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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wish schools would do away with star of the week?

108 replies

Elisannah · 19/07/2021 09:16

So every child in my daughter's class has been given "star of the week" at least 2 or 3 times but she has only had it once, quite near the beginning of the school year.

I get that it's meant to be great for motivation etc but my daughter is fully aware that she's the only one to not have it at least twice and now thinks she must not be good enough. She has been great at being pleased for her friends and she always gets glowing reports yet this ridiculous reward scheme is always looming on her mind. I reassure her that she's doing great and it's more important to choose to be kind and respectful regardless of whether it's noticed or rewarded. I've tried to frame it as a useful life lesson on disappointment but AIBU to wish they'd do away with the whole thing if they're not going to make sure all the children are equally recognised??

OP posts:

LavenderOnMyRoof · 20/07/2021 07:22

@DOINGOURBIT

Having waited until Term 3 to receive Star of the Week, and not doing anything particularly different in that week - with no conversation or prompting from us - my 6 year old refused it and told the teacher it was meaningless as 'you give it to everyone during the year anyway.'

He had been watching and taking notes to who received it since September and trying to evaluate what kind of behaviour actually deserved it. Stumped when disruptive children got the award, came to the conclusion it really wasn't worth it.

Children are very astute!

That is so brilliant! Your 6 year old is

of this thread.

DotsandCo · 20/07/2021 07:22

Come on OP...do the maths!!

16 children. 39 weeks in a normal school year. This year has been far from normal!

Between January and Easter we were in lockdown...so doubtful anyone was getting star of the week, but even if they were, there is still only room for most children to have it twice...some won't though if it wasn't done during lockdown! And you say that your daughter has had it once? So what's the actual AIBU here?

You are being very precious about this...teach your daughter resilience perhaps, which will stand her in much better stead than keeping score!

Pawpatrolling88 · 20/07/2021 07:30

I’m a teacher and agree with all of these points. It feels fake to me too.

LavenderOnMyRoof · 20/07/2021 07:35

You are being very precious about this...teach your daughter resilience perhaps, which will stand her in much better stead than keeping score!

Teaching resilience is good advise, it's still a crap reward system and schools should aim to do much better than that. It's not about being precious at all. Why does there need to be a 'star'? It's so simplistic and kids are capable and astute, why would a school wan to make them sad or cynical at such a young age? Our star of the week was randomly picked from a jar. When a pupil was doing something that should worthy during the week, a star with ether name would go into a jar. On Friday the teacher puts her hand in the jar and draws a name. I suppose the more stars the more likely that you are SOTW but it was a lottery. lol

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 20/07/2021 07:38

I have two DDs.
Younger DD is outgoing, confident, and finds s lot of school work easy.
Elder DD is shy, lacking in self confidence, needs extra help in school and easily blends into the background. (And is amazing and lovely in many other ways!)

At their last school... guess who won every award under the sun? Younger DD had star of the week, half term award, term award...
Meanwhile, DD1 had nothing. Not one certificate of any type in the 18months she attended. Admittedly that included the lockdowns, but I never got the impression her yr5 teacher even knew who she was. (Yr4 was better).
Current school... teachers can give any number of certificates for whatever they want any day. In one term, elder DD has brought home 5 or 6 of these. Things like helpfulness, teamwork, speaking up in class, increased confidence... and its true. Having a teacher notice the little things has increased her confidence so much.
Younger DD was a little jealous at first... but is now happy for her sister (and happy with her 3 certificates).

sunflowerdaisies · 20/07/2021 07:41

My daughter this year only got it this week having been disappointed every week since she realised what they were. I'd like to see a reward system that means they are rewarded more often and for something specific so it's also more meaningful. They get house points for good work but this is isnt the same for little ones.

stellaisabella · 20/07/2021 07:42

You don't know every other child has had it more than once - you're going on the word of a 5 year old. Mine would tell you she's forgotten what she had for breakfast already, so I wouldn't take it as gospel!

littlepieces · 20/07/2021 08:05

Agreed, it's utter nonsense, especially when everyone wins it because it's their turn - life doesn't work like that. You don't get rewarded or recognised when it's your turn.

Equally it will 9/10 go to teachers pets more. I never used to win these bloody things, probably because I was quite quiet and unassuming (despite being one of the highest performing academically in my primary school class and a generally a very good and kind kid compared to most). It made me just not bothered about trying and taught me to be a cynic at an early age, and that life is unfair and you never get rewarded fairly. In fact, maybe it is useful in teaching the realities of life...

littlepieces · 20/07/2021 08:07

I meant most kids in my class rather than kids in general - I went to a rough school.

Toastfiendish · 20/07/2021 08:09

It's a stupid system. I work in secondary not primary and we have awards each year (effort, attainment etc by form). It causes real problems because things like effort are really subjective and there are always about 5 kids who probably deserve it. Also in order to share it all out people often dont receive the correct prizes - so basically the same child in Year 13 for example can't get 4 of the subject prizes which actually they might deserve. Its a bit pointless when they already get external validation (exam results, university places) and you would hope all of them get plenty of praise where it's due from their teachers and parents.

When I was at primary school there was something similar to this. I only got it once in however many years I was there - and actually that was for something charitable rather than my school work. My parents just told me lots of times that I liked school and found it easy and that therefore I didn't need any form of prize to be motivated. There are types of children who really benefit from prize systems but I think if your daughter is anxious and tries hard but flies under the radar that's probably who loses out. That's the system you're in though, so I definitely would try to use it to build her resilience - if this is how she reacts to not being externally praised and others being given things throughout her time in school I'm afraid it will be a long old slog.

Silverparting · 20/07/2021 08:15

This was the same for us in primary. Class sizes of 30, kids getting Star of the Week more than one time. Mine not getting it.
YANBU

oblada · 20/07/2021 08:15

I agree it is pointless.
I have 2 daughters. Both very good academically. One is a little charmer and always manages to get her own way. One is desperate to please others and will bend over backwards for others. The first one always gets the awards. Usually my other daughter gets it towards the end of the year as a tick box exercise. Despite being in the top of her class for her work a d receiving glowing reports. It's completely pointless.
Having said that school hasn't done it at all this year which has been great :)

DoTheNextRightThing · 20/07/2021 08:20

@EatingAllThePies

I could have written this. My youngest got it once and had 2 days off waiting for PCR tests so also got no attendance award. Big brother got star twice this year, attendance certificate and won the big prize in the attendance raffle. That has caused endless meltdowns. I understand the need to encourage and reward but when youngest is the best behaved and hardest trier it feels like a real kick in the teeth for him.

Oh attendance awards need to get in the bin. As if children have any control over their attendance! They don’t choose to be ill.

didireallysaythat · 20/07/2021 08:24

Thankfully our school did away with star of the week and converted it to a pebble party - for any 'good thing' a child did they were rewarded by having a pebble put in a pot, and then at a certain level there would be a reward party (eg extra 30 mins in the swimming pool, dem building on the field etc). I know the teachers used it to spice things up - much more positive than the sun-cloud-rain system the previous school used.

teezletangler · 20/07/2021 08:32

In my DD's class they do Special Person day (every single day!) and they rotate in a set order so every child gets to do it 3 or 4 times during the year (small class). It's totally fair and predictable and removes any sense of anxiety or disappointment for young children. I like it!

DelphiniumBlue · 20/07/2021 08:35

Yes, from a school point of view it's a pain to administrate, and if you think that every child needs a turn, you have to keep a record.
In some schools it's calculated by way of totting up housepoints, which are also not necessarily indicative of who behaved best.
Points are often given to the worst behaved children in order to encourage them to behave better, some children are given points for improved work/effort / behaviour . Consistency of good behaviour and a high standard of work will not necessarily mean points.
I think most children recognise that it's an encouragement tool, and maybe that's a discussion that you can have with her, along the lines of " some children find school really hard so they are rewarded when they do the right thing because it's a big effort for them. On the other hand we know you always do your best and whilst it seems unfair, maybe the other child struggles more than you do."
Some schools use the class dojo system, on which the teacher can specify what the points are for, eg following instructions, being on task, helping others,working hard. The child with the most points then gets Star of the Week award.
If your child is quiet, fairly independent with her learning and well- behaved, it is possible that they are being overlooked, in which case have a chat with the teacher, just to flag it up.

Terhou · 20/07/2021 08:40

I've not wanted to say anything because it just seems a crazy thing for me to get involved in

Given your child's anxiety, it would have made absolute sense for you least to make a gentle inquiry at parents' evening or similar.

Original poster

Elisannah · 20/07/2021 12:19

@stellaisabella I do know because it's very obvious who is carrying the bear they get for being star of the week!

OP posts:

Original poster

Elisannah · 20/07/2021 12:45

@DotsandCo

Come on OP...do the maths!!

16 children. 39 weeks in a normal school year. This year has been far from normal!

You are being very precious about this...teach your daughter resilience perhaps, which will stand her in much better stead than keeping score!

Quite capable of doing maths thanks. There were enough weeks for all children to have it twice and some to have it three times. So what benefit is it to leave one Child having it only once....regardless of their behaviour. Children don't get the reasoning behind it and take it that they must be lacking if they are left out.

My AIBU is that star of the week awards just don't work and cause more stress than actual benefit for some children...so why not just stop doing them and do something that actually recognises and celebrates each child. So many great examples of that in this thread.

And about being precious - I'm surprised more people haven't said this because that was what I thought people would say. However if you read my post then you'll see that I absolutely have used this to build resilience and teaching her about disappointment. However that doesn't mean I can't recognise that it is actually unfair how it's worked out for her.

OP posts:

Original poster

Elisannah · 20/07/2021 12:49

@terhou you're right, tbh I assumed she would get it eventually again. I have no desire to complain that my child isn't getting star of the week but this thread has made me realise that's entirely appropriate to let the teacher know how she's feeling.

OP posts:

Bryonyshcmyony · 20/07/2021 12:51

It's funny you've started this thread as dd and I were talking about this only yesterday. She never once got star of the week.

She's predicted A star A star A at A level and off to a rg University next year

Honestly don't give it a second thought

deplorabelle · 20/07/2021 12:53

It's an awful system. When he didn't win he was sad. When he did, he knew it wasn't for any reason, he was just the last person to get it. Reinforced his view the teachers didn't like him

Cowbells · 20/07/2021 12:54

I agree but for similar reasons. DS2 never had it. One year he got it once and this was for...drumroll...not making a fuss when another boy pulled DS's trousers and pants down in front of the class. Message? 'You're a star for tolerating being bullied and publicly humiliated. But we don't rate your academic progress or creativity at all.'
I hated that school.

Original poster

Elisannah · 20/07/2021 12:59

@cowbells I'm sorry that happened to your son - that's awful

OP posts:

notthemum · 20/07/2021 13:16

Sorry. This is used as a reward in some of the classes that I have been in involved in.
Only the reward system for it is deeply flawed.
For example.
Child A = Aways neat and tidy, polite, kind, good at sharing. Happy to help.
Never gets star of the day.
Child B = Rude to teachers, children, will often run off between classes, rarely participates in class. Goes out of way to upset others consistently.

Gets star of the day regularly.

Often refuses to go to go to school and purposely hurts mother and siblings, if child then goes to school/answers a question they get star of the day.
What sort of message does this send to the "good children ?

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