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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To involve strangers in a meal train?

355 replies

ChockaChick · 20/07/2021 02:21

Just moved house and just had a baby…. We’ve briefly met the neighbours on either side and they seem perfectly pleasant. HV has suggested starting a meal train in the road. Yet I really don’t think I’d feel comfortable asking strangers to cook for us. Surely that’s something you organise amongst friends and family, not new neighbours you’ve not met yet? I’d think it a bit cheeky tbh if I got a demand for food from some unknown newbie. AIBU?

OP posts:
TempleofZoom · 20/07/2021 09:45

I wonder is the high CS rates in the US influence this?
31% vs 10% here?

Returnoftheowl · 20/07/2021 09:45

@Yuckyfinger

A lot of you would hate the idea of our road whatsapp group!🤣 (No ones asked for meals, but people often ask, but more often offer, favours and advice) A neighbour offered me something they no longer had use for. I bought them a cook voucher when their new baby was born
I think the difference is that your neighbours clearly all know each other. The OP has only just moved in, so would be asking complete strangers to cook her food for her.
Bluntness100 · 20/07/2021 09:46

@MotionActivatedDog

HV is in cloud cuckoo land! Don’t even go there OP. A “meal train” (ridiculous name) is something other people offer to do. And they can only offer from themselves- not volunteer others to contribute. In other words- some friends and family might bring you the odd meal. Tbh though- cooking isn’t that big a deal. Particularly for an adult male who hasn’t given birth. I’m sure your husband can manage to feed you without roping in the neighbours. I’d think very little of someone who asked their neighbours, or even their friends and family to cook their meals for them just because their wife had a baby.
I dunno. I can see someone suggesting this if their client was saying they weren’t eating or couldn’t afford to eat. It’s like a last desperate thing to suggest.
Yuckyfinger · 20/07/2021 09:51

I think the difference is that your neighbours clearly all know each other. The OP has only just moved in, so would be asking complete strangers to cook her food for her.

We dont really. It's been a good way to get to know more people in the road when we cant have street parties or play out days for children. I didnt know the person who offered me the item, they are fairly new to the street and the opposite end to me.

The group started during lockdown 1 to offer help if people were isolating but is used for all sorts now.

fourandnomore · 20/07/2021 09:51

The only time I’ve ever participated in this was when a mum I knew from a toddler group that was held at a church had a stroke - loads of us knew her and my friend who was involved in the church asked if people wanted to help they could sign up so that her husband and kids could concentrate on visiting her and come home to food - I was happy to be able to do something to help but this would be really odd - trust your instincts and not your HV in this instance.

Yuckyfinger · 20/07/2021 09:51

...although admittedly I think it would be weird to ask people youd never met to cook for you

PaulaPetunia · 20/07/2021 09:53

HV sounds like she's been on a course and has had no contact with neighbours in a real life context.

Trust your instincts here!

SilverOak · 20/07/2021 09:53

You've had a baby, you're not paralysed
I wonder is the high CS rates in the US influence this?
To be fair, I had a CS and I was hardly able to move for a couple of weeks. If I lay down someone had to pull me up because I couldn’t sit up by myself. I couldn’t stand up straight and certainly couldn’t cook. Maybe the meal thing is more common in the US because women are more likely to have CS.

Nietzschethehiker · 20/07/2021 09:53

Good lord I would have hated this with a passion when my dc were babies. I was barely able to get dressed at some points and as well meaning as it is I would absolutely not have wanted people dropping off meals. Not to mention I liked to please myself with eating.

I cam see the well meaning behind it but flipping heck there aren't many brits I know who wouldn't be utterly horrified at it.

I think its probably lovely in other communities but I think your instincts are absolutely right. I would be very surprised to get a request like that from especially a new neighbour. I mean in fairness I probably would do it because I would assume disability etc and Tey to do my bit but I would be very surprised and suitably British in my discomfort with the whole palaver.

MotionActivatedDog · 20/07/2021 09:57

I dunno. I can see someone suggesting this if their client was saying they weren’t eating or couldn’t afford to eat. It’s like a last desperate thing to suggest.

In that case they should refer to the GP for a health check and food bank referral.

Penistoe · 20/07/2021 09:57

I now have meal train to the sound of love train stuck in my head!!! Blinking Internet.

MotionActivatedDog · 20/07/2021 09:59

Fwiw OP I’d feel so awkward if someone asked me to cook for them if they had a baby- because I’m a shit cook and id be so embarrassed. But I’d clean your house all day because I love it and am an awesome cleaner Grin tbh- you wouldn’t need to ask for that- I’d offer. I have done this for friends who’ve had babies.

CorianderBee · 20/07/2021 10:00

No you can't do that... they don't know you and might not be able to afford it or give a fuck about cooking for a neighbour. What an odd suggestion of the HV. We're not Americans who take casseroles over to people.

Especially considering Covid.

Babyboomtastic · 20/07/2021 10:11

I wonder is the high CS rates in the US influence this?
31% vs 10% here?

I think it's higher than 10%, but anyway, recovery varies hugely. Some of us (I've had two) seem to recovery much easier than most people do for vaginal births.

Obviously some women won't, and will be immobile)limited mobility for a while, but it's also pretty common not to feel like that. The first morning after my (second) section we went out for breakfast to a cafe, but by the next day I was pottering around making breakfast for my toddler with newborn in a sling pain free. I probably wouldn't have been up for making a 3 course meal then, but basic stuff, sure. C section doesn't always mean a long recovery. It varies.

beenbotheringme · 20/07/2021 10:51

Oh my god do not do that

JoborPlay · 20/07/2021 11:15

@TempleofZoom

I wonder is the high CS rates in the US influence this? 31% vs 10% here?
My VB recovery was much, much worse than my CS recovery. I couldn't stand up long enough to cook after my VB for weeks.
Whiskycav · 20/07/2021 11:56

@Yuckyfinger

I think the difference is that your neighbours clearly all know each other. The OP has only just moved in, so would be asking complete strangers to cook her food for her.

We dont really. It's been a good way to get to know more people in the road when we cant have street parties or play out days for children. I didnt know the person who offered me the item, they are fairly new to the street and the opposite end to me.

The group started during lockdown 1 to offer help if people were isolating but is used for all sorts now.

I used to live in a road like that. But that's very different to moving to a road, where people don't do that. You don't know people and asking them to cook for you.

Where I live now became a lot closer during lockdown 1. Because we needed to. I would still think it odd having that request from someone I barely knew.

Whiskycav · 20/07/2021 11:57

Just read that back and it sounded like I was being arsey. Sorry @Yuckyfinger it wasn't my intention to come across like that.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 20/07/2021 12:59

@Littlehouseinthebigcity

I'm surprised by how unheard of this is - every church I've ever been too have done 2 weeks of meals any time someone has a baby! But I do agree it would be weird to ask people to do it, especially people you don't know! It's normally offered! (I am british, living in England by the way and this has been a thing that I've been aware of for at least 25 years so not solely an American import)
I think the fact that it's nearly exclusively "we do this at my church" on this thread, is the reason so few of us have heard of it. We are mainly atheist in this country, are we not?
SchrodingersImmigrant · 20/07/2021 13:02

I think the fact that it's nearly exclusively "we do this at my church" on this thread, is the reason so few of us have heard of it

It caught my eye as well.

I don't think UK is mainly atheist country.

Ponoka7 · 20/07/2021 13:02

I was going to ask if she wasn't from the UK, or older and from a small village. Absolutely don't do that and explain to her that it isn't a usual thing to do across the UK.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 20/07/2021 13:08

@SchrodingersImmigrant

I think the fact that it's nearly exclusively "we do this at my church" on this thread, is the reason so few of us have heard of it

It caught my eye as well.

I don't think UK is mainly atheist country.

The only Christians I know are 65+ ish. I have a pretty wide social circle and not a one is a Christian. Maybe I just attract other heathens, eh 😂
SchrodingersImmigrant · 20/07/2021 13:10

And blasphemer?😂 @JesusIsAnyNameFree

SchrodingersImmigrant · 20/07/2021 13:10

Not and "a"🤦
😂

Anonymous48 · 20/07/2021 13:20

I live in the US and I am familiar with the concept of meal trains (although separate of any church). My group of friends have organized them on occasion when someone has been ill or bereaved or some other type of life event that means that it would make life easier for them if they didn't have to think about preparing or ordering dinner every night. There are free websites where the organizer (usually someone who is a very good friend of the recipient) can specify which days meals will be needed and give information like dietary requirements for the family and what timeframe to deliver the meal. People can then sign up for a specific day. I think it's a lovely idea. I was the recipient at one point and it made life much easier during some difficult days. More than that, though, knowing that you have people who care about you and want to help is such a lovely feeling. Similarly, being able to provide meals as part of a meal train for friends who are going through difficult times is a wonderful way to be able to provide practical support to them, when often it's hard to find a way to do that.

I have never come across a meal train where strangers would be asked to contribute. I don't know how I would feel if I was asked. I just don't think it would happen.

And you absolutely never organize one for yourself! If anything, maybe tell a close friend you're struggling and ask if they might be willing to organize one for you.

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