To insist the cat goes back to the RSPCA?

[Hellvelyn]

We got a rescue cat from the RSPCA just over two years ago. Much wanted by dd and seemed like a good idea. DS and DD are now 16 and 18 ( years 11 and 13)
Cat is sweet natured and friendly but OMFG she's caused havoc and cost us hundreds of pounds. She just won't reliably pee outside or in the litter tray. She's ruined two carpets. I've spent hours cleaning up after her and we've tried everything to persuade her to wee where she should (multiple vet investigations, different litter and litter trays, products to help her relax, products to deter inappropriate weeing, advice from RSPCA. You name it. We've tried it.) End of last year she was doing better. We then had a long planned downstairs extension. Cat was in a (lovely) local cattery for 10 weeks as we didn't want her upset by all the disruption and for the peeing to get worse. On her return she was so settled and found her spot in the sun in our new conservatory and was weeing reliably in her tray. Suddenly last week I saw her weeing up the wall of our lovely new extension and all over a laptop. Closer inspection and sniffing indicated this wasn't the first time. Today she weed up our bookcase onto precious photo albums. I've just had enough. She's damaged one thing too many now. We had a family talk tonight. DCs are upset at the thought of her going, DS in particular who said " but she's part of our family....." AIBU to just want her to return to the RSPCA? Will my kids ever forgive me? Aaaaagh!

@Hoppinggreen

So you stuck the poor thing in a cattery for 10 weeks and then are surprised she’s upset and disturbed?

This. :( Cats are so susceptible to stress and it's no wonder she started again given the fact she was sent away for ages.

OP, have you tried a proper cat behaviourist? Ours was covered by the insurance (YMMV) and they worked wonders with our problem cat, who's now a happy boy. And, if SSRIs aren't on the list of things you try, ask your vet - they can be really effective in cats which are anxious, which it sounds like your girl is.

How old is the cat?

I've had a few cats, two of them were strays (one had kittens which we kept), and one we re-homed from a neighbour who was moving.

The only time any of them wee'd indoors was when they were getting old. One pissed in my husband's overnight bag! He also used to become easily stressed, you could tell, his tail would start wagging and he'd go stiff, then run off to a corner somewhere and wee. He was a poor old thing, hadn't been treated well before we had him but had generally been quite healthy until towards the end.

Feliway spray and plug ins do help.

In your place I would confine the cat to the conservatory, obviously give access to the garden, and only bring her in to the other rooms when you are there and prepared to lavish attention. If any of you can sit in the conservatory with her at times it would help.

It's sad when they become incontinent. I presume you've had her checked out for kidney problems,etc. Cats are very prone to that.

Good luck.

Your children wanted the pet - what responsibility have you put on them to sort this?
As pp have mentioned try behaviourists etc but if she’s really unfixable you have to let her go. Or make your children pay for the things she’s ruined and see whether they change their minds.

Ultimately you’re quality of life as a human is more important than the cat. It’s an animal. The only people allowed to be on their high horses about putting it down are vegetarians.

this is never a popular view here, but often there are in fact worse fates than an animal being PTS.

I’m a cat/animal lover and I agree with you. People behave as if being PTS is like humans being given a death sentence, like it’s a punishment or cruel. It isn’t. The cat knows nothing about it and doesn’t suffer at all. Being PTS is only sad for the humans.

There are all sorts of reasons pets are handed in.one of them is weeing everywhere. The problem just got handed on to you. Hand it back. The time and money you have put into it is more than enough.

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor

There's a good cat bloke on YouTube called Jaxon ....somebody, the name escapes me. There are usually such simple solutions to dreadfully unhappy cats. Worth having a look.

Jackson Galaxy. Works in the States where cats are generally shut indoors 24/7. His approach generally boils down to giving cats more attention and play.

Going against the grain here. I’d rehome. Having had an elderly cat who we’d all over our carpets and made the house stink to high heaven, I know what its like. The quality of our lives suffered massively.

Jaxon Galaxy, that's it! Yeah, works wonders.

I do sympathise, cat wee is so stinky! We had 3 boys, all neutered, and all was reasonably fine whilst we lived in a bungalow on a farm. They went outside and all was good for around 7-8 years. Then we had to move, that's when the trouble started. I think it was a territorial thing. Plus kitty no.3 was the least dominant and he used to (what I call) 'stress spray'. That is, one of the others would clout him as cats do, and he would immediately lift his tail and squirt against the nearest wall. He was a delightful gentle and loving cat but irredeemably dim and never learned not to do it. He only stopped at 15 yrs old when the other two pre-deceased him. Then we had nearly 3 years of no more wee!

We soon learned to shift books etc all off the bottom shelves, anything within cat pee height! Carpets - well I think it's probably better to get rid and go for lino! My DP's favourite cat wee story is one of them sitting in his laptop case and weeing right in front of him, except he just looked like he was sitting there. My non-so-favourite story is one weeing on the vacuum cleaner, so that every time it heated up during use it stank of cooking cat wee! Disgusting doesn't even get close to that stench!!

It's exhausting if you have to be cleaning up all the time and especially if you are the main one who does it. I don't know what to advise, it's very difficult, and if the cat is rehomed the next person will have to deal with it. Do investigate more possible solutions before doing so, though.

Why do people refer to cats as "boys" and "girls". Weird.

@TheGenealogist

Why do people refer to cats as "boys" and "girls". Weird.

Haha! Well we could say 'toms' and 'queens' but that implies they aren't neutered. Not sure what to call neutered kitties!

@TheGenealogist

Why do people refer to cats as "boys" and "girls". Weird.

Why not? It seems perfectly normal to me. Some are particularly girlish or macho, others less so. I had one gorgeous cat who really was a cool, laid back bloke, a big chap too, and another little one who was unbelievably feminine.

It still surprises me how rude people are on the internet when they wouldn't be in real life. It's not on to call people weird, especially over such trivia.

@TheGenealogist

Why do people refer to cats as "boys" and "girls". Weird.

Because cats are sexed male and female. Boys and girls are sexed nouns.

More bizarre that ships are called “she” imo

@TheGenealogist probably because they have either a penis or a vagina?

What would you rather they were referred to as? It? Like they’re an inanimate object?

Normally I’d be horrified about the idea of a family rehoming a cat for what are essentially lifestyle reasons but this cat is clearly trying to tell you she’s unhappy and it may well be another home would suit her better. Your kids need to look at it from the cat’s POV not theirs.

Cats can’t vocalise their opinions so find other ways. I don’t know enough about your household but she sounds very needy and may need an owner who has more time, devotion and patience or where she can go outside. Having access to outdoors can increase a cat’s well being as it enables them to practice natural behaviours. (Though plenty of cats live happily indoors). Unhappy cats with access to the outdoors often leave of their own accord and move in elsewhere.

This isn’t a reflection on you, just that you are a bad fit for this cat. Most rescues I know do not put cats to sleep, there’s one near me currently advertising a cat known to be incontinent following a car accident, not that I think your cat is actually incontinent.

We had a cat growing up who did this and our other cat pulled all its belly fur out. In retrospect both of them needed to be only cats and were just not having their needs met.

My cat now, in contrast, is very content. And I can tell this my the fact that he demonstrates no inappropriate behaviour whatsoever. That’s what we should be aiming for for all cats.

Males and females? Lile all other animals. People don't talk about boy sheep and girl sheep. Or boy giraffes and girl giraffes. They're not people.

The very fact that mad cat-people have "favourite pee stories" says it all, that at the heart of it they find it endearing and sweet that their animal pisses all over their house.

Males and females? Lile all other animals. People don't talk about boy sheep and girl sheep. Or boy giraffes and girl giraffes. They're not people.

Why does it upset you so much?

@TheGenealogist
Having come from a farming background and worked on a number of farms myself you will in fact find farmers referring to female cow herds as ‘the girls, the ladies’ and a pen of male piglets as ‘the boys’.

It’s strange what some people get upset about.

@Hoppinggreen

So you stuck the poor thing in a cattery for 10 weeks and then are surprised she’s upset and disturbed?

Precisely this!

10 WEEKS!

She's been frightened and is now still very anxious. She's marking her home because she wants to know it's "hers". It's a way of comforting herself - like a traumatised child regressing to a stage where they want to hug a teddy all the time.

Give her a chance - she'll relax again and be ok.

And give her outdoors opportunities as a PP suggested.

My parents got rid of my dog - I never forgave them. And this is 50 years ago.

@CastawayQueen

Your children wanted the pet - what responsibility have you put on them to sort this? As pp have mentioned try behaviourists etc but if she’s really unfixable you have to let her go. Or make your children pay for the things she’s ruined and see whether they change their minds.

Ultimately you’re quality of life as a human is more important than the cat. It’s an animal. The only people allowed to be on their high horses about putting it down are vegetarians.

You don’t get pets for children, how foolish to suggest the responsibility lies with them.

Who says the value of an animals life is superior to a humans? The cat clearly has some stress-related issues and you don’t euthanise a cat for this. You sound bloody awful!

OP a pet is for life and if you didn’t understand this when you got the cat, you are clearly irresponsible and setting a bad example to your children.

Having come from a farming background and worked on a number of farms myself you will in fact find farmers referring to female cow herds as ‘the girls, the ladies’ and a pen of male piglets as ‘the boys’

I was just about to post the same!

I would give up your cat and I say that as a cat owner. No animal is worth the smell, cost and lack of hygiene.

Not the best solution I know but growing up we had a cat that did this.
My dm had just finished cleaning up after our cat, turned her back and he was pissing in the same spot. She lost her shit, picked him up by the scruff and dropped him in the bucket.

He never did it again but lived a very happy life with us for many years. She still feels guilty.

The very fact that mad cat-people have "favourite pee stories" says it all, that at the heart of it they find it endearing and sweet that their animal pisses all over their house.

Oh no. No, no, no, no, no! I did not mean 'favourite' as in it's 'endearing' to wee around the house. I think the reason why I used that word is that the actual cat was incredibly endearing, but his peeing habit was not. It was the sheer cheek of him doing it whilst being watched, and then of course running off like a bat out of hell!! Not amusing at the time but since he is gone now, we miss him terribly and any stories about him (even the ones where he destroyed a laptop case) are poignant.

But yes to the cat-mad-person accusation. Totally under the paw.