To insist the cat goes back to the RSPCA?

[Hellvelyn]

We got a rescue cat from the RSPCA just over two years ago. Much wanted by dd and seemed like a good idea. DS and DD are now 16 and 18 ( years 11 and 13)
Cat is sweet natured and friendly but OMFG she's caused havoc and cost us hundreds of pounds. She just won't reliably pee outside or in the litter tray. She's ruined two carpets. I've spent hours cleaning up after her and we've tried everything to persuade her to wee where she should (multiple vet investigations, different litter and litter trays, products to help her relax, products to deter inappropriate weeing, advice from RSPCA. You name it. We've tried it.) End of last year she was doing better. We then had a long planned downstairs extension. Cat was in a (lovely) local cattery for 10 weeks as we didn't want her upset by all the disruption and for the peeing to get worse. On her return she was so settled and found her spot in the sun in our new conservatory and was weeing reliably in her tray. Suddenly last week I saw her weeing up the wall of our lovely new extension and all over a laptop. Closer inspection and sniffing indicated this wasn't the first time. Today she weed up our bookcase onto precious photo albums. I've just had enough. She's damaged one thing too many now. We had a family talk tonight. DCs are upset at the thought of her going, DS in particular who said " but she's part of our family....." AIBU to just want her to return to the RSPCA? Will my kids ever forgive me? Aaaaagh!

@mintginger

OP DO NOT TAKE THE CAT TO THE RSPCA. Fgs, the poor thing is distressed for some reason. Would you like to be put down next time you’re anxious?

You could regime through your local vet, Gumtree or other websites such as Pets for Homes. Honestly, there are thousands of crazy cat people who would take your cat rather than see him / her pts. Try advertising locally - do you have ‘Nextdoor’ or similar, or local WhatsApp groups? Just because your cat pees in your house, it doesn’t mean he / she will per in all homes. You have a responsibility to find a good life for this cat, if you can’t cope yourself.

As for your children, it will be much easier for them if they can see where the cat is going to - that it’s a loving home with safe, outdoor space, etc. Please do the right thing.

This is the worst response so far, please never put cats for rehoming on Gumtree, or any other selling site, your cat would really be better off pts, than this, you never know where they will end up. I have every sympathy for you, as noone wants to live in a smelly house. I am with previous pp, try to get a nice space outside for her, if possible.

YABU but I completely understand the frustration/annoyance. Our elderly cat became hugely unreliable with litter trays in the last year or so of her life. I think we had to replace 4 doormats because she kept pooing on them! That was especially fun if it had happened while we were out and opened the door into it...there were definitely times when I was mopping up after her where the idea of giving up on her did sound a nice option. But at the end of the day she really was part of the family. I'd hope DH/DC wouldn't just palm me off to someone else if I got old and had toilet problems, I couldn't do it to her either.

So on the one hand society reckons it’s ok for a chicken to live a fairly miserable life in a shed for a few weeks, be put in a truck at a few weeks old and then be slaughtered (I'll spare the details but it’s not like they get quietly injected while sitting on someone’s lap) in order for me to enjoy a single roast dinner for an hour or so.

On the other hand it’s absolutely appalling to put a “healthy” cat down, humanely by a vet, as a last resort to avoid 15 plus years of living in a house covered in stinking cat pee.

I don’t get it. (And no, I don’t have pets, I don’t see the point.)

I agree that this cannot go on.
One friend who had a similar issue bought a ‘cat hotel’ - it is a kind of cat kennel thing which goes in your garden and has a cat flap to it and several rooms including a place for food.
The cat essentially became an upside cat with shelter. Of course they continued to feed the cat and to take it vet if needed etc, but it wasn’t allowed indoors.

This seemed a reasonable solution.

The thing with cats is, at some point they become incontinent. It can happen when they are old or sooner. When you take them on, you need to know this and not to just take them on for the good times. There will be times of lots of cat piss…no getting away from it.

My view, with our cats, is we have probably taken too long to have them put to sleep as they reach the end of life. An old cat with health issues who is incontinent isn’t getting the most out of life. Ours probably should have had it all needed 6 months to a year sooner than we did it. However, young cats who piss everywhere without actual health issues…..well that’s difficult, but I do think you’ve committed to them for their lifetime.

Please also note that rehoming via pets for homes, gumtree, Facebook etc is that they could be lying and use her for dog baiting. It’s rare but it absolutely happens.

Some friends had a cat from a rescue who peed everywhere. Turned out, after years of trying things that she had been brain damaged - probably at birth, but possibly by previous owner. There was nothing the vet could do about that and Feliway hadn't been invented, so our friends wee-proofed large parts of the house, confined cat to those, and then all was well.

That's about all you can do.

I’m not saying just give the cat to any old person on Pets For Homes, etc. Obviously you visit them and you need to feel confident that they have the right intentions; right kind of environment etc. Often you can rehome a pet quite locally. In a way, it’s no different to a rehoming kittens with a friend of a friend, or a recommended person etc. Yes there are scams online and can never be 100% sure, of course. But you should be able to find a good home if you take your time; don’t be afraid to ask questions; visit them and don’t rush into any decisions.

What sort of area are you in OP?

Also, sorry if I missed it, but do you let the cat outside?

We have a rescue cat with a wee-ing problem. He had recurring bouts of feline idiopathic cystitis, which made urination painful and caused urination outside the litter tray. He got in the habit of weeing everywhere but the litter tray even in between bouts of cystitis - we think he learned to associate the litter tray with pain.

I totally sympathise. It is grim.

But there will be a reason. If the cat is otherwise healthy, go back to the vet and press for more help.

Not saying it's idiopathic cystitis but FWIW things are much better here now, with a combination of:
Painkillers during acute bouts
Making sure he is well hydrated - switched to a mainly wet food diet
Reducing stress - that included us working on our own stress (!) as well as making things totally calm and predictable at home
Age and maturity - he's just chilled out more as he's got older, isn't out challenging and scrapping with the other cats in the neighbourhood so much, etc.
A lot of patience and really good specialist detergents.
We didn't get as far as anti-anxiety meds but they would have been the next option.

In relation to giving your cat up, my grandma got rid of my mum's cat when she was a child. It still festered with my mum 60+ years later and I don't think she ever quite forgave her mother...!

@Charlieiscool

It’s a cat, it isn’t a family member and it’s up to you whether you want to go on having things ruined, cleaning up the wee and having a stinking house. Maybe your DS will take the cleaning on if he feels so strongly about it. Why are you the one doing it all?

Yep, this is my thinking too.

I wouldn't want to deal with this for the next 15-20 years.

This is the worst response so far, please never put cats for rehoming on Gumtree, or any other selling site, your cat would really be better off pts, than this, you never know where they will end up.

Not necessarily. When we rehomed my male cat two years ago (he was aggressive towards my DDs as explained earlier), I used Pets for Homes. I found the perfect home for him. He’s now a single cat living the most pampered existence imaginable.

They send us photos of him in his new home, he looks very happy, much happier than he was in our busy home here with 2 DDs and 3 other cats.

@234Pepperplant

So on the one hand society reckons it’s ok for a chicken to live a fairly miserable life in a shed for a few weeks, be put in a truck at a few weeks old and then be slaughtered (I'll spare the details but it’s not like they get quietly injected while sitting on someone’s lap) in order for me to enjoy a single roast dinner for an hour or so.

On the other hand it’s absolutely appalling to put a “healthy” cat down, humanely by a vet, as a last resort to avoid 15 plus years of living in a house covered in stinking cat pee.

I don’t get it. (And no, I don’t have pets, I don’t see the point.)

Exactly. Humans with toilet issues understand what’s going on, have nappies etc so don’t wee all over the house. Also parents have taken care of and raised their children. So you can’t abandon them. A cat is just an animal that hasn’t done you any favours quite the opposite. DP loves cats but also comes from farming stock. And understands that animals are put down to spare them needless suffering. If it’s peeing everywhere and can’t be corrected then it’s clearly still suffering. Confining it to certain parts isn’t going to help.

Also to add - the cognitive dissonance between family pets and food animals baffles me too.

Humans are selfish in the end and it’s only emotional attachement not moral principles that they follow

@Hoppinggreen

So you stuck the poor thing in a cattery for 10 weeks and then are surprised she’s upset and disturbed?

Yep. Poor kitty

Doodlebug, I agree with what you said. My husband felt the same way, we took the cats on and it was up to us to do our best for them, which we did.

They didn't all become incontinent and mostly lived to old age.

However a couple of them had to be put down because they were ill; they had treatment which was successful for a while but eventually they became ill again and it was the kindest option.

Now I am on my own with no cats and I will not have any more but I did love having them.They gave us an awful lot and were great characters, very individual.

For the record, I do not (knowingly) eat anything that is factory farmed, only buy free range eggs and milk from cows that are free to graze, and am committed to animal welfare.

Fish is a difficult one but I do my best there, some grocery chains are committed to ethical and humane practices. I would never eat shell fish or crustaceans.

I adopted an older cat from a breed specific rescue. I told them, no urinary issues - that's a deal breaker for me. The cat then proceeded to wee everywhere and it was horrible. I returned the cat to the rescue and they were going to keep her as one of their permanent guests, as they realised that perhaps she was not adoptable. I think it is perfectly reasonable to have your limits with pets. This time round, I got a kitten from a breeder.

And what if the kitten goes on to develop a problem? Due to stress/illness/old age? Is the kitten then not suitable either?

If you adopt an animal from the RSPCA and can no longer keep it, you are supposed to return it to the RSPCA. Thats standard for all reputable breeders and rescues.

Is she neutered?

The thing with cats is, at some point they become incontinent. It can happen when they are old or sooner

No they don’t
I have had a 23 year old cat and a 21 year old cat and at no point did they become incontinent

I would look at anti anxiety medicine because something is making her stressed.

I am wondering about why you put her in a cattery for 10 weeks. I had massive building work done and my cats (8 of them at the time) made friends with the builders. Only problem we had was when they put the floorboards down and then had to take them up again as one of them ended up under the floor
Any dust or heavy machinery and they were in another garden.

If you adopt an animal from the RSPCA and can no longer keep it, you are supposed to return it to the RSPCA. Thats standard for all reputable breeders and rescues.

That isn’t always possible. My first cat as an adult came from a rescue in London, she was nearly 4 years old then. I moved up north when I got married and then we adopted DD1 (now 12) 7 years later.

My cat couldn’t adjust to the change when DD1 came to us at age 1. She developed a stress related illness, which manifested itself as over-grooming and pulling chunks of fur out. I took her to the vet regularly for medication, but she kept starting again. She’d also suffered from chronic gingivitis ever since I first had her, and this became far worse along with developing thyroid problems.

She never adjusted to my DD being there, despite my best efforts and despite her attachment to me; she used to love bounding upstairs to me in the morning. After 18 months, I came to realise that I was being completely unfair on her and I had to do the right thing by her.

I discussed returning her to the rescue with our vet, who felt that she wouldn’t survive the move. It would have been possible to keep treating her, but the vet strongly recommended that it would be kinder to PTS. And I was with her at the end. (It was completely heartbreaking.)

LizzieW1969
You couldn’t have found someone to take her?

@Maggiesfarm

Doodlebug, I agree with what you said. My husband felt the same way, we took the cats on and it was up to us to do our best for them, which we did.

They didn't all become incontinent and mostly lived to old age.

However a couple of them had to be put down because they were ill; they had treatment which was successful for a while but eventually they became ill again and it was the kindest option.

Now I am on my own with no cats and I will not have any more but I did love having them.They gave us an awful lot and were great characters, very individual.

For the record, I do not (knowingly) eat anything that is factory farmed, only buy free range eggs and milk from cows that are free to graze, and am committed to animal welfare.

Fish is a difficult one but I do my best there, some grocery chains are committed to ethical and humane practices. I would never eat shell fish or crustaceans.

One of ours had to be euthanised at age 10. Poor sod had kidney failure.

@234Pepperplant: You're assuming a whole lot. Don't. That false equivocation malarkey is a really pointless and juvenile discussion tactic, especially when you have no idea about the lives of the people you're aiming it at.

@CastawayQueen. A cat is just an animal that hasn't done you any favours quite the opposite [sic] No, they're not, and oh yes, they do. They're part of our family. If I/we didn't feel that way, we wouldn't bother adopting them in the first place. They give so much when properly cared for. Shame you feel that way. You're missing out on so much.

You put a nervous / untrained cat in a cattery for 10 weeks?????