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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To call a cleaner a cleaner

105 replies

ChilliChoco · 20/07/2021 21:21

I was hoping to have a new cleaner start working on my house tomorrow- just 3 hours in a semi.
I found her through my previous cleaner who is semi retiring.
I messaged the new one today and asked her to bring id e.g a passport. I said by way of explanation, that I always ask cleaners for this as they are in my home and sometimes by themselves.
She called me 2 minutes later and was livid.
She was so upset that I had called her a cleaner and so I asked what she would refer herself as in English. (She is Polish so I thought it could be a translation issue). She said a housekeeper. I said I had never referred to a cleaner as a housekeeper. I would not mind calling her that of course.

However she was more angry by the fact that I had asked for ID. She didn't really let me explain but said she wanted to see my passport if I wanted to see hers. I did try and say cleaners have never had a problem with that (except one about 7 years ago). Anyway she said she was glad she found out what kind of person I was and she didn't want to work for me.Shock
She then texted me to say I should
delete her number. I have actually blocked her.

in order to retain thread, MNHQ removed small paragraph as potentially disablist and in any case hearsay

YABU to call someone who cleans a cleaner and should not ask for id

YANBU to call someone who cleans a cleaner and can ask for id as normal practice

OP posts:
cushioncovers · 20/07/2021 21:23

A person who cleans a house is a cleaner. A housekeeper oversees the running of a house. It's different things in my opinion.

Original poster
ChilliChoco · 20/07/2021 21:25

@cushioncovers That's what I thought

OP posts:
SchrodingersImmigrant · 20/07/2021 21:25

@cushioncovers

A person who cleans a house is a cleaner. A housekeeper oversees the running of a house. It's different things in my opinion.
Tbf in hotels they are housekeepers, aren't they. Maybe that's what was going on. But no. Yanbu to call her cleaner as that's what the position is.

I think it's rude to armchair diagnose as your previous cleaner did btw.

roses2 · 20/07/2021 21:25

Poor women sounds like she is doing this job out of necessity and has a complex but YANBU

Legomania · 20/07/2021 21:25

I call our cleaner a cleaner when referring to her, but if I was introducing her I would say 'cleaning lady' or 'this is x who cleans for us'.

The company does call its cleaners 'housekeepers' though, just marketing speak though, they are definitely a cleaning company

Bargebill19 · 20/07/2021 21:26

Out of curiosity, what id would you want if she didn’t have a passport?

BoogalooGirl · 20/07/2021 21:26

Um not sure what term I'd use to be fair

Definitely but unreasonable to ask for ID plus I'd be asking for settled status if they are EU citizens (I'm always asked that when I take on a new client)

SchrodingersImmigrant · 20/07/2021 21:29

@Bargebill19

Out of curiosity, what id would you want if she didn’t have a passport?
National ID. However, I think that's only until October/November. At leaat for travel so I assume for id purposes too
MiniTheMinx · 20/07/2021 21:29

She sounds as mad as a box of frogs. Don't think I'd let her in my house.

Why would your current cleaner recommend this person then talk about their mental health. Very odd.

OneEpisode · 20/07/2021 21:29

It also wouldn’t be unusual for the employer to be asked to provide (insurance etc) documents.

MiniTheMinx · 20/07/2021 21:30

I would ask for photo ID of any sort plus proof of address. She knows who you are and where you live!

Original poster
ChilliChoco · 20/07/2021 21:32

@Bargebill19 Any sort of photo id e.g driving licence. I knew that as she is Polish she is likely to have some sort of photo id

@BoogalooGirl that is a good point- to ask for settled status info.
I was thinking more from a security perspective.

OP posts:
MotionActivatedDog · 20/07/2021 21:32

Lucky escape I’d say OP.

I’m a cleaner. I call myself a cleaner. My clients call me a cleaner. It’s not a bad word!

SchrodingersImmigrant · 20/07/2021 21:34

Apologies. I just checked and she would still be ok with national ID is she had SS or pre SS (in case euro peeps are reading and I accidentally gave them heart palpitations)

Maggiesfarm · 20/07/2021 21:35

You're not unreasonable. Look elsewhere for your cleaner.

Original poster
ChilliChoco · 20/07/2021 21:35

@MiniTheMinx I know! I was quite upset at someone non stop shouting at me. DS who is 8 was sitting 3 feet away and could hear her and was gesturing me to cut her off. Had to send him to his room as didn't want to get him upset.

OP posts:
Bargebill19 · 20/07/2021 21:36

@SchrodingersImmigrant. Oh. I didn’t assume they were foreign.
@ChilliChoco fair enough, I just wondered as not everyone would have a passport.

Original poster
ChilliChoco · 20/07/2021 21:38

@MotionActivatedDog Yes I think I dodged a bullet of sorts there.

I don't think cleaner is a bad word. My friends Mum was one and was very happy with the title.

OP posts:
name6785 · 20/07/2021 21:41

I call our cleaner a cleaner when referring to her, but if I was introducing her I would say 'cleaning lady'

How odd, I would never have referred to our last cleaner as our "cleaning man"!

wheresmymojo · 20/07/2021 21:44

TBH I've never asked a cleaner for ID and don't know anyone who has.

I'm wondering if she thought it was in some way related to her not being British. Perhaps she's had a lot of xenophobic comments and made the incorrect assumption that that's what was going on here...?

SchrodingersImmigrant · 20/07/2021 21:47

@wheresmymojo

TBH I've never asked a cleaner for ID and don't know anyone who has.

I'm wondering if she thought it was in some way related to her not being British. Perhaps she's had a lot of xenophobic comments and made the incorrect assumption that that's what was going on here...?

Aren't people supposed to check if the cleaner can work here? Or is it different in this case to a normal employer?
Original poster
ChilliChoco · 20/07/2021 21:51

If you don't ask for id and they don't come from an agency, then don't you feel uncomfortable with having a stranger in your home who could have access to your possessions?
I mean I have never had a cleaner steal.anything and I help them out with personal stuff as much as I can as the relationship builds but I think its part of my due divergence to ask for id.
However, would be interested to hear others' opinions on this.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChilliChoco · 20/07/2021 21:51
  • due diligence
OP posts:
Bargebill19 · 20/07/2021 21:53

@SchrodingersImmigrant

I always thought that if you were employed - as in someone pays you wages and takes ni/tax/student loan deductions from your wage, then yes you asked for proof of work eligibility. But I thought that if you were paying someone who’s self employed then you don’t - as in I wouldn’t ask a plumber for proof. I don’t see what the difference is between a plumber or a cleaner if both are self employed or employed.
Happy to be corrected.

Bargebill19 · 20/07/2021 21:54

@ChilliChoco. I see your point, but then asking for a dbs rather than ID would be more appropriate. (Not that either stops someone from stealing.)