored and starting to want to get up and walk around etc 😬fine if we’re by the beach or park as he can play in front of us. A couple of places we’d like to go to again don’t offer this option. How do you get your child to sit for a slightly longer time at the table? Do you take books, let them play on the tablet/phone, I know this would work but feel bit crappy having to resort to it, but would like to sit and have a conversation as opposed to gulping down my food and trying to persuade Ds to sit a teeny bit longer. Or can we just not do it?

*thought

We just made sure they were always included.

This is the key.

My 10 year old has opinions about the world and enjoys a lively conversation and trying new foods.
Of course it is totally different taking a toddler out than a preteen/teen.

Exactly. What works at 3 is not going to work at 11. We did iPads in restaurants (depending on the occasion as another poster said - not at Pizza Express when the goal was family time, but often, say, on holiday when DH and I wanted one nice meal) and we certainly can now go out and have a lovely family chat. Actually hard to get a word in edgewise. As long as iPad use is "targeted" it's fine IMO.

@peasoup8 @moynomore

It was really important for me to have a child that I could trust not to be a horror when eating out as we do it quite a lot and love trying new food places. I used a combo of toys/books etc and then a phone with headphones when she'd finished eating. She's now turning 12 and is impeccable in restaurants (literally my only parenting triumph). We taught her card games as she got older and plays with us and chats for as long as is needed at the table.

I've not had any negative repercussions from a bit of phone/iPad use to keep a small child engaged at the table while we finish our meal.

iPad or phone and do t give a shit about what anyone else thinks! Enjoy your meal 😉

I’m only at the toddler stage, so maybe it gets harder as they get older and they’ll need a phone or tablet. We shall see!

@daisyjgrey agree. We engage and teach manners to the level and length of time they were capable of at the time and then distract. We too have a couple of kids who love going out, trying new things, and engaging at the table. No more ipads at our preteen stage.

@Nocutenamesleft

I’ve never understood iPads when out to dinner

I remember once seeing a family. Mum dad and 3 kids were all looking at their phones. They didn’t converse once.

I just thought it was so sad.

My children have always been able to sit still at the dinner table. But they’re a bit older now and I can’t think how I did it. Which is very unhelpful I know. We just made sure they were always included. Always spoken too sort of thing.

Very judgemental

I used to take a bag with lots of options. I was nicknamed Mary Poppins as I produced things out of the bag as I saw boredom with an existing activity emerging!

Cheap toys that haven’t been seen before. Really nice colouring pens eg sparkly inks and rainbow inks and small games (Dobble is good - yours might be a bit young but a good one to have), really interesting sticker books, story books and colouring books that are a bit different to the norm. We used to get stained glass colouring books, scratch art, mosaic sticker things, basic origami type things. I used to find some really interesting stuff on Amazon. I think there was/is a french company called something like Djecco who do lovely things.

When we were on holiday I made up a story which they told me what certain parts of the story were. It went down well.

[quote daisyjgrey]**@peasoup8* @moynomore*

It was really important for me to have a child that I could trust not to be a horror when eating out as we do it quite a lot and love trying new food places. I used a combo of toys/books etc and then a phone with headphones when she'd finished eating. She's now turning 12 and is impeccable in restaurants (literally my only parenting triumph). We taught her card games as she got older and plays with us and chats for as long as is needed at the table.

I've not had any negative repercussions from a bit of phone/iPad use to keep a small child engaged at the table while we finish our meal. [/quote]
If you'd never taken her anywhere as a small child and went to your first restaurant with her at 12, she'd be impeccable in restaurants.
Not because she'd had years of training, just because a 12 year old can behave appropriately in restaurants.

In the 80s it was pretty rare to take small kids to restaurants but we don't have a generation of 40 somethings now who can't sit through a meal out.

We give our daughter my phone to watch youtube/Netflix on (I know, we are terrible parents) but monitor the volume as we are conscious of impacting other people’s time.

Alternatively, colouring is always a great shout.

@zoeydollie

Possibly.

But she's been zero bother since she was about 6, because it was made a normal thing.

I grew up in the 80's/early 90's as well and my parents did the same.

I'd argue there are 100% people who are crap at eating out as adults. People who are loud, rude to staff, poor table manners etc. It's learnt behaviour.

After the manic phase, a good dosing of sugar will make them sleepy.

Start off with colouring. Moved to a small toy. Eventually give in and give them a phone and enjoy the rest of the meal!

Did this with eldest and now he's quite lovely to eat out with and will read and chat (age 6).

@zoeydollie for my part, I'm not saying the iPads helped my now preteens behave in restaurants, but using them when they were toddlers didn't have long term negative repercussions such that they can't sit through a meal without them now. Not bad habits made that could be broken.

*could NOT be broken

All I'm saying is, it doesn't really matter.

Take your toddler out and entertain them.
Take them to casual places so you can leave quickly.
Take them out with an ipad or a colouring book.
Don't take them anywhere at all.

It doesn't make any difference to the outcome, which is when they are a bit older (whether that's 6 or 10 or 12) they'll be much easier to take out for dinner.
You don't have to survive x number of stressful or difficult meals with an under 5 to be able to enjoy dining out later. If they learn table manners and conversation skills at home they are absolutely able to transfer those skills to other places as they get older.

Our DC will be 4 later this year.

We have a three-pronged approach:

• 15 minutes conversation - we'll discuss what we've done that day and look at photos, he'll choose a drink and we'll read the menu to him and help him decide what to order.
• 15 minutes quiet colouring in/stickers/maze book.
• After half an hour, we'll allow ipad with headphones until the meal is finished so we can enjoy our meal in peace.

We also try to sit him somewhere he can't escape from (wedge his chair between the two of us or in the corner of a booth). I can't stand children wandering around cafes and restaurants, it makes me nervous. Though at almost 4 he's getting a lot better at sitting nicely for longer periods of time.

My kids are young adults now, so back when they were toddlers and young kids we didn't even have smart phones or iPads as an option!

We ate out pretty regularly all through the time they were growing up. Not very fancy restaurants when they were little, but certainly real sit down restaurants and not just fast food type places. We're in the US and the vast majority of restaurants will give kids paper place mats that have coloring/puzzles/games with a little pack of crayons. We spent a lot of time playing noughts and crosses waiting for food to arrive!

Maybe we were lucky but we never really had an issue with them behaving in restaurants. Partly I think that's just because it was our expectation that everyone would sit at the table for the duration of the meal and interact with each other. That's what we did every night at home so it was no different being in a restaurant. Of course we wouldn't spend two or three hours lingering over a meal when the kids were little, but an hour wouldn't be unusual.

We would often order an appetizer to share or sometimes a restaurant will bring bread, so there was usually something to eat pretty quickly. At home we never had pop - they were able to order that at a restaurant so that was a big treat/bribe. And once in a while there'd be ice cream after.

Took all ours out - primary age. No iPads until after eat meal. Then they all.had earphones on and watching various cartoons. BLISS. Its was almost like a date for me and dh as we chatted over coffee and cake

Colouring, stickers, mini Lego all good. iPad is fine but please use headphones

Tablets/stickers/colouring, but even with those you just cant go for the sorts of extended meals you have without children, with a toddler in tow.

The answer you are looking for is a babysitter

Ps I should add that although tablets work and I and many other diners hate seeing a child sat glued to one in a restaurant while parents to talk to each other and don't interact with the child. If they aren't there to be included leave them home with a sitter.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Ps I should add that although tablets work and I and many other diners hate seeing a child sat glued to one in a restaurant while parents to talk to each other and don't interact with the child. If they aren't there to be included leave them home with a sitter.

Well personally I don’t care what you hate. If my child isn’t disturbing your meal then you keep your attention on your company and I will keep mine on my company and everyone can enjoy their time happily