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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To call a cleaner a cleaner

105 replies

ChilliChoco · 20/07/2021 21:21

I was hoping to have a new cleaner start working on my house tomorrow- just 3 hours in a semi.
I found her through my previous cleaner who is semi retiring.
I messaged the new one today and asked her to bring id e.g a passport. I said by way of explanation, that I always ask cleaners for this as they are in my home and sometimes by themselves.
She called me 2 minutes later and was livid.
She was so upset that I had called her a cleaner and so I asked what she would refer herself as in English. (She is Polish so I thought it could be a translation issue). She said a housekeeper. I said I had never referred to a cleaner as a housekeeper. I would not mind calling her that of course.

However she was more angry by the fact that I had asked for ID. She didn't really let me explain but said she wanted to see my passport if I wanted to see hers. I did try and say cleaners have never had a problem with that (except one about 7 years ago). Anyway she said she was glad she found out what kind of person I was and she didn't want to work for me.Shock
She then texted me to say I should
delete her number. I have actually blocked her.

in order to retain thread, MNHQ removed small paragraph as potentially disablist and in any case hearsay

YABU to call someone who cleans a cleaner and should not ask for id

YANBU to call someone who cleans a cleaner and can ask for id as normal practice

OP posts:
pleasedonttextmyman · 20/07/2021 21:54

proves you are right to ask for ID, you wouldn't want her in your home!

SchrodingersImmigrant · 20/07/2021 21:55

I've never had a plumber just without company (still local) so I have no idea😳 I am now curious!
I had to prove it for rental as well etc

chunderwunder · 20/07/2021 21:56

You asked a Polish person for her passport so you could scrutinise it like Audrey fforbes-Hamilton hunting illegal immigrants? I'm not surprised she was offended tbh.

Bargebill19 · 20/07/2021 21:58

@SchrodingersImmigrant I can understand for rental /banks etc. Just not in this case for this reason. Asking for a dbs would be more appropriate.
I admit to leaving trades in the house and boat alone for a whole host of reasons. 🤣

burnoutbabe · 20/07/2021 22:00

Yes I always ask cleaners for photo Id plus proof of address. They have my keys! I want to know where they live and they are who they say they are.

JackieCollinshasnoauthority · 20/07/2021 22:01

I would call her a cleaner but I wouldn't ask for a passport as it doesn't offer you any security against theft or other issues.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 20/07/2021 22:01

[quote Bargebill19]@SchrodingersImmigrant I can understand for rental /banks etc. Just not in this case for this reason. Asking for a dbs would be more appropriate.
I admit to leaving trades in the house and boat alone for a whole host of reasons. 🤣[/quote]
I did a google and apparently people don't need to check right to work of genuinely self employed. Good to know dor a future. Odd that I never encountered it before 🤦

headintheproverbial · 20/07/2021 22:03

If you're worried about your home surely you ask for a DBS check not a passport.

YANBU about the cleaner thing tho.

avobelly · 20/07/2021 22:04

Asking her what she’d call herself in English is very patronizing. As someone from a similar part of the world (not Poland but close enough geographically, culturally, etc.), I wonder what the exact phrasing of your message was - I’ve been on the receiving end of a lot of micro aggressions, always to the complete ignorance of the person saying it. I’m sure you meant well and do think that asking for ID was reasonable, but as someone who has experienced a lot of xenophobia, I have a hunch that this isn’t the whole story…

Bargebill19 · 20/07/2021 22:06

@SchrodingersImmigrant phew!! That’s what I assumed/thought. Thank you!!

avobelly · 20/07/2021 22:07

@chunderwunder you put it much better and with more humor than me, thank you Smile

ichundich · 20/07/2021 22:07

Perhaps it was just a case of something being lost in translation.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 20/07/2021 22:07

[quote Bargebill19]@SchrodingersImmigrant phew!! That’s what I assumed/thought. Thank you!![/quote]
Yeah. I was going with the "paying them directly so responsible". Glad to have learned something new.

Original poster
ChilliChoco · 20/07/2021 22:11

I am happy to ask for dbs if that is appropriate but wouldn't a photo e.g a passport be more easier to produce?
@avobelly I phrased it exactly as you can see in my OP : Id e.g a passport and I explained why.

OP posts:
Bargebill19 · 20/07/2021 22:19

@ChilliChoco. A dbs proves they haven’t got a criminal record. They are quite easy to get.
Standard DBS check
This is a check of your criminal record which will show details of all spent and unspent convictions, cautions, reprimands and final warnings held on central police records (apart from protected convictions and cautions).

A passport proves you look like a bad photo and which country you come from.

notanothertakeaway · 20/07/2021 22:19

I've previously asked to see ID for cleaners, tutors etc who will be in our home unattended. I think that's reasonable

I would refer to our cleaner as a cleaner, but might introduce her as "X, who cleans for us" Many people don't like to be defined by their job

Jangle33 · 20/07/2021 22:20

Surely you need to check her ID to check she has the right to work in the U.K.?

PattyPan · 20/07/2021 22:20

DBS is a bit of a step up from a passport - most people have a passport but most people wouldn’t have DBS so I could understand if you had asked for that and she had objected but from what you have described YANBU OP.

Bargebill19 · 20/07/2021 22:21

@ChilliChoco
Be aware - like a mot for your car, they are only current for the day they are issued - nothing to stop someone breaking the law after a dbs certificate has been issued.

Original poster
ChilliChoco · 20/07/2021 22:21

@avobelly However I think you have point. I may have touched a raw nerve with her. She may well have some history with micro aggressions and may well have perceived this as one. I ask for id for all cleaners irrespective of their nationality and for security reasons. This is unless they are from an agency.

OP posts:
SchrodingersImmigrant · 20/07/2021 22:21

@Jangle33

Surely you need to check her ID to check she has the right to work in the U.K.?
As i just found out, not if she is actually self employed, not an employee. Every day is a achool day
Bargebill19 · 20/07/2021 22:22

@jamgle. No see scrodingers post.

gogohm · 20/07/2021 22:23

A cleaner is a cleaner and legally you should check id and permission to work for anyone you employ

Bargebill19 · 20/07/2021 22:24

@PattyPan
A dbs is much cheaper and quicker to obtain than a passport !

OneEpisode · 20/07/2021 22:24

If the cleaner is self-employed she’d be issuing invoices and asking for payment to her business account?