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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pick up the peas?

526 replies

inpixiehollow · 19/07/2021 11:03

We were invited out yesterday for sunday lunch with my MIL and her 94 year old mother. We went to a local pub, me and my partner, MIL, partners grandma and our 11 month old daughter.
I hadn't been to the pub before but wasn't impressed with it, the food wasn't great and the pub needed a good clean everywhere but we made the best of it wanting to be polite. We all had a carvery and I shared some of mine onto my daughters plate including peas. When we were done there was some mess left under the highchair (honestly not much at all, some very small bits of meat and peas) MIL's mum remarked that our daughter had made such a mess. I replied that it would only take a few minutes for them to sweep/hoover it up but she seemed horrified I wasn't going to get on my hands and knees on a pretty dirty carpet, in 29 degree heat and diligently pick up each scrap of food. I should add that the pub was almost empty too so no reason why the staff wouldn't have time to quickly tidy up. Having worked in hospitality I wouldn't have expected parents to bother about this small amount of food on the floor? I wiped down the highchair and the table where she had left gravy/mashed potato but left the, at the most 10 peas on the floor.. WIBU?

OP posts:
sausagepastapot · 19/07/2021 14:15

I would have done exactly the same as you. YANBU.

Bahhhhhumbug · 19/07/2021 14:15

I see the OP has done one and left us all to traipse through her peas .
I can almost hear my late mother and aunt exclaiming in one of their embarrassing 'stage' whispers 'Makes you wonder what their home's like'

AuntMargo · 19/07/2021 14:15

@SeaShoreGalore

Back in the day when I waitressed we always disliked the skanky chav families who left a mess under the table. Because who else would leave a mess

I’m not a chav and I would leave a mess.

LOL - you clearly are a chav, as all chavs have disregard for others, which clearly you have as you say would leave a mess. Or do you prefer the title scum ?
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 19/07/2021 14:16

Could you not say the same for the server? It would take them less than a minute and what's more they're being paid for it

They are paid to SERVE you food. Not clear up a mess you and your children have left behind. Appalling attitude. They are not paid to be your serfs.

WorraLiberty · 19/07/2021 14:17

@SeaShoreGalore

Back in the day when I waitressed we always disliked the skanky chav families who left a mess under the table. Because who else would leave a mess

I’m not a chav and I would leave a mess.

Then clearly only the skanky part applies.
newnortherner111 · 19/07/2021 14:24

I get the impression that you did not even acknowledge or apologise to the pub for the peas on the floor. I don't think this was acceptable.

aiwblam · 19/07/2021 14:26

I think the op’s issue was that the floor was already filthy. I would have picked up from an otherwise clean floor, but would have thought twice about having to do it with a filthy floor. I imagine staff would have access to cleaning gloves, whereas customers probably wouldn’t.

rainbowstardrops · 19/07/2021 14:29

Yes you are being unreasonable. Absolutely awful to leave mess that your child has created!
Why is it the staff's job to clean up your child's mess - they're your child!!!!!
Staff are predominantly there to take your order, deliver your food to the table and wipe down tables after!
Skanky, lazy behaviour. I'd be embarrassed if I was with you.

Sakari · 19/07/2021 14:29

They are paid to SERVE you food. Not clear up a mess you and your children have left behind. Appalling attitude. They are not paid to be your serfs.

When I was a waitress cleaning up was very much part of my role, I'm kind of shocked by all this, of course it was my job to clean up after tables!?

WorraLiberty · 19/07/2021 14:30

@aiwblam

I think the op’s issue was that the floor was already filthy. I would have picked up from an otherwise clean floor, but would have thought twice about having to do it with a filthy floor. I imagine staff would have access to cleaning gloves, whereas customers probably wouldn’t.
The state of the pub is down to management, not the waiting staff.

If it was good enough for the OP to eat there, it should've been good enough for the OP or her DP to clean up after their child there.

MaMelon · 19/07/2021 14:30

I imagine staff would have access to cleaning gloves, whereas customers probably wouldn’t

No, which is why she should have done what most people would do and grab a couple of napkins and pick them up using them.

ConcernedAuntie · 19/07/2021 14:30

And people wonder why some eating places prefer adults only.

BestestBrownies · 19/07/2021 14:30

I can’t think why the hospitality industry is struggling to recruit and keep staff these days

ohthatbloodycat · 19/07/2021 14:30

I'm trying to think about what I would have done when mine were wee, but the truth is, I'd have cleaned it up I think. If the peas got mashed into the floor, that wouldn't be great.
I tend not to want to put others out, or cause more work for them. At least you did the high chair though! Plenty wouldn't I'm sure.

ohthatbloodycat · 19/07/2021 14:32

@TheAwfuITruth

When I see people walk away from mess in pubs and restaurants I wonder what their houses must be like.
Probably immaculate. It's other people they don't give a shit about Sad
WorraLiberty · 19/07/2021 14:32

@Sakari

They are paid to SERVE you food. Not clear up a mess you and your children have left behind. Appalling attitude. They are not paid to be your serfs.

When I was a waitress cleaning up was very much part of my role, I'm kind of shocked by all this, of course it was my job to clean up after tables!?

Yes, it would've been your job to clean up dropped food that some customers thought was beneath them to pick up after themselves.

That doesn't make it right or mannerly though, does it?

Are you also shocked at the concept of not throwing litter on the streets, despite the fact some people are paid to clean it up?

Picklesbaby · 19/07/2021 14:33

Mess under high chairs is my pet hate. I’d think is that how you leave your house.

TokenGinger · 19/07/2021 14:35

I always pick up my son's food, whether it's on the floor or whether it's on the table. I make sure it's left on on plate.

Why should somebody have to touch food that's likely been in your baby's mouth, covered in saliva, and spat out on to the floor?

I just think it's good manners to clean up after your child.

HappyGirl86 · 19/07/2021 14:36

I try to pick up as much as I can. Sometimes it's hard to get everything without a dust pan on the carpet, but I try my best. Then I always tell the staff I've tried to clear up and ask for a dust pan. Ive never been anywhere where they have given me the dust pan, the staff usually say they are grateful that I've picked up most of it, and say they will sort the rest.
I think it's fair to at least get some of it up. Yes, the staff are paid to clean up the restaurant but I think it's just polite to help.

MonsterMunchConnoisseur · 19/07/2021 14:38

Gosh, you are the type of customer I used to hate when working in hospitality.
If my baby makes a mess, I clean it up as best I can.

RedRoomAvenger · 19/07/2021 14:40

LOL - you clearly are a chav, as all chavs have disregard for others, which clearly you have as you say would leave a mess. Or do you prefer the title scum ?

Chav (Council Housed And Violent) is a stereotype often used against low income and/or working class people.

I've seen people used as an insult for things like simply wearing tracksuit bottoms, they could be the loveliest of people and the hardest of working but if you are working class or on a low income some people still look down their nose and call you a "chav" when you're actually a decent and respectful person. I know loads of people who'd be called a chav by mumsnetters, pegs left on the line etc and they would be picking up their kids mess from the floor.

Rudeness, disrespect and disregard for others is a universal, all background, all income thing. Look at Boris Johnson.

FawnFrenchieMum · 19/07/2021 14:40

@Picklesbaby

Mess under high chairs is my pet hate. I’d think is that how you leave your house.
At home I would have a dustpan and brush, a cloth, anti-bac spray and no what has been on the floor before me. I'd also be unlikely to be wearing nice clothes for going out to lunch in.
Sakari · 19/07/2021 14:43

Are you also shocked at the concept of not throwing litter on the streets, despite the fact some people are paid to clean it up?

This is a false equivalence. The cleanliness of the streets is a public good, everyone has a responsibility to keep them clean for everyone's overall wellbeing. If you go to a restaurant you are paying for a service and part of that service is that someone cooks your food and cleans up after you.

And the part about it being mannerly, I think this is very much about seeing waitstaff as people not faceless beyond there to do your bidding. But again, cleaning is part of the job. I have crappy bits of my job now, I could tell my manager it's not polite for him to make me do the hard and boring stuff when he knows it's hard and boring but I don't because it's my job!

WorraLiberty · 19/07/2021 14:43

At home I would have a dustpan and brush, a cloth, anti-bac spray and no what has been on the floor before me. I'd also be unlikely to be wearing nice clothes for going out to lunch in.

Grab napkin/baby wipe

Move highchair to one side

Pick up food your child dropped

No-one's asking you to roll around in it for fuck sake 😂🙄

ejhhhhh · 19/07/2021 14:44

I'm sorry OP but people who don't clean up after their kids are just rude. I went out for lunch with a lady that I didn't know very well after a toddler group, and her child made so much mess, there was food all over the floor. When we'd finished she just walked off and left it! I was mortified, I stayed behind and cleared it all up. After getting to know her a bit better, she often was rude in different ways, you can tell a lot about a person by the way that they treat waiting staff. If you make more than a usual amount of mess, in any situation, the only reasonable thing to do it help clean it up imo.