AIBU for not telling husband to pick up both kids?

[ViceLikeBlip]

TL:DR husband offered to do school run this arvo. He forgot one of our kids. He is now (very angrily) claiming that this is all my fault for not telling him exactly how many kids to pick up. AIBU for thinking he should be able to remember how many fucking kids he has for himself?!

Details: I'm stuck home with 8yo isolating, so I needed someone to pick up the 10yo and the 5yo from school. I'd found someone for the 5yo, but I was struggling with the 10yo (all the Yr 5 parents I'm friendly with also have yr3 kids isolating). I didn't really want to ask the first mum to pick up both my kids, because yr5 finish 20 mins later than reception, and I felt bad asking her to hang around for an extra 20 mins in the baking sun.

So I asked my husband for our neighbour's number as they have a granddaughter in yr5.

The message I sent my husband went "do you have X's number? I'm looking for someone to pick up 10yo from school". He very unexpectedly replied "don't worry, I can leave work early". I replied "will you go straight to school?" just to check that he meant he was going to do the school run, and he said "yes, straight to school", so I texted my friend and said thanks very much but actually I didn't need her to get the 5yo after all. Husband then picked up 10yo, but completely forgot about 5yo.

Now, in my first msg I hadn't mentioned 5yo at all, because I wasn't actually asking my husband to do the school run. Should I have at this point messaged back "and don't forget the 5yo also exists"?!! Fwiw husband does the school run once a week every week, just not normally Tuesday, but the arrangements on the day he does normally do it are identical to Tuesdays (ie no one has any after school clubs or anything. 5yo never has any after school clubs)

Even those of you who would have forseen this exact situation happening, and who would have reminded him of the other child, do you actually believe its my FAULT for not reminding him?

The way you've phrased it sounded like you told him to get the older and you had planned someone to get the youngest, so yes it is your fault.

Well, have you apologised to DH for failing to communicate clearly and then blaming him?

I think both of you are BU. You should both have taken a moment to clarify.

• You initially only mentioned 10yo, so its not a stretch that he assumes 5yo is covered.
• He should have checked that 5yo is covered since he'd be at the school anyway.

And to be honest your child is isolating and not ill, but you expect other people to pick up your children because it's too hot!

🙄

so school pick up is at the same school ...eh I wouldnt need to be told i was collecting both DC. Anyone on here suggesting your to blame need to re read your posts.

Same school
Dad offers to leave work early and pick up DC
If he wasnt sure should he not simply send a quick message to his wife and asked about his 5yr old

Hope you made him go back for the 5 yr old

Seriously though, why would I still expect someone else to get my 5yo when their own actual father is going to be at the school?!
Because as you already pointed out, it's too hot to wait for 20 minutes...?

You all sound very glib about the well-being of such a young child.
My very useless DH would've checked about 15 times and gone to the pickup point just to be sure.
Even the 10 year old said nothing?

The message I sent my husband went "do you have X's number? I'm looking for someone to pick up 10yo from school".

Sorry OP, if I'd have got this message I'd have picked up the 10yo.
Just like if DH send me a text asking to pick up some bread from the shops I wouldn't think I was expected to pick up anything else, just bread.

He probably didn't check because if he did and 5yo would be sorted he would end up being bastard who thinks he knows better than OP and why is he second guessing her when message clearly stated 10yo not both.

While your message wasn't 100% clear surely he's not thick enough to think he just has to pick up 1 child when some randomer collects his other child, from the same playground, to walk back to his house, where he is going. It's just common sense he gets both surely.

@HelgaDownUnder

You all sound very glib about the well-being of such a young child. My very useless DH would've checked about 15 times and gone to the pickup point just to be sure. Even the 10 year old said nothing?

Your DH needs help then, that's totally not normal and he needs to deal with that anxiety.

If my DH asked the same question 15 times and then still didn't believe me and went to check, I'd be seriously concerned.

Massive anxiety like that does not make a good parent.

Actually I kind of want to edit my previous thoughts, because, I responded purely on the reasoning that you said “I’m struggling to get the 10 yo picked up” and he said he’d do it....however, I didn’t realise they were at the same school, and personally, yes, I and majority of people I know would probably use their brain cells and ask about the 5 year old especially as you’ve now said that they are never picked up by someone else nor on play dates etc. Unfortunately, my “d” p would come out with same argument as yours has and I would be fuming so Im jumping ship and am now in the YANBU camp.

100% your fault.

I cannot work out why, based on what you have written, he would think he has to collect the five year old. I wouldn’t have known either.

@DeflatedGinDrinker

While your message wasn't 100% clear surely he's not thick enough to think he just has to pick up 1 child when some randomer collects his other child, from the same playground, to walk back to his house, where he is going. It's just common sense he gets both surely.

The 5 year old could have been on a play date? I often offered to keep a child I'd been asked to pick up for an hour or so, or even for tea, and it happened that way for me as well 🤷🏻‍♀️ The message clearly implies the 5 year old is sorted, someone needs to collect the 10 year old.

yep the poor bloke needs it spelled out to him but if a mother was off picking up an older DC and left her 5yr old as DH wasnt clear I have no doubt she would have been berated. Because in reality its usually woman who organise the play dates etc. so she is clearly at fault...but hubby needs it SPELLED OUT IN BIG FONT AS HE DIDNT QUITE REMEMBER HE HAS TWO KIDS AT SAME SCHOOL

Ok but reading it as your husband, I'd assume maybe 5yo was being collected and maybe taken for a play date, as that's the only reason in my mind for you to specify 10yo needed picking up.

I would have probably said 'so what's happening with 5yo then?' Though.

But I think it's unfair to say he simply forgot the other child, it was just confusion.

@Wearywithteens

“Clinging onto the few people who agree isn't going to help your argument with your husband. Theyre wrong too.”

What bollocks. It’s internalised misogyny. If the roles were reversed, would ANY mother have just gormlessly followed instructions to pick a child up and not at least asked about the other one? No. The ‘you’re at fault’ pitchfork mob are laying the full weight of childcare responsibility and management at her door and yet…the children have two grown intelligent adults who are the parents but guess which one is deemed in the wrong? Guess which one gets arsey? Guess which one is burnt at the stake by other women for ‘not being clear’ to poor muddled menfolk?

Plenty of women myself included said we’d do as DH did

Seriously though, why would I still expect someone else to get my 5yo when their own actual father is going to be at the school?!

Because someone else WAS going to get the 5yo until you cancelled them?

@Wobbitcatcher

Well I’m on your side, you didn’t ask him to pick anyone up. You told him you didn’t have anyone for the 10 year old. Why would someone else pick up the 5 year old.

Also why is it all on you to make sure the kids are picked up. I assume they are his too!

This could easily happen with me and my husband

They take turns. Also OP normally does the pickups even if isolating because ‘it’s too hot ‘ to wait 20 mins in the car What a prize specimen of woman

However she has been entertaining in replying to the minority of people who agree so that makes up for my sorry at having to take a man’s side in this thread 😂

@Wearywithteens

“Clinging onto the few people who agree isn't going to help your argument with your husband. Theyre wrong too.”

What bollocks. It’s internalised misogyny. If the roles were reversed, would ANY mother have just gormlessly followed instructions to pick a child up and not at least asked about the other one? No. The ‘you’re at fault’ pitchfork mob are laying the full weight of childcare responsibility and management at her door and yet…the children have two grown intelligent adults who are the parents but guess which one is deemed in the wrong? Guess which one gets arsey? Guess which one is burnt at the stake by other women for ‘not being clear’ to poor muddled menfolk?

I would expect DH who does pick ups to ensure that instructions were made clear to me who works and would be doing something out of the ordinary, not give half messages for me to second guess at.

*but didn’t this time because
*my sorrow

Also strangely silent OP on why there’s yelling and whether you started it?
You know it’s your fault and now you just won’t give upwill you
Or maybe you just needed an excuse to scold someone because it’s hot and making you cranky idk 😂 chill and have some ice lollies

I got confused reading your post no wonder your dh didn't think he also needed to pick up the 5yr old. They're in the same playground but with different finishing times and you only mentioned the older child in the message. YABU.

@Theunamedcat

Am I the ONLY PERSON on the planet who would have asked do you want me to get ds2 at the same time?

🏆