Is it OK not to want to host family holiday next year?

[thecatsmum12346]

Love meeting up with the extended family in our holiday rental (we normally rent the same house each year) but have relatives to stay on and off for most of the week. It’s a great way for my kids to see their cousins. We never get an invite back up to theirs as they say they are busy, and it would be nice to see them at Halloween. It’s not much different even in non covid times. I do love to see them!! I have suggested they take the adjoining cottage next year but have a feeling they won’t as i would only be paying for one of the cottages. Am I being a bitch? I do find it exhausting hosting and don’t get any other holidays or time off during the year. My sister in law is a teacher. So she’s off til September. She’s really really nice. I think the other cottage would be the solution but my mum said that the weather might not be good. It’s a tough one as I am happy to book ahead, pay the money and hope for the best. I think everyone would prefer to come up fir a few nights to me.

@thecatsmum12346

Thanks so much everyone for comments so far. In the interests of clarity, and apologies for not making this clear. They don’t come for the full week. My parents come for 3 days and they come for 3 days. With everyone there for one lunch. The house holds 8 so my parents can’t stay whilst they are there and vice versa. They bring a lasagne for night one. I did a bbq with good dele food for 8 the second night. I had to go and do a big shop for that and bring back beer at their request. Lunches etc usually my stuff. But I did have to get them to buy their own coffee as we use the ikea decanter thing and they wanted instant, which I did not have. Oh and we ran out of loo rolls!!😅 I really do think the other house needs to be booked by them. My parents told me that the 3 days with us is the only holiday they all got this year. But it’s the same for everyone! My sis in law and brother have booked a big holiday abroad next year and I understand it is costing a fortune. So they probably don’t want to spend £630 on the house next door. Which is amazing value considering how costs have risen. There an undercurrent that I am better off. But I’m not! I am worried a precedent has been set. !!!!!

Why would they pay 630 when you've been letting them stay for free. Put your foot down, tell parents and in-laws to book nearby and split the cost if they only plan to stay half a week each

I am assuming the cottage next door is smaller? Rent that and if the others want to come they can all rent the larger place together. Or rent the usual place and split with friends.

I get it because we have scattered family and when cousins get together they have a great time, however always the same people instigate it and hosting is exhausting and expensive. If it feels unfair you will increasingly resent it and it is your family holiday after all. Have a reply ready if they question you but be honest. It is okay to say that we seem to have fallen into a habit of renting a big place we do not need and whilst we love seeing you, it is surely someone else's turn? No need to be confrontational- just matter of fact.

They’re ticking the box of family visit and getting a free holiday… they will keep on doing this if you facilitate it. Plus people do not understand how hard hosting is until they do it… mental load is carnage tbh -food for 3 meals a day ( even if they bring one you still have to build it into the plan and I bet they Don’t bring garlic bread and salad) alcohol, soft drinks, snacks, activities ya de ya. So if you stop be prepared for them to be busy forever. Personally this would be my hill to die on!

They're getting a free holiday every year.

While you, OP, aren't getting a holiday at all because you're running round after them. I know you've said it has to stop - I hope you follow through with it.

Thanks to everyone who posted with advice. I appreciate it. I know what I need to do. No point in me moaning on.

@willstarttomorrow

I am assuming the cottage next door is smaller? Rent that and if the others want to come they can all rent the larger place together. Or rent the usual place and split with friends.

I get it because we have scattered family and when cousins get together they have a great time, however always the same people instigate it and hosting is exhausting and expensive. If it feels unfair you will increasingly resent it and it is your family holiday after all. Have a reply ready if they question you but be honest. It is okay to say that we seem to have fallen into a habit of renting a big place we do not need and whilst we love seeing you, it is surely someone else's turn? No need to be confrontational- just matter of fact.

Thanks.