Step daughter … and my money. AIBU

[bto35]

Hi I will try to keep this sweet and short

My step daughters prom was coming up and she was wanting to look her best, the usual new dress and so on. Her mum works hard and doesn’t have a lot of spare cash, and we work hard too. The parents came to agreement on her clothes and shoes and so on and me wanting to do something kind and help her a little offered to pay for her nails she wanted doing. This cost £50

I handed the cash over a month ago and today I asked if she was excited for it coming ( supposed to be next week ) and she tells me oh it’s cancelled we won’t be having one …

She looked a little uncomfortable and I’m thinking it’s because I handed her £50 for her nails but there is no prom.

I’m not rolling in the cash but I was happy to do this for her prom for her. I wouldn’t dream to expect it back

But I can’t help wonder if she should have told me the prom is off , do you want it back ? After all there is no occasion for her nails to be done for now

Or am I being a cow to even think it

To add she hasn’t had her nails done !

No I think your within your right to know where your £50 has gone considering her nails aren't done!

Yes £50 is a lot she should have offered it to you back. Even if you then said to her to keep it and treat herself.

Depending what age she is she might need some guidance on the etiquette in this situation.

She should have given it back but why on earth did you give it to her a month ago. No doubt it's been spent on other stuff by now.

rule no 1, you never gift teenagers cash for an intended purchase.

Well, she probably should have offered it back. But as she's only 15 I'd write it off this one time.

Not the point I know, but £50 to get her nails done?! 😱

She’s 16 and a half

Extensions and nail design , yes I agree the price is crazy! Hence why I knew she couldn’t afford it so offered for her prom …

I agree that she should have given it back to you, but I’m not sure at 16 that I would have ‘known’ that. She probably just needs one of her parents to have a chat with her, and explain the etiquette of the situation.

Why did you hand it over so early?!

Why didn't your partner, her father, as well as your DSD, mention that the prom was cancelled? I'm pretty certain my DP would, and would discuss the money. (Tbf I'd probably say keep it and have a treat instead - but I'd expect to be told.)

If this was a younger child I'd say your bad for giving the cash upfront. At 16.5 she really did need to tell you the prom had been cancelled. YANBU.

I handed over because I wanted her to be happy she had it and go about booking for her nails. My husband her dad never told me it was cancelled she mentioned it today

What a waste of money. New shoes, fancy dress and £50 for nails for a 16 or 18 year old who's families are not exactly rolling in it. The whole thing is off.

She should learn some manners and you should all stop spoiling her.

Did he know it was cancelled, OP?

Why didn’t you ask what she’d spent the £50 on? I assume the parents haven’t bought the outfits etc? I wouldn’t be happy.

Oh please, you did nothing wrong and she should have given it back. Since she didn’t, she could consider it the last gift she got from me in 2021, so no gift for Christmas and her birthday.

That's her Xmas present sorted then.

I'd just write it off. Yes it's a lot of money but she's had over a year of stop starts to the end of her schooling and now her prom has been cancelled. She's probably gutted.

I’m
Annoyed that my husband never told me , she just casually mentioned it today then looked uncomfortable when I said ‘ oh it’s off !?!’ I’ve now texted my husband as he’s at work to ask what his view is on it ….

I agree it is spoiling . But my actions came from a place of love and wanting her to feel special and now I feel like the wicked step mother for dreaming to say where is my £50?

Nails don't cost £50, you've been had! But yeah, I wouldn't have given her the money til just before. Of course she looked sheepish, she's spent it on something else.

@JM10

Not the point I know, but £50 to get her nails done?! 😱

I agree. Never paid £50 in my life and I live in London!!!

I'd get it back from her dad and he can get it back from his daughter and ex.

Nails don't cost £50, you've been had!
Theres not much change from 50 quid where I live!
In your shoes I'd be a bit annoyed but still let her have the money.
I would say something along the lines of ' I dont mind you keeping the money I gave you for your nails. It would have been polite to offer it me back, that's what people normally do if things get cancelled. I know it's been a rubbish year so it's a treat for you. '

Yes, get it off her dad and he can sort it out.
You know not to be so supportive next time.