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Original poster

Step daughter and bedroom size

607 replies

Squeakysqueal · 15/07/2021 23:36

I would appreciate some advice on this situation. We have Step DD who’s 11 and lives 50/50 between ours and her mum’s, DS also 11, and DD who’s 6, who live with us full time and a baby on the way. We’re moving house and our new house isn’t quite as big, the same amount of bedrooms but smaller. The plan has been for Step DD to have the smallest room and DS and DD to have the slightly bigger rooms. Step DD is upset by how small her room is, it is a small room so I understand that. There’s only really space for a single bed and a wardrobe or drawers. DH has suggested DD going in the smaller room with her being quite a bit younger but I think it makes sense with living arrangements for step DD to have it. Especially as when the baby is old enough she’ll be sharing the bigger room. Step DD says she wouldn’t mind sharing with the baby in the future but I think she definitely will, she’ll be a teenager by then. We could have DS in the small room but again with him being here full time and step DD part time it makes sense. She feels like there’s some favouritism going on and I can see why it feels that way from her perspective but that’s definitely not the case. I’ve said we can decorate the room however she likes but she’s just not happy with the situation

OP posts:
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7
TabithaTiger · 16/07/2021 15:10

@DifferentHair

A child that age needs a desk and some privacy IMO. Especially with a bunch of step and half siblings running around, I don't see how she can compete academically while studying at a kitchen table in a busy house.

If you can't get one of those desk/bunk bed combos then she needs the larger room purely for this.

...and meanwhile, in the real world plenty of people manage to study and don't have a desk. Neither of my DC had one and both did very well at school. They worked from the kitchen table or sat on their beds.
blahblahblah321 · 16/07/2021 15:13

My DS has a great desk and still slumps on his bed to study! ConfusedGrin

GreyhoundG1rl · 16/07/2021 15:18

@blahblahblah321

My DS has a great desk and still slumps on his bed to study! ConfusedGrin
Ditto.
SpongebobNoPants · 16/07/2021 15:19

Also I’d like to point out that I never had a desk, and was an A* student!

Some people are so silly about these things Confused

Teenyton · 16/07/2021 15:28

"well tough, in reality."

This pseudo argument can be inserted in virtually any thread. Parents should try to do their best for their children.

Here, the child is not the OP's, so she suggests it is ok to shovel her into the box room because she is only %50 of the time there, hence the problem.

aSofaNearYou · 16/07/2021 15:31

@Teenyton

"well tough, in reality."

This pseudo argument can be inserted in virtually any thread. Parents should try to do their best for their children.

Here, the child is not the OP's, so she suggests it is ok to shovel her into the box room because she is only %50 of the time there, hence the problem.

I was in a box room 100% of the time. Yes it is ok to "shovel" any child into a box room. Because it is a perfectly adequate room, not a torture device for kids we don't care about.
Hankunamatata · 16/07/2021 15:32

Are ceilings high enough to build a platform bed across the room? Would give her a huge mezzanine bed space plus loads space underneath

aSofaNearYou · 16/07/2021 15:33

@DifferentHair

A child that age needs a desk and some privacy IMO. Especially with a bunch of step and half siblings running around, I don't see how she can compete academically while studying at a kitchen table in a busy house.

If you can't get one of those desk/bunk bed combos then she needs the larger room purely for this.

Well the only option that allows all the children of that age to have a large room, is to have the 6 year old and baby both share the box room, which you can surely see is ridiculous?

I was top of my class throughout school, and did not have a desk in my box room. Honestly that argument is just nonsense.

Hankunamatata · 16/07/2021 15:33

Parents did this and put sheet of hard plastic over the window as saftey precaution

Frankola · 16/07/2021 15:44

Sorry you've been getting flamed on this a bit OP.

Many MN users will instantly jump on this because you're a step mum. So in their eyes you're utterly evil and everything you do is to try and make your SCs lives hell.

For what it's worth I totally agree with you. Someone has to have the smallest room and it makes sense for it to be the person who spends the least time there. It's not nasty. It's common sense.

I certainly wouldn't give the baby the room because they have so much stuff its unreal!

If people want to be petty, your Sd has her own room at her mums too. So she actually has 2 bedrooms whereas your kids only have 1 bedroom each. Sounds like SD is winning to me

GreyhoundG1rl · 16/07/2021 15:45

because you're a step mum. So in their eyes you're utterly evil and everything you do is to try and make your SCs lives hell.
Oh, get a fecking grip, ffs! The drama!

HeckyPeck · 16/07/2021 15:54

I was in a box room 100% of the time. Yes it is ok to "shovel" any child into a box room. Because it is a perfectly adequate room, not a torture device for kids we don't care about.

You'd think OP was putting DSD in a tank of sharks from some people's reactions!

Lovemusic33 · 16/07/2021 16:04

Neither of my kids have desks, dd1 is doing A level and has managed to hit A’s without the use of a desk and being in a small room 😐

Bibidy · 16/07/2021 16:10

@Teenyton

"well tough, in reality."

This pseudo argument can be inserted in virtually any thread. Parents should try to do their best for their children.

Here, the child is not the OP's, so she suggests it is ok to shovel her into the box room because she is only %50 of the time there, hence the problem.

But SD's dad is also happy with this plan, it's not just OP trying to force the issue. He was happy for his stepchild to have the bigger room, presumably because he is there FT.

SD isn't thinking realistically about what it will be like to share a room, certainly with a baby. I honestly think she will regret not taking the option of having her own room if she insists on sharing with the baby and letting DD6 have her own room.

Even though right now she's prefer to be in the bigger room, it's in her long-term interests to have a room of her own.

Most threads on this sort of topic kick off because an SC is being forced to share! Not because they're being offered their own room over one of the FT resident children and it's just not good enough for them!

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 16/07/2021 16:11

@GreyhoundG1rl

she has two bedrooms to herself, the other kids only have one - she wont "never have a good room" in fact she has two and just isnt happy about the size of one, well tough, in reality. Based on the assumption that she has a fabulous big bedroom in her other home, which may or may not be the case.
no, its based on the assumption that she has a bedroom, nobody mentioned the size.
Getyourarseofffthequattro · 16/07/2021 16:13

@Teenyton

"well tough, in reality."

This pseudo argument can be inserted in virtually any thread. Parents should try to do their best for their children.

Here, the child is not the OP's, so she suggests it is ok to shovel her into the box room because she is only %50 of the time there, hence the problem.

right, so you think OP should do best for one child and do worse for her own children who live there 100% of the time? where is the logic in that?!

oh yes, of course, there is none which is oh so common when it comes to step children.

GreyhoundG1rl · 16/07/2021 16:18

she has two bedrooms to herself, the other kids only have one - she wont "never have a good room" in fact she has two and just isnt happy about the size of one, well tough, in reality.
Based on the assumption that she has a fabulous big bedroom in her other home, which may or may not be the case.
no, its based on the assumption that she has a bedroom, nobody mentioned the size.
Well, the post I responded to states that she just isn't happy about the size of one of her bedrooms 🤷🏻‍♀️ But whatever...

Littlepaws18 · 16/07/2021 16:18

Practically you have made the right choice, she is there 50 % of the time. What you need to do is make that room extra special for her. Go in pin interest and look at ways to make small rooms amazing for teens etc. Those loft beds with tables/ sofas under or paint and curtains let her choose.

We just moved house and my SS is temporarily without a room (we are building a room in the integral garage for him. So in order that he doesn't feel left out, I have given him my phone to find the furniture, bedding, curtains he wants and the cherry on the cake was our tv from our bedroom as it's huge! He's 11 too.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 16/07/2021 16:20

@GreyhoundG1rl

she has two bedrooms to herself, the other kids only have one - she wont "never have a good room" in fact she has two and just isnt happy about the size of one, well tough, in reality. Based on the assumption that she has a fabulous big bedroom in her other home, which may or may not be the case. no, its based on the assumption that she has a bedroom, nobody mentioned the size. Well, the post I responded to states that she just isn't happy about the size of one of her bedrooms 🤷🏻‍♀️ But whatever...
....because she isn't - i didnt mention the size of her other bedroom because we dont know what size it is?
GreyhoundG1rl · 16/07/2021 16:21

You clearly don't understand a word, never mind 🤷🏻‍♀️ 😂

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 16/07/2021 16:22

@GreyhoundG1rl

You clearly don't understand a word, never mind 🤷🏻‍♀️ 😂
no i don't because what you're saying doesn't make any sense!
Bibidy · 16/07/2021 16:23

right, so you think OP should do best for one child and do worse for her own children who live there 100% of the time? where is the logic in that?!

oh yes, of course, there is none which is oh so common when it comes to step children.

The most ironic thing though is that OP's DS (at the very least - maybe even DD too) is also a stepchild. Except he has to live full-time with his stepdad, AND half the time with his step-dad's daughter. AND FT with his 2 young siblings on top of that. And he never gets away to another household for a break.

ilikecheesecake · 16/07/2021 16:29

makes perfect sense to me. don't understand the other posters who think it's so bad. Both my kids have a tiny bedroom and one of them really is tiny. I must be a terrible mother.
she's got a another bedroom at her mothers why would you put one of the others in the tiniest room when sd also has a bedroom elsewhere. Doesn't make sense.
Also I grew up in a box room, yes when I got to teenage years I used to wish for a bigger room but I had that room until I was 24 and it was so cozy and now i actually like having the odd night in my youngest tiny bedroom as it gives me the same cozy feeling.

RoseGoldEagle · 16/07/2021 16:40

If your step DD was with you every other weekend or something then I think the decision would be easier. But 50 % is a lot. As a rational adult of course it seems logical to give the bigger rooms to the children who are there 100% of the time, but it’s more complicated than that isn’t it, she’s only 11 and even if she’s not there all the time, it’s still her home half the time, and that must be in itself difficult at times. 11 is a difficult age. If she was there all the time, what would you do? Because I think you should do that. I’d give a larger room to both DS and to her, and have the 6 year old in the smaller room.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 16/07/2021 16:42

If she was there all the time, what would you do? Because I think you should do that.

but she's not so why would you do that?!

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