To wish schools would do away with star of the week?

[Elisannah]

So every child in my daughter's class has been given "star of the week" at least 2 or 3 times but she has only had it once, quite near the beginning of the school year.

I get that it's meant to be great for motivation etc but my daughter is fully aware that she's the only one to not have it at least twice and now thinks she must not be good enough. She has been great at being pleased for her friends and she always gets glowing reports yet this ridiculous reward scheme is always looming on her mind. I reassure her that she's doing great and it's more important to choose to be kind and respectful regardless of whether it's noticed or rewarded. I've tried to frame it as a useful life lesson on disappointment but AIBU to wish they'd do away with the whole thing if they're not going to make sure all the children are equally recognised??

It does all sound a bit stressful. I think something like taking it in turns to do show and tell or having an "on duty" rota with special responsibilities is a better path than star of the week.

My 11 year old son has just finished junior school (year 6) after 4 years.
They had the same kids in his class for all 4 years, around 30 approx.
My son got the weekly award once in that whole 4 years he was there and that was at the beginning in year 3.
The other kids in the class have had it multiple times over the years and my son noticed.
I queried it once and was told "he didn't need the award because he was one of the high fliers who did well consistently".
My son still didn't understand why he never got the award and I felt for him.
The final straw for him was when the kid that bullied him for 4 years straight got the award a few weeks ago for being kind to others, despite the school being very aware of the bullying situation.
He came home crying and just couldn't understand why.

Still goes on in high school too I’m afraid. DD hasn’t had the form prize once in 3 years despite her best buddy having had it numerous times. DD is not very adult like in her interactions with staff and is very quiet but does well in tests and does more extra curricular stuff than her friend. She also has a health condition which can make life hard for her socially sometimes. Just had a report card that says she should be doing more extra curricular things but no mention of the things she does and no well done either (presumably because the form teacher hasn’t got a clue and she’s not banging on about it).

Ah well. Interestingly it doesn’t help the chosen children socially as they become seen as teachers’ pets. It has also made my DD respect her form tutor a lot less and she just thinks he can’t be bothered to get to know children beyond the yes sir level. Still makes me quietly cross though 😊

Our school does a children's popularity contest (it's not called that but it's nominated and voted by the other children so obviously is generally seen as 'who is liked the best') I hate it!

I feel your pain over this one OP. My kids are utterly cynical about it. DD always goes above and beyond with effort, consistently academically excellent, always gets it last, and it always says exactly the same thing - for consistently producing excellent work. This year for the 1st time in 6 years it actually read for working on a good French accent, she was so excited to feel it actually meant something for a change! DS1 is autistic, ridiculously bright, and makes no effort whatsoever because he doesn't need to. He eventually gets it on the one rare week he puts a bit of effort in, it doesn't encourage him to continue though because he knows that he's had 'his turn'. DS 2 is again utterly indifferent to it because he sees it for what it is, a tool to motivate the naughty kids.

Really interesting thread. I’m a teacher and looking for an alternative to star of the week because I know it causes anxiety and there are some children who genuinely should receive it every week but can’t. But it is an opportunity to celebrate and communicate the behaviours that matter in school and the children look forward to it. And when they get it they are delighted and I don’t want to take that from them. To save me some research over the summer … for those of you know don’t have this, what do you have instead and does it work for you? Thanks.

The problem is that sometimes the teachers don’t even have a say in these things. I worked for a private international school for two years that was all about the shows and awards and I had to pick two kids to receive this soft toy mascot and certificates every week plus every term the kids with top grades won awards. I ended up picking the kids based on how many times they had received it and the grade awards always went to the same kids each time. As a teacher I hated it but had no choice because I was forced into it by the school. I sometimes received angry messages from parents but couldn’t do anything about it. In the end I left. Just saying that teachers don’t always have as much autonomy as people think unfortunately.

Have merits gone out of fashion?

When I was in school you got merits. For good work, for effort, for overcoming your own challenges, for good behaviour, for kindness etc. Then there were certificates if you go to 100, 200 etc.

Because each separate merit is a little thing you can hand them out for varied things, reward what you want to reward etc

@Flyingantday

Our primary do class superstar but every child does it once and it’s not a reward thing, but a celebration of the child and their interests etc… they bring in some toys to show and the children have the opportunity to say/write something positive or kind about the child. Child gets photo, certificate and a special Cushion to sit on for the week. Once all the kids had one turn, the teacher and TA got to be superstar. It is a really nice thing, but not in any way rewarding one child over another

Well this is adorable.

Teachers on here: do you really feel these sorts of "everyone wins" awards actually make a difference to attainment/wellbeing/behaviour/participation of the "naughty" or "disruptive" kids, long term? Really?

I believe gimmicks like prizes and awards can work short term but long term kids want to be respected and to have their efforts appreciated. They don’t want hollow praise they want you to point out what exactly what they have done well and to see that they have a positive relationship with you and their peers. This could be achieved by giving them positions of responsibility, asking them for their opinions, doing activities they find enjoyable and giving them all a chance to shine whether it’s for being a great reader or being sporty. I think points they can accumulate work but I don’t like showy things like ceremonies. Other teachers may have a different opinion.

Bloody hated Star of the Week when DD was at primary school. She normally picked up her star near the end of the year (probably when teachers bothered to check which kids had still to receive one). It seemed to be the same few kids who got stars week in week out. Thankfully DD wasn’t at all bothered by this but DP & I were (kept it to ourselves though).

YANBU!

The responses on this thread show just how flawed the star of the week system is.
If it's a turn taking system then how is it in any way meaningful?
If it's purely merit based then how will it motivate the children who struggle more?

It's a gimmick and it achieves nothing but stress for the teachers, children and parents.

For children who are thrilled when they get it, why aren't they getting that kind of confidence boost and positive feedback every time they work hard or do well?

This makes me sound crazy, but I’ll share anyway. One Friday night during lockdown three, but the second one when schools were closed, I did some research into issues with star of the week and why it isn’t typically very successful in improving behaviour. I crafted an email with a link to a Guardian article, which I never sent because I am aware that my investment in this makes me sound mad. I have very well-behaved twin boys who work hard. The school continued to do star of the week over lockdown, and they were never recognised. They didn’t understand why, and the only explanation from school was that they shouldn’t worry because everyone would get it eventually.

So, what’s the point? If it just works through a rota, it’s essentially meaningless, but if it doesn’t and some children miss out, it makes them feel overlooked or inferior. Furthermore, we should be teaching children to work hard so they can be rewarded by their own progress, and to be kind because it makes them and others feel good, not so they can get a reward for it.

Their school baffled me because it’s a new school with a very thoughtful approach in many ways: decor is calming and not a riot of colours; play is with lots of natural objects such as wooden blocks and tyres. I loved the ethos in so many ways, and the star of the week seemed very much at odds with their other philosophies.

In the end, we moved abroad in April and their new school has a ‘special helper’ each day. That child gets to bring in an item for show and tell and help with certain jobs such as being line leader or delivering things to the office. My boys love deciding what to take in for show and tell and they’ve enjoyed answering questions from their classmates. It makes them feel special and important, without the risk of anyone feeling overlooked.

@Flambola

It’s bullshit. My daughter (5) cried to me about never being star of the week.

I'm sorry your DD felt so low about this nonsense, and you're right it's all bullshit and does nothing for kids esteem.

@lanthanum

Either it's an exceptionally small class, or there are multiple stars of the week, or your figures wrong. 39 weeks, 30 kids - works out at pretty much once each.

That doesn't mean I think star of the week is a good idea. Mine never got star of the week until at least May, which is largely a consequence of teachers trying to make sure everyone gets it once. If the often-silly kid has a good week, you give it to them that week, because you might not get another chance. The kids who might deserve it any week get it in the week when none of the difficult ones have had a good week, or later in the year.

I bet the reason it feels like everyone else got it twice is that the last few recipients were all getting it for the second time, the teacher having successfully ticked off every name once a few weeks ago.

This is all very well and good and I’m sure it’s a nice boost for the “silly” ones, but what do you think it does to the confidence of those who do deserve it every week?

I remember trying to explain to DS that it didn’t matter whether he “tried extra hard next week”, he’d get it when the teacher decided to give it to him, no matter what he did and it was always after the ones that deserved it less because he’s always quiet and we’ll behaved.

I know it’s not as big a deal in year 6 but last year the child who threatened to bring a knife to school to stab DS with got star of the week the following week presumably for not stabbing anyone and DS… well he never got it because of Covid…

Thank god for high school, where his achievements are recognised.

This is all very reassuring as I was worried I was getting overinvested in it all hence posting on here and not talking about it irl.

I love the suggestions around giving children responsibilities and a chance to share about themselves. If star of the week is more about turn taking then this seems like a better option. They still have to learn to wait but at least they know it's fairly done and not a reflection on themselves.

We had this problem and it's only now that I am a dog owner that I get it. We have two dogs, an easy one and a bit of a naughty one. I have to be so engaged with the naughty one and constantly reward good behaviour that it has made me realise that it's easy to overlook the 'good' one.

I would raise with her teacher if it is causing problems as she may have dropped off the radar a bit.

I dislike things like this. Thankfully my DD's school doesn't do anything like this or attendance awards etc. It was one of the reasons I picked the school that they are so nuturing and put the wellbeing of the DC front and centre. I personally think external rewards aren't great for motivation. I mean it sounds like your DD isn't feeling particularly motivated. Poor thing - hope she is ok

Having waited until Term 3 to receive Star of the Week, and not doing anything particularly different in that week - with no conversation or prompting from us - my 6 year old refused it and told the teacher it was meaningless as 'you give it to everyone during the year anyway.'

He had been watching and taking notes to who received it since September and trying to evaluate what kind of behaviour actually deserved it. Stumped when disruptive children got the award, came to the conclusion it really wasn't worth it.

Children are very astute!

@Foldinthecheese - completely agree and don't think you're over invested atall.

Said it before but overheard very grand mum say to her lad who was sad about not being star of the week “we don’t need external validation in our family darling”. Nailed it. That was the attitude we tried to instil too!

Yanbu. It's a pathetic reward system. It's the same kids getting them at least on a monthly basis. I am all for competition at sports day, SATS and doing your best but when it's a handful of pupils who are of the week over and over again it's not exactly motivational.

I explained to mine that it was a silly system and that they should try and do heir best without looking to be rewarded with a silly token. I reward them myself when I they were work hard or try something challenging. My dc get excellent reports but rarely get to be star of the week or any other special recognition.

It has helped me teach them not to trust in authority blindly but to to well and work hard because they know it's the right thing to do, not because of flaky teachers handing rewards out willy nilly.

Same in my dd class, she's only ever had one shining star reward. She's autistic and tries so hard but never gets the recognition.