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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pick up the peas?

526 replies

inpixiehollow · 19/07/2021 11:03

We were invited out yesterday for sunday lunch with my MIL and her 94 year old mother. We went to a local pub, me and my partner, MIL, partners grandma and our 11 month old daughter.
I hadn't been to the pub before but wasn't impressed with it, the food wasn't great and the pub needed a good clean everywhere but we made the best of it wanting to be polite. We all had a carvery and I shared some of mine onto my daughters plate including peas. When we were done there was some mess left under the highchair (honestly not much at all, some very small bits of meat and peas) MIL's mum remarked that our daughter had made such a mess. I replied that it would only take a few minutes for them to sweep/hoover it up but she seemed horrified I wasn't going to get on my hands and knees on a pretty dirty carpet, in 29 degree heat and diligently pick up each scrap of food. I should add that the pub was almost empty too so no reason why the staff wouldn't have time to quickly tidy up. Having worked in hospitality I wouldn't have expected parents to bother about this small amount of food on the floor? I wiped down the highchair and the table where she had left gravy/mashed potato but left the, at the most 10 peas on the floor.. WIBU?

OP posts:
Metallicalover · 19/07/2021 13:53

Clean up the mess your child has made, I think it's rude not to.
I used to waitress and the mess some parents leave was disgusting.
You don't have to get on your hands and knees, squat or go on your honkers and pick it up,
I always pick up after my child, most people do. I'm assuming your one of the those that leaves things on the table in the likes of IKEA cafe and McDonald's for other people to clear as it only takes a few minutes

GCandproud · 19/07/2021 13:54

disliked the skanky chav families who left a mess under the table. Because who else would leave a mess?

Pretty vile comment. Do you mean working class people? But in any event, the people most entitled/likely to leave a mess and be oblivious to it are middle class yummy mummies. I see it all the time, including one changing a nappy on a cafe table despite there being a changing room. The families you label ‘chavs’ aren’t the ones who while away hours in cafes and restaurants with their children.

SixesAndEights · 19/07/2021 13:56

@HopeYourHighHorseBucks

disliked the skanky chav families who left a mess under the table. Because who else would leave a mess?

The opposite in my experience of waitressing. Behaviour like that only comes from people who feel they are superior to the staff, they really really wouldn't just walk out of a fancy restaurant without apologising or a hefty tip. But harvester? Fuck em they should get a better job anyway!

What I meant was we called them skanky chavs...
SecretKeeper1 · 19/07/2021 13:57

@SixesAndEights

Back in the day when I waitressed we always disliked the skanky chav families who left a mess under the table. Because who else would leave a mess?
Makes you wonder what their own homes look like. Skanky sums it up perfectly.
SeaShoreGalore · 19/07/2021 13:57

Hell of a lot of saints on this thread 😀

SixesAndEights · 19/07/2021 13:57

Do you mean working class people?

No, I mean clatty people who leave a mess.

SeaShoreGalore · 19/07/2021 13:58

Back in the day when I waitressed we always disliked the skanky chav families who left a mess under the table. Because who else would leave a mess

I’m not a chav and I would leave a mess.

RedRoomAvenger · 19/07/2021 13:58

I don't know anyone who would leave their kids mess. Well I used to but the friendship ended when I stopped eating out and going to cafes with him.

We have a lot of children in my family and we've all managed perfectly fine picking up their mess without having to get on out hands and knees crawling about. If there was so few peas like you say then I'm not sure why anyone would need to be crawling about unless they had a physical disability (and if OP did she'd have mentioned as her justification instead of the heat and food quality)

You come across as snobby, as if you shouldn't have to demean yourself picking your child's mess up when a barmaid or waitress/waiter can get on their knees for you instead.

MaMelon · 19/07/2021 13:58

Really - you think it saintly to clear up mess you leave?

You're obviously one of those dicks I spoke about earlier.

SixesAndEights · 19/07/2021 13:58

@SeaShoreGalore

Hell of a lot of saints on this thread 😀
No, just not lazy, entitled people.
PetronellaPea · 19/07/2021 13:59

I always, always clear up food mess my child has made in a pub or restaurant, no matter how minor. One of my pet hates is those that don’t and leave it for some poor other soul to deal with - the staff have enough to do. It’s revolting having to clean someone else’s kid’s mushy chewed food debris.

Nanny2many · 19/07/2021 14:00

If it’s only 10 peas why didn’t you just scoop them up with a wet wipe or tissue .

Aprilx · 19/07/2021 14:00

I don’t check for crumbs but if I had dropped as much as ten peas on the floor (which is quite a lot of food on the floor), I would have grabbed a napkin and quickly scooped them all up.

You have no room to talk about a place needing a good clean with your own attitude towards picking up food you have dropped on the floor!

Tealwarrior · 19/07/2021 14:00

Op, YABU to think its was ok to not pick the peas up even if you did have to get down on your hands and knees to do it. Not that I think you’d have had to pick up more than a couple before staff would have said thanks for doing that but leave it and I’ll just get a brush/Hoover it.

Sakari · 19/07/2021 14:01

All the people saying it would take less than a minute. Could you not say the same for the server? It would take them less than a minute and what's more they're being paid for it and not trying to wrangle a small child?
All this ridiculous martyrdom. If it becomes as much hassle to go out as to stay in people will just not do it and restaurants will close. And before anyone asks I have been a waitress, obviously I liked it when other people made my life easier but I absolutely did not think that I was entitled to customers doing my job!

KentuckyCriedFricken · 19/07/2021 14:01

Would you have picked up something that you had dropped? If so, why wouldn’t you pick up what your child dropped?

FlyingBattie · 19/07/2021 14:01

@SeaShoreGalore

Hell of a lot of saints on this thread 😀
If you think Saintly is cleaning up your own/ your Childs mess, then you have a low bar.
SuckItUpDave · 19/07/2021 14:01

@SeaShoreGalore

Back in the day when I waitressed we always disliked the skanky chav families who left a mess under the table. Because who else would leave a mess

I’m not a chav and I would leave a mess.

No you're a skank with no manners Clean up after your child
heidipi · 19/07/2021 14:03

OP’s DP seems to have been let off lightly here - including by his mother and grandmother!

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 19/07/2021 14:04

@markmichelle

Acknowledge the mess, and give the staff another £2 or 3. You all had a meal and drinks, £60 or more what's another few quid. Not your fault about the state of venue; maybe don't go back. We all need to face paying full price for goods and especially services.
This isn't that far removed from the Bullingdon Club's approach, so I hear.... Trash the place and then throw a load of £20 notes on the table.

Appalling, entitled behaviour, and a really shit lesson to teach your child. Having money doesn't excuse you from displaying courtesy.

HopeYourHighHorseBucks · 19/07/2021 14:06

OP asked if she were BU to not have picked up the peas. People are answering that. If she had asked if her DP WBU she would get the same answer and an added LTB for extra disgust.

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 19/07/2021 14:07

Both parents are as bad as each other imo. Neither of them bothered to pick the food up, they both see themselves as above such things.

MaMelon · 19/07/2021 14:08

OP’s DP seems to have been let off lightly here - including by his mother and grandmother

The OP is posting about the conversation she had with her MIL's mum so I'm responding to her - not her DP or MIL. If they want to post I'll say the same thing to them.

anon12345678901 · 19/07/2021 14:14

I think you should have cleaned up, I mean what a thing to teach children, just leave food all over the floor, someone else will clean up after you. Do you do the same with littering? I always clear mess from my child and if we're out with families children. I think it's poor manners to leave a mess for someone else to clean up.

WorraLiberty · 19/07/2021 14:15

@MirandaMarple

If you had a dog and it was a dog friendly pub the dog would have eaten the peas.
Not my dog.

Hand on heart he would've eaten everything else and licked the peas shiny if they'd had gravy on them but he would NOT eat them!

Massive fail on my part. I've raised a skanky, over entitled dog 😂😂

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