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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to envy people who have lots of parental support

128 replies

ohmum · 25/11/2007 21:41

Sorry but sometimes I find it really hard to be pleased for my friends who tell me they had a nice night out and lie in as parents helped out. Or they had a nice long weekend without children as rellies took over ... the list goes on...

So those of you who are lucky to have all that supoprt bear a thought for those of us who have never had a lie in (even when parnets stay), a night away from our beloveds.... And yes we do have parents, they just don't seem to want to help - and quitefrankly I am really fed up.

OP posts:
Lazarou · 25/11/2007 21:44

Have you asked them?

flooplowder · 25/11/2007 21:44

My inlaws have my neice and nephew all the time, the ONE time I asked if they could have my two for an hour, I was told no, you have your mam for that we will only help our daughter. Yes, I have my mam, but she lives 300 miles away.

expatinscotland · 25/11/2007 21:45

i am envious, but i chose to live far away from my folks.

my ILs are too infirm to help out.

so we're on our own.

Lazarou · 25/11/2007 21:46

Well, you know where you stand then flooplowder!! Wow, that's harsh, and completely unfair.

Indith · 25/11/2007 21:46

No, I too envy those with parents around to babysit.

I would love for my parents to live in the area , not just from the selfish point of view of gong out with dp, to do something really daring like go to the cinema but also for ds and how great it would be for him to see them all the time and have a close relationship with them (and yes be able to spend the odd night there when I've stopped feeding)

Mind you, sounds like you need a bit of a chat with your parents...or even a direct 'we want to go out for our anniversary/birthday/special treat can the dcs stay at your house?'

Original poster
ohmum · 25/11/2007 21:46

Yes have asked to stay to babysit and said they had to go back home. I suppose I should give them another chance, but feel they could offer.

Never mind should be grateful for lovely healthy but really tiring children.

OP posts:
Original poster
ohmum · 25/11/2007 21:48

Thanks good to know am not alone

OP posts:
southeastastra · 25/11/2007 21:48

i know. but i've never had the urge to go on nights out. (since about 1998)
prefer being home.

Indith · 25/11/2007 21:49

Bloody hell floo! Do yours not count as grandkids then as they come from their son and not daughter? Do you need a wet kipper beat them with?

Lazarou · 25/11/2007 21:49

There was another thread about this not so long ago.
we have loads of help from my parents and none from dhs dad. His dad is of the opinion 'we struggled, so you can too'

Original poster
ohmum · 25/11/2007 21:49

but don't you fancy a lie in together? Not sure how you are supposed to create more grandchildren if you are constanatly tired and have no space together at all.

OP posts:
DrSpeckschwarteSurprise · 25/11/2007 21:51

ohmum
do you have anyone else who would babysit? A friend or other relative?

I am sometimes envious, but DH would never be able to get as good a job in his hometown or mine, so it is not an option.

We do not have the help on a daily basis, but my parents visit us regularly and babysit. When we visit my ILs then we can leave the DCs with them too.

My parents are coming tomorrow so we can go away next weekend.

perpetualworrier · 25/11/2007 21:51

I get loads of help and am thankful every day. I really don't know how those of you who aren't so luck get through the week.

I do try to help friends without the support I get though. I can't "repay" my parents as they don't want me to, so I try and help out friends who's parents aren't around. e.g I have one friend's boys in the school hols so she can go to work on the days I'm not working and I will always babysit in an eve if DH is at home to mind ours. I can watch their telly just as well as mine

I think for the grandparents there can be a fine line between being interested and interfering and helping out and being taken advantage of. Do you know why they don't seem interested?

expatinscotland · 25/11/2007 21:51

it doesn't even involve going out, though!

i'd love to be able to just go to Borders and look at books for a couple of hours.

clothes shop.

watch a film.

take a walk.

even just to have them away for a couple of hours so i can soak in the bath, have a workout during the day, etc.

BritTex · 25/11/2007 21:52

I've just moved back from many many miles away and my Mum is so caught up in her GD she does not even know my DS.
She managed to have time to meet me this week for lunch while she was looking after GD (my sister was away for a few days celebrating her DP's birthday). One of the things I had to tell her was that I had to turn down a job because it involved working Saturdays and I could not find a childminer. Did she offer ? oh no! She has a husband to spend time with at the weekend.

stripeymama · 25/11/2007 21:52

I can see that must be really tough - I do get quite a bit of support from my parents but I have no partner, and dd's dad is unsupportive in the extreme, so it sort of balances in some cases.

But I feel very over an old friend who has a 9yo son, whose dad, his parents, her more recent ex, and her mother are all always offering to have her ds.

expatinscotland · 25/11/2007 21:52

we have no one to babysit at all.

such is life, i guess.

i've never been a very lucky person in general.

Original poster
ohmum · 25/11/2007 21:54

Thanks eveyone off to bed to sulk for a bit as ILs sit in living room and have not offered to help me with nursery pick up or collection tomorrow even though I am on my own as DH away.

Never mind.

OP posts:
BritTex · 25/11/2007 21:55

sorry thats supposed to be childminder (not looking for child labour) lol

expatinscotland · 25/11/2007 21:55

oh, no, if they're there to stay then they have to help. they either have to clean up or do food prep or babysit.

i'm not running a damn hotel.

southeastastra · 25/11/2007 21:55

i had to go out last night, designated driver as usual.

it was fun though, we did knees up mother brown

Lazarou · 25/11/2007 21:55

ohmum, it's time to just ask ouright I think. If they say no then they will have to have a pretty good excuse.

ceebee74 · 25/11/2007 21:55

Ohmum - we have no support either (my parents live 90 minutes away and MIL too infirm) and I do get envious of my friends - exactly the same as you.

I get envious about them having whole evenings and nights to themselves as the grandparents will have the baby for the night, envious that they don't have to pay childcare costs because the baby is looked after by various relatives rather than nursery, envious of their trips to the cinema etc.

I have not had a lie in since DS was born 16 months ago, me and DH haven't had a night out together in that time either - but although I am envious of my friends, I am not really that bothered about it.

expatinscotland · 25/11/2007 21:56

haven't had a lie in or night out with DH since my folks were last here nearly 2 years ago.

LyraSilvertongue · 25/11/2007 22:00

Expat, you'll have all those things when they go to school. My youngest just started nursery 2.5 hours a day and I can shop/bathe/walk in peace at last.