To wish schools would do away with star of the week?

[Elisannah]

So every child in my daughter's class has been given "star of the week" at least 2 or 3 times but she has only had it once, quite near the beginning of the school year.

I get that it's meant to be great for motivation etc but my daughter is fully aware that she's the only one to not have it at least twice and now thinks she must not be good enough. She has been great at being pleased for her friends and she always gets glowing reports yet this ridiculous reward scheme is always looming on her mind. I reassure her that she's doing great and it's more important to choose to be kind and respectful regardless of whether it's noticed or rewarded. I've tried to frame it as a useful life lesson on disappointment but AIBU to wish they'd do away with the whole thing if they're not going to make sure all the children are equally recognised??

My daughter is in reception and she was the first to get Star of the Week at the start of the year, hasn't had it again since and hasn't been at all bothered?!
She comes out every Friday excited to tell me who got it that week and why :)
They've also had 8 weeks where they weren't in school for lockdown and her class isolated for 2 weeks before Christmas.
Think they've all managed to have it once now :)

I doubt anyone will be getting it this week as it's last week of term!

The reality is that it is there to motivate dc who struggle more. I was upfront that my dc should expect to get it often, as they already have the privilege of finding it easy to be well behaved in a school environment.

I so agree with happiness is not chocolate..as a teacher and parent. The kids who had been hard to manage got rewards and the kids who behaved often didn't.

*shouldn't

Ours does headteacher’s awards instead so multiple kids can receive one at once and really single out the work or behaviour that’s earned it.

In Reception they’ve had a separate ‘focus week’ which is when a lot of their observations get done but is also their special week to show photos from home on the big screen and answer questions about their interests etc from the class.

My friends child gets really anxious about it and then gets upset every week when it isn't them, crying and saying it means their work is no good. The school make a really big deal of them but some of the ND children cannot cope with it ( child is not the only one that gets upset).

I'm so glad my dd is going to secondary school soon! This year other children have had it two or three times (all the naughty ones!) and there were at least 5 children who hadn't had it once. Dd got a special award on Friday but she isn't happy as she's not got star of the week and feels this is a disappointment as they didn't get all the fanfare the "stars" usually get.

Yanbu - my DCs school has weekly badge awards, star of the day, a daily dream team and if you get enough of the weekly awards you get a trophy!

To be fair I do see how it motivates the kids but it causes regular tears for my always-tries-their-hardest child as its hard for them to shine when they are always doing their best!

@EatingAllThePies

I could have written this. My youngest got it once and had 2 days off waiting for PCR tests so also got no attendance award. Big brother got star twice this year, attendance certificate and won the big prize in the attendance raffle. That has caused endless meltdowns. I understand the need to encourage and reward but when youngest is the best behaved and hardest trier it feels like a real kick in the teeth for him.

Sorry, totally off-topic, but how come your eldest also didn't have two days off whilst you were waiting for results of your youngest's PCR test?

@Bibbleybetto

Yanbu - my DCs school has weekly badge awards, star of the day, a daily dream team and if you get enough of the weekly awards you get a trophy!

To be fair I do see how it motivates the kids but it causes regular tears for my always-tries-their-hardest child as its hard for them to shine when they are always doing their best!

Why would your teachers give themselves so much to keep on top of?! Sounds like a nightmare!

This is it, it's hard for children to see things objectively. We can see it logically but they see it as something they're doing wrong. I think my daughter just flies under the radar because she just gets on with things.

I haven't wanted to talk to the teacher about it because I thought it would come across as me being really controlling and over involved. However I might email her to let her know how dd is feeling and ask her to chat with my daughter to explain why it's worked out the way it has. At least then dd can hear from her that it's not because she's done anything wrong. I'll see whether dd feels up to chatting to her first.

@Stompythedinosaur

The reality is that it is there to motivate dc who struggle more. I was upfront that my dc should expect to get it often, as they already have the privilege of finding it easy to be well behaved in a school environment.

That's true, I have said that those who have had it more have needed the encouragement. I'll reiterate that if they do it next year (but I really hope they don't!)

I agree OP my reception age daughter hasn't been star of the week at all, where as some children have been several times. There was a teacher change part way through the year but still. Her friend had also not been star of the week so her mum spoke up and they made her star of the week, but it was the last week they were doing it so I can't even go down that route.

I've just tried to really downplay star of the week to my daughter to curb her disappointment. If they must do it surely they need to at least make sure every child gets it, and keep a list of some sort

My youngest is in reception and has just had a super report - basically exceeding in everything, delight to be in the classroom etc. She’s had the star of the week just once and she’s noticed it and it makes her sad. I suspect they don’t think she needs the motivation but she’s quite observant and doesn’t understand why she doesn’t get it when she tries so hard etc.

I never got this as my own kids dont give two hoots but my friends dd who is sensitive and wants to please used to try desperately and got very upset over whole thing. Honestly a quick email just saying dd is upset a bit and can you help build resilience

I'm pleased to read that you have tried to frame it in a useful way as a life lesson and not bring your child up as a snowflake. I'm a bit on the fence on this one, as competition in a good way should be encouraged, but there is the concern that some teachers may be not rewarding some children and not being aware of factors that could lead to poor performance at school (undiagnosed SN is one that comes to mind).

@Stompythedinosaur

The reality is that it is there to motivate dc who struggle more. I was upfront that my dc should expect to get it often, as they already have the privilege of finding it easy to be well behaved in a school environment.

I've had to try to explain this to my DD too. Plus her good results and great report are their own reward. There's about 28 in her class and they didn't give it out over lockdown so presumably a few children didn't get it. But it was fucking galling when the boy who had consistently picked on her got star of the week, when she is polite, friendly, hardworking and kind and did every bit of work set over lockdown.

Yeah my DD was crying about this yesterday - we’ve been pinged so she is missing the last week of school and hasn’t got the star at all this year when some kids have got it several times. The thing is that DD is academically extremely good, has her difficulties with friendships and emotions sometimes (she’s 8), but overall she is very capable and working at greater depth in everything so she doesn’t need academic encouragement. But even though I’ve explained to her that it’s about boosting children’s self esteem and that she is lucky to be very able and shouldn’t take it personally, she still feels like it’s a judgment on her for not being good enough.

So I share your feelings - adults can understand why and how teachers use these motivators, but children don’t always and it’s creates a perception of unfairness which is also wrong. Different kinds of motivators should be used IMO.

It really upset my daughter at first, she asked me what the point of trying really hard was if she didn’t get a certificate. This was at Autumn half term and she was prompted to ask this because the teacher’s child had received it twice already and, according to my daughter, was always messing about. She’s not bothered by it now though! Her current teacher does this thing where classmates choose who should get a certificate and they explain why.

Star of the week is ridiculous. Almost all schools are trying to teach children intrinsic motivation, so why do they exist on training children to want external rewards?

Kids won't care if no one else is getting the prize.

insist

Our class have a secret star, that way it can be awarded when needed and only that child will really know about it.

And yes she is lucky, but some children have things happening at home or confidence problems that aren’t obvious, and DD has had a very hard year for various reasons but doesn’t often show it. So the star thing has knocked her internal sense of self-esteem and self-worth a lot - her perception is that even though she tries hard and is top of the class, her teacher doesn’t like her.

My daughter is intelligent, quiet, never causes any problems and is one of these children that could easily fly under the teacher's radar. Her class have star of the week for two children, usually a boy and a girl, so she's had it twice this year. They work through the class so every child gets it once before they go back to the top of the list. It usually means that the kids that often cause the problems get it for genuinely doing something good, because the teacher has to find something positive about them before 15 weeks have past, but children like my daughter get it for something generic like trying hard in lessons all week. It makes it feel a bit pointless tbh.