Little girl in beautiful dress scolded for jumping up and down.

[0None0]

They were at the bus stop. She was about 5 It was a beautiful white dress with embroidery, and matching shoes She had a carton of juice, and was told off for a little skip of pleasure at the sight of their bus coming, in case the juice splashed on her dress or her shoes. Brother that looked the same age, maybe twins, or just very small age gap, in dark clothes and trainers, also drinking a carton of juice with a straw, leaping up and down like a show jumper, without attracting comment.

WIBU to say something?

Only 20% of posters ( mothers?) on this thread think I was reasonable to consider this so concerning.

Ok,some people might have voted YABU, not because they would not be concerned, but because they don’t think anything should be said at a bus stop.

But that still leaves a hell of a lot of women colluding with this attitude

I would be rather concerned if you taught my children.
You drawn unrealistic conclusions based on scant evidence.

Your points about how sexism becomes ingrained in children are salient, but I think you're extrapolated far too much from one incident and you're so focussed on the sexism angle that it's clouding your judgment.

Had the lady told the daughter that girls should be pretty, you'd have a case.
Had she told the daughter that girls should wear dresses, you'd have a point.
Despite plenty of people here explaining a perfectly rational thought process in the mother, you've chosen to ignore that, and stick with the sexism angle.
I truly hope you don't push this sort of irrational thinking on those you teach.

And 'collusion' is a deliberate act to deceive or co-ordinate. You've now drawn that conclusion about other posters.

Stop drawing such dramatic conclusions, it's unhealthy.

Op I rarely think this but you are very wrong in your beliefs about girls. None of your assertions above are true in my family or even our schools. You’ve made some huge leaps with scant evidence. I’m opinionated too but bloody heck you’ve taken the biscuit here. What I would have been thinking - although not saying - is, I hope that mother isn’t going to let the children on the bus with open drinks.

@Cissyandflora

Op I rarely think this but you are very wrong in your beliefs about girls. None of your assertions above are true in my family or even our schools. You’ve made some huge leaps with scant evidence. I’m opinionated too but bloody heck you’ve taken the biscuit here. What I would have been thinking - although not saying - is, I hope that mother isn’t going to let the children on the bus with open drinks.

I am aghast that there are women who still dont recognise the scale of this issue.

My description of internalised mysogeny is a generalisation, true, but there are no children in the uk who are totally untouched. It is everywhere, and very deeply rooted.

Anyone denying its existence is likely to be deeply in its grip

OP I see where you are coming from totally. On a broad societal level a lot has to change which then needs to filter down to adults then to the kids. I imagine a lot of people on this thread know this, but there are a sizeable number that will not in any terms acknowledge that this is a real issue with deep far reaching consequences. IRL I know plenty of lovely parents who treat their girls as pretty little things while their sons run wild. Therein lies the problem, many people don't think it's a problem one little bit ( I am talking broadly). Not sure where it has to start in order to shift societies perspective?

But ultimately with the specific example given, as much as I can see your perspective, we don't really know what lay behind the mum at the bus stop. Was it simply that the girl was wearing white and she should have worn something darker?

@0None0

Only 20% of posters ( mothers?) on this thread think I was reasonable to consider this so concerning.

Ok,some people might have voted YABU, not because they would not be concerned, but because they don’t think anything should be said at a bus stop.

But that still leaves a hell of a lot of women colluding with this attitude

I think most people just think you shouldn't have said anything. You didn't have nearly enough context to know this was a pattern of behaviour.

Patriarchy has existed for as long as we history itself. It's systemic and it influences us all, from the moment of birth, and in some case, even prior to birth.

Most women and plenty of men know this, and lots of us would like it to change. Castigating a mother at a bus stop isn't going to change it. If we are going to castigate every manifestation of sexism, we're going to be busy creating chaos, and solving nothing.

Addressing the root causes, and trying to change the systemic nature of it will likely take centuries (as it has done already).

There are already many debates on this.

It's a snapshot, you have no idea of the background.

They may have been going to a wedding or some sort of event and she wanted her to at least arrive in a decent state.

@Newnamefor2021

It's a snapshot, you have no idea of the background.

They may have been going to a wedding or some sort of event and she wanted her to at least arrive in a decent state.

No, as I said, they were going home from a trip to the supermarket

Did you ask them for their full itinerary apart from the supermarket trip?

You don’t know anything about this family and you saw them for 5 mins

Back off

@Traled

Did you ask them for their full itinerary apart from the supermarket trip?

I didn’t ask them anything at all, but I heard enough of their conversation to know this was only a supermarket trip and nothing else

Under the circumstances I think YABU. They are strangers; you don't know the situation - maybe the girl was going to a special occasion,for example. I would agree that if the girl but not the boy is always required to wear pretty clothes and to restrict her activities for fear of spoiling them, this is unfair and sexist; but you don't know this to be the case. In any case, commenting on how strangers lead their lives - unless violence and similar extremes are involved - is usually unwise.

Did you hear enough to conclude that the girl was wearing the dress because her mother told her to rather than her insisting on it?

Regardless, one child is wearing a lovely white dress, and the other nondescript dark clothing. The mother reprimands the one wearing the white dress for fear of it being spoiled by spilled juice.

We can analyse it until the cows come home, and expand on why a girl is wearing a dress and a boy is not (and debate that for 100 years). We can wonder why she reprimanded the girl and see it as sexism, or deduce that it was a logical assumption to fear the dress being spoilt, whilst the boy in darker clothing was less likely to spoil his clothes.

All of this presented by a teacher who cannot spell misogyny (mysogeny).

Maybe the girl wanted to wear the dress, some girls do 🤷‍♀️

It really is none of your business. You don't know these people, whether the boy and girl were siblings, half siblings, cousins, adopted, fostered etc.

I agree with your views but not on you casting judgment on people you don't know.

OP - you have more projection than Cineworld

Jeeesus…it’s none of your damn business. It sounds like her mum was trying to keep her clean in a white dress for an event they were going to. I’m sure she didn’t want her getting juice on her dress before she even arrives. I’m sure the mum would of relaxed once she was there.
If you had said something, you would have ruined all their days causing unnecessary drama. You are just seeing it as a feminist issue, when really that’s your problem.
Her brother wasn’t wearing an expensive sounding white dress was he?
Get a bloody grip.

@KatherineJaneway

OP - you have more projection than Cineworld

haha - fantastic! I'm nicking that.

It's the drip drip drip of these sorts of things that allow girls to believe that climbing, running & generally being dirty "isn't for them".
Everytime their movement is inhibited by a skirt or they're told to be careful and don't get dirt on the clothes it's another drip drip drip.
Yes, of course there are exceptions, but the majority will learn that sitting and colouring is easier and less worrying than climbing and being active.

It's the drip drip drip of these sorts of things that allow girls to believe that climbing, running & generally being dirty "isn't for them".
Certainly when she's wearing a white dress!! She might live in jeans and scuffed trainers the rest of the time and hang out at the top of an oak tree with the squirrels and that is why she needed reminding. I'm aghast at how invested the OP and a very few others are at this interaction and the narrative that's emerged. Wow.

Excellent couple of posts @VerticalHorizon.

Far too much unknown for you to draw these conclusions, OP

@VerticalHorizon

Regardless, one child is wearing a lovely white dress, and the other nondescript dark clothing. The mother reprimands the one wearing the white dress for fear of it being spoiled by spilled juice.

We can analyse it until the cows come home, and expand on why a girl is wearing a dress and a boy is not (and debate that for 100 years). We can wonder why she reprimanded the girl and see it as sexism, or deduce that it was a logical assumption to fear the dress being spoilt, whilst the boy in darker clothing was less likely to spoil his clothes.

All of this presented by a teacher who cannot spell misogyny (mysogeny).

Exactly. How can OP derive such an assumption of this child's life and future poor outlook from one brief interaction viewed at a bus stop.

And the misogyny comment, mwah, ha ha ha!!