Is it OK not to want to host family holiday next year?

[thecatsmum12346]

Love meeting up with the extended family in our holiday rental (we normally rent the same house each year) but have relatives to stay on and off for most of the week. It’s a great way for my kids to see their cousins. We never get an invite back up to theirs as they say they are busy, and it would be nice to see them at Halloween. It’s not much different even in non covid times. I do love to see them!! I have suggested they take the adjoining cottage next year but have a feeling they won’t as i would only be paying for one of the cottages. Am I being a bitch? I do find it exhausting hosting and don’t get any other holidays or time off during the year. My sister in law is a teacher. So she’s off til September. She’s really really nice. I think the other cottage would be the solution but my mum said that the weather might not be good. It’s a tough one as I am happy to book ahead, pay the money and hope for the best. I think everyone would prefer to come up fir a few nights to me.

So when you say hosting do you mean youre having to make your kids move rooms to accommodate everyone, extra bedding washing, cooking and cleaning for everyone? Or they sleep in be spare room and pitch in?

So you rent a cottage and they come and stay for free?

But if your DM rents a cottage and pays for it -the weather won’t be good!

Yes. I pay for it.

There’s room for them as it sleeps 8. And they pitch in. But you kinda have to run the taps when you’re trying to go to the loo 😅 and there’s a lot of shopping. Etc.

@thecatsmum12346

Yes. I pay for it.

Well fuck this! Either tell them it's just going to be you next year or if they want to come they need to book their own accommodation.

Cheeky fuckers! Do they contribute?

This sounds like a bonkers set up if they’re not reciprocating. They sound like CFs. They’re enjoying all the fruits of your labour.

Nope wouldn’t do it

If they want to come they rent their own place

It's about time you said "I've paid for this for the last X years, I think it's someone else's turn, don't you?"

If they're only coming because it's free, better to know.

Rent a place big enough for your family. Either they want to pay their own place or they don't and if they don't fine.

They've had too many free holidays off you

Change the dynamics and suggest a bigger cottage that they pay their share of. As an adult I'd be embarrassed to be freeloading of you all this time.

@CrouchEndTiger12

Rent a place big enough for your family. Either they want to pay their own place or they don't and if they don't fine.

They've had too many free holidays off you

This!

If you want to see them, do this and then offer to visit them.

To be honest, they sound like total chancers! I’d book a holiday let somewhere else!

No matter how nice your sister is she is taking advantage and freeloading. They should pay a rental contribution or why don’t they offer to pay every other year?
They are taking the mick and I am sure you know it. How much of their visit is really to see you and how much is the free holiday?

I am sure they would say they were coming to visit you on your holiday so why would they pay but underneath it all your sister must know the entertaining cuts down on your relaxation time and they crowd the place up and use more of the facilities.
I think the fact that they are not leaping to rent the next door cottage is quite telling.
Added to this there are no reciprocal invitations the rest of the year.
If you didn’t book the freebie cottage how much would you see them?
If they ask this year just say you are pairing up with friends who are sharing the rental cost.

Can you ask them to chip in for food etc?

Of course not, tell them to book their own accomodation.
Why have you let them treat you like a door mat?

do they ever have you round to theirs for food, play dates etc? Maybe they see that as when they are returning the favour?

Ask them if they intend coming and proportion the cost out so they are paying their fair share.

They get a free holiday. Nah not on.

Wow. So you book and pay for the extended family every year?

Bugger that. They pay their way for the accommodation and share the hosting and food bill and cleaning, or they don’t come.

Or book a smaller place.

Cheeky fecks!

I'm calling CF on them. They rock up for most of the week, scoff your nosh and never invite you to theirs for so much as a BBQ when she has is off for 6 weeks in the summer.

Tell them you need a break/rest - rent the place next door but I am not hosting this year AS I ALWAYS DO IT

Good luck OP

Sadly people start to take this kind of generosity for granted when it's been in place for a while.

If they don't want to stay for a whole week, then I can see they'd be reluctant to book a separate cottage. But they should absolutely pay a certain amount, agreed by you, towards costs, and really they should buy you dinner out one night or pay for a takeaway at the very least as thanks for hosting. Does any of this happen? How do they show their appreciation of their free short break?

You've made it easy for them, but I can see why. I can also see why you feel a bit taken for granted. Unless you spell it out for them, they are not going to have any idea that you want to change the status quo. Work out what you want to happen now, and tell them. If they don't want to accept it it's a shame, as it's a loss for you all. But you can't be a doormat, and you also can't expect people to mind-read.

I can't believe they don't contribute to the cost of the rental, contribute to food or share the making of it, strip and wash linen etc and expect YOU to host THEIR holiday!!! CF!

You, however, have been a doormat to let it go on so long! Give them the contact details for the cottage next door, the week you are going and leave the ball in their court. YOU aren't hosting this year. End of.

So you pay for the house, and then they crash it? And you run around after them? What is this madness? Why would anyone allow this? I'm baffled.

We did that once, albeit with family paying for the nights they stayed. The chopping and changing was bad enough. Never again.

Thanks so much everyone for comments so far. In the interests of clarity, and apologies for not making this clear. They don’t come for the full week. My parents come for 3 days and they come for 3 days. With everyone there for one lunch. The house holds 8 so my parents can’t stay whilst they are there and vice versa. They bring a lasagne for night one. I did a bbq with good dele food for 8 the second night. I had to go and do a big shop for that and bring back beer at their request. Lunches etc usually my stuff. But I did have to get them to buy their own coffee as we use the ikea decanter thing and they wanted instant, which I did not have. Oh and we ran out of loo rolls!!😅 I really do think the other house needs to be booked by them. My parents told me that the 3 days with us is the only holiday they all got this year. But it’s the same for everyone! My sis in law and brother have booked a big holiday abroad next year and I understand it is costing a fortune. So they probably don’t want to spend £630 on the house next door. Which is amazing value considering how costs have risen. There an undercurrent that I am better off. But I’m not! I am worried a precedent has been set. !!!!!