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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pick up the peas?

526 replies

inpixiehollow · 19/07/2021 11:03

We were invited out yesterday for sunday lunch with my MIL and her 94 year old mother. We went to a local pub, me and my partner, MIL, partners grandma and our 11 month old daughter.
I hadn't been to the pub before but wasn't impressed with it, the food wasn't great and the pub needed a good clean everywhere but we made the best of it wanting to be polite. We all had a carvery and I shared some of mine onto my daughters plate including peas. When we were done there was some mess left under the highchair (honestly not much at all, some very small bits of meat and peas) MIL's mum remarked that our daughter had made such a mess. I replied that it would only take a few minutes for them to sweep/hoover it up but she seemed horrified I wasn't going to get on my hands and knees on a pretty dirty carpet, in 29 degree heat and diligently pick up each scrap of food. I should add that the pub was almost empty too so no reason why the staff wouldn't have time to quickly tidy up. Having worked in hospitality I wouldn't have expected parents to bother about this small amount of food on the floor? I wiped down the highchair and the table where she had left gravy/mashed potato but left the, at the most 10 peas on the floor.. WIBU?

OP posts:
GiveUsACwtch · 19/07/2021 14:45

YABU. Your child made the mess, so you clean it up.

WorraLiberty · 19/07/2021 14:45

This is a false equivalence. The cleanliness of the streets is a public good, everyone has a responsibility to keep them clean for everyone's overall wellbeing. If you go to a restaurant you are paying for a service and part of that service is that someone cooks your food and cleans up after you.

Street cleaning is a service and your council tax pays for that.

Honestly, the amount of people on this thread making excuses and setting the shittiest example to their children in restaurants, is pitiful.

LouLou198 · 19/07/2021 14:46

After being a waitress for many years when I was a student I was always conscious of cleaning up after dc when they were small. Waiting staff clean tables, most establishments only have a cleaner visit at the end of the day. Your child, your mess to sort. I consider it rude not to.

JumperooSue · 19/07/2021 14:46

Totally unreasonable to expect someone else to clean up your kids mess. It’s just courtesy, I always wipe the tray and table down and pick what I can up off the floor, it’s takes seconds🤷🏼‍♀️

Whyo · 19/07/2021 14:47

Trashy behaviour.

quizqueen · 19/07/2021 14:48

I hope they made that remark to their son/grandson too and not just expected it to be a woman's job.

TheAwfuITruth · 19/07/2021 14:48

@ohthatbloodycat

Probably immaculate. It's other people they don't give a shit about

I usually wonder if they live like that and just don't 'see' the mess

bookworm20 · 19/07/2021 14:48

YABVU. I've always cleared up my kids mess in restaurants, its never occurred to me not to!

Takes 5 seconds, and no it doesn't involve crawling round the floor like a loon, it involves bending down and quickly picking up the bits they've dropped. I've had a total of one unfortunate messy spillage, and just asked for a cloth.

I have seen people leave mess under highchairs or even when with bigger kids who could've cleared it up themselves to a degree and always thought what dicks the parents were.

The serving staff are there to serve your food and clear away the table. Not clean up after your kids!

LadyEloise · 19/07/2021 14:50

If my dc dropped food and they were too young to pick it up themselves I would pick up as much as I could in a cafe/pub/restaurant.

Sakari · 19/07/2021 14:51

Street cleaning is a service and your council tax pays for that.

Yes but we all pay the same (or at least the rated) amount. Not the same as a restaurant where the customer pays and the server is being paid.

Honestly, the amount of people on this thread making excuses and setting the shittiest example to their children in restaurants, is pitiful.

I think teaching my kid pride in her job and that she'll occasionally have to deal with crappy stuff without getting entitled that it's not her job or expecting someone to help her for free is a much better grounding.

olidora63 · 19/07/2021 14:52

Sorry but I think you should most definitely of made an attempt to clear up the mess! The waiting staff are not your skivvy! I went out last year for lunch and was absolutely fucking horrified at the carnage a family left behind! The parents were too busy on their phones and one of their children…probably about 7 attempted to cover the mess on the floor with paper menus …she was clearly embarrassed by the mess her younger siblings had made !

Cloudninenine · 19/07/2021 14:53

I always pick up food my baby drops on the floor, I just think it’s polite.

thecognoscenti · 19/07/2021 14:53

YABU! You didn't want to do it because it was unpleasant - why would anyone else then? Your daughter made the mess, you clear it up. It's disgusting that you expected someone probably paid minimum wage to do it because you couldn't be bothered.

emmetgirl · 19/07/2021 14:55

I own a restaurant/cafe.
The mess some people allow their kids to make is disgraceful. The attitude seems to be "well we've paid for it so you'll just clean up after us no matter how much mess we make.
I dislike having people with small kids in but they'd never know it as I pretend I don't.

JoborPlay · 19/07/2021 14:56

YABU.

I did baby led weaning with both my kids. Kids drop food. You pick it up. If you aren't prepared to do that you shouldn't take your child out with you.

I had a friend whose child made an almighty mess at lunch in a cafe. I cleared under my childs chair and she just walked off. I questioned her about it and she said it was the staffs job, so why should she? I've never gone out to eat with her again.

Twoforthree · 19/07/2021 14:56

Why couldn’t you just squat down and pick most of it up. I never left a mess but I don’t remember kneeling on carpets.

winnieanddaisy · 19/07/2021 14:58

Is there some reason why your partner couldn't clean his child's mess up. Didn't his mother have a word with him with this in mind ?

Twoforthree · 19/07/2021 14:59

See I think it was more important to pick up off the floor than wipe the high chair. Preferably both though.

Staff wipe tables down. They shouldn’t be cleaning the floor.

user1483387154 · 19/07/2021 15:00

Hugely unreasonable to leave a mess like that.

MaMelon · 19/07/2021 15:00

I think teaching my kid pride in her job and that she'll occasionally have to deal with crappy stuff without getting entitled that it's not her job or expecting someone to help her for free is a much better grounding

Precisely. If only the OP's mum had taken that view too when she was raising her she'd have been less of a skanky dick.

AbstractHeart · 19/07/2021 15:00

@AbsolutelyPatsy

and i dont spose the staff bring a dustpan and brush over between diners!
Of course they do! If it's a child-friendly venue then it's a normal everyday part of the job.

Do you pick up your hair clippings after you've had it cut at the hairdressers?

StrawBeretMoose · 19/07/2021 15:02

YABU and so is your partner. One of you should have cleaned up after your child.
His grandmother should possibly have asked him to clear up if her reason for askng you was that you're the mother, but giving the benefit of the don't maybe he was at the loo or something.

It's horribly entitled behaviour, waiting staff are not meant to have to clean under tables. If you can't get down on your hands and knees for your child's mess why should they? That is extra mess that you both as parents are responsible for.

RubyGoat · 19/07/2021 15:02

The floor was probably dirty because food gets dropped on the floor, not picked up by parents because they CBA, not picked up by staff because they don’t see it in time or are rushed off their feet, & is then trodden into the carpet.

If it was too hot for the OP, it was too hot for the staff.

Greyhare · 19/07/2021 15:03

I would say that you may have worked in 'hospitality' but you have never waitressed if you think someone is happy to clear up after your kids.

WorraLiberty · 19/07/2021 15:05

@Sakari

Street cleaning is a service and your council tax pays for that.

Yes but we all pay the same (or at least the rated) amount. Not the same as a restaurant where the customer pays and the server is being paid.

Honestly, the amount of people on this thread making excuses and setting the shittiest example to their children in restaurants, is pitiful.

I think teaching my kid pride in her job and that she'll occasionally have to deal with crappy stuff without getting entitled that it's not her job or expecting someone to help her for free is a much better grounding.

I think teaching my kid pride in her job and that she'll occasionally have to deal with crappy stuff without getting entitled that it's not her job or expecting someone to help her for free is a much better grounding.

But it's not either/or is it?

I mean it's perfectly doable to set a good example to your DC with regards to not expecting others to clean up the shit they leave behind, and teach them that not everyone is that mannerly or thoughtful.

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