Is it OK not to want to host family holiday next year?

[thecatsmum12346]

Love meeting up with the extended family in our holiday rental (we normally rent the same house each year) but have relatives to stay on and off for most of the week. It’s a great way for my kids to see their cousins. We never get an invite back up to theirs as they say they are busy, and it would be nice to see them at Halloween. It’s not much different even in non covid times. I do love to see them!! I have suggested they take the adjoining cottage next year but have a feeling they won’t as i would only be paying for one of the cottages. Am I being a bitch? I do find it exhausting hosting and don’t get any other holidays or time off during the year. My sister in law is a teacher. So she’s off til September. She’s really really nice. I think the other cottage would be the solution but my mum said that the weather might not be good. It’s a tough one as I am happy to book ahead, pay the money and hope for the best. I think everyone would prefer to come up fir a few nights to me.

You pay 50%. Your parents 25% and in-laws 25%. This is of everything including the shops.

Otherwise just say that next year you just want a family holiday for you guys. Wouldn’t it be worth hiring the smaller house yourself?

My parents told me that the 3 days with us is the only holiday they all got this year

They can book their own holiday though?! What’s stopping them??

I wouldn’t book this same holiday place that holds 8 again as they will just expect you to want to do the same as normal.

You need to book a smaller house and just have your own family, not extended family.

and bring back beer at their request

See, if I was funding the whole family’s holiday, I wouldn’t be doing this! Why didn’t you ask them to get beer if they were the ones drinking it? I presume they all have legs and know how shops work?

Have you asked your parents directly?

I would be insisting tbh.

I'm picking up the point your mother made about the weather and how it might not be so good. I take it that she never has this insight when you are the only one renting a holiday let and when everyone stays with you, only when you make the suggestion of some of the family staying in the neighbouring holiday let?
Then why is it even a factor in the decision making process?

Have you considered going somewhere different that means that you all have to have your own accommodation (number of rooms wouldn't allow for everyone to stay with you in your let)?

For example (and I'm only using this as an example) when I browse this site www.dreamireland.com/irish_accommodation_in_county/wexford.html I find a number of places to rent in an place called "Grange Cove". You could rent one and tell other members of the family that you're trying somewhere new this/next year and if they want to join you on holiday, they are free to book one of the other units in this group. Then you'll know if they were only after a free holiday or if they wanted to spend time with you.

Does the above make sense???

Why didn't they bring their own beer? Bit cheeky to want beer and ask you to buy it unless they did pay. I would have taken they with me to the shop and shown them where they could buy the beer.

So, you sell it to parents as ‘Wouldn’t it be lovely to spend all week together rather than have to split the families visiting? If you booked the house next door you could both visit at the same time. If we split the cost of 2 houses between 3 families it works out as £X.’

Then when they say no say ‘Oh, that’s a shame. Well, perhaps we’ll do our own thing next year anyway and try somewhere new.’

You are a lovely person but you are being mugged off here

Thanks so much. It would be nice to try something different anyway. I appreciate you message.

So you go on holiday & choose to invite people to visit?

Perhaps you don't get invited back as you would expect to stay & they don't want you to?

If you want to visit-ask them about it!

They had some. But think they wanted backup. 😅

They saw you coming didnt they? I'd be booking some where different and smaller in future. They can sort their own holiday.

I can see why you might want to treat your parents, OP. I can also see that if your SIL didn't come for the other days then your parents would stay for the full week.

It's just not fair on you. If you are paying for the accommodation then they should be providing all the food and drink. They will still get off lighter. Your SIL is a teacher so on reasonable money. Does she have a partner? Does he work?

What about your parents? Are they still working?

is the house next door smaller? if so i'd be tempted to book that next year, then they cant come and stay

So basically you book your holiday, and they come and stay with you in your holiday let, for free, without chipping in for the accommodation or food and drink!
How did this arrangement start? I’m a bit flabbergasted.

Just say to them that you’re going on holiday just your family next year. They clearly don’t want to pay for the cottage next door, just crash your holiday. Hardly fair. Put your foot down

Is the weather your Mum's way of saying that she doesn't want to holiday all together?

@Birkie248

So basically you book your holiday, and they come and stay with you in your holiday let, for free, without chipping in for the accommodation or food and drink! How did this arrangement start? I’m a bit flabbergasted.

Me too! I wouldn’t have done this once let alone repeatedly! They are just using you and you’re letting them.

Agree with others since you have been the only one paying that makes it super easy. You get to choose where you book. I think it’s a great idea to find a place with multiple accommodations, then it really is their choice. You can even avoid the whole who is paying thing if you find it an awkward discussion.

“Hey family…we decided to change things up this year, we’ll be in this cottage. Unfortunately it’s smaller, so everyone is on their own for their accommodations. There are multiple options near/on property for you to choose. Let me know who plans on booking and we can sort out a rota for dinners. I’ll be doing the one big dinner as usual, but it should work out to 2 dinners per family if everyone goes. “

Then if they decide to book their own then they know the rules for meals and you’ve declared expectations up front.

So you've basically been paying for their holidays for years?

Cheeky fuckers!

Tell them to rent their own cottage from now one; especially as the kids get bigger (and eat more).

What has the weather got to do with whether or not they rent a cottage!?

No they are identical. 😅

Your title is misleading. I thought your family were coming to stay at your house every year, but not returning the favour. I came on to say yanbu, but that fact that they’re actually gatecrashing your holiday is fucking astounding! How does this conversation even come round very year?? ‘So catsmum, when are you going on holiday this year so I can tell the family when they’re going’??

I would have abandoned this idea after the first year of not being reciprocated! Thing is with CFs, family or not, is that they are happy to go on taking forever as long as you keep giving. Just say no, or that you will meet them in the area for day trip together etc but not for them to stay over at YOUR holiday house.

If you don't want to share your holiday with them, that's perfectly OK. It's your life and you can choose how you live it.