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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To insist the cat goes back to the RSPCA?

358 replies

Hellvelyn · 20/07/2021 22:40

We got a rescue cat from the RSPCA just over two years ago. Much wanted by dd and seemed like a good idea. DS and DD are now 16 and 18 ( years 11 and 13)
Cat is sweet natured and friendly but OMFG she's caused havoc and cost us hundreds of pounds. She just won't reliably pee outside or in the litter tray. She's ruined two carpets. I've spent hours cleaning up after her and we've tried everything to persuade her to wee where she should (multiple vet investigations, different litter and litter trays, products to help her relax, products to deter inappropriate weeing, advice from RSPCA. You name it. We've tried it.) End of last year she was doing better. We then had a long planned downstairs extension. Cat was in a (lovely) local cattery for 10 weeks as we didn't want her upset by all the disruption and for the peeing to get worse. On her return she was so settled and found her spot in the sun in our new conservatory and was weeing reliably in her tray. Suddenly last week I saw her weeing up the wall of our lovely new extension and all over a laptop. Closer inspection and sniffing indicated this wasn't the first time. Today she weed up our bookcase onto precious photo albums. I've just had enough. She's damaged one thing too many now. We had a family talk tonight. DCs are upset at the thought of her going, DS in particular who said " but she's part of our family....." AIBU to just want her to return to the RSPCA? Will my kids ever forgive me? Aaaaagh!

OP posts:

WhatMattersMost · 21/07/2021 14:21

@Crunchymum

You put a nervous / untrained cat in a cattery for 10 weeks?????

Yes, I was thinking this too. I think it was well-intentioned, and the OP was stuck between a rock and a hard place wrt options, but it will still have had an impact, possibly profound.

Mother40 · 21/07/2021 14:30

One of our cats is about 18/19 years old and has started peeing in the house. It is really not very.nice and has ruined a lamp whichever have had to throw out. We don't know how to stop him doing this. We won't consider getting rid of him as we have had him for a long time, but I might have felt differently if we had only had him for a couple of years.

Bargebill19 · 21/07/2021 14:33

@Mother40

Have you been to the vet? Sadly at this age it’s likely to be a medical issue. 18/19 is a very good age.

AuntLucy · 21/07/2021 14:40

I'm surprised what a hard time you've been given on this thread. Yes it's very unfortunate the adoption didn't work out, and of course the kids are pro keeping the cat, for so long as clearing up after it isn't their problem. But living in a house saturated in stinking cat urine is enough to test any love to the limit, and yours for this cat has run out. Take it to a shelter, give them a huge guilt-inspired donation (maybe calculate the lifetime value of her food and inoculations) and hand her over to take another chance at a loved-life with a new owner. Then vow not to adopt again, and move on with your life. You are not the antichrist, You are a person who adopted the wrong cat for your family, and dealt with it.

I8toys · 21/07/2021 14:48

YABVU - I hate people who give up pets because it becomes difficult. Its with us until death in this family even if they are incontinent and have wobbly legs. Numerous accidents with missing limbs and I adore them even more.

sleepismyhobby · 21/07/2021 14:54

My rescue cat used to do this . The vet suggested putting tinfoil down at his favourite peeing place so far it's worked. Apparently they don't like the feel and sound of tin foil

CastawayQueen · 21/07/2021 14:57

@Doodlebug71 this comment was made in the context of comparing pets to elderly parents. And the whole ‘we wouldn’t get rid of a sick child/old parents who are incontinent, why would you even consider doing so a cat’?
I would spend everything I had (and go into debt) to save my family but I wouldn’t do that for a pet no matter how much loved. There’s a clear limit to how far I’d be willing to go for a pet. That’s all. So they are most definitely the same as my family.

ilovebagpuss · 21/07/2021 15:03

My DB cat was like this and in the end they made him a lovely outdoor house and he has access to a cozy shed/office in colder weather. He’s still loved and fussed but he cannot go in the house and piss on everything.
He’s perfectly happy outside and everyone can enjoy him.

LizzieW1969 · 21/07/2021 15:06

@Bythemillpond

I really did look into rehoming her for some time. My DM had her for a little while in fact. (She couldn’t have kept her, as she travels to and from Africa and didn’t want that kind of commitment.)

I also discovered that it’s hard to pay for insurance for a cat of that age. And her health conditions would have been pre-existing anyway, so it would have cost a fortune in vet fees for any new owner to take her on.

But then my cat’s health deteriorated badly and there was no way anyone would have taken her on. And the vet made it very clear that it would have been unfair on her to do that, and she wouldn’t cope with the stress of any move.

I really agonised over the decision, but I did decide that if it was the right decision to PTS, as the vet said, then I owed it to my cat to make it myself and be with her in the end.

CastawayQueen · 21/07/2021 15:07

*notnthe same

Ruddyknackered · 21/07/2021 15:09

Life is too short to spend years cleaning up after a cat that repeatedly wees in the house. The teaching her to be an outside cat might be worth a try?

HeckyPeck · 21/07/2021 15:20

@ilovebagpuss

My DB cat was like this and in the end they made him a lovely outdoor house and he has access to a cozy shed/office in colder weather. He’s still loved and fussed but he cannot go in the house and piss on everything. He’s perfectly happy outside and everyone can enjoy him.

I might have missed it, but have you tried a behaviourist? If not, it's worth trying.

Then if that didn't work I would try something like this PP said if you have a garden. Making sure she has heat in the winter too.

If she doesn't improve after a behaviourist has tried to help and then can't adapt to outdoors at least you and your children would know you tried everything.

It's worth keeping in mind that it's very unlikely she'd be rehomend given her issues (unless they lied about them and then she'd end up back and forth anyway) so being an outdoor cat with a safe and warm place to sleep might well be better for her than that.

I would also think long and hard before getting another pet as any animal can develop long term health issues.

Purplebunnie · 21/07/2021 15:22

I really don't get why it is kinder to PTS an animal than find it a home on Gumtree? Why it's kinder to PTS than restrict the animal to a place where it can't cause a mess. Life is life as far as I am concerned and I'm really shocked at the attitude on here.

user1471538283 · 21/07/2021 15:28

She sounds stressed. Is she allowed outside? Our two much prefer going outside and it keeps them chilled so they sleep.

I just couldnt part with her.

Rocketearth · 21/07/2021 15:33

@Purplebunnie pets advertised on sites like Gumtree can end up as bait for fighting dogs etc, so it’s hugely irresponsible to use these sites to re-home pets.

ifIwerenotanandroid · 21/07/2021 15:35

@Mother40

Please get him checked at the vets. Our previous cat started doing this & I thought she was going senile. Turned out she was feeling unwell because she had diabetes, & the inappropriate peeing was her way of trying to mark her territory & keep other cats away, because she no longer felt well enough to fight them off. (She'd been an indoor cat for a while & an only cat, so it was just instinct/fear kicking in.)

Once she was on daily injections for the diabetes, she stopped doing it.

Reallyreallyborednow · 21/07/2021 15:37

Because if you have a determined sprayer you can guarantee it won’t last long in the next home, or the next, or the next. It will be rehomed and rehomed, or sold, or kicked out on the street.

The sprayer I had was due to anxiety over his territory. I could not restrict him, he’d howl and destroy stuff in an attempt to get out. And I mean constant howling, for days, 24 hours. The stress added diarrhoea, fur pulling and clawing to the spraying. Even restricting him to the garden meant we couldn’t enjoy the garden as it stank, and if you brushed against a plant you’d come away covered in wee.

If the medication hadn’t have worked the only other option would have been pts. I was already his third home- first was a multi cat household, they rehomed to an only cat to see if that worked. It helped, but still in a suburban area where most homes had two or more cats. I was relatively rural, no other cats, and while he was clearly less stressed, the spraying did continue in key areas until we medicated.

RandomCatGenerator · 21/07/2021 18:26

[quote Rocketearth]@Purplebunnie pets advertised on sites like Gumtree can end up as bait for fighting dogs etc, so it’s hugely irresponsible to use these sites to re-home pets.[/quote]
Is this actually a thing? I’ve only ever heard of it on Mumsnet. Not meaning to be argumentative but…does it actually happen a lot?

I got my old lady cat from Pets4Homes and ifs where one of my siblings got their dog too (reputable breeder but found it was a good place to home puppies fast)

Original poster

Hellvelyn · 21/07/2021 18:41

Thanks for all the responses and helpful suggestions (apart from the handful which were downright rude) Having thought a bit more and chatted to dh and the dcs we're going to take her to the vet and discuss anxiety meds. Our home really is very quiet and she rarely sees another cat. It's hard to pinpoint what the problem might be. She very rarely goes outside, even when our back doors are wide open. Just doesn't seem interested. I think she would hate being an outdoor cat as she doesn't seem to like the outdoors.She's approximately 10 for those of you who were asking. I believe she was one of a number of cats rescued from the home of a poorly woman who wasn't coping. Maybe she wasn't used to using a litter tray or didn't have access to a clean one? I suspect her behaviour may be quite entrenched. No inappropriate weeing today but I couldnt possibly tell you why as nothing was different.
For those of you concerned about her visit to the cattery, there is no way she would have coped at home. It wouldn't have been fair. Unfortunately covid related delays added four extra weeks to the work. She was the only resident with a heated "chalet" and a run. We visited every week. I can't think of a better alternative for her.

OP posts:

Cherrysoup · 21/07/2021 18:42

Re-home as a farm cat. Our lot are fed but also hunt and live the life of Riley on fields/countryside.

HeckyPeck · 21/07/2021 19:12

That's a good idea OP. I hope if the vet can prescribe anxiety meds they will help.

Good luck OP!

Saxineno · 21/07/2021 19:35

I adopted a dog five years ago.

I have tried everything EVERYTHING to house train this dog. Thankfully she's a girl and we have Lino. So it's never been on anything other than the floor. I've often thought about giving her back, but I couldn't. If she was ruining something other than lino I would I think.

My parents gave away lots of our pets. Let our mice escape in dead of winter, gave aback a dog that was too yappy etc etc. I got over it.

Unpopular opinion of the day!

LittleMissTeacup · 21/07/2021 20:14

When you described how she wees, not quite a girl cat normally wees, what she does reminds me of our old cat.
Is she neutered by any chance? Our old cat was neutered and then started doing this, the vet one day said he thought something was left inside of her after the operation that caused this but eventually he gave up and had no more ideas. He thought it was a form of scent marking though.
I suspect there isn’t a magical cure, there wasn’t for us sadly, so we limited where she could be in the house.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 21/07/2021 21:05

@Bythemillpond

The thing with cats is, at some point they become incontinent. It can happen when they are old or sooner

No they don’t
I have had a 23 year old cat and a 21 year old cat and at no point did they become incontinent

I would look at anti anxiety medicine because something is making her stressed.

I am wondering about why you put her in a cattery for 10 weeks. I had massive building work done and my cats (8 of them at the time) made friends with the builders. Only problem we had was when they put the floorboards down and then had to take them up again as one of them ended up under the floor
Any dust or heavy machinery and they were in another garden.

I can conform this - I've had 4 elderly cats - one of 23, and three of 18, and old one (18 yo queen) became incontinent.

GettingItOutThere · 21/07/2021 21:34

can you build her a lovely outdoor heated "kennel".? replicate the cattery? same as sending her to the rspca but shes stil with her family?

i get it, i would hate any animal pissing all round my house

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