Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish schools would do away with star of the week?

108 replies

Elisannah · 19/07/2021 09:16

So every child in my daughter's class has been given "star of the week" at least 2 or 3 times but she has only had it once, quite near the beginning of the school year.

I get that it's meant to be great for motivation etc but my daughter is fully aware that she's the only one to not have it at least twice and now thinks she must not be good enough. She has been great at being pleased for her friends and she always gets glowing reports yet this ridiculous reward scheme is always looming on her mind. I reassure her that she's doing great and it's more important to choose to be kind and respectful regardless of whether it's noticed or rewarded. I've tried to frame it as a useful life lesson on disappointment but AIBU to wish they'd do away with the whole thing if they're not going to make sure all the children are equally recognised??

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 19/07/2021 09:18

How many children are there in the class?

It must be very small if multiple children get it two or three times?

I think it’s fine as long as all the children get a go.

Whinge · 19/07/2021 09:22

It must be a pretty small class for all the other children to have recieved it multiple times. I'm sorry your daughter is worrying about it, how old is she?

Original poster
Elisannah · 19/07/2021 09:25

@Merryoldgoat

How many children are there in the class?

It must be very small if multiple children get it two or three times?

I think it’s fine as long as all the children get a go.

What if it's just one child though thats only had it once? It is a very small class compared to most. I wouldn't have a problem if logistically only some could have it more than once. It's a big deal to the kids, they get to spend time with the head teacher, choose a reward and take a cuddly bear home for the weekend (which I do not mind having been in charge on only once Grin)

On one hand I do think they have to go through disappointments and in the grand scheme this is a small thing but dd is so aware she is the only one which does seem unfair.

OP posts:
Flyingantday · 19/07/2021 09:25

Our primary do class superstar but every child does it once and it’s not a reward thing, but a celebration of the child and their interests etc… they bring in some toys to show and the children have the opportunity to say/write something positive or kind about the child. Child gets photo, certificate and a special Cushion to sit on for the week. Once all the kids had one turn, the teacher and TA got to be superstar. It is a really nice thing, but not in any way rewarding one child over another

Youdiditanyway · 19/07/2021 09:27

It really boosts my DD’s confidence when she gets it. She struggles academically and with her overall confidence so finds things like this a real boost. She got the half term award this year and it made her feel amazing, I was so happy for her.

Original poster
Elisannah · 19/07/2021 09:29

@whinge she's almost 6. We're very lucky to be in a small school. It's great in every regard except this entirely avoidable one Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Elisannah · 19/07/2021 09:30

@Flyingantday

Our primary do class superstar but every child does it once and it’s not a reward thing, but a celebration of the child and their interests etc… they bring in some toys to show and the children have the opportunity to say/write something positive or kind about the child. Child gets photo, certificate and a special Cushion to sit on for the week. Once all the kids had one turn, the teacher and TA got to be superstar. It is a really nice thing, but not in any way rewarding one child over another
That's such a lovely idea!
OP posts:
lanthanum · 19/07/2021 09:34

Either it's an exceptionally small class, or there are multiple stars of the week, or your figures wrong.
39 weeks, 30 kids - works out at pretty much once each.

That doesn't mean I think star of the week is a good idea. Mine never got star of the week until at least May, which is largely a consequence of teachers trying to make sure everyone gets it once. If the often-silly kid has a good week, you give it to them that week, because you might not get another chance. The kids who might deserve it any week get it in the week when none of the difficult ones have had a good week, or later in the year.

I bet the reason it feels like everyone else got it twice is that the last few recipients were all getting it for the second time, the teacher having successfully ticked off every name once a few weeks ago.

Annoyedandirritated · 19/07/2021 09:35

Totally agree! My dd is also in a very small class but this happens at her school too and she gets so upset each week

Original poster
Elisannah · 19/07/2021 09:35

@youdiditanyway that's lovely she got the award and I'm so glad it boosts her confidence. My dd has a lot of anxiety and reassurance that she's doing well really helps her. I guess my issue with it is that my dd seems to be the only one with having had it only once which seems a little unfair. It's probably an oversight but exposes the flip side to the motivational aspect of it.

OP posts:
SprayedWithDettol · 19/07/2021 09:35

I think she should raise it with the teacher if she feels confident enough. Girls are always taught to be kind to the detriment of their own feelings. Sod that. Why should she be left to feel this way if it is unfair?

Original poster
Elisannah · 19/07/2021 09:38

@Ianthanum nope she's in a very small class and I have noticed far more than I ever thought I would who would get star of the week because of how much my dd focuses on it Grin

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 19/07/2021 09:39

Can you just send a message in via schools messaging system saying that dd is getting upset about it?

Original poster
Elisannah · 19/07/2021 09:39

@annoyedandirritated oh I'm sorry it's happened to your dd as well. I just think the teachers have no idea how many conversations are had about star of the week at home!!

OP posts:
Wjevtvha · 19/07/2021 09:40

Having read her age I agree with you; although with 39 weeks in the school year I can’t work out how every child has been it 2-3 times

Original poster
Elisannah · 19/07/2021 09:42

@SprayedWithDettol

I think she should raise it with the teacher if she feels confident enough. Girls are always taught to be kind to the detriment of their own feelings. Sod that. Why should she be left to feel this way if it is unfair?
You are so right! I love that and wish I had thought of that before the end of term. She has one more day so I'll ask her if she wants to. I've not wanted to say anything because it just seems a crazy thing for me to get involved in.
OP posts:
Original poster
Elisannah · 19/07/2021 09:44

@Wjevtvha

Having read her age I agree with you; although with 39 weeks in the school year I can’t work out how every child has been it 2-3 times
Because there are only 16 children in her class, it's very small.
OP posts:
PaulaPetunia · 19/07/2021 09:46

Absolutely op.

happinessischocolate · 19/07/2021 09:50

Star of the week is an absolute pain. 1 child feels great for getting it and 29 kids feel shit for not.

My ds school went one step further and gave out awards at the end of year concert, it's started with the usual suspects getting awards for most improved and best at sport and then went on and on, till I thought oh everyone must be getting one for something, but no, out of 2 classes of 60 kids about 30 got awards whilst 30 sat feeling like shit. The ones with awards weren't even that impressed with them.

colourchanginglipstick · 19/07/2021 09:52

Not sure why so many people are focusing on the size of the class, we have classes that size too and kids have had star of the week more than once. DD (6) had it twice this year but in her first year of school she only had it once - and had a long wait to get it - she was really disappointed too. I think sometimes the quieter, well-behaved kids can just fly under the radar in a class with bigger personalities. This year she was in a class which generally seemed to have quieter and gentler kids, which worked so well for her.

Flambola · 19/07/2021 10:23

It’s bullshit. My daughter (5) cried to me about never being star of the week.

HeHatesMeStill · 19/07/2021 10:29

YANBU my DD is about to start year 3, never been star of the week in 3 years.

No-one believes me, headteacher and teachers claim she's had it at least once a year but can't tell me when because she's never had it.

I've told DD to ignore it, thankfully her SN means she's unaware she's never had it but I don't know how much longer she'll be unaware of it.

Lemonmelonsun · 19/07/2021 10:31

Remind the teacher she may not have noticed, I don't like doing away with things just because one can't get it, make it sure the one can get it then they all get it

EatingAllThePies · 19/07/2021 10:31

I could have written this. My youngest got it once and had 2 days off waiting for PCR tests so also got no attendance award. Big brother got star twice this year, attendance certificate and won the big prize in the attendance raffle. That has caused endless meltdowns. I understand the need to encourage and reward but when youngest is the best behaved and hardest trier it feels like a real kick in the teeth for him.

ThanksIGotItInMorrisons · 19/07/2021 10:36

Contact the school. I’m sure they do it so all kids get that special valued feeling. Probably
Not deliberately left out. Ask the school, tell them
It boosts her confidence etc is she due another one? Feeling a bit left out. Honestly it will be a complete
Oversight.

Swipe left for the next trending thread