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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pick up the peas?

526 replies

inpixiehollow · 19/07/2021 11:03

We were invited out yesterday for sunday lunch with my MIL and her 94 year old mother. We went to a local pub, me and my partner, MIL, partners grandma and our 11 month old daughter.
I hadn't been to the pub before but wasn't impressed with it, the food wasn't great and the pub needed a good clean everywhere but we made the best of it wanting to be polite. We all had a carvery and I shared some of mine onto my daughters plate including peas. When we were done there was some mess left under the highchair (honestly not much at all, some very small bits of meat and peas) MIL's mum remarked that our daughter had made such a mess. I replied that it would only take a few minutes for them to sweep/hoover it up but she seemed horrified I wasn't going to get on my hands and knees on a pretty dirty carpet, in 29 degree heat and diligently pick up each scrap of food. I should add that the pub was almost empty too so no reason why the staff wouldn't have time to quickly tidy up. Having worked in hospitality I wouldn't have expected parents to bother about this small amount of food on the floor? I wiped down the highchair and the table where she had left gravy/mashed potato but left the, at the most 10 peas on the floor.. WIBU?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 19/07/2021 13:04

@markmichelle

Acknowledge the mess, and give the staff another £2 or 3. You all had a meal and drinks, £60 or more what's another few quid. Not your fault about the state of venue; maybe don't go back. We all need to face paying full price for goods and especially services.
Do you think it's ok for the OP and her DP to teach their kids it's ok to leave their shit for others to clean up, as long as they acknowledge it and chuck 2 or 3 quid at the person who waits on tables but now has to clean up after them?

Seriously?

TimeIhadaNameChange · 19/07/2021 13:05

I always clean up after my child, why wouldn't I? She's my responsibility.

Took a friend's pair out a few years ago. They had cake, there was a mess. Half a pack of wet wipes and a pan and brush and all was well. No skin off my nose, and meant the staff just had to antibac the table as per usual.

BSideBaby · 19/07/2021 13:08

If your MIL's mum has carers I can guarantee they'll be hearing all about this today OP!

Personally I'd have discretely asked for a dustpan and brush out of general politeness and out of courtesy to those who'd shared the table with you, especially MIL's mum. Why 'horrify' an elderly woman (who has lived through less selfish times) when you can spend a couple of minutes tidying up after yourself? It's more likely the staff would've done it for you anyway even if you had asked. I hope you left a tip at least.

tallduckandhandsome · 19/07/2021 13:10

@rancidsorrymess

lazy bitch
But no criticism of OP's partner who was also there?
WorraLiberty · 19/07/2021 13:16

@tallduckandhandsome

YANBU. I've been a waitress, men leave such a mess, with food on the floor, and yet of course women are expected to clear up mess from the floor. Hmm

Clearing up the table and high chair was enough.

When I worked in hospitality that wasn't the case.

If anyone was going to clean up after their children it was a pretty 50/50 mix of both parents or grandparents.

Clearing up the table and high chair was enough.

No it wasn't. Either the OP or her DP should've cleaned up after their child.

Teaching your kids it's ok to leave food on the floor 'because men do it', is not just a poor example of how to treat others but it's sexist too.

Lifeisaminestrone · 19/07/2021 13:18

I’d pick up in a cheaper restaurant as a given. I hate sitting on a table that a family had left in a mess - is disgusting!

However, when taken to high-end and stylish restaurants as babies (think Nobu etc) (invited rather than our personal organisation!!), I would express an apology to the waiter but I think all parties would be mortified if I was under the table!!!

However, there was never much mess, as I was always be very careful what I ordered / brought - bread rolls not crackers, purées not peas.

Before anyone is worried I didn’t feed baby raw fish!!

rookiemere · 19/07/2021 13:19

I know I'm a fair few years past this stage, but I'm struggling to think what these toddlers are doing to their food to create such an unholy mess.
If DS appeared inclined to throw peas around I'd have simply taken the plate or bowl away from him - plenty of time to practice self feeding at home.
We were out with DNephews toddler for a meal recently and I don't remember a tsunami of detritus and her behaviour was much better than adult BILs.

WorraLiberty · 19/07/2021 13:19

And in my area (East London/Essex) there's often also a racist element involved, as so many of the waiting staff/cleaners aren't British.

I've heard more than once from dirty, lazy bastards trying to justify their actions, words to the effect of "Well they came here to work, so let them get on with it" Hmm

Buffoonborisisatwat · 19/07/2021 13:21

You're a slob. Do you empty your car ashtray into the gutter/ drop stuff in the street ? hey ho ... someone else will pick it up.

LuvMyBubbles · 19/07/2021 13:21

It's ok, that's there job. You did but do the wrong thing.

AlfonsoTheMango · 19/07/2021 13:21

I wonder if the OP will be back?

StoppinBy · 19/07/2021 13:22

I used to work in hospitality.

People who let their kids make a huge mess and then left it annoyed me a lot.

Whenever we go out I or my husband always get down and clean up any mess. If your kid throws/drops food on the ground, pick it up.

Tal45 · 19/07/2021 13:23

I wouldn't clean it up but I would try to avoid it happening. If it was something bigger and easier to pick up then I would. I don't see it as leaving my shit for someone else to clean up any more than I do when I leave my dirty dishes on the table, to me it's part of the service when you eat at a restaurant (but obviously I wouldn't just let my child throw their food everywhere).

WorraLiberty · 19/07/2021 13:24

However, when taken to high-end and stylish restaurants as babies (think Nobu etc) (invited rather than our personal organisation!!), I would express an apology to the waiter but I think all parties would be mortified if I was under the table!!!

That's their problem though

Plus no-one's likely to notice you quickly picking up a bit of food any more than they'd notice you looking for your phone if you dropped it.

All this "On my hands and knees" is ridiculous hyperbole from posters trying to justify their thoughtlessness.

My 3 DC are adults now and looking back at all the times I or my DH cleared up their mess in restaurants/cafes, not once can I remember either of us on our 'hands and knees'.

We simply bent down.

EgSk · 19/07/2021 13:26

I pick up any bits of food off the floor after my 8 month old . I know I don’t have to but out of respect I do . Even with everything I pick up, our table is still a mess so it’s the least I can do .

TooScaredToPostOnMN · 19/07/2021 13:27

Well - i am glad i have seen this post and the responses as i would have acted the same as you OP but i definitely won't in future! i always assumed (which i suppose i know what that makes me...) that the staff are paid to hoover and clear up, therefore i would leave crumbs or little bits of mess. If it was a lot then i would probably attempted to get majority onto a dish to be left on the table, but otherwise i usually left it!! I will change my ways from now especially with another little one on the way!!

JackGrealishIsMyNewManCrush · 19/07/2021 13:28

@inpixiehollow

YANBU, and despite the overwhelming majority disagreeing, I doubt most people would be arsed to pick up a few peas that dropped on the floor when they went for a meal.

Shirleyphallus · 19/07/2021 13:29

@rookiemere

I know I'm a fair few years past this stage, but I'm struggling to think what these toddlers are doing to their food to create such an unholy mess. If DS appeared inclined to throw peas around I'd have simply taken the plate or bowl away from him - plenty of time to practice self feeding at home. We were out with DNephews toddler for a meal recently and I don't remember a tsunami of detritus and her behaviour was much better than adult BILs.
This is a really good point, why is the child being given more than 10 peas just to chuck them on the floor?
Lifeisaminestrone · 19/07/2021 13:29

@WorraLiberty rubbish in a top restaurant, it’s just not appropriate to go on my hands and knees but you prevent mess, by feeding them appropriately.

Similarly it’s not appropriate for other diners to hear them screaming or crying so you them to be making noise so you take them out often and as they cry.

It’s not ideal but you don’t go on your hands and knees in

You could argue it’s not appropriate to take a baby to such a place but sometimes have had to

Chloemol · 19/07/2021 13:29

YABVU

The watressing staff are not your servants to clear up after your daughters mess

MaMelon · 19/07/2021 13:29

I doubt most people would be arsed to pick up a few peas that dropped on the floor when they went for a meal

Then you'd be wrong - most people aren't dicks who expect others to clean up after them.

hawkehurstgang · 19/07/2021 13:29

I wouldn't have picked them up.

NashvilleQueen · 19/07/2021 13:29

Why does the fact that you weren't impressed with the food even come into the equation? Do you mean to say that if it was somewhere fancier or better you'd have done the cleaning but here it didn't matter? Because the staff who had clean up after you are still humans and you are still very very unreasonable in your approach.

Lifeisaminestrone · 19/07/2021 13:30

I posted too soon but think get meaning.
I respect other diners by taking baby / toddler out when any noise.

It’s not black and white and it’s about compromise.

Mylittlesandwich · 19/07/2021 13:31

We pick up food DS drops. There are sometimes some little crumb like bits but anything big enough to pick up gets picked up, that would include peas.

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