to envy people who have lots of parental support

[ohmum]

Sorry but sometimes I find it really hard to be pleased for my friends who tell me they had a nice night out and lie in as parents helped out. Or they had a nice long weekend without children as rellies took over ... the list goes on...

So those of you who are lucky to have all that supoprt bear a thought for those of us who have never had a lie in (even when parnets stay), a night away from our beloveds.... And yes we do have parents, they just don't seem to want to help - and quitefrankly I am really fed up.

we don't really go out either. I find if i do go anywhere by 10pm im desperate to go home and get into bed becasue im so knackered and i know i will be up early. I find also that after just one drink i'm done for. I went out on a hen night recently and ended up calling dh to come and pick me up at midnight cos i just wanted to go home.
I always find myself thinking constantly about the ds's when i'm out as well, just can't really enjoy myself.

I am a little bit envious of them too, but then I rationalise that perhaps I have lucked out in other ways

i tried that rationale, HMC, but it doesn't work for me at all because my luck's been shit in just about every other way.

so i've come to the conclusion that in my past life i was very, very bad. .

It is hard - we live far away from both my parents and inlaws, who are both delighted to help when they are here - it means they always have to stay with us though, which can be wearing! I find it difficult listening to my sister moaning sometimes that her MIL couldn't collect the children for her for whatever reason. Excuse me, I have to pay someone to do that for me, if your MIL is busy, then it's not her fault that you can't manage to pick up the children that day. Ohmum, I have a great childminder who usefully has teenage children of her own who like to earn extra cash babysitting. At least we get the occasional night out, even if there's no lie-in the next morning

expat- has it been 2 yrs since your folks visited you?
Are you feeling down tonight? You sound a bit fed up.

Oh heck (removes foot from mouth)!

I know how you feel. I was feeling very sorry for myself today - my mum (not at all infirm) has lived in the same city as me for a year, and has never once offered to have the children so that I get some time off. dd2 has had tonsilitis this weekend and has been really ill, I have 3 other children and am pg and exhausted. The rest of my family (who live nearby) all met up, and me and dh were left to get on with it.

BUT I know that I can't expect them to look after MY children and I have to be content with the fact that they do love the children. It would just be nice to get some time off sometimes that's all

take that back! it's a year and a half!

they'll be back for a month 19 december and they have already told us to go away as much as we like. DH has a fortnight off so we'll really enjoy that.

my sister let slip that they're sending us away for a couple of days as a gift - hope it's someplace WARM!

i'm a bit fed up, manch, but mainly because i had a very bad medical experience last week.

still, i am envious of folks with lots of support.

and i am astonished at parents who come to visit their children who have young children and expect to be waited on hand and foot.

or live nearby and don't offer to help at least sometimes!

i mean, my folks offer because they like spending time with and having a relationship with their grandkids.

I was going to say, we have both sides of the family here in London but we don't get lay ins even when they stay over and babysit. Everyone in our families work full time, so there is not as much support as I expected tbh.
I see some women with their mothers all day (although I think that is a bit much) and I think wow, you have it easy.

No I sometimes feel like this especially when I hear other peoples parents actually want to spend time with their GC, let them stay over etc

Last week I met someone who is a SAHM of 4 her youngest is at nursery with DD1, she said she was off shopping but had to be back at 11.30am as her MIL usually did Tuesday pick up but she couldn't today as she was busy and she was p*** off. Some people don't know how lucky they are.

SIL has babysat twice this year DP and I went to cinema and for lunch so away maybe 4 hours max. My Mum lives an hour away and hasn't seen the DDs since beginning of August, MIL has visited recently but would never offer to help. TBH it put us off having a third child but then we thought oh sod it we will cope we have got this far. It's so hard sometimes when you have an appointment and you have to take them along.

Pollyanna, that's very sad. I really find it difficult to understand how grandparents can love their grandchildren, yet offer no help, especially when you are obviously in need of it!

At least when you see them it sounds like they are great.
Are you okay? Please don't think whatever has happened is bad karma or anything,I have read a lot of your posts and you sound lovely

Here, you're not alone, any of you.

Just be the best parents ever to your own kids and they'll grow to be well balanced, loving individuals that we can be proud of. If our parents have done anything for us, it's to tell us how NOT to bring up children, that's something we should be grateful for!

expat - I really hope you make the most of your babysitters then, you and DH really deserve some you time after all you have been through recently.

When my Mum does visit she expects to be waited on hand and foot would never even lift a dish through to the kitchen, even moaned one day as I made her ham sandwiches instead of bacon (lazy cow that I am I had had less than 48 hours since giving birth what was wrong with me). After the complete and utter lack of support and horris things she said to me after my recent mc I have said enough is enough, she can visit but I am not visiting or phoning her.

It is really sad to hear that some grandparents are not interested in seeing their GC. My parents live far away and really miss our DCs, they would love to see us more often.

YANBU. Family life can be hard and tiring at times. I don't know what I'd do without the support I get from my family, and I'm not saying that in a smug way - I am really grateful to them, and I can imagine it must be hard not to have that, and difficult not to feel pissed off, upset and a bit jealous of those who do.

Message withdrawn

looong story, manch, and total hijack.

i don't believe in karma, though, that was just a sort of joke. i don't beleive in karma or God or anything like that.

yeah, when they're here, it's the bee's knees.

my mum's wildest dream would be to have us all nearby.

but unfortunately, they live in a city i think is a shithole so i've been gone longer than i ever lived there now.

I do think if my parents lived nearer and were more ameanable I probably would have gone on to have more children (as the 'respite' care would have facilitated this)

yes, my mum often makes comments about how tired I am, or how I am doing too much, but doesn't offer any help. She thinks dh needs to do more, but there isn't much more he can do.
I don't know many people who get lots of help from their parents or ILs tbh. But lucky them if they do!

sorry only read the thread title.....what is support?

Let me make you feel better about family support.

My mother gives me loads. She comes and stays with us for a couple of days every three or four weeks, cleans the house and organises it and looks after the kids if I need to go out. Everyone says how marvellous she is.

But... she constantly keeps up a flow of negative, undermining and demoralising comment. My house is too small (as if I wouldn't have bought a bigger one if I could have afforded it), the area is horrible (as if I wouldn't prefer to live in a nicer one), the kids don't clear their plates (er no, I think they should eat as much as they need, not more than they need), they don't tidy up (as if I wouldn't like them to), this piano takes up too much space (I want my children to have access to learnign different musical instruments), these clothes should be hung up (the kids can't reach them if they are so they need to be folded and done the way that fits in with our lifestyles and priorities, not hers), they're not happy about not seeing their father (I don't have any say in his decision to have no contact with them) etc. etc. etc.

Yes of course I'm grateful for all she does, but by the time she goes, I am a seething mixture of hurt and rage and guilt that she has spent all her time in my home criticising it, me and my children and I'm so glad to see the back of her while feeling guilty about being so ungrateful.

So it's not all it's cracked up to be.

yeah, i remember reading about your mum, sweet, and thinking, 'man, how can you be such a cow, lady? you're so lucky to have her so close and the GKs, too.'

my ILs would help, but they are both in terrible health.

sweetkitty
That is terrible.

Just as well I am reading this today. I must take my Mum out for a meal and thank her for all she does for us when she is here.

After her last visit the iron broke. My Dad thinks that it was not used to all the work it had to do. She does all the washing and most of the ironing when she is here.