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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off at mothers who take their kids to toddlers full of the cold!!!!!

222 replies

elliemac · 26/11/2007 15:19

Have just been to toddlers where one of the mothers was moaning that her DS had been up all night coughing. He was stood there with green snot all down his face poor little mite. He should have been indoors. Now its going to be passed round all the kids

OP posts:
Swedes2Turnips1 · 28/11/2007 13:38

Anna
"French people have a greater life expectancy than any other developed nation."
Perhaps a 25 hour working week, not having to worry about your pension or the quality of public services and the acceptability of affairs is the recipe for a long life?
I would rather have a sense of humour and live to 75 than be French and live to 100.

I have 4 children - none of them have ever had antiobiotics nor have they ever attended a doctor other than for routine injections.

marge2 · 28/11/2007 13:40

Re all those making the point that if you never went out when one of your kids was sick you woud never go anywhere. Fine go 'OUT' - just don't go to toddlers!!!

willow · 28/11/2007 13:45

Whatever happened to building up their immune systems? The minute my son started nursery he came down with every bug going... which was a pain but far better than him coming down with every bug going once he started school, which has been the case for a lot of kids who didn't go to nursery. I'm of a view that if they're not feeling ill - and so many little ones don't seem remotely bothered by the fact that they're spouting snot - then it's fine to go out. That said, I would always mention before going round to the house of someone with a very young one.

Niecie · 28/11/2007 13:49

We also need to bear in mind that you can have cold symptons and be passed the point where you are contagious and you can have no symptons because they haven't shown themselves yet, and be very contagious.

So how are you supposed to know? You can't live your life worrying about it.

Swedes2Turnips1 · 28/11/2007 13:52

I have four children and we don't have colds that frequently. I would not take the little ones anywhere where they may swap snot with another toddler. I would therefore stay away from toddler group (or nursery/childminder if we used one) with a sneezy or snot-filled child. I might also stay away for a further week just to be sure - and another week if I feel I could get away with it.

NotDoingTheHousework · 28/11/2007 13:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Wisteria · 28/11/2007 14:03

On a website I just looked at, the Canadians have the longest average life expectancy, followed by the Italians then the French - more to do with the diet and less stressed working environment(decent lunch breaks etc) I think...

If French paediatricians are doling out antibiotics like sweets then I would be somewhat dubious at the other advice they give personally.

Pitchounette · 28/11/2007 14:12

Message withdrawn

tori32 · 28/11/2007 14:21

If he was really unwell and wasn't playing then yes I agree. If however, he was perfectly happy and playing YABU.
As another has already posted, you can't stay in for every cough and cold or you wouldn't get out, especially if like me you have 3 toddlers every day who consistently pass germs btween themselves.
It is also a fact that the more children are exposed to bacteria before going to school, the better their immune systems become. Therefore they are less likely to miss lots of school due to illness.
I only insist children stay at home with a cold if they have a temp or are unwell in themselves and would be unable to participate in normal activities.
LOL as I have taken my dd swimming today with a snotty nose, it has helped to clear it. I must be an appalling mother

Original poster
elliemac · 28/11/2007 14:42

Wisteria - How are you feeling today. I've got such a cough and runny nose. My back is killing me from coughing. Seems to have provoked quite a response this thread. I suppose in all fairness its unavoidable. Everyone i talk to at the moment has this lurgy! Hope you're feeling better. Any tips about getting rid of this would be greatly appreciated!

OP posts:
Original poster
elliemac · 28/11/2007 14:43

Meant to say to Tori32 - Floating green snot Eeuuuuch!

OP posts:
Wisteria · 28/11/2007 14:58

I went out for a big walk in the blowy cold air earlier with the dog, came back and had fresh OJ with fruit and yoghurt, plenty of hot drinks and am feeling loads better now!

mm22bys · 28/11/2007 15:09

YABU.

It's only a cold, and isn't it supposed to be good for their immune systems? DS1 goes to nursery full-time, so is exposed to heaps, but luckily doesn't seem to get too much himself. He just passes it onto DS2 :-).

You really can't expect people to stay indoors like they have the plague when it's likely to be "just" a cold - or half of the kids would be off school / nursery / whatever for half the time!

And we don't need to mention those people who have to work and can't stay indoors just because their child has a sniffle....

fedupwasherwoman · 28/11/2007 15:26

Unless the toddlers group was playing outside then the child was "indoors".

YABU, I'd never have worked if I had to take time off every time ds1 had a cold. I don't see how toddlers group is any different. Kids need to experience a range of bugs to build up their immunity.

Squirdle · 28/11/2007 16:50

It's only a cold for goodness sake! You can't keep children from school or nursery just for a cold! Crikey, the teachers would have an easy life if this were the case!

I often feel as though I am coming down with a cold, but generally don't. Does that mean every time I feel like that I should wrap up warm and sit on the sofa all day?

needmorecoffee · 28/11/2007 16:55

I have found that a cold can turn serious if you go out into wet/cold with it. Used to think it was an old wives tale but you can get worse.
Would mums who need a break/have to work listen to a child and take the day off? If they can't, thats a sad indictment of our society that puts work before families.

needmorecoffee · 28/11/2007 17:02

Squidle, everytime dd gets a cold she gets broncheolitis because she cannot cough. Then its a trip to hozzie where she catches Norwalk.
It never is 'just a cold' with a medically fragile child. I wish I could be blase. I was with my older 3. They hardly ever get anything and have always been hugely healthy. I put that down to good diet, no car, and plenty of exercise. Number 4 only has a 50% chance of getting to 10, mainly because of colds that trun into serious respiratory issues. So please don't say 'just a cold'. 'Just colds' kill the elderly too.
Its easy to be dismissive when you don't have disabled children.

Elasticwoman · 28/11/2007 17:03

I agree with OP. Also adults who claim to have flu but are still working and driving, spreading their germs to the rest of us and putting us at risk of accidents. And the adults who are too sick to go to work but not too sick to go to the supermarket ....

Wisteria · 28/11/2007 17:15

Needacoffee that is bloody awful for you and your daughter, you have my complete understanding, it must be really scary for you every time you hear a sneeze when out and about; but you are not (I assume) suggesting that everyone with a cold stays locked away at home in case the minority who are more susceptible, catch it, or are you?

Yes a cold can be damaging and possibly fatal to those children and adults who are either poorly, elderly, immunosuppressed and fragile but you can't ban nuts from sale because they are potentially lethal to some either can you?

Schools ask you not to keep your children off with coughs and colds now.

Squirdle · 28/11/2007 19:54

Needmorecoffee, I can only imagine how terrifying it must be for you. I'm sorry this is the case for your daughter. But as Wisteria says, people cannot stay at home with minor illness (for most) such as a cold.

I do understand your situation a little, DS3 is very susceptable to pnuemonia and has had it a few times in his little life. I do worry when he develops a cough, but I don't keep him away from all and sundry who have colds and coughs 'just in case' I can't! I have 2 other DS's, both at school so if he is going to get something he will from them.

I do understand that my worry is only a tiny fraction of what you have to go through with your daughter and I do understand that for her to become ill would be potentially fatal, but what abut the illnesses you can't see? Or hear?

Actually really thinking about it, you must have an awful time of it

Squirdle · 28/11/2007 19:58

Also how aware are people you know, school, nursery, about your daughters condition? I assume they know. You see if I was aware of a child in my son's classes/nursery with the same condition as your daughter, then I probably would take it into consideration more.

needmorecoffee · 28/11/2007 20:13

Squirdle, she's sat in a wheelchair looking uber-disabled. Gives it away every time.
By 'cold', I'm not meaning sniffles and suchlike but hacking coughs, green snot etc where the child with the cold feels like death warmed up. Everyone must know someone who has gone to toddlers/work/school with that sort of awful infectious illness. Thats the selfish ones. There's a big difference.

Squirdle · 28/11/2007 20:19

Oh ok, well of course if the cold is so bad and the child is very obviously ill then of course they shouldn't be out/at school/nursery! I would never send my children to school unwell, but they often have colds without being unwell.

yurt1 · 28/11/2007 21:59

I do agree with you nmc- it is a sad indictment of our society that children sometimes get sent in because of mum's (and dad's) needing to work. I've been in that position myself. It's easy when they're obviously ill. Time off, but there's this awful inbetween where I'd kind of like to keep them home until 10 or 11 and see how they're going, but you can't do that, then there's the missing work issue. If its something very obvioulsy infectious (eg getting over a tummy bug) then they stay at home, but I find it harder making decisions about things like ear infections (ds3 gets a lot) which aren't infectious and have an 'almost ill' stage that goes on for ages.

CrushWithEyeliner · 29/11/2007 10:12

I have read this thread with interest and I have to say I agree with Anna888. The idea that loads of colds/illnesses during infancy is good for their immunity is incorrect, actually quite the reverse. I also don't understand the attitude that an ill child should plough on as normal, infecting other perhaps more vulnerable children in the process. That just makes everyone miserable - great.

Babies with "just" a cold are completely different to a fully grown adult. Taking care, keeping in a (not hot) but stable, warm temperature is more comfortable for the child and may stop it developing into something more serious. I know it's difficult with more than one child but if you have the choice why on earth wouldn't you take care? To make some kind of moral point? One poster made the comment that it will teach them to be stronger when they get to work so they won't take needless days off
I have to say this seems to be a very British attitude (sorry to offend) I am of Italian decent and coughs/colds are treated with extreme caution in our culture. I think it makes sense.